The Lie (17 page)

As if that wasn't bad enough, she had been a virgin! She hadn't behaved like one, her hot, eager mouth and hands seeming to speak of experience beyond anything he was used to in the girls he'd known. It was Maura who had aroused the needs he'd been unable to suppress; Maura who begged him to take her, but that didn't make him any less guilty. He was older, supposedly wiser, and he'd known how desperate she was.

But he hadn't known she was a virgin. Nothing would have persuaded him to make love to her if he had, but it was done and he felt awful. He stared at her as she slept. What was he going to do now?

Maura opened her eyes and smiled at him. ‘You haven't gone off and left me, then? Most men would have. I'm sorry for what happened. Sure, it was all my fault.'

‘I had a bit to do with it.'

‘But it was me that started it.' She yawned and sat up, then smiled at him. ‘I'm hungry.'

Daniel looked at her warily. He got out of bed, gathering his clothes. ‘We'll have breakfast downstairs.'

‘Don't worry,' Maura said. ‘Sure, I won't pounce on you again. You saved my life last night and I meant what I said – I shan't ask you for anything more. You can leave now. I'll be all right.'

‘You shouldn't be alone. Shall I ring Emily for you?'

‘I'm fine now. Why wouldn't I be? My life isn't over. I'll get by now, Daniel, I promise – and I promise not to tell Emily about last night.'

Daniel hesitated. ‘I paid for room and breakfast. Are you all right – for money, I mean?'

Maura trilled with laughter. ‘Sure, 'tis me should be paying you, Dan. It's a fine Irish name you've got – and you're a fine man. You've done me a power of good, so you have.'

Daniel smiled. In this mood she was very attractive and he was tempted to linger, but he sensed she didn't want that. Goodness knows why she'd been so delighted to lose her virginity to him, but obviously she was very satisfied.

‘I'll go then – if you're sure you're all right?'

‘And why wouldn't I be?'

Daniel nodded. He took his clothes into the bathroom. When he left a few minutes later Maura appeared to be sleeping.

He wasn't there when she opened her eyes. Nor could he know what was in her mind.

Maura prayed that she was pregnant, but if it hadn't happened this time she would find someone else to give her a child. It was the only way she could face life. If she could convince herself that it was John's child  . . .

Seven

E
mily couldn't get the hurt look in Terry's eyes out of her mind. He'd taken the news of her marriage very well, making no recriminations, placing no blame, but she'd sensed his disappointment and seen the hurt. It had made her feel awful, which was silly really because she'd never led him on or made any promises. Except to say she would go out with him, of course.

She had spent several minutes with Terry and he'd told her they could still be friends, though she hadn't quite believed him. There was an attraction between them that meant meeting him could be dangerous. Too many affairs started because women were lonely, their husbands away at the war.

Afterwards, she'd looked for Daniel until one of the other girls told her he had left with Maura.

‘I think she was ill or something,' Sheila said.

‘He probably took her home. I think I'll follow them, just in case she needs help.'

Walking through the darkened streets, which were a product of the blackout she had learned to deal with, Emily heard the siren just before the bombs started to explode over the dock area. She was quite a way from home and she hesitated, unsure of what to do until a woman grabbed her arm.

‘Come on, love,' she said in a broad Liverpudlian accent. ‘We're goin' down the church vaults. You'd best come with us. It looks as if the bloody Germans have got it in for us again tonight.'

‘Yes, it looks like it. Thank you.'

Emily went with the little group of women gratefully. There was no sense in doing anything else. She jumped as another bomb exploded a few streets away, allowing her companions to hurry her into the church. It was a Catholic church but the priest wasn't asking for proof of faith. He ushered everyone down the dark, steep steps to a large vault. There was an oil heater burning and lamps had been lit, while on a board set on a wooden trestle jugs of water and paper cups had been put out ready. This obviously wasn't the first time the people of Liverpool had sought shelter here.

Emily settled down, sitting on one of the orange boxes that had been placed around the vault; there were mattresses too and some of the older people had stretched out, apparently not prepared to let Hitler disturb their rest. Women and children huddled in groups, the little ones clinging to their mothers, eyes wide and anxious.

Emily was relieved to have found a safe haven and wondered where her brother and Maura were, hoping they were safe  . . .

It was very late when the all-clear sounded, and the wind was bitter as she emerged from the church. Emily decided she wouldn't bother returning to her lodgings. It was obvious from the damage in the streets, the stink of smoke and the red haze over the docks that it had been a bad night. She was much nearer the fire station than her landlady's house and she might be needed.

She could hear ambulance, fire and police sirens blaring as she hurried on her way. The sky was bright orange in places and she knew that there must be some big fires; her colleagues would be stretched to breaking point.

Emily got back to her lodgings at half past ten the following morning, having been on duty the whole of the previous night. She met Maura coming down the stairs.

‘And where have you been all night?' Maura asked with a teasing look.

Emily explained about taking refuge in the church and then deciding to go straight to work. ‘Someone said you were ill at the party. I was coming back to see if I could help but I couldn't ignore the raid – and then thought I might as well go to work. They were busy so I did a longer shift and now I'm beat.'

‘I had a bit too much to drink the other night but I'm fine now. I'm going in early. I expect a lot of the girls have been working extra shifts. It's time I did my share. You look done in, Emily.'

‘I'm going to sleep while I can. I'll see you later.'

Maura was looking better than she had for days, Emily thought as she undressed and got into bed. Maybe she was beginning to get over the shock of seeing how badly burned John really was. She might even feel like talking about it soon.

Emily yawned as her eyes closed. She was so tired! She thought about Terry for a moment. From the look in his eyes he'd been keen on her. She sighed, thinking how difficult things were sometimes, then she pushed the fireman to the back of her mind and thought about Simon. It was strange that he hadn't phoned her even once since their marriage. He hadn't written either. Perhaps he'd been too busy. She just hoped he was all right, but if something had happened to him surely someone would have let her know by now  . . . wouldn't they?

Daniel tried to put the memory of that night to the back of his mind, but it stuck there like a burr, pricking his conscience and making him feel guilty. He didn't like the idea that he'd slept with a virgin on a casual basis; it wasn't fair to the girl, even though it had been her idea – and he felt guilty about Alice.

He knew that Alice considered they were as good as engaged, even though she was prepared to wait for a few years. If she guessed that he'd slept with a girl he hardly knew she'd be heartbroken. He didn't want to hurt Alice. He supposed the feelings he had for her were most likely love. It was his natural caution that was holding him back from admitting it, because if he gave his feelings free rein he would probably end up getting married before he could afford it, and that might mean years of hardship and struggling for them all. Especially if children came along too soon!

Children  . . . oh, God, he hoped nothing like that had happened that night! The last thing he wanted was to father an illegitimate child.

He fought the rising sense of panic. If Maura had a child what would he do? He wasn't the sort to walk away from his responsibilities, but it would ruin all his plans. He cursed himself for a damned fool. What had he been thinking?

He tried to push the unwelcome thoughts to the back of his mind as he prepared for his medical. He knew that his shoulder was much better now, though he felt twinges of pain every so often, and he had recovered full mobility. They would pass him fit for work; there was a need for trained men and he'd be wanted somewhere. It was just a question of whether he was sent back to a fighting unit or shoved sideways into a desk job. On the whole, he thought he would rather be out there fighting with the others. It made him so angry when he saw the newspaper pictures of buildings and homes burning, read the stories of families being killed or injured as whole streets were destroyed in the raids.

This bloody war! Daniel cursed Hitler for plunging the world into this inferno. Yes, he hoped they would send him back to his unit. He would like to kill a few Germans!

‘When's that boyfriend of yours coming down again?' Jim Wright asked as he came into the sheds where Alice was doing the evening milking.

‘I don't know,' she said, and looked up with a smile. ‘He had to go for a medical. If they pass him as fit he will be returning to his unit – though he's not sure whether they'll give him active service or a desk job.'

‘Let's hope they give him something nice and safe,' Jim said, and grinned at her. ‘Don't want a lovely looking lass like you going to waste, do we?'

‘We're not engaged or anything  . . .'

‘Wants a kick up the pants, does he?' Jim joked. ‘Shall I gee him up for you, Alice? Better still, find yourself a rich American airman to go out with. That'll make Daniel jealous if anything does.'

Alice pulled a face and laughed. ‘No, thanks – I don't want to get myself talked about. You know what they say about girls who go with the Americans!'

‘One Yank and they're down?' Jim roared with laughter. ‘No, I can't see you falling for something like that, Alice. You're a decent lass – you'd be better off coming out with me.'

Alice smiled but didn't comment. Once or twice lately she'd seen Jim looking at her, a rather wistful expression in his eyes, and she'd realized he liked her. She liked him too, but not as a boyfriend. He was too old for one thing and another  . . . the only one she wanted was Daniel. She would wait for him even if it meant no engagement or marriage until the war was over.

When the milking was finished and the pans washed, Jim told her to get off home. She was singing to herself as she cycled up the hill to the High Street, feeling happy. Daniel had said he would let her know what was happening and— her heart leaped for joy when she saw him waiting by her gate.

‘Daniel!' She was off the bike and rushing at him. He caught her in his arms, kissing her passionately, more urgently than she remembered, as though he really loved her. Her eyes were dark and intense as she looked up at him. ‘What did they say?'

‘It's good news, I suppose,' he said. ‘I'm going to be based down in the south of the country for a while. They have transferred me to a maintenance corps. I'll be helping to keep trucks and staff cars going for a couple of bases, Army and Air Force. It seems they're a bit short of men who can tinker with engines at the moment. I may be sent overseas with the unit at some future date, but I'll be a back-room boy, not up front.'

‘Oh, but that's good – isn't it?' Alice looked at him, her smile fading. ‘You're not pleased, are you?'

Daniel pulled a wry face. ‘I suppose I am in a way. At least it will stand me in good stead for the future – I'd like to run my own garage after the war – but I feel as if I ought to be out there doing my bit with the others.'

‘But you've already done that,' she said, and squeezed his arm. ‘I'm glad you'll be here. Perhaps we can see each other sometimes?'

‘Yes, there is that,' he admitted, and laughed. ‘I want to eat my cake and keep it, Alice.' He touched her cheek. ‘You've got a black mark here.'

‘It's cow dung I should think,' she said, and blushed. ‘It doesn't make a very good perfume I'm afraid.'

‘Doesn't bother me. I was brought up around a farm, remember.'

‘Yes, but you're all polished up and I—'

‘Why don't you go in and get ready?' he asked. ‘I'll go home and change into civvies and then we'll go out somewhere.'

‘Oh yes,' she said, and her eyes sparkled at him. ‘I shan't be long, I promise.'

‘I don't mind waiting a bit,' he said. ‘Besides, I've got something to say to you tonight.'

Alice's heart was pounding as she ran into the house. Was Daniel going to ask her to get engaged? There had been something different about him, something more urgent and demanding in his kiss, and it had given her new hope that perhaps he wouldn't want to wait quite as long as she'd thought.

It was towards the end of November 1940 that Liverpool saw the worst night's bombing that they had suffered so far. The city was devastated, and fires raged night and day. Emily and her colleagues were working flat out, doing extra shifts, some of them hardly sleeping. They all looked haggard and red-eyed, their nerves stretched to breaking point.

It wasn't just Liverpool that was getting it, though. Coventry's ancient centre had been devastated and London was a raging inferno. How much more could they take of this? Sometimes, Emily felt the despair sweep over her, and one of the most worrying things was that Simon still hadn't contacted her.

She was beginning to fear the worst. Something must have happened or he would have called, written – anything!

She wondered if she ought to telephone his father – or perhaps it might be better to write him a letter? If she hadn't been so busy at work and so tired, she would have been to visit them before now. She made up her mind to get in touch as soon as she had the time.