The Lie (30 page)

Sometimes they gave him news of the outside world. He wondered how they discovered the things they did since the Germans censored everything they could. The Greeks were having a pretty rough time of it since the surrender; shortages of food and other goods were the least of their problems. Mikkos and his group were not the only ones to fight a fierce guerrilla campaign against the invaders, and the Germans could be bloody in revenge. Daniel heard that in one part of the country they had destroyed hundreds if not thousands of homes.

The war seemed to be going the Germans' way, from what he heard, and sometimes he feared that the Allies were losing the war. At those times the depression set in and he wondered if he would ever see his wife or family again.

In a few weeks it would be Christmas and he would have been married for a year. One bloody night and a few hours in bed with his wife. He pulled a face and threw away his cigarette. This damned war had a lot to answer for. When he got home – if he got home – he was going to stay put! He'd had enough of being stuck in some foreign hole to last him a lifetime.

‘Oh, Emily,' the nurse said, as she saw her coming from her office one morning some weeks later. ‘Those medical supplies we ordered last week still haven't come through. I wondered if you could telephone and ask what has happened? We're getting short of the drug we need for one of the men.'

‘Yes, I know,' Emily said, and smiled. ‘I checked to see if anything had arrived this morning, and when I saw that it hadn't I rang through to ask why. Apparently, there has been a shortage because of some mix-up again, but they have a new batch in now and they've assured me we are first on the list.'

Nurse Rose Baines smiled at her. She was a pretty girl with dark curly hair and popular with the men. ‘I might have known that you would be on top of it,' she said. ‘You run this place like clockwork, and it certainly makes our lives easier.'

‘That's what I'm here for,' Emily said. ‘I know we have another month to go yet, Rose, but I'm planning the Christmas entertainment for our guests. I've secured the talents of a semi-professional piano player, and I've been told you sing.'

Rose blushed and waved her hand in dismissal. ‘I sing a bit,' she said. ‘But I'm not a professional.'

‘That doesn't matter,' Emily assured her. ‘I've got a conjuror for the children. We decided to have some of the village children to our party. The people have been good to us since we opened, bringing flowers and vegetables from the garden, and doing odd jobs about the place, and the men enjoy seeing the children sometimes. I've also found a stand-up comic. He has entertained the troops on these special tours they do overseas, and he was on stage with Vera Lynn once, something he is very proud of.'

‘I sing her songs,' Rose admitted. ‘Just don't expect me to sound the way she does!'

‘The men won't mind, they all love you anyway,' Emily told her. ‘It's just to give them a party, to help them feel they are part of a family, for those who can't go home. Some of their loved ones will be coming to stay, of course. We are putting three up here and another three will be staying up at the house.'

‘I think it's wonderful the way you look after them,' Rose said. ‘You've really made this place a home – and it's you most of the men are in love with, Emily.'

Emily laughed and shook her head. ‘No, I don't think so. Anyway, I'll put you down for three songs, all right?'

‘Yes – since it's you asking,' Rose agreed, but she was looking pleased as she went off, already humming a tune in her head.

Emily checked her list and then her wristwatch. She had been here for three hours and she was finished for the morning. She was going to pop back to the house now to see if the post had arrived, and then she was going to the hospital to fetch Simon home in the car. He was being allowed home for three days, and after that he was due to have an assessment. His condition had improved greatly throughout the summer and autumn, and now the doctors were saying that he was ready to have the first of a series of operations on his face. The previous day, Vane had told her that he was making arrangements to fly his son out to America for the necessary surgery.

‘We can't really spare you, Emily,' he had said, a little frown creasing his brow. ‘Besides, Simon says that you've talked it over and agreed that it would be a waste of time you going out there when you're needed here.'

‘Simon doesn't want me to go. So I shall stay here where I'm needed.'

Vane had looked at her oddly but he hadn't said anything more. She knew that he was aware that there was constraint between the two of them, but apparently he had decided to ignore it.

Emily picked up her letters from the salver in the hall when she got home. There was one from Frances, and also a fat packet from Alice, which, when she opened it, turned out to have several photographs of Alice's beautiful baby inside. He was seven weeks old now and wearing the christening gown that Emily had given Alice. She thought there was a definite resemblance to Daniel, though she could see a bit of Alice too.

She read the brief note that accompanied the pictures. Alice hadn't heard anything more from the War Office, although she had recently been asked to fill out a form that seemed to imply she was going to be paid a widow's pension. She hadn't sent it back, because as she said, it would mean admitting that Daniel was dead, and she still wasn't ready to do that.

 

I've been getting part of Dan's pay all the time. I don't need much of it, except for the baby, because Dad won't take anything for my keep. He says I'm his girl and he'll look after us until I know what I'm doing. He goes daft over little Dan and so does Mum. He'll be thoroughly spoiled before long.

Emily smiled as she put the pictures to one side. She decided that she would read Frances's letter when she came back later that afternoon. She wanted to be early at the hospital just in case there was anything the doctors needed to tell her concerning Simon's home visit. He was due to leave at two o'clock, but she would be there by half past one, she thought, as she got into the car Vane had recently bought for her use.

‘It's time you had your own, Emily,' Vane had told her as he gave her the keys to the small Ford. ‘Amelia doesn't mind you using hers, but this will make you independent. Besides, you deserve it.'

Emily wasn't sure that she did deserve the gift, but she wasn't going to turn it down. It made it easy for her to drive into town to do her shopping, and saved any conflict of interest if Amelia wanted her own car at the same time as Emily needed it.

Parking in the hospital grounds, she frowned as she saw the expensive car drawn up a few feet away. Unless she was mistaken, that belonged to Philip, Simon's friend or distant cousin, or whatever he was. She hadn't bumped into him since that first time she'd seen him leaving her husband's room, and she wasn't sure that she wanted to see him now, but it hardly mattered. She was here to collect Simon and take him home, and she was a little before her appointed time.

She walked through the corridors to the small side ward that had been Simon's home for so many months. It seemed to her that they had been married much longer than a year, but it was only a few weeks past their anniversary. Of course they had never truly known what it was like to be married, having just brief times together, and then had come the crash which had changed everything.

She hesitated outside Simon's door, wondering whether to knock, and then changed her mind and went straight in. Afterwards, she wondered if her subconscious mind had suspected it long before, but it was a shock when she saw the man bending over to kiss Simon on the lips. It wasn't the kiss someone might give a man he was mildly fond of in a brotherly way – it was a lover's kiss.

Emily stood as if turned to stone, watching the little scene and hearing the soft words as Philip drew back, stroking Simon's scarred face with his hand lovingly. She didn't need words to understand what was going on, and everything slotted into place. Simon had married her because he needed a son for his father, because Vane wanted an heir to the estate, but he hadn't been in love with her. The tender scene she had just witnessed was love. Philip and Simon were lovers. She knew instinctively that this wasn't a sordid sexual thing, though many would call it that if it were known outside the family; it was, she firmly believed, love.

Suddenly, the two men became aware of her presence, and the guilt on their faces would have been laughable if it hadn't been so heartbreaking, because of course theirs was a forbidden love – forbidden by the law and in the eyes of a judgemental society.

‘Emily  . . .' Simon was staring at her in horror. ‘I wasn't expecting you yet  . . . you're early.'

‘Yes, I am, and I am very sorry,' Emily said, walking towards the bed. She saw that Philip was looking slightly green, clearly imagining that she was about to make a fearful scene. And of course she could if she wished. ‘I should have knocked before I came in. Please accept my apology. I would go and leave you together, but I think we ought to get a few things straight – don't you?' She felt remarkably calm about the situation, almost relieved, as if this vindicated her own feelings.

‘It isn't  . . .' Simon faltered, seeing the clear light in her eyes and realizing that it was useless to lie. ‘We didn't mean to hurt you, Emily. Philip and I  . . . it ended between us before I married you. I meant to be a proper husband to you, but then I had the crash and  . . .'

‘You needed the person you love,' Emily said, speaking calmly and precisely, because she wanted to get it straight in her own mind. ‘Yes, I do understand, Simon. I have known for some time that you didn't really want me – not as a newly-wed husband should want his wife. Oh, you did your best, and if you drank enough champagne you managed to make it fun for us, but it wasn't what you wanted in your heart. You were never in love with me. I was just a means to an end.'

‘You make it sound so cold, so calculating,' Simon said, frowning now. ‘It wasn't meant to be like that, and I was fond of you. I intended to be a proper husband to you, Emily. I really did want to have a family, and I admire you very much. I never meant to hurt you.'

‘Yes, I know that too,' Emily said. ‘But the road to Hell is paved with good intentions, Simon. You were unkind to deceive me as you did. I was fond of you. I married you because you seemed to be so desperate, but I wasn't sure even then if it was right for either of us – and now I know that it was a mistake.'

‘Do you want a divorce?'

‘I don't know,' Emily said thoughtfully. ‘I shouldn't have done, but this has come as a bit of a shock. I shall have to think it over, decide what is best for all of us.'

‘Forgive me, Mrs Vane,' Philip said, finding his voice at last. ‘I daresay you hate the sight of me, but please believe Simon when he tells you that we did try to make a clean break.'

Emily's eyes went over him, seeing all the signs that she ought to have recognized that first time and hadn't. ‘I don't hate either of you,' she said. ‘If anything, I pity you because the cards you've been dealt can't be easy for either of you.' She looked back at Simon. ‘I presume you would rather I didn't mention this to your father?'

‘Please don't,' Simon said. ‘He would be upset and angry. He wanted our marriage to succeed, and he thinks the world of you, Emily. Every time he visits he tells me how lucky I am to have you.'

‘All right, I shan't tell him. I don't see the need to cause a fuss. So what happens next?'

‘Philip is coming to America with me,' Simon told her. ‘He'll be there for me while they do whatever they have to, and then  . . . we could get a divorce in a few years' time, I suppose. I'll give you grounds with someone out there and it will all blow over.'

It would be the easy way out for them all, Emily realized. He was asking her to put her life on hold because it suited him, and that was selfish, but for the moment she wasn't sure what she wanted either.

‘I'm not sure that's what I want,' she said. ‘But I shan't make waves for you before you leave, Simon. Things are difficult enough for your father at the moment without more trouble, so I'll leave it for now. If I want a divorce I'll write and let you know. You will let me know where you are?'

‘Of course. We'll keep up appearances for now,' Simon said, and then gave her the wry smile that had once made her heart turn over. ‘I'm a selfish devil, aren't I? It must seem to you that I want to have my cake and eat it too?'

‘Yes, it does rather, but I happen to be fond of your father.'

‘Yes  . . . well, thanks,' Simon said awkwardly. ‘You've been very good over all this.'

‘Extremely reasonable,' Philip said, and offered his hand to her. Emily ignored it. ‘Forgive me.'

‘As I told you, I don't hate you,' Emily said, ‘but don't expect me to like you either. I shall go and wait in the foyer downstairs, Simon. Come down when you're ready.'

She left the room, shoulders squared, head high. She was still feeling very calm, because of course it didn't matter. Simon had made a fool of her, deceived her, let her ruin her life to cover his illicit love affair, but it didn't matter. She felt as if a burden had fallen from her shoulders. Knowing hadn't changed anything, because instinctively she had recognized that their marriage had never been a true marriage. She had felt vaguely guilty because she had feelings for Terry that she knew were wrong, but now it was different.

She could see Terry now if she wanted. She could talk to him about getting a divorce one day in the future. She would wait a little longer, but then she would write to him, suggest that they meet in London. There were things she needed to do in town concerning the convalescent home, things that she had deliberately avoided because she knew that she would be tempted to see Terry. Now at last she was free to do exactly as she wanted.