The Little Secret (19 page)

“The summer theater,” said Migorn. “Of course!”

Miss Dizzy took a big bunch of keys from her pocket. “There's a secret room under the stage. You remember it, Migorn — it's where you used to hold your naughty midnight feasts.”

“You knew about the feasts?”

“Don't be silly, dear, of course I knew! That's why the cake tins were always left open.” Miss Dizzy unlocked a small wooden door at the side of the building. Jane and Staffa followed Migorn into a dark, damp-smelling space like a cellar. “You can't see the door from the outside. Keep as quiet as possible, and they'll never —”

Miss Dizzy stopped suddenly, and turned pale.

Someone was banging loudly on the front door of the pink house.

A trumpeting voice, horribly familiar, shouted, “Open this door! Give me my human bride!”

“Oh lawks,” Staffa said, “Mother! How did she find us?”

“You've been followed,” said Miss Dizzy. “I'll hold her off as long as I can!” She hurried out of the secret room, locking the door behind her.

Jane, Staffa and Migorn were left in shaking silence — was there a chance that they could stay hidden?

The voice of the queen was coming across the garden, towards the theater. “I know she's here, Miss Dizzy — I've found the bee she was riding! She's not in the house, so she must be hiding in this shed.”

“It's not a shed!” snapped Miss Dizzy. “It's our Summer Pavilion Theater, and we've just had it repainted!”

“Well, you needn't have bothered,” said the queen. “The minute the revolution is over, I'm having this orphanage shut down. Dancing Orphans, indeed! Dancing troublemakers, more like!”

“Your Majesty!” begged Miss Dizzy, “they're only little girls! And they have nowhere else to go!”

“They can come and work in my kitchens.”

The three girls clutched one another's cold hands. They heard trampling footsteps on the stage, right above their heads.

“Look, I'm on the stage!” boomed the queen. “Friends, Romans and Whatsits — ha ha! What's under here?”

“Nothing!” squeaked Miss Dizzy bravely.

“Oh, NO!” Migorn gasped suddenly. “She's standing on the TRAP DOOR!”

There was a loud crack and a deafening scream, and the queen fell through the trap door into the secret room, narrowly missing Staffa.

*   *   *

“I wish I'd squashed you!” the queen told Staffa. “Call yourself a daughter? You're going straight to prison, young lady!”

Staffa, Migorn and Jane were chained to the big fireplace, in the hall of the pink house. Two soldiers with guns stood guard over Miss Dizzy and her orphans. The queen (wearing a ridiculous uniform of purple satin) paced angrily to and fro, eating the orphans' sweets.

“Jane — you'll be going to prison too,” the queen went on. “And as for this little hussy —”

“Hussy yourself,” Migorn said bravely. “You old bag!”

“Oh, you won't be so insulting when you're living in a cage, Miss Migorn! And you'll be whipped every night, for daring to think you could marry my son! Why, you haven't a drop of human blood!”

“You can't keep me here,” Jane said. “I want to go home!”

The queen was calm. “Stop all this fussing, Jane. You are a future princess — many a girl would leap at the chance! One week from today, your parents will receive the sad news of your death.”

Jane swallowed hard several times, to stop herself from crying. This was dreadful. In one week, if she didn't escape from this world, poor Mom and Dad would think their only daughter was dead.

“Oh, what a relief,” the queen said. “That terrible racket outside has finally stopped!”

Jane and Staffa stared at each other — it was true, the shouts and explosions outside had stopped. There was nothing but silence now, and it grew deeper every minute.

“That means my side has won,” the queen said with one of her nasty red smiles. “So we're back to normal — except that I've thought of a few new punishments.”

A well-known voice called from outside, “Mother, it's all over! The city has fallen, your soldiers have been defeated, and I'm in charge!”

“It's Quarley!” cried Migorn. “He's won!”

The three girls, the orphans and Miss Dizzy broke into loud cheers.

“AAARGH!” bellowed the queen. Her face turned as purple as her satin uniform. Her soldiers dropped their weapons and put their hands in the air.

One of them mumbled, “I told you we should have joined the other side!”

If Jane hadn't been in chains, she would have jumped up and down with joy. In walked Quarley, with a band of loyal Norahs. The queen's soldiers were tied up and taken away. The girls were released, and Staffa and Migorn rushed to hug the king.

Staffa then flung her arms around Jane. “They did it! They smashed her power! Now I can live with Eckers and everything will be lovely!”

“Curtsey to the true king, girls!” Miss Dizzy cried to the orphans. “And don't take any notice of that old bum in purple!”

One of the orphans asked, “Isn't she still the queen?”

“No, dear,” said Miss Dizzy. “Migorn is the queen now. And I expect she'd like you all to dance at her Coronation Ball. I'm taking bookings, Your Majesty!”

All this time, the queen had been huffing and puffing like a stranded whale. She gave a sudden shriek and jumped to her feet. “SHE will never be queen!”

“Mother,” said Quarley, “please don't be a nuisance. Migorn's already the queen — we're married.”

“Rubbish!” barked the queen. “It's not legal”

Staffa said, “Why do you have to spoil everything? I think it's lovely!”

“HE'S GOING TO MARRY JANE!” The queen bellowed this so loudly that a thin crack appeared in the ceiling.

“Jane's going home,” Quarley said, giving Jane a friendly smile. She smiled back, feeling suddenly very happy. She was going home — to the messy, noisy, grubby, glorious Boy Garden. To Mom, Dad, funny Martin, crazy Dan and Jon, cheeky Mike and Phil, and squirmy little Ted. She wanted them all so much that it hurt.

The queen said, “Jane's not going anywhere — I'm going to keep her here until you change your mind! And there's nothing you can do about it!”

“Mother, please,” Quarley said in a patient voice. “Give me the diamond saw.”

“NO!”

“Give me the diamond saw, Mother.”

“NO! — ha! What're you going to do now? You can't do a thing without it, but you'll never guess where I've hidden it!”

Jane nudged Staffa. “What's she talking about?”

“It's the key to the spell,” Staffa said. She was anxious. “To bring a person into the box, you have to cut off a little piece of their hair with a special tiny saw made of diamond. If you're going back the other way, you need the diamond saw to cut the ring.”

Jane looked at the gold ring on her little finger. She had tried many times to pull it off, and it would never budge. It seemed to be fixed deep in her bone.

She asked, “Why didn't she cut off any of my hair?”

“She did,” Staffa said. “You must have been asleep, or something.”

A memory came back to Jane. She shut her eyes to recapture it. “My dream! It wasn't a dream after all — I thought she was just bending over me, but she was cutting off my hair!” She was so excited that she could hardly get the words out. “And I know where she put the saw! It's up the leg of her bloomers — the left leg!”

“Drat!” swore the queen. She shot out one of her meaty hands, grabbed Migorn and whipped a gleaming dagger out of her purple uniform.

“Let me go!” cried Migorn. She struggled and fought, but the queen was too strong for her. She held the point of the dagger against Migorn's neck.

“If anyone comes near my bloomers,” said the queen, “I'll cut this hussy's horrid Ecker throat!”

Miss Dizzy had a small silver whistle hanging on a chain around her neck. She blew two sharp blasts. In a flash, the Dancing Orphans had leapt across the room and jumped all over the queen.

“Help!” she roared, “Quarley — Staffa — help! They're killing me! Eeek! It tickles! Help!”

As quick as light, the orphans snatched the dagger and saved Migorn. They tied the queen's hands and feet with the pink ribbons from their ballet shoes, until she lay squirming on the floor like a great purple slug.

The smallest orphan went up to Quarley. She curtseyed and held out something small and sharp and very bright.

“Give that back!” yelled the queen, wriggling in her pink ribbons. “You don't know how to use it!”

“The diamond saw!” Quarley exclaimed. “Did you get that?” The little girl nodded shyly, and he bent down to give her a kiss. “Well done!”

Miss Dizzy blew her whistle again. The orphans left the queen and stood in a neat group — like soldiers, but in ballet poses.

Jane, Staffa, Migorn and Quarley all clapped.

“Very nice work, my dears,” said Miss Dizzy, her wrinkled old face beaming. “Princess Norah would be proud of you!”

“This country is RUINED!” groaned the queen.

Quarley was trying not to laugh. “Mother, the revolution has happened. There's going to be an election.”

“No!”

“The people will elect a proper parliament, and they'll tell me what to do — not the other way around. I'll just sign things and give medals.”

“Yuck! That's disgusting!”

“The new age of democracy has begun,” said Quarley. “And I really feel you'd be more comfortable in prison.”

“I wanted to send you to the fortress,” said Staffa. “But Quarley was too kind. He's had the old princess's rooms redecorated. It won't be nearly as bad as you deserve. You'll have plenty of servants to shout at, and all the Haw-haw you can drink.”

“You'll go to your rooms immediately,” Quarley went on, more sternly. “And in case you have any ideas of escaping, you'll be guarded by one of my best Norahs.”

When this guard came into the room, the queen moaned, “ET TU, HOOTER?”

“Yes, madam,” said Captain Hooter — for it was none other. “I joined the Norahs in the first week.”

The queen was carried out by ten panting soldiers. This time, everybody clapped.

FREEDOM

The rest of that day was pure happiness and celebration, and now that Jane knew she was going home, she felt free to enjoy herself. The streets of the city were filled with people singing and dancing, and the gubb stalls were out doing a roaring trade. It was like walking through a fairground.

At the castle, Jane saw soldiers taking down a huge portrait of the queen and replacing it with a handsome picture of Quarley. Someone had drawn a mustache on the face of the queen. Every room that Jane and Staffa went into seemed to have a party going on in it, and they joined in at least six until they got too tired.

“Jane,” said Quarley, “I have one more favor to ask. Would you stay here one more day? My wife would like you to be a maid of honor at our coronation.”

“Well,” Jane said. She was longing to go home. But Staffa and Migorn looked so hopeful, and the coronation sounded so exciting, that she agreed to stay.

She was very glad afterwards, because it turned out to be one of the greatest days of her life. Staffa and Twilly were also maids of honor. They all wore long white dresses with silver sashes, long silver gloves and silver shoes. The king gave them each a beautiful gold medal on a big gold chain.

Jane was very pleased to see Fatilda, in a gold saddle, flying with the Guard of Honor. Staffa was radiantly happy because she was going to a real school for girls. “It's a boarding school in the country, and there'll be loads of other sixty-five-year-olds! I can't wait!”

And Twilly was almost radioactive with happiness because she had landed the job of her dreams. “I can hardly believe it!” she kept saying. “I'm going to be the personal maid of Queen Migorn!”

The coronation took place in the open air, on the castle lawn, and was very magnificent. The king had invited all the bravest Norahs, and Twilly's whole family had places of honor at the front. In the evening, there was a grand Coronation Ball. Jane knew that she would never see sights like these again — the caged fireflies, the coaches carved from nutshells and drawn by gold-painted beetles, the graceful Dancing Orphans (who performed a new dance called “The Queen Basher,” to great applause).

But she was aching to get home, and woke up the next morning full of impatience and anxiety — suppose something went wrong?

Twilly gave her the human clothes she had arrived in. “I didn't really put them in the boiler, Miss Jane, though the queen told me to.”

“Thanks!” Jane scrambled into her wonderful, familiar, comfortable human clothes. Now it was time to be human again. Holding Twilly's hand, she went downstairs.