The Lonely Hearts Club (15 page)

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chapter twenty three

I FELT LIKE I'D BEEN CUT open. I was exposed. So I guess it was fitting to be in Bio class dissecting our pig, when my quiet punk-rock lab partner Tyson said, "Um , . . Penny. There's something, urn, I wanted to talk to you about." He leaned back on the chair and stared at his hands. "Um, I read about that club of yours in the paper. is it true that you can't date anybody if you're in it?"

"Well, yes, but there's more to the Club than that," I replied.

For the first time ever, Tyson looked me directly in the eyes. "You know, not every guy in this school is a jerk."

I was taken aback, "I don't think ..."

He tucked his hair behind his ears, "Maybe some of us deserve a chance."

I began to nod slowly.

"You know, it's really hard for a guy to get up the courage to ask a girl out."

I looked down at the table, not sure what to say next.

"I was finally going to do it -- and then I read the article. Now it's useless, because Morgan can't even go on a date."

My jaw dropped open, and I turned around to where Morgan and her lab partner were reading from the syllabus.

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"Don't look!" Tyson said sharply, sinking down in his seat.

Oh. My, God.

Tyson liked Morgan! Why couldn't he have admitted it earlier?

"Just forget that I said anything." He opened up his notebook and started to vigorously write something down. I peeked over his hunched shoulder and saw that all over the paper were words -- most likely lyrics. I wanted to grab the notebook out of his hands and read it. I'd noticed him writing things down before -- I just thought he was doodling or writing down his band's name over and over again. Little did I know that he was pouring his heart onto the page.

I walked to the cafeteria in a daze. While I was waiting in line, debating between the pizza and chicken nuggets, I heard that awful high-pitched voice.

"Ohmygod! How pathetic!"

Missy was standing next to me with a couple of Missy wannabes.

I grabbed a slice of pizza and a bottle of water and headed to the cash register. She followed closely behind me.

"Guys, ohmygod look, it's lonely Penny. Where's your group of followers, Penny?" Missy whipped her head from side to side dramatically, looking around the cafeteria. then she got in my face, her herd giggling behind her. "Do you only let pathetic people into your club?"

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I rolled my eyes and tried to move around her, but she moved to block me.

"Are you even being serious?" I asked back. "What exactly is your problem?" More people were watching now.

Missy opened her eyes wide, trying to look all innocent. "Problem? Moi? No, no, I just think it's so sad that you're so lonely." the Missy-lites high-fived each other.

"this is ridiculous. . . ."

I tried to turn around, but Missy grabbed my elbow. "What? I can't join your club? Oh, watt -- I can't, because guys actually want to date me."

A voice came from behind me. "You can't join because we only allow people who have an IQ." Missy dropped her grip, and I turned around and saw Diane standing there with her arms folded across her chest. "And, we usually prefer people who have their own sense of self Nice top, Missy." Diane motioned toward Missy's scoop-neck sweater with a tie at the waist. "That is so me, two years ago."

I thought that would be it, but then Diane leaned in to Missy and said, "You can try to be me all you want. He'll never date you."

if humanly possible, I bet smoke would've come from Missy's ears. I was enjoying the moment so much I was a little startled when Diane linked her arm in mine and said, "Let's not waste any more of our time, Pen."

We got a round of applause when we reached our group of tables, Diane curtsied.

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"Hey, guys!" A loud voice silenced the group. I looked over my shoulder to see Rosanna Shaw, a senior, with her lunch tray. She put it down in the small space between me and Tracy. "Do you mind moving over?" she said to Tracy.

Tracy shifted over and Rosanna sat down. "I absolutely loved, LOVED the article, guys. What's going on?" Rosanne asked, as if there was something important she was missing.

I shrugged my shoulders. "Nothing, we were just talking about our days --"

"Anyways, you aren't going to believe what happened to me this morning when I was getting ready for school. . ." Rosanna started telling this overly long story that I think had something to do with her losing the hot water in her shower, but it was getting so drawn out I had to stop paying attention. I looked around the table and saw everybody looking down.

Kara leaned in to say something to Morgan.

"Watt, I'm not finished yet.'" Rosanna exploded.

"Um, actually," Diane said, "people are allowed to talk amongst themselves at lunch."

A few people at the table laughed.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Guess I'll have to catch up on the rules later. I just think it's rude to interrupt people."

Rosanna continued to talk for the rest of lunch. Not surprisingly, most people left the table early.

"Ugh, Penny, we seriously need to develop some kind of process to join," Tracy said on the way to my locker. "After the article, more people are going to want to become

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members, and I don't necessarily think for the right reasons. You can't seriously think that Rosanna Shaw is for female bonding. She just wants a bigger audience for her lame stories."

I hesitated. "I know she can be annoying, but I think we should at least give her a chance."

"I guess. Hey -- aren't you impressed I didn't yell at her or anything? I think this Club is mellowing me out!"

I was shaking my head as I retrieved my books for the rest of the afternoon.

"Hey." Ryan started to go through his locker. "That article in the paper was really great."

"thanks." this could really only last a day, right?

"So," Ryan leaned against the lockers and started playing with the corner of his Physics book. "Are we still on for next week?"

"Yeah, why?" I asked him.

"Oh, nothing... ." He put his hand on my shoulder and I felt a jolt of electricity. "Since you're technically a celebrity now, you might need some security." He held out his arm. "May I escort you to your next class?"

I hesitantly began to reach for his arm. My nerves were completely on edge.

"Jesus Christ, you have got to be kidding me," Todd, said as he approached Ryan. "Don't you start encouraging Eleanor Rigby."

Ryan dropped his arm. "Todd, --"

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"Whatever, Ryan, Are we going to class or not?" Todd, wouldn't even look in my direction. Before Ryan could say anything, I told him that I had to go and headed down the hallway.

"Oh, Penny, are you lonely?" I heard a voice -- not Todd's -- call out from behind me, along with laughter. I just stared down at the floor, wanting to get to class as quickly as possible.

I continued to hear laughter and my name as I walked down the hall.

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You're got to Hide Your Love Away

"How can I even try? I can never win ..."

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chapter twenty four

BEING A T SCHOOL WAS UNBEARABLE after the article came out. the looks, the stares, the sudden focus on the Club. I was overjoyed when Saturday night finally arrived.

Right before I headed downstairs, I checked my e-mail one last time and there was a message from Nate with the subject:

PLEASE READ.

I hesitated before I clicked it open.

Pen,

I really hope you will give me a chance by just reading this, although you probably won't. And you have every reason to be mad at me. I am so sorry that I hurt you. I've been miserable since I came back home. I miss you so much. You mean everything to me and what I did, what I said, all of it was wrong. I'm an idiot. A jerk. A loser.

I'm so sorry, Pen. if there was something I could do to make what I did go away and erase any hurt I've caused you, I would do it. I would do anything for you. I need you in my life and I'm lost without you.

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I miss talking to you. I miss seeing you. I miss YOU.

When my parents told me about thanksgiving I was so happy at the thought of seeing you. Until I realized that you wouldn't feel the same way. Do you think you can see it in your beautiful, kind heart to at least hear me out at thanksgiving? there is so much I want you to know, so much I want to tell you. You are everything to me, Pen. I want you back and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to earn your trust back.

Please talk to me.

Love,

Big Dumb idiot

The mouse hovered over the delete button, but I couldn't get myself to delete it.

The doorbell rang and I jumped up. I had to run away from my computer and push his e-mail from my mind.

"Are you okay?" Tracy asked when she saw me.

I nodded. "I think it is going to be a big meeting. We should start getting things ready."

Diane and Tracy exchanged worried looks. I pretended not to notice.

A half hour later, the meeting was pure chaos.

I stopped counting the number of people in the basement at forty. this kind of turnout should've made me excited, but I kept wondering who was there because they believed

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in The Lonely Hearts Club and who was there because we were the "It" thing of the moment at McKinley.

"All right, what re we doing?" Rosanna screamed from the arm of an already-packed couch. the entire room looked my way.

"I have a feeling my nasty side may come out this evening," Tracy whispered to me.

"Just give her a chance" I begged. I couldn't deal with any more drama, especially after that e-mail from Nate. Although I had to admit, Rosanna seemed to not entirely grasp what the Club was about.

"Um, okay everybody!' I raised my voice to get everybody to quiet down. "We've got a packed house this evening."

Rosanna raised her hand. "I've got a question for you."

I tried to not look annoyed. "Um, yes."

"I thought we weren't supposed to date?"

"Um, well, members of the club" -- I made sure she realized that she wasn't an official member yet -- "know that this is much more than just not --"

"Yeah, but aren't you going on a date with Ryan Bauer?" Rosanna said, the smug look on her narrow face coming through loud and clear.

All eyes were on me. The "original crew" -- as Tracy, Diane, and I had been referring to the six of us -- knew all about my outing with Ryan. And nobody seemed to think anything of it. Because there wasn't anything to it.

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"Not really. We're going to a concert. Ryan and I have been friends for years, so it isn't a big deal."

"Uh-huh. So you aren't interested in Ryan?"

Diane glared at Rosanna. "Actually, that is none of your business."

"Well," Rosanna got up and flipped her thin, blond-highlighted hair, "you're asking me to give up dating guys, so I want to make sure our leader is staying true to the Club." She wasn't even trying to hide her sarcasm anymore.

"I'm not going on a date with Ryan," I repeated.

Diane got up from the floor. "Okay, all of you new to the Club join me upstairs. There are a few rules we need to go through to make sure people are here" -- Diane looked directly at Rosanna -- "for the right reasons."

Nearly twenty people went upstairs with Diane.

"What have we gotten ourselves into?" Jen asked. I was a little surprised. She held her hands up. "No, no, not the Club -- I mean about Rosanna and the other girls here for their fifteen minutes of fame."

Oddly enough, I was thinking about the Club.

The school week went by so fast, Thursday was here before I knew it. I hadn't responded to Nate's e-mail, and he hadn't e-mailed again, I hated the fact that he'd said all the right things. I didn't want to deal with it, so I tried not to think about it. That meant not even telling my friends about it. That would make it more real. And I had enough to deal with

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already -- not only with defending my non-date with Ryan, but also figuring out what a girl should wear on a non-date.

I just kept staring at my closet hoping the answer would present itself. At first I thought vintage Beatles T-shirt and jeans, but realized that would be too corny plus I was pretty sure the entire fifty something-year-old crowd was going to be wearing that. I heard the doorbell ring and quickly grabbed my white fitted tee and navy blue corduroy blazer.

I ran downstairs just in time to hear Dad tell Ryan, "You know, I think it's good that bands want to keep the music alive, but the audience shouldn't kid themselves --"

"Here I am.'" I interrupted. I was afraid that Ryan would bolt out the door if my parents kept this up. I gave my parents a wave as I reached for the door. I quickly glanced at Ryan and tried not to notice how particularly fine he looked in khakis and a blue shirt -- Rita and I had joked that guys always wore that on a first date while girls always wore jeans and a black top. Since I wasn't wearing a black top, this was clearly not a date.

"Watt a second, Penny Lane." Dad was giving me a very weird look. Please don't lecture me, please don't lecture me. "Honey, you look great! is that makeup you're wearing?"

Dear God, why, why now?

I looked over at Ryan, and he had the most wonderful smile on his face; he was clearly amused by my parents, most people were -- except for their children.

I could feel my cheeks burning with embarrassment. "Dad ..."