Madeleine Wyman then as I was saying had come to be governess to the Herslands because a governess in the house with them had come to be a habit in the family living. They had had two of them, the first had left them to leave America, the second had married, and now it was natural to have a third one. This third one was the first one who was really important to Mrs. Hersland. Mr. Hersland found some important being in all three of them, they were like everything around him, part of him, part of the world around him, part of the beginning always in him. The second one had made more impression on him, she was a healthy woman, he liked to have a feeling of having her in the house with them. The first one had been mostly an ideal to him. The last one Madeleine, was pleasant to have listening to him, she had a neat figure, she was intelligent in listening, he had less active impression from her than he had from the one before her. None of them then, the first or second or third governess were really important then to the three Hersland children, they had existence for them, sometimes they interfered with them, sometimes they were pleasant to have in the house with them, but mostly they were not then any one of the three of them very important to the three children. Later this will come clearer, later in the long histories of each one of the three Hersland children which will now soon be commencing. First there will be a long history of Martha, then of Alfred, and then of young David, and of all of them together and of every one who ever came to know them. Before then there must be some more history of Mrs. Hersland and the important feeling in her that came to her from having Madeleine Wyman as governess in the house with her.
Mrs. Hersland as I was saying had in her then completely in her being the feeling of rich country house living, with servants and a governess and a seamstress in the house with them and not cut off from right rich living, although really doing very little visiting. To herself then, she and her husband and her children were part of right rich being, not doing much visiting, not needing to see much of richer people but always of them. To herself she was cut off from her family being and from accustomed living, to herself the other rich people in Gossols who were living there rich right living were too cut off from their family living, from their accustomed being. She was to herself leading rich country house living, it was a natural living to her being, it was all of her middle living, it was all her important living and her children's being, it was the natural living to her, to herself then she was leading rich right living, to herself then she was cut off from her family living, from eastern travelling. Madeleine Wyman then lived in Mrs. Hersland's feeling.
In Mr. Hersland, his early living was not, then in his middle living, in him, in his feeling. It was in him as part of him, it came out of him sometimes in talking, it was not in him then in his middle living nor in his later living, it was not in him then in his feeling. It was not important to him excepting as so much talking coming out of him. That was all the meaning his early living had in him to him and to every one who knew him. Even to Madeleine Wyman who lived in the early living of Mr. and Mrs. Hersland it was not as Mr. Hersland's early living that it was important to her being, it was as Mr. and Mrs. Hersland's early living that it made its impression. As I was saying it was a different matter to Mrs. Hersland who was to herself cut off from her family living. To Mr. Hersland eastern living was a past part of him, it was in him as being little as a baby or a child was in him, it was not something still existing cut off from him, it was part of him and not in his feeling. He had in him in his feeling, his beginning, his having it in him to be as big as all the world around him.
In Mrs. Hersland then it was a different thing, her early living was a continuous living that was going on then and she was cutoff from it, to her feeling. When she later went to visit them her family who were still living in Bridgepoint in their natural way of living, she was still then cut off from them, she was of them but a princess to them, she was of them but a stranger to them with a husband and children who had not in any way any connection with them, she was of them but cut off from them by her Gossols living which was a different way of being though it was not a living that to herself was cut off from rich right being.
Madeleine Wyman then had in her the feeling of the early living of Mr. and Mrs. Hersland and this all her later life was an important part of her being and her feeling. She had this in her always as a possession, she had it in her more than Mr. or Mrs. Hersland had it in them, she had it in her as much as Mrs. Hersland had it in her talking, she had it in her more than Mrs. Hersland had it as a feeling, her having it in her gave to Mrs. Hersland her important feeling of herself inside her. Mrs. Hersland could never have had this in her from her own feeling, from her own talking of her early living, she would only have it in her from Madeleine Wyman having this as a possession.
It is clear then, Mr. Hersland had not in him any feeling of his early living, it was part of him because it had happened to him, it came out of him sometimes as bragging, sometimes as illustration, sometimes as moralising, but it was not really ever then in him in his middle or in his later living as feeling. It was in him only as having happened to him.
It is clear then that Mrs. Hersland had in her early living in her as something that was in her, in her middle living, as part of her feeling. Really, her being was her children and her husband and her country house living. To herself in her feeling she was never cut off from right rich living, really she was then not at all of such living, later when she met any of such of them she was cut off from them, to herself then it was not that she was cut off from right rich living, to herself then it was a little then that she was cut off from her family living and eastern travelling and visiting. This was stronger in her from Madeleine Wyman. It always had been all through her Gossols living, a little in her. It had not, before Madeleine Wyman was in the habit of listening to her, it had not been in her, a conscious feeling. Later then it was more consciously in her, it was really then not an important part of her being, it was really then an important part of her feeling herself inside her in her being. Her feeling herself inside her in her feeling was not an important part of her being, her feeling herself inside her to herself from her family being, from her children, a little from her husband, was the important being in her. Feeling herself to herself inside her was not really ever very important being in her. Feeling herself to herself inside her from her talking to Madeleine Wyman, from her defending her against her nagging father and mother was not really important being in her, feeling herself to herself inside her from having in her as part of her her family living, her husband and her children, her country house living, was important being in her.
As I was saying his early living sometimes came out of Mr. Hersland as talking. Mrs. Hersland's early living and her early living with her husband sometimes came out of her as talking, very often, to Madeleine Wyman in the house with her. It was very different in the two of them, in Mr. and in Mrs. Hersland.
As I was saying it came out of him, sometimes as bragging, sometimes as illustration, sometimes as moralising, sometimes as just talking, but it was not in him as feeling, it was not to him really then in his middle living an important part of his being. It was as I was saying early living to him, it had no more meaning than that in him.
In Mrs. Hersland it was in her as feeling, not really as very important feeling, but it had really meaning in her as feeling. It came out of her in talking, it had then to her real meaning, more even than it had to her feeling.
She had always talked some about her early living, when she was living at the hotel sometimes with Sophie Shilling, sometimes when she was visiting she would speak of eastern living to other ones in right rich living who had back of them too early eastern living, sometimes she told stories of it to her children, it was in her a little then as feeling, in the beginning in the hotel living it was in her fairly strongly as a feeling, not really a lonesome feeling, her children, her husband, Sophie Shilling, and Sophie's sister, Sophie's mother were then all the feeling really in her but she had then still a little in her a feeling of her early living and eastern travelling. As I was saying she would speak then of it but it did not then make her even a little important to herself inside her. This came to her later, this came to her when she told it over and over to Madeleine Wyman who was living then the complete being of Mr. and Mrs. Hersland in their early living. It came then to be in Mrs. Hersland her feeling of herself to herself in her feeling. This was not in her resisting or yielding, it was not like her being with her husband or her having anger in her or being a part of the children around her, it was in her like her being with the servants and seamstresses and poor people near her, being of them and above them, it was being herself inside her to her. It was the important being of herself to herself inside her it was not really the important being in her, important being in her really was herself as part of her family, as resisting to her husband or yielding in him, as being part of her children, as being part of rich right living.
As I was saying those having in them dependent independent being have in them resisting as their way of winning fighting. Resisting though is not their only way of fighting they can have yielding winning in them. Resisting and yielding then are not in them stupid being. Mrs. Hersland had in her dependent independent being. Madeleine Wyman had in her dependent independent being. Mrs. Hersland then had in her resisting and yielding to give her winning. Madeleine Wyman then had in her resisting and yielding to give her winning. Resisting and yielding then in both of them was not stupid being in them. Attacking then for both of them was stupid being. This is now a description of the different ways these things came out in them.
There is as I was saying two kinds of being, independent dependent, dependent independent. Resisting is to the dependent independent the natural way of fighting. Those then who have in them dependent independent being as the bottom of them have resisting in them as their natural way of fighting. Many of them have very little fighting in their living. This was true of both of them, Mrs. Hersland and Madeleine who both had dependent independent nature in them.
Resisting fighting is for these then who have dependent independent being in them not their only way of winning. They can have yielding and sensitive being and instrument being in them, sometimes for winning just to keep going, sometimes for winning to subdue some one near them.
Mrs. Hersland and Madeleine Wyman were then for a while then closely in each others living, Madeleine always then all the rest of her living was in her being in Mrs. Hersland's living. In Mrs. Hersland later there was weakening, she had never had Madeleine Wyman in her as real being. In Mrs. Hersland, real being was rich right living, her Bridgepoint family living and her marrying, and her country house living and her children. Later in her living she was weakening inside her, she was scared then, her children were big around her and outside her, trouble was coming then, the country house living was ending and often then Mr. Hersland forgot her as being and later then she died away from among them and they soon, all of them then, lost remembering her among them. So then this was real being in her this was really being herself inside her. This was a real history in her. Her early living, later when she talked so much about it to Madeleine Wyman it was real in her but it was important to her then more than it really was as being in her. It was sentimental feeling and romantic feeling in her, it was not real being in her. To Madeleine Wyman, this early living of Mrs. Hersland was being, it was real being inside her, inside in Madeleine Wyman, it was not sentimental and romantic in her, it was real being in her. It was a little too then real being in Mrs. Hersland but in talking it came to be to her feeling more important than it was then in her being. This was the difference then between them. Mrs. Hersland then had a real being from her early living but it was not, later then, so important to her being or her feeling as in her talking of it to Madeleine Wyman she made it come to be in her Mrs. Hersland's feeling. Later more and more when she was weakening, it was all fainter and fainter in her. In Madeleine Wyman, Mrs. Hersland and Mrs. Hersland's early living was real being. It came to be always stronger in Madeleine Wyman always more and more a part of her being, Mrs. Hersland and Mr. Hersland and their early living. Later the Hersland children had a sore feeling at her having such possession.
To begin again then with dependent independent nature, with resisting being, with sensitive being. To begin again then with dependent independent nature, with earthy instrument being, with little or much resisting, with little or much yielding, with little or much winning.
To begin again then with dependent independent nature, with resisting being, with sensitive being. To begin again then with dependent independent nature, with earthy instrument being, with little or much resisting, with little or much yielding, with little or much winning.
Neither Madeleine Wyman nor Mrs. Hersland had in them really efficient being. They both had in them some resisting fighting, some yielding winning. It showed in the two of them in very different fashion. Madeleine had in her really more instrument being than Mrs. Hersland had in her. Mrs. Hersland had in her more sensitive earthy being than Madeleine Wyman. Neither the one nor the other had really an efficient nature. They were very different from each other. Madeleine was drier and had more energy in her, not enough to carry her, to make for herself a living in her, but enough to make her want to listen and answer, and to carry into action Mr. Hersland's talking about education, enough to make her have later Mr. and Mrs. Hersland as a possession, enough to make her then have Mr. and Mrs. Hersland's early living a part then of her being. Mrs. Hersland had enough energy in her to be a mother, to be a little resisting to her husband in their beginning, to have the dignity in her of country house living and Bridgepoint Hissen family being, she had her own being in her, her children were a part of her, she had a sensitive and later a scared weakening being in her, she could have anger in her and a sharp indignant injured feeling, she had not instrument being in her. Later this will be clearer. More and more then it will be clearer the difference between the being in Madeleine Wyman and in her. They both had in them dependent independent being, it was in them in different fashion, Madeleine had in her instrument being, Mrs. Hersland had not in her such being, she had yielding in her but that was to loving in marrying, yielding in her to the being that was part of her as in her children and her sisters and her brothers and her mother and her father. She had not instrument nature, she had not any living in any being that was not in her a part of her. She was different then from Madeleine Wyman.
