The Mammoth Book of Tasteless Jokes (110 page)
Read The Mammoth Book of Tasteless Jokes Online
Authors: E. Henry Thripshaw
Tags: #Jokes & Riddles, #Humor, #Form, #General
Single.
A lesbian goes to see her gynaecologist. Upon examination, the doctor says, “It’s immaculate in here, the cleanest vagina I ever saw. What do you do to keep yourself so hygienic?”
“Easy,” she replies. “I have a woman in twice a week.”
What do you call it when two lesbians in wheelchairs are in the sixty-nine position? Meals on Wheels.
What do you call a lesbian with big hands? Well hung.
What do you call a group of lesbians in a feld of dildos? Squatters.
Science isn’t all its cracked up to be. Okay, they’ve put a man on the moon, but they haven’t managed to get one on Martina Navratilova.
How does a lesbian asthmatic breathe? In snatches.
A lesbian goes to a nutritionist with indigestion. The nutritionist advises, “It’s simple. Basically, you are what you eat.”
She replies, “Are you calling me a cunt?”
How many nails are used to make a lesbian’s coffin? None: it’s all tongue and groove.
A young boy comes home from school one day and says, “Mummy, mummy! What’s a lesbian?”
“I’m busy,” replies his mother. “Ask your father when she gets home.”
What pickup line does a lesbian use most? “Your face or mine?”
What do you call a load of lesbians on top of each other? A block of faps.
What do you call two lesbians in a canoe? Fur traders.
A man walks into a bar and orders ten double vodkas then downs them in one. The barman says, “That looks like serious business. What’s the problem?”
The man replies, “My youngest son has just informed me that he’s gay”
The next day the same man goes in and orders fifteen double vodkas and sinks them in one. “What happened?” asks the barman.”
“I just found out my eldest son is also gay” he replies.
The next day he goes in and orders twenty double vodkas.
“Christ!” says the barman. “Does no one in your family like pussy?”
“Yes,” he replies. “The wife, apparently.”
How can you tell if a lesbian is really butch?