The Naked Pint (7 page)

DO DRINK YOUR BEER LIKE WINE.
We are talking about the kinds of beer that should be treated as well as you would treat a fine wine. Lift your glass up to the light and check out the color. Ask yourself what flavors you can expect from the roast of the malt. Swirl the glass and release the carbonation. Get your nose way down in there and breathe in the luscious aromatics. Finally, take a drink. Swirl the beer in your mouth, over your tongue. Take the time to really taste it. Think about what you are drinking. As with wine, there is the initial flavor, but then there are also secondary flavors and more subtle flavors that are revealed with each new sip.

 

DON’T
SLAM YOUR BEER.
One misconception that many people have about beer is that it should be guzzled. The Keg Stand, Quarters, Beer Pong, and many other popular pastimes all operate under this assumption. But swilling beer down your gullet without taking the time to savor or appreciate it is an offense to great beer. Unless there’s money on the line, or unless it’s lite beer that you don’t want to taste, or unless you want pictures of yourself barfing on the sidewalk to be spread all over the Internet, don’t slam your beer.

 

DO
TAKE NOTES.
There’s nothing worse than having the most amazing beer you’ve ever had in your life and then not being able to recall it. We’ve found that if you write down the name of the beer and a few simple tasting notes, you are then able to relive that wonderful experience again and again. Also, writing down your beer experiences will help you refine and define your palate. (Yes, sometimes the notes will be illegible by the end of the evening, but give it a go anyway; if nothing else, they’re good for a laugh.)

 

DON’T
NURSE YOUR BEER.
If you’ve ever tasted a beer that has been sitting out for a long time, you probably weren’t very happy. It was too warm, and the carbonation had released from the beer, leaving it syrupy, sticky, and icky tasting. So don’t nurse your beer for an hour. If you’ve had the same beer for an hour, let it go and order a new one. If you are an extraordinarily slow beer drinker, it might be wise to order your beer in smaller sizes if you can. Which brings us to our next “do” ...

 

DO
ORDER HALF-PINTS.
If you are planning to taste a lot of flavors and take a little Beer Journey of your own, it’s wise to drink half-pints. Other than specialty glasses, the half-pint is actually our favorite beer serving size. There’s no shame in ordering a smaller portion. It will allow you to taste many beers without becoming belligerent, and the beer will stay at the proper temperature and carbonation levels. It’s true that you’ll have to order beer a little more often, but sometimes half-pints are the way to go. The size of your glass does not relate to the size of your anything, so be the person (listen up, guys) who is secure enough to drink out of the half-pint.

 

DON’T
DRINK OUT OF PITCHERS .
Most craft beer bars don’t even offer pitchers anymore, but if they do, don’t order your beer in one. For the same reasons you shouldn’t nurse your beer for an hour, you shouldn’t drink quality beer out of a pitcher. Not only has the beer at the bottom of the pitcher been sitting around for way too long, but the careful calibration of carbonation is probably off because of the continued pouring and agitation of the pitcher. Draught beer is meant to be poured once: from the tap to your glass. The carbonation of the beer releases too much when it is poured into a pitcher and then poured into glasses over and over again. We do realize that pitchers may be cheaper, but usually the price difference doesn’t make up for the loss of flavor. Quality, not quantity.

A NOTE ON THE BEER SNOB; OR, DON’T BE A D-BAG

We’ve been accused on more than one occasion of being beer snobs. And yes, we admit, in the past we have been. In the adolescence of our life with beer, we sometimes used our beer knowledge for evil. We admit

that we have used our beer prowess to seem superior to others, take bitchy demanding women down a peg, and belittle arrogant boys. And while that is fun—really fun—it ultimately does not pay off or bode well for good beer. We want to bring people into the craft beer world, not scare them away.

There is a certain amount of snobbery that comes with learning about the finer things. Once you’ve had an amazing first-growth Bordeaux, for instance, it’s tough to go back to enjoying Two-Buck Chuck. That’s not your fault. But don’t insult someone’s beer choice, regardless of how stupid and bad you think it may be. Don’t condemn; instead, offer suggestions of a beer that she might like based on the stupid choice you’ve just seen her make.

But be careful; while you may know more than your friends do, you don’t want to become the person no one wants to have dinner with. Realize that knowledge is power. If you’re talking more than tasting, telling more than teaching, and insulting more than inspiring, then you’re not doing craft beer any favors.

If you know good beer, consider yourself an ambassador for it. Beer knowledge is exciting. You’ll want to spread the word. Just do us a favor and do it in the nicest way possible.