The New Eve (10 page)

For us to fully grasp what the “desire” of woman is, we need to look at Genesis 4:7, where this puzzling word is used again in a more revealing context. How it's used here helps us unlock its meaning in Genesis 3:16. Notice in chapter 4 that God was speaking to Cain, Adam and Eve's firstborn son, after the young man had developed a murderous attitude toward his younger brother, Abel. At this point God said in verse 7, “If you do well, will not your countenance be lifted up? And if you do not do well,
sin is crouching at the door; and its
desire
is for you, but you must master it” (emphasis added).

Did you catch that? Here “desire” is clearly associated with the idea of
control.
God told Cain that sin sought to control him. That was its aim. And this understanding of desire helps us unlock Genesis 3:16. The desire to control in Genesis 4:7 is also the woman's desire in Genesis 3:16. This means that even with the true love a woman will have for her man, the consequences of the fall will taint this love with an unholy struggle. From this point on, a woman's calling as helper will be mixed with the desires of a competitor.

In response to this controlling desire that every generation of women must now deal with, Genesis 3:16 says a man will seek to rule. This is not a reassertion of the noble leadership God set forth for Adam in Genesis 2. This is a cursed leadership—the kind that dominates, forces compliance, and demands submission. The Hebrew word used here often described the rule of kings. It is a rule of power, not love. It is an injurious rule men have used over women for centuries.

Here's the point: because a man and woman are cursed, true intimacy between them is no longer a given. Love is now mixed with an inevitable power struggle, which, if not properly addressed, can reduce their initial passion for each other into an onerous contest of wills. Eve was cursed with the need to control: “your desire will be for your husband.” Adam, on the other hand, meets her evil desires with his own corruption: “he shall rule over you.” What was once a harmonious dance between the sexes now becomes a subtle (or not-so-subtle) fight for supremacy.

Unfortunately, that fight not only undermines the core calling for deep companionship God intended for couples, but it also severely impacts parenting and the core calling of raising and launching a godly, healthy next generation. As in so many
families today, the dysfunction Adam and Eve unleashed on themselves through their choices eventually expressed itself even more adversely in their children. In Genesis 4 we watch as their two boys grew up confused, angry, and contentious. The crescendo came when a jealous Cain slew his brother, Abel. The life God originally intended to unleash through the fruitfulness of this first couple ended tragically in violence and death, as we see in many children today.

Eve, who was promised so much more by the serpent, was now left with a life of deep regret. Choosing to live from the outside in, she became
the
symbol of a failed and futile femininity for all women of every generation.

Nevertheless, she continues to have her followers. There are many thousands of them in every age. Countless other “Eves” who, like her, still choose to believe God's core callings can be short-changed or neglected in the pursuit of other, seemingly life-giving ambitions. And in those pursuits
helper is
cast aside as an antiquated concept whose time has past. Children are worked in around a career by women who still believe they can do it all. The pursuit of worldliness washes away authentic godliness and even common sense. As for the first Eve, the outside dictates everything and brings the same failures and heartaches.

So what's a woman to do? If you are wise, you will learn from Eve and not repeat her mistakes. You will enjoy many of the opportunities our modern world offers but never at the expense of God's core callings on your life. No, when it comes to those, you choose to live courageously from the inside out. That's because New Eves are known for bold moves, not foolish ones.

Of the women I know, few have had to make a bolder move than Terry Jones. When Terry was in college, she had no idea of
the adventure and opportunity that lay just around the corner. The spark that ignited it was when Terry and three of her friends decided to start a Christian singing group in 1990.

It was all fairly simple and fun at first. A few singing opportunities in area churches gave the girls experience, exposure, and the thrill of seeing God work through them. But in a very short time the impact of their ministry in music took off and began to attract national attention.

In the explosion that followed, their singing group, known as Point of Grace, sold more than five million albums; produced twenty-four consecutive number-one singles, two platinum records, and five gold records; and won eight Dove and two Grammy awards. They were voted the 1994 New Christian Artist of the Year and the Christian Group of the Year in 1996. As their popularity grew, Point of Grace would perform as many as twenty concerts a month. Terry was on top of the world!

In 1994 Terry married her college sweetheart, Chris. That is when a tug-of-war broke out in Terry's heart. As much as she loved the ministry of Point of Grace and the Kingdom influence it was offering her, she loved Chris more. But the professional demands of touring and recording made “loving Chris more” hard to live out.

The arrival of children further complicated matters. First there was Cole, then Luke, and finally Mallory. Like most modern women, Terry worked hard to balance her home with her career. But she confessed, “To wear the mom hat, wife hat, famous-singer hat, businesswoman hat, recording-artist hat, and be-nice-to-fans hat started taking its toll on Chris, me, and the kids. I would literally spend most of my time packing and unpacking, washing, cramming seven days of housework into two or three, and then packing up myself and the kids to leave
again.” On one tour Terry and the kids packed sixteen suitcases to take with them.

“It was a very hectic schedule; many of my days were planned to the minute,” Terry said. “The hour on stage was wonderful, but it was only one of the twenty-three it took to get there.”

The small nudge Terry first felt trying to manage her life as a wife, mother, and professional now grew into a raging storm. Even with courageous adjustments of paring back on concerts and touring schedules, Terry still found herself running in circles. “It just wasn't working,” she admitted. She and Chris weren't together enough. There was never enough time to focus on the kids.

And then there was the Holy Spirit. For years Terry had been increasingly aware that His voice had been asking her to focus in this season of life on her core callings as wife and mother. But to leave Point of Grace was not merely leaving a job. In Terry's words, “It was leaving an identity, a way of life. No more concerts, no more three-hour conference calls, no more flights to Nashville. Is this what God wanted?”

Terry prayed and sought counsel, but most of all, she struggled. Not with what God was telling her to do—that was now clear. No, Terry struggled with what would happen if she obeyed: suddenly being left out, falling behind, the loss of an identity and recognition, setting aside her considerable talents, and of not being able to have it all.

It was an “Eve moment.”

Terry would later say, “This was the hardest thing I had ever done in my life—to stand and go against the grain. I learned that when you do something God desires for you, it can be gut-wrenching, but a true, underlying peace drives you on.” Jesus would call it “the narrow way.” I call it living from the inside out, managing opportunity with wisdom. And so with white-knuckled
faith, Terry elected to be a New Eve rather than replay for the billionth time the life of the old one. She retired from Point of Grace in March 2004.

So what drives her now? “Freedom,” she says. That internal conflict that dogged her for so many years is gone. In its place is the freedom to live life without guilt or regret. Her new life, of course, is not without its ups and downs. At times her “ordinary life” wishes for the glamour of her former one. But Terry is a woman at peace with God because she has chosen in this crucial season of life to give her best to His priorities. She is at one with what eternity says matters.

In a final good-bye in Point of Grace's e-newsletter,
Heart to Heart
, Terry wrote the following: “To my family … now I can wake up every single morning and go to bed every night knowing every part of your life. I LOVE being your mommy and Chris, I LOVE being your wife.”

Terry Jones … living from the inside out.

The Power of Gender Vision

V
ision energizes life. It inspires. It clarifies. It harnesses the powers and abilities of one's life and focuses them on a prescribed end. That's because vision is a forward thing. It's out there calling you ahead to new growth and fresh opportunity. A life that is called forward by a positive vision is a life of health and passionate movement. Conversely, a life that is not called forward will stagnate or fall backward into trouble. Life becomes aimless, twisted, and disoriented. Without vision people naturally tend to wander. Bad decisions follow. We all know such stories. It's the friend we visit in rehab, the coworker whose life is in constant crisis, or the sister who doesn't come around anymore.

One of Scripture's most powerful maxims says, “Where there is no vision, the people are unrestrained” (Prov. 29:18). The word
unrestrained
is worth noting. In the one other time this word is used in the Old Testament, it describes what Moses observed when he returned from Mount Sinai with the Ten Commandments. While he was away on the mountain, the people of Israel had turned to idol worship and pagan revelry.
Exodus 32:25 then says, “Moses saw that the people were
out of control.”
This is exactly what happens when people lose sight of where they should be going in life. Where there is no vision, life gets out of control.

The same is true when it comes to gender. Without a gender vision men and women have trouble separating life-giving pursuits from mistakes and mirages. There is nothing specific, male or female, to aspire to, strive for, or check ourselves against. “Am I a good woman?” “Did I behave like a man today?” We ask such questions all the way to our dying day. Unfortunately, where there is no vision, there are no clear answers to such questions. And today we are paying a heavy price for this gender darkness, as are our sons and daughters.

Several years ago I asked a group of men to help me formulate a succinct definition of biblical manhood. It sounded like a simple enough task. You would think we could have easily reached down and produced a statement of compelling clarity and unassailable truth, but in reality our efforts only highlighted our confusion. It was like nailing Jell-O to a wall. We simply couldn't do it.

So for months afterward I searched the Scriptures for an answer. How does the Bible define a man, a
real
man? What I eventually uncovered was a vision of manhood inspired by history's two most influential men. Both are called Adam, the Hebrew word for
man.
Both have left indelible marks on the human race. At times Scripture plays them up as opposites—two men who made radically different choices and pursued equally different lifestyles. But when they are brought together
as men
, they provide us with a way to envision and define biblical manhood.

The first of these two Adams is, of course, the Adam of Genesis. He was the original prototype male. He rolled off the
factory floor divinely fitted for masculine success. Strong, intelligent, favored by God—the whole earth was his to rule as viceroy to the King. He was set for a great adventure. All he had to do was get three things right.

1. Adam had a
   will
   to obey.
   
2. Adam had
   work
   to do.
   
3. Adam had a
   woman
   to love and care for.
   

These were Adam's responsibilities as a man. But as we have already observed in our previous chapter, Adam failed on each of these counts in one fell swoop. Standing under the boughs of a forbidden tree, he refused to obey God's will; refused to do the work of manly leadership; and, in utter selfishness, despised his wife. His mistakes come down to one simple theme: he lost his masculine focus. And without this noble vision he became passive. Sadly, this visionless masculinity and the passivity that goes with it have become the plague of all men since.

Generations later, a second prototype male was rolled out. The New Testament refers to him as the second Adam, literally “the second man,” but we know him by his more familiar name: Jesus. The Gospels make it clear that Jesus is God the Son, the Creator of the universe, and humanity's only hope for salvation. But they also make sure we know Jesus was
a man:
flesh and blood, mind and heart—exactly like every other man who ever lived. And as history's second Adam, Jesus unveiled a new vision of masculinity even as His life paralleled the life of the first Adam with the same three responsibilities.

1. Jesus had a
   will
   to obey.
   
2. Jesus had a
   work
   to do.
   
3. Jesus had a
   woman
   to love and care for.
   

Like Adam, Jesus the man was obligated to submit to the will and work of God. He also had a woman to love. Scripture calls her the bride of Christ. She is the church—you, I, and every Christian. The question to be answered now becomes, How will Jesus' new masculinity supersede Adam's failed one?

As with Adam, a garden was the scene of Jesus' greatest test. It was
the
moment for both His life and His masculinity. All his God-given responsibilities converged on a night of grief and betrayal. Set before Him was God's way and, of course, the other option …
my way.
Vision called Him to submit to His Father's will even though it would cost Him unspeakable agony and death. Adam's example, on the other hand, offered Him another option: release this vision and choose passivity over responsibility.