The New Eve (12 page)

This is not a new problem. In Titus 2 the apostle Paul encouraged older, more experienced women to step forward and help the younger, less mature women learn how to “be sensible” (Titus 2:5). Even first-century women had trouble with priorities and saying no. So Paul exhorted mature women to build for these younger women a wise decision-making grid that includes loving their husbands (being a helper), loving their children (nurturing a healthy, godly next generation), being sensible (about what you can and should not do), and making a good home “so that the word of God will not be dishonored” (Titus 2:5).

A real woman takes her primary cues in life from the Word of God. This is where she discerns right from wrong, least important from most important, and what's crucial from what's merely optional. But even more importantly, she is convinced that if she dishonors God's Word with her choices, in the end her life will be the real casualty for it. She will miss out on the best in life and often not realize it until it's too late.

Years ago Barbara Bush, the wife of the first President Bush, was invited to give the commencement address at the all-female Wellesley College. Her acceptance unfortunately stirred up a furor. The modern Wellesley girls could not imagine what Mrs. Bush could offer them. She was clearly too old, too traditional, and too yesterday to have anything relevant to say to them. The first lady didn't flinch. Drawing on experience, proven wisdom, and a big-picture perspective of life, she spoke to the students about making wise choices. Here's part of what she had to say: “The … choice that must not be missed [as a woman] is to cherish your human connections; your relationships with family and Friends… . At the end of your life, you will never regret not having passed one more test, not winning one more verdict or not closing one more deal. You will regret time not spent with a husband, a child, a friend or a parent.”
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Real womanhood is about choosing wisely.

Any woman who wants to be a New Eve will find more than her share of roadblocks and challenges. All through life there will be those gut-wrenching crossroads where something prized, desired, or worked for comes up against the greater callings God has for your life. In such moments the call of obedience faces off with personal ambition, long-held dreams, or intense desires.

I remember when my daughter Elizabeth gained admittance to the prestigious London School of Economics for graduate study. It was a dream come true. What an asset this was going to be for her career and future! There was just one problem. She was in the first throes of love with a young man already set in his career in the States. Elizabeth knew two years of graduate
study in England would put an enormous strain on their budding relationship.

So what to do in a situation like that? Pray? Yes. Seek counsel? Yes. Try and make both work? Yes. But in the end it came down to making a choice. And what does Scripture say is more important: a career or a lifelong companion? Elizabeth knew the answer. Faced with this life-altering choice, she courageously postponed her graduate-school dreams and chose to deepen her relationship with Brent. In doing so, she sacrificed a certain status in the process, along with greater career opportunities. It was a defining moment. But it was vision—a biblical vision of life and womanhood—that made the difference. Today Elizabeth and Brent are happily married and are the proud parents of my first two grandchildren, Drew and Maggie. Better still, she has no regrets.

Courageously following God in the crossroads of life may or may not put limits on how far your career can go, the experiences you could have had, the skills you could have developed, the fame you could have achieved, or the money you could have earned. But one thing is sure. By following a vision of biblical womanhood, you will get in the end what none of these other things could have provided by themselves: deep fulfillment and purpose as a woman who has courageously stayed true to her callings.

Danielle Crittenden tells the following personal story about trying to have too much too soon and missing the best:

At a recent party, a highly respected academic and author approached me. She knew I was writing a book about women and, having an inkling of my views, warned me not to romanticize the past too much. “I was there,” she said, recalling her days in the early 1960s as a young professor struggling to earn distinction. She told
me that her husband, also a professor, wrote a book at the time that won a much-coveted literary prize. She received a note of congratulations from her own college that read, “How nice [your husband] has someone as intelligent as you to talk to over breakfast.” She bristled as she recalled this letter, still incensed by its patronizing tone. “That's what it was like back then,” she cautioned me. We moved on to different topics, and she began telling me about her daughter, now in her thirties and also an author, who was unmarried. The woman said that she was longing for her daughter to marry and have children, although of course she respected the younger woman's choices. I began to laugh, and said, “Don't you see what you're telling me? You had to put up with a certain amount of professional disrespect and prejudice, like that letter, but you got everything else-children, a husband who is still devoted to you, and, in the end, enormous professional success, albeit success that took longer than it might have [she had spent time away from academia to raise her kids]. Today, women like me and your daughter take for granted the professional respect you craved, but we can no longer expect marriage, stability, and children when we want them. Who is the bigger loser?”
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All choices promise reward. That's just their nature. We choose one option over another because we weigh the potential rewards (outcomes) of each and decide which we like best. For instance, imagine you are a college student and tomorrow you have final exams. What choice will you make tonight? You can go out with the girls and have fun, or you can find
a quiet corner and study. Both choices promise reward, and both deliver. Choose to go out, and you are rewarded with good times; choose instead to study, and you are rewarded with a good grade that gets you a step closer to graduation and a good job. In the long run which is the greater reward?

Or how about a harder example? Imagine you live in Honduras. You're married, and though you've tried for years, you are unable to have children. No amount of prayer has changed that. Then a social worker comes to your door. She says there is an infant at the hospital—a malnourished boy who is six months old and weighs only eight pounds. He was born to an eleven-year-old indigent girl who had been raped by a seventy-two-year-old man. Shock and anger rise on your face, and then the social worker asks if the baby can come live with you so that it can die in a loving home. “There is no hope that he will survive,” she says.

That's the situation Vera Grafals once faced. She longed to have kids, and in fact, God had been speaking to her about turning that longing toward needy children, but this seemed like too much. “Here I've always wanted a baby,” she said, reflecting back, “and suddenly God is asking if He can give me a baby to die in my arms!” It was a hard decision, but Vera knew God had been preparing her. So she took the boy into her home.

She had been told what to expect, but still it was hard watching the baby. He didn't move, talk, or even look around. He merely lay on his back, staring blankly. The lack of nourishment in his earliest weeks had likely damaged his brain, the doctors said, and would be the cause of his early death. Vera tried hard not to think of these things as she cuddled and fed him. She decided to name him Samuel—the name she had always wanted to give a boy. She sang to Samuel, loved him, and waited for him to die.

After a few days, however, changes happened. He began to stir to life. His dark eyes began to focus and show signs of recognition and understanding. Was little Samuel trying to beat the odds? But exactly as hope dawned for Samuel, Vera discovered she had breast cancer. To get the medical treatment she needed, she and her husband, Wally, would have to move to America. Suddenly, the needy little boy in her care was mixed in with her own desperate situation. A decision had to be made. Taking Samuel to America would mean officially adopting him and taking ownership of the inevitable expenses and hardships that come with caring for a special-needs child. Could Vera and her husband handle that at a time when her own life was in danger? Again she was faced with a difficult choice, and again she followed God's leading in her heart. She and Wally adopted Samuel, boarded a plane, and came to America, hoping to find life for both mother and child.

That was ten years ago. Today Samuel is a charming, perfectly normal boy, and Vera is cancer free and serving God through her gifts of compassion and service to children. But Vera's story didn't start with her knowing the end. It started when she made a series of difficult choices, trusting God's leading in her life. The potential downside of each decision was clear, but by faith she moved forward, expecting God's greater reward for choices that had no guarantees on the front end.

Hebrews 11:6 says, “Without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him.” Faith applies to all of life's decisions. But the best faith is faith that believes God will reward those who believe His word with far more than this world can give. Ask Vera Grafals.

All this brings us to a second bold move for any New Eve wanting to live a life that honors God while managing the challenges and opportunities of the twenty-first century. Here it is:

Adopt a biblical definition of womanhood.

Doing so is crucial to vision, and vision is crucial to life. Hopefully, I've gotten you started with your vision by the definition of authentic womanhood set forth in this chapter. But here's the bottom line: as a woman, you cannot become what you cannot define. There will be pain, disappointment, dead ends, and years of undoing, redoing, or catching up on what was neglected or left out if you cannot see and envision where you are going.

The New Eve knows a better way. She has entrusted her life to God and to a biblical vision of womanhood that she believes will prove itself as the years roll by. Mary said it best: “May it be done to me according to your word” (Luke 1:38).

The Seasons of a Woman's Life
(Part 1)

W
e have been seeking to construct a lifestyle that works for you as a Christian woman, one that is both true to the Bible and relevant to the modern world you live in. Thus far I have offered two bold moves to that end. First, a New Eve lives from the inside out. Second, she adopts a biblical definition of womanhood and lets that vision guide her life forward. Now here and in chapter 8, I want to discuss a third bold move. Simply put, a New Eve will …

Embrace a big-picture perspective on life.