The New Eve (27 page)

In this family type a husband and wife come together to form a new, more autonomous unity. Both partners retain significant links to the larger clan, but their lifestyle decisions are no longer dictated by its rules and values. No more family councils. No more decisions handed down from the clan hierarchy. Individual families rule themselves, guided by the strong religious and family-centric values that predominate during this phase of society. This is the pro-family era of civilization.

Personal freedoms begin to emerge among family members. Roles are still important and well defined for each member in the family, but they're more flexible than was the case in the trustee
model. Family unity is still a value freely embraced, but it is no longer a law to be enforced. In all but aberrant cases, every family member is highly valued. Neither gender nor age can diminish one's worth. Even still, there remains a noteworthy division of labor along gender lines, with women seeing to the needs of the home and men focusing outward. But there's also a new sharing of domestic and workplace responsibilities that was not seen in the trustee model. This is not only the result of a shift from subsistence living to a more comfortable lifestyle filled with conveniences and free time; it also reflects new values. For instance, women and children have more legal and personal rights under this model.

The husband is still the head of the household, but in a way that is now more benevolent than authoritarian. Laws and social expectations increasingly discourage him from exerting the sort of heavy-handed domination that could be sanctioned in the trustee model. He's the team captain rather than the boss. He leads rather than demands, and it's his duty to serve the needs of his entire family. In many ways America adopted this form of family early in its development and then lived by it until well into the twentieth century.

Zimmerman identified the domestic family model as the one under which a society becomes most creative.
¹
Building, growing, inventing, discovering, and expanding horizons—when the family is hitting on all cylinders, drawing on the powers and dignity that each member can bring to domestic and societal goals, the nation powers toward its zenith of achievement. Ancient Greece and Rome, as well as modern Europe and America, could all be cited as examples of cultures that experienced extraordinary success under this domestic-family model. But like most good things, history shows it doesn't last. Just when the domestic model is most prominent, society begins to shift once again.

The word
atomistic
refers to the breaking up of the whole into “atoms” or individual parts. Hence, the atomistic family is one in which the fundamental unity of man and wife, parent and child, is eventually shattered by invasive social and personal forces that place greater emphasis on individual expression and personal freedoms than on adherence to traditional family bonds. Furthermore, the broad religious consensus that previously guided the domestic society unravels in an increasingly atomistic age. Before long the individual trumps the family. Universal beliefs that held people and families together in the past dissolve into individual beliefs that push them apart. In short, the unifying forces of family and religion slowly become extinct during this atomistic phase of culture.

The last bastions of gender inequality that survived the reforms of the domestic era are addressed as society now seeks to liberate and equalize all individuals. Unfortunately, these good measures are accompanied by a misguided philosophy that holds that unchecked personal freedom is the highest goal of society. The atomistic era shuns religion and traditional family structures and is fueled by the belief that people are capable of living productive lives in whatever ways they choose.

Zimmerman found that as the atomistic way of life spreads within a culture, lines of authority flatten out. An unqualified sameness takes hold between the sexes and even between parents and children. With all members more and more focused on themselves, what was previously known as “family” slowly destabilizes and loses its sense of cohesion. And when families— the very backbone of a nation and its culture—lack cohesion, soon the nation itself begins to unravel and slowly drown in its own toxic self-absorption. It happened in Greece. It happened
in Rome. There is strong evidence that it is happening today throughout the Western world.

In summary, Zimmerman discovered in his research that family types and cultural life and death are directly related to one another. Indeed, you can mark where a nation is in its life cycle by the kind of family model that dominates its cultural landscape.

So where are we today? Interestingly, in 1947 Zimmerman believed America was already transitioning into the atomistic era. With history as his guide, he outlined in his book what he believed our culture would increasingly look like as atomism took hold of succeeding American generations. Here are the six specific characteristics that Zimmerman envisioned for a future America.

In the atomistic age marriage is no longer protected by strict laws, deep religious beliefs, social pressures, or a strong “we-will-make-it-work” attitude. Instead, moving out of marriage comes to be seen not as a failure but as a no-fault right. Predictably, as the barriers for leaving a marriage are lowered, so are the personal commitments required for entering it. The result is a “dumbed down” version of what was once a “till-death-do-us-part” covenant. In the atomistic age marriage has very little staying power.

I once talked to a young groom-to-be who was bragging that he was going about marriage the modern way: by getting a prenuptial agreement. I told him there was nothing modern
about it. The Romans were doing it in the time of Christ. They also sanctioned gay unions. Nothing new there either. But it's important to remember that Rome was not always that way. Rome and other empires were built on the traditional form of marriage. Only after a time of development and prosperity did they choose to relax and broaden the meaning of marriage, as we are now considering in America.

If history tells us anything, it's that once the meaning of marriage is redefined beyond the traditional one-man, one-woman arrangement, almost any union of people eventually finds legal sanction. Stanley Kurtz, a scholar of the forms and roles of marriage in contemporary society, said there is a growing push among lawmakers to “establish the principle that individuals have the right to create and define their families as they see fit.” This will no doubt include the right to take multiple wives and even marry underage girls. Kurtz went on to say that the acceptance of same-sex marriage may spell “the effective abolition of marriage itself as a legal status.”
²

The loosening of family and marital ties is accompanied and empowered by feminist movements. I'm not talking about the fight for gender equality—a fight we should all support. By feminism I mean the more radical movement that leads women to minimize or reject elements of their God-given feminine nature. One of the clearest ways this manifests itself is in the growing disinclination to bear and raise children.

This reality is on display in contemporary Europe and America right now. As mentioned earlier in this book, robust immigration (legal and otherwise) is the only reason the U.S. population continues
to grow. Shut down the borders, and we’d find America at a population standstill. It is much more serious in many parts of Europe, where women's disdain for childbirth is a mark of their liberation from the villainized domestic-family model. Many European countries are in a population freefall that reminds me of ancient Rome.

When liberated Roman women stopped having babies and Roman men ditched their family and social responsibilities, the so-called barbarian immigrants from northern Europe came and filled the void. They served in the armies, they performed the labors, and they bore the children. It was the noncitizen barbarian, said Zimmerman, who in many ways kept the empire going for three centuries after Roman citizens sacrificed their future by giving up on marriage and family.

Zimmerman concluded his book by warning that America is falling into this same trap. He anticipated that America, like Rome, would be threatened by an increasingly comfort-driven lifestyle that is prone less and less to procreate and trusts in immigration to do the dirty work and fill the voids. He even suggested that one day we would have to turn to Mexico for a quick fix of surplus population. But, he warned, to trust in immigration is nothing more than a delay tactic before one's own cultural demise. If we ignore our God-given calling to repopulate and to build healthy marriages and families, it will prove disastrous.

As Zimmerman concluded, he reminded readers that
“family and childbearing are the primary social duties of the citizen.”
³
What Zimmerman ended with, Genesis begins with.

Zimmerman also noted that the atomistic model engenders a growing disrespect for parental authority and for authority in general. It's tempting to pin this on the kids or society, but
the fact is, it's the parents who are mostly to blame. When parents work too long, play too much, and refuse to do the hard duties of parenting, kids become love-deprived, lack development in many basic life skills, and feel emotionally abandoned. Understandably, this parental negligence soon adds up to anger, rebellion, and license in the hearts of children. The inevitable result is an increase in juvenile delinquency, teenage violence, crime, drug addiction, and promiscuity. As sociological data firmly indicate, these realities of the atomistic age increasingly mark our culture.

One of the signal traits of the trustee and domestic models is that everyone in the family has a clear set of responsibilities to fulfill. They don't seriously question them. They won't always enjoy the assignments that fall to them, but they fulfill their obligations because they know a lot is riding on their shoulders.

In the atomistic model this sense of responsibility is slowly replaced by a demand for liberation. Family members want to share in the prosperities of family life but not the duties. You've seen examples of this on TV. A mom asks her son to make up his bed, and all he can manage to do is yell back, “Hire someone to do that, Mom!”

Finally, the atomization of society means unleashing a sexuality that is entirely unbounded. Growing sexual immorality and deepening sexual perversions seem to go hand in hand with the unraveling of family life. In many cases these sexual excesses are a twisted attempt to recapture the love missed in childhood.

The atomistic society feels entitled to open the door to sexual expressions of every kind. Extreme forms of immorality are not only justified but also celebrated. This drift into decadence isn't new. History has seen it many times before. But for us, it signals the arrival of the atomistic age.

In his classic book
Lord of the Flies
, William Golding portrayed a group of British prep-school boys stranded on an uncharted island. Cut off from adult supervision, the boys realize it is up to them to organize a makeshift society. “We've got to have rules and obey them. After all, we're not savages,” says one of the boys early in the misadventure.
⁴

But base savagery is the very thing the boys quickly adopt. Far from duplicating the manner-minded English society of their parents, the boys create a new order based on raw power and savagery. They bicker, belittle, fight, and even kill each other for control.

From mannered to mad in no time flat. How is that possible? The answer is this: the well-ordered home is the centerpiece of a civilized society. Without the parent-to-child transference of wisdom, restraint, and moral fiber, humans tend toward barbarism. It's a part of our fallen condition. We're always one generation away from savagery, but we don't believe it until reality kicks down the door. Good homes are the only antidote. That's why your marriage is so important. It carries the future of our country. It also carries the future of God's kingdom work here on Earth.

It's important to recognize that despite Zimmerman's helpful research on family models,
none
of his models adequately
describes what Scripture sets forth as “the biblical family.” (For a more detailed discussion of the biblical family, I suggest you read my book,
Rocking the Roles: Building a Win-Win Marriage
, published by NavPress.)

Compared to the biblical model, the trustee family is heavy-handed, overly patriarchal, and for everyone besides the head male, too confining. The domestic-family model, on the other hand, comes closer to the biblical outline in its application. But the domestic family is
not
the biblical model either. It, too, falls short in many ways, especially when it comes to offering wives the full equality of status and opportunity the Bible says women deserve in marriage (1 Pet. 3:7) and pressing husbands to shoulder a more balanced share of the relational, social, and spiritual responsibilities of the family (Deut. 6:6–7; Ps. 78:5–7; Eph. 5:25, 6:4). Lastly, compared to the biblical family, the atomistic model is far too loose, too self-centered, and too irresponsible to be compatible with God's design for family.

All this to say, the Bible endorses none of the above family models. Instead it sets forth its own set of unique blueprints (outlined in chap. 11) for what the family should look like to please God. When followed in faith and everyday practice, the biblical model for family will help ensure the health and development of each member of the family. This in turn will positively shape our larger culture. That's why a New Eve embraces these biblical blueprints and builds her home on them.