The New Rakes (28 page)

Eric was sitting in the wings with his guitar slung across his knees, and Kara laid her hand on his shoulder.

‘Eric.’

‘Woah, thank God for that, I thought you were –’

‘You brought your acoustic guitar with you, right?’

‘I – yes, but I’ll be using the electric one for most of the –’

‘No, you won’t.’ Kara gave him her bravest smile. ‘Can you go fetch the acoustic for me?’

Eric shot a wary glance at the stage and the restless audience beyond it. The auditorium was packed with people and the murmur and noise of the crowd swarmed in Kara’s ears. While Eric ran off to fetch his guitar, Kara closed her eyes and rubbed her face. There were whistles and shouts from the crowd, the noise growing steadily louder as the minutes ticked by.

Kara thrust her hand into her back pocket, pushed the dressing-room key aside and felt deeper. For a moment she couldn’t find it and her heart thumped with panic. Then her fingers closed over
the
slim cold metal of the plectrum. She ran her thumb along the edge and turned it over in her hands. It was a thin sliver of metal, but it was solid and it felt good in her hands.

‘I wish I knew where you were,’ she muttered, squinting into the black mass of the crowd.

Eric skidded to a halt beside her, holding the guitar by its neck. Kara took it without a word and breathed out deeply through her mouth. She waited for the leaping, jangling sensation in her stomach to quiet a little, and then she turned towards the stage.

‘Kara?’ Eric said. ‘What’s going on?’

She smiled at him and gave him a little wave as she walked on into the blinding white glare of the spotlights.

23

THERE WAS A
surge of noise from the crowd as Kara walked onstage. Beyond the edge where the blackened boards dropped into darkness, all she could see was a vaguely shifting mass of people. The crowd surged closer. Kara held her spine straight as she reached the mike at centre stage, tried not to let her nerves show. With both hands, she clung on to the stand and felt it sway slightly.

This was it. This was the nightmare she’d been having for the past week – the formless dark and herself high above it, about to slip and fall. Across the crowd, the first low roar of noise died back as everyone waited for the rest of the band to follow Kara. She was painfully aware of how she must look – one small figure in a static spotlight, wearing her ratty jeans and the safety-pinned top, looking out nervously across the auditorium.

The harsh light pinned her in place – without his cue, the engineer wouldn’t dim it – and Kara was blinded by the hot glare. She missed the feel of the band behind her, the knowledge that they would start the song with layered sound. Then she’d have a drumbeat to follow and a guitar to sing with, and Jon’s keyboard would pull it all together.

Not tonight. She glanced to the wings, where Eric stood watching, his face drained of blood. How long until someone opened the dressing-room door? Kara steeled herself. She faced the audience.

‘The New Rakes will not be playing tonight,’ she said, and
heard
her voice boom in the stage monitors. A murmur rose from the audience, a wave of disappointment and anger. There were shouts from the back of the venue, but she ignored them.

‘I’m sorry,’ she said, raising her voice over the angry noise of the crowd.

‘The New Rakes –’ she had to swallow to stop her voice catching ‘– will not be playing again.’ Kara bowed her head and tried to stop her voice from shaking. ‘It’s my fault,’ she continued, not caring if her voice was lost in the chatter of a thousand people. Just so long as one person heard her. She spoke with her eyes screwed shut and her lips tight to the mesh of the microphone, focusing on one thought and one thought alone. ‘You were right. All along. I just never saw it until it was too late.’

Hushing noises came from the floor and, for a moment, Kara thought they were hissing at her. When she realised that people were falling silent, she felt another wave of fear wash over her in a cold surge. There was little movement in the crowd now, just a growing silence as everyone focused on the stage. Rubberneckers, Kara thought. Watching the train wreck. She shrugged.

‘So this has all gone really wrong.’ She plucked at her jeans. ‘I know I’m not going to blow anybody away.’

Kara heard the thud of a door. She looked round wildly, expecting to see Mike coming for her from the wings. But it was the exit at the back of the hall, the door swinging back and forth as a small trickle of punters started to leave. They’d come to hear The New Rakes or see Kara giving her usual floor show. They weren’t hanging around for some broken-hearted apologies. Light from the hall outside spilled into the auditorium as the stream of people leaving pushed the doors open.

Kara bit her lip. All her dreams were collapsing around her.
So
many nights leading up to this and she’d screwed it up about as badly as was humanly possible. She felt in her back pocket and pulled out the silver guitar pick.

‘I have one song,’ she said quietly. The people who remained were growing quieter, waiting to see what, if anything, would happen. They waited as Kara slung the guitar over her shoulder and plucked a few notes. It had been a long time since she played guitar. She was grateful for something to hold on to, even if it was a hollow piece of wood. She cleared her throat and started strumming a chord, over and over.

‘So. We were The New Rakes,’ she said. ‘Ruby on drums.’

She gestured behind her, imagined Ruby playing a roll. ‘Jon on keyboard.’

Did she look ridiculous, introducing her imaginary band mates? She smiled to herself. No doubt.

‘And on lead guitar, the man I should have said yes to.’ Kara’s voice grew stronger. She strummed harder, picking up the tempo. ‘Tam, I can’t believe how stupid I’ve been. This song’s for you. Always.’

With just her voice and the guitar, the song sounded very different. But when she sang the opening lines of ‘Turn on Me’ there were still a few shouts of recognition from the audience. Kara smiled as she mouthed the lyrics. Some of their old fans were still out there, she thought. Then she closed her eyes and put everything she had into the song. It was her, just her on stage, and she was singing to one person in all that throng of people. Her voice rasped as she remembered everything: the nights she’d spent with Tam, the dark nights she’d spent without him. His smile and his dirty mouth. The way he held her nestled in after they’d fucked, or leaped up to fetch his guitar so he could play her the tune he’d been working on.

Kara wasn’t aware of the crowd or the people waiting in the
wings
to pull her off as soon as she stopped singing. She lost herself in the song and let the meaning of the words wash over her stronger than they ever had.

By the time she finished and opened her eyes, she was surprised to find there were tears caught in her lashes, threatening to spill.

Slowly, the applause reached her, growing and lasting as the half-full auditorium responded. The noise washed over her, drummed in her ears and wrapped her in sweet relief. It was almost enough to take the edge off the way her heart ached.

But then there was a flurry of movement at the side of the stage and Kara turned to see Mike stalking from the wings to the centre of the stage, the angles of his face so sharp they could cut butter. Her heart flipped as she saw Lina behind him, arms crossed and mouth grim.

‘Kara!’

It was the voice that caught her attention – the lusty rough timbre that could only belong to one person. Tam was crowding in at the foot of the stage, waving to her. Around him, the crowd surged and broke apart as security guards in fluorescent jackets pushed through to reach him. He was holding out his hands and smiling at her, and his eyes were shining. She just had time to wonder how brown eyes could be so bright before she ran to him, hesitating for one second as the crowd thinned underneath her, and jumped.

She sank into a forest of strangers and Tam’s hands slid around her waist. Bedlam exploded around them, but Tam’s mouth locked on hers long enough for her to taste him and feel the rough reckless joy of his kiss. His arms held her fast and the length of his body was alive and hard against hers, fitting her perfectly from her mouth to her toes.

She heard voices calling to her through the confusion – some cheering, some hard with anger. A bouncer reached his strong
arm
across the crowd to grab her shoulder and, for a moment, she was torn in two directions as Tam pulled her deeper into the dark melee. Kara saw a jumble of images scatter in front of her – a boy with a pierced lip clapping in her face, girls whistling at her, bodies standing aside to clear a path for her and Tam. She thought she caught a glimpse of Ruby’s corkscrew curls, a dark smile flashing behind the hair.

And then she and Tam were running, breaking away from the crowd and making for the square of light at the exit doors. They burst through them and into the yellowy corridor, clattering down the steps two at a time, heading for the street. She could smell the cold fresh air outside and hear the traffic roar and screech, and she could feel the heat of Tam’s hand wrapped round her own.

‘Tam,’ she said, pulling up short. Two steps below her, he turned. ‘There’s no going back. You’ll be making enemies. If you run with me now.’

Tam watched her for a moment, catching her breath. A slow smile spread across his face. ‘Well, I s’pose that leaves the two of us going nowhere together.’

Tam leaned forwards and Kara bent down to kiss him. People pushed past them on the stairs, heading out into the street. They were jostled and bumped, but Kara barely noticed, only aware of the taste and feel of Tam’s mouth – hot skin and a faint trace of beer, and the way he was kissing her like he hadn’t ever before.

Tam broke away first, tugging at Kara’s hand. ‘Come on then,’ he said, half dragging her down the stairs and out into the night.

Kara’s mouth was still burning when they reached the street, and the sudden sense of the loud busy city rushing around them made her dizzy. They ran a block, dodging drunk football fans and a flower-seller necklaced with neon-light sticks, Kara
struggling
for breath and laughing at the same time, chasing Tam across the uneven pavements.

The thought of what she’d run from sent shivers of fresh adrenaline bursting through her veins, and urged her onwards towards the junction where the motorway cut through the city and the roar of traffic finally drowned out the music and noise of the streets. As soon as they rounded the corner, Tam pulled her into a doorway and wrapped his arms around her again, his chest heaving as he took in huge lungfuls of air.

‘Think we lost them?’ he said, looking down at her with his brown eyes.

Kara laughed. She was gasping for breath, but her mouth was already seeking Tam’s and pressing against his.

A taxi sounded its horn and the driver whistled out the open window as he passed. Passers-by turned their heads to look at the lovers in the doorway. Tam didn’t break their embrace, but pulled Kara deeper into the shadows and jammed himself up against her. He gripped her upper arms and squeezed hard, like he was trying to convince himself she was real. Kara felt it too, the disbelief that she was there with him, grinding into him and kissing him with an artless joy that made all her fears disappear.

She slid her hands under his T-shirt and felt his skin leap under her cold touch. His skin was smooth and hot and tight and she wanted to feel all of it all at once. Pushing him back against the door, she tugged at his jeans and pulled the buttons open so that she could slip a hand inside. His cock was huge and hard in her palm and she gripped it tightly, listening to the moan that escaped from his mouth and loving the sound of it. Still riding the adrenaline buzz, she was dizzy with want for him, and when Tam turned her round to undo her jeans she had to grit her teeth not to cry out loud.

Just a few feet away, the cars swept past, their headlights
raking
the building and catching Tam’s hair so that he was lit up briefly from behind. Kara stroked his face as he lifted her hips up and pinned her in the corner, dragged her fingers over his mouth. He snapped at her and caught her fingers in his mouth, sucking them hard as he shoved clothes aside to get them naked next to each other.

‘Traffic,’ Kara said, but her voice was failing her.

‘Nothing’s going to stop me fucking you,’ Tam said, holding her tightly and pushing his cock between her legs.

It wasn’t an easy angle, leaned up against the wall, and they sagged against each other, scrabbling for purchase on the sandstone wall. Laughter spilled out of Kara’s mouth as she slid and scraped over the bricks. Tam raised an eyebrow and grabbed her leg, lifting it high so that her slit spread open. When his cock slipped and surged deep into her, Kara caught her breath.

He fucked her like nothing else mattered, with a certainty and urgency that made the rest of the night dissolve. She could think of nothing but how they were joined, how he took her and held her and drove into her. With every stroke he slammed her against the wall and brought her closer to the moment, closer to the stone at her back and the hot skin against hers and the blinding lights studding the thick navy blue of the city sky. With his cock plugged into her, Kara opened her mouth in a soundless scream, saying to herself over and over – yes, yes, yes.

To be there and have Tam inside her, have him holding her tight and fucking her roughly, was worth more than anything. She wrapped herself around him and held him so hard she could feel his heart thump against her chest.

His breath was ragged and Kara knew he wouldn’t last long. His cock was so full and rigid inside her she could feel it pulse as he started to come. At the same time, she felt the buzz and
the
adrenaline in her veins warm up and sweeten, her whole body throb with the rushing joy of her own approaching orgasm.

She held on to him hard. He thrust into her, deep. Her mouth opened again and her hands clenched into fists as she felt them rock together, swimming in a swift and beautiful burst of ecstasy. He fell forwards and buried his face in her hair as he came, whispering her name hoarsely. It sounded like music, and the beat of her heart counted a steady rhythm as he cried against her neck.