The Next Door Boys (13 page)

I crawled out of bed, numb from the shock of the memories. I sat with my back against the bed and looked at my legs stretched out in front of me. My legs. I touched them. I touched my skin, my body. I was alive.

Last year Joseph had been who knows where and not speaking to us. Jaron had still been on his mission. My parents were a wreck. Well, my mom had been a wreck; she tried to hide her tears but failed miserably. My dad sat quiet as always, but you could see it in his face. The lines had grown deeper weekly.

I remembered sitting in this exact spot wondering if it would be my last Thanksgiving. It had been so scary. I could feel hot tears start to roll down my cheeks. I'd prayed for my family so hard that day. I'd prayed that it wouldn't be my last Thanksgiving, and it hadn't been. So many prayers had been answered. I pulled my knees to my chest. I could feel my body start to shake. I was thankful for the simple fact that I was there, with my family. Nobody mourned the loss of Leigh. The relief brought on another wave of tears.

Jaron must have either heard me from the hallway or seen me through the crack in my door. He silently came in and sat next to me. He put his hands over mine and let me lie my head on his shoulder. He rested his head on mine.

“You okay?” He whispered after a few minutes.

I tried to find the words. “I sat here last year, and I didn't know if I'd be here this year.” He didn't say anything, but I heard him sniff once or twice. He pulled one hand from mine and wiped his face. “I prayed so hard that morning,” I said. “I remember the feel of the carpet on my legs, and it made me sad to think that I might not feel it anymore. And here I am and it's still scratching me.” I tried to laugh.

“That was the day I knew I needed to come home.” He brought his other hand back to mine and squeezed them together.

“I always thought it was more for Mom and Dad than me. You coming home, I mean.”

“That's because you're always putting other people first, Leigh.”

We sat there together for probably close to an hour, our hands together. I heard footsteps in the hallway. I had no idea who walked past, and it didn't matter. They all left us alone.

I slid on my favorite full-length T-shirt dress. It felt soft and comfortable and made me happy. I liked to feel the fabric swishing around my ankles as I walked. Any little effort that helped lift the weight from my chest seemed worth it.

I hadn't expected the holiday to bring back so many memories for me. I couldn't help but think about what the house would feel like if I weren't there. I stood at the fridge and got myself a glass of water, trying again to hold in my tears. I didn't want Mom to see me cry. She always worried about me, and I didn't want to make it worse.

I was taking a deep drink of water when I heard the doorbell ring. I walked into the entry and opened the door. Brian and Nathan stood there.

“Nathan!” I reached down and grabbed him in a big hug, lifting him off the ground. He was a little heavy for me, but I managed. “We weren't sure if you two would make it.” I smiled briefly at Brian before I turned around, carrying Nathan into the house with me.

“So, this is the little man we've heard so much about.” Mom waved at Nathan as we walked back into the kitchen.

“My little man.” I planted a big kiss on his cheek before setting him down.

“Brian!” Jaron came stomping down the stairs. “Glad you made it!” He grabbed Brian in a big hug.

“Yep, just barely.” He nodded.

“It's nice to see you again, Brian.” Mom gave him a hug as well.

“Where's your dad?” Brian looked over at Jaron.

Mom and Jaron exchanged glances. What was going on? I set Nathan down.

“Backyard.” Jaron gestured with his chin.

I stepped back once, turned, and walked into the backyard.

Dad sat quietly in his chair. His scriptures were laid out on the table, but he leaned back in his chair and stared at the pool.

“You okay, Dad?”

He started a little and looked toward me.

“I figured you'd be watching football.” I tried a smile.

“Well, sometimes a dad has too much on his mind for football.” He turned the chair next to him so I could sit down.

I sat, and we looked at one another for a moment. Dad used to do that every time we talked. We'd sit in silence for a few moments, maybe to let me know he wasn't in a hurry or maybe to gauge my nervousness.

“I know you're getting sick of your mom asking you this same question, but how are you, Leigh? Really?”

“I…” I choked up and didn't know how to answer. There was no easy answer, not right then.

“You and your brother sat for a while this morning.” He reached out and briefly touched the top of my hand that rested on the table.

“I just… last year.” I swallowed.

“For all of us.” He nodded once. “I know.”

I looked into Dad's face and saw nothing but love. I knew how lucky I was to have a family like mine. They were remarkable, all of them.

“You are the sweetest spirit, Leigh.” His head cocked to the side a little as if studying me.

“Love you, Dad.”

“Love you too.”

“Leigh! Look what Uncle Jaron found for me!” Nathan ran into the backyard with one of Jaron's old airplanes.

“Uncle Jaron?” I raised my eyebrows as Jaron and Brian walked out.

“Come on, Nathan.” Brian stopped in the doorway. “Let's play inside for a while.” Brian glanced between Dad and me.

“But I wanna—”

“It's fine.” I stood up. “I was just going in to help Mom with dinner.” I turned back to Dad.

He stood up and put his arms around me.

I pressed myself into him and took a deep breath to keep from crying. I let go and walked toward the back door to help Mom. I needed distraction.

“It's nice to see you,” Brian said as I walked by him.

“You too.” I realized I'd almost completely ignored Brian in favor of Nathan. I stopped in the doorway and faced him. “I'm glad you two made it.” I couldn't imagine what it would have been like for those two to spend the holiday alone.

“Me too.” He exchanged a brief glance with my brother and then chased after Nathan.

“So.” I watched Mom in the kitchen. “What can I do?”

She seemed almost frantic and didn't meet my gaze.

“Mom?”

She paused and finally looked up at me. Her eyes were red.

“Oh.” So much for distraction. Guess it was all of us. “I'm okay, Mom. I'm going to be okay.” I held her eyes in mine.

She pressed her lips together and nodded. She started washing potatoes in the sink.

“I can do that.” I took over the job from her, and she stood there next to me.

She put an arm around me and leaned her head on my shoulder for a moment before moving on to something else. If Mom didn't have words, she was in a rough place.

The table filled with a quiet peace as Dad bowed his head to say the prayer. We all sat silent for a long moment waiting for him to begin. When he started to speak, his voice sounded thick and slow. I peeked over to see a tear slide down his face. I'd never seen my dad cry.

“Our kind and gracious Heavenly Father…” He paused again and took a deep breath. “We have much to be thankful for this year…” Another long pause. He squeezed my hand. “We're so grateful our Leigh is with us…” That was it. I could hear my dad's body shake softly once or twice. He had no more words. I squeezed his hand and waited.

When it was obvious he couldn't continue, I did. “We're grateful to be here all together with friends and family…” Now I didn't know how to continue.

Brian picked up where I left off. “That our needs are provided for and that we have much to be grateful for…”

“We ask Thee this day to bless this food to help keep our bodies healthy and strong…” Jaron continued.

“In the name of Jesus Christ…” Mom managed a whisper.

“Amen.” My dad again, his voice barely audible.

I had goose bumps. My dad looked over at me with tears in his eyes. “I don't know what we'd do without you, Leigh.” He barely got it out.

I was way too big, but I slid myself into my dad's lap anyway, like I hadn't done since I was a little girl. He put his arms around me and held me there for a minute. He took a few deep breaths, still squeezing his arms around me. I lay my head on his shoulder and hugged him back. He kissed my temple. We sat quiet, the Spirit warm within all of us.

I stood up and took my seat. I smiled across at Jaron, Mom leaned against Dad, and Brian and Nathan sat close to one another. Brian smiled at me as I looked around the table. In that moment I wouldn't have changed a thing.

fifteen

When I walked into my apartment after Thanksgiving, Megan sat crying on the couch.

“Megan? What's wrong?” I quickly sat with her.

“Trevor got back last weekend.” She sniffed again.

“That's good, right?” I don't know why I asked. If it had all gone well, she probably wouldn't be crying.

“It's just—we went out, and nothing felt the same.” She sighed, holding back tears. “We both agree. It's just that for two years I thought my life was all planned out, and now? I have no idea. I mean, I didn't date anyone because of him. I thought he was it.”

“Sorry, Megan.” I put my arm around her.

“I'll be okay. I know that calling it all off with him was the right decision, even though it really sucks right now.” She took a few deep breaths, wiping tears from her cheeks.

I sat across from her on the couch for the rest of the evening and watched PBS. I couldn't understand how it could take her to this point to realize that he wasn't the one for her. Wouldn't she have prayed about it sooner? How could you be so sad when you know you're doing the right thing?

Monday night we walked into the boys’ house for FHE. Brian and Jaron sat comfortably on the floor. Brian had a guitar in his lap.

“Hey, I didn't know you play guitar!” I smiled at him.

“My ex-wife very kindly pulled it out of the closet for me when I brought Nathan home on time.” He ran his hands down the strings. “I'm a little rusty.”

“That's awesome.” Kim nodded, impressed.

“So, I thought we'd play a game,” Jaron said. “I had to talk Brian into it.”