The One That Got Away (8 page)

Heidi:

Boldness overtook me and I leaned over him. Hovering just above his face, my elbow taking all my weight, I looked into the green eyes I’d dreamed about on and off since leaving school.

“Heidi?” he whispered my name in a soft moan, and his warm breath hitting my face caused me to close my eyes in contentment.

“I kind of promised myself we wouldn’t do this again. It was going to be a onetime deal, but there’s something pulling me toward you, all the time. At the coffee shop, the station. What are you doing to me, Shane?”

He reached out with one hand to tuck a stray hair behind my ear, his touch gentle and soothing. I leaned into his palm when he cupped my face with a look of lust and affection on his face.

“I feel the pull, too.”

I sighed then began to pull away and sit up, but Shane slid his hand behind my neck and pulled my head lower.

“But, I decided I am past caring,” he murmured as our lips met.

I felt like a chick-lit heroine, melting at the first touch. This kiss had been building all day as far as I was concerned, and it was well worth waiting for. If we’d been standing up, I’d have lifted a foot ala a film noir. Holding me flush against his hard chest, Shane had one large hand behind my neck whilst the other rested against the small of my back. His fingers lazily stroked the patch of skin revealed by my lifted top. The sensation sent shivers up and down my entire body and I gasped. When he had first kissed me in the beer garden there had been pure, raw passion involved. It had been hard, fast, and more than a bit messy. But this kiss? This kiss was slow and sensual, and I felt it from head to toe.

My body began to relax and I felt myself leaning into him more and more, delighting in the feel of being pressed along him. I could feel the effect it was having on Shane, too, which increased my own arousal. The first roll of my hips against his caused his body to freeze. Gently, he pushed me away then sat up.

“I’m sorry, I can’t.”

Attempting to catch my breath, I watched him stand and walk back toward the car. He pulled out the bottle of water he’d been sipping on before we’d stopped. His hands, which I could still feel stroking my skin, were trembling when he lifted the bottle to his mouth and drank a large mouthful. “I’m sorry, Heidi.”

“Don’t be.” I tried to keep my voice light to mask the rejection I was feeling.

“I want you to understand.” He sat back down, making sure no part of our bodies were touching this time. “I’ve always prided myself on my loyalty. Yeah, I’m a flirt and know how to sweet talk pretty much anyone, but I have never once acted on my desires caused by my words . . . until last night.”

His eyes were full of so much sadness and disappointment that I had to look away.

“Hey, none of this is your fault. It’s all on me. I’m the one who’s in a relationship, not you. I knew I’d have to deal with the consequences of my actions. Like I said, I don’t regret what happened between us, I don’t think I ever could. I know you probably don’t want to hear this, but I need you to know.” He paused to take a deep breath whilst I lit a cigarette. I had a feeling I was going to need it. I wished I wasn’t driving so I could have a drink.

“Shane, you don’t need to explain yourself to me, really.” Why couldn’t the repair guy turn up so we could set off? It wouldn’t take long to get to his place and then I’d be able to relax and forget about the whole weekend.

“Yes, I do. I can see the rejection in your eyes.” He took hold of my hand. “I don’t want you to think I’m in any way doing that. I just can’t see myself, or have you see me, as a cheater. It’s not the way I’m wired. I’m going to have a talk with Mel when I get back today. Things haven’t been right between us for a while now, as you know.”

I did know. We’d talked about it online a few times. I’d told him so many times to think about both of their happiness and end it. Naturally, it would cause pain for them both, for a bit, but if it was as bad as he said it was, they’d soon move on. I knew what it was like to stay with someone out of habit; I had two kids during a relationship like that. It wasn’t healthy for anyone involved.

“I’m actually quite proud. It’s not an easy decision to make, regardless of what forces your hand.”

“Thanks. But, I do want to make one thing clear because I like to think I’ve gotten to know you quite well over the last few years. I am not breaking up with Mel with the idea that the two of us . . .  well. Just know it isn’t what I expect.”

I was unable to answer because that was the precise moment the recovery guy showed up with a can of petrol for the car. Plastering a smile on my face, I stood up to greet him.

:: ::

Shane:

Once we were back on the road, the atmosphere in the car was a little tense, but I didn’t know how to make it better. Though my honesty had caused this, I didn’t like knowing I’d somehow hurt Heidi’s feelings, again.             

“We’re almost on the outskirts. You’ll have to direct me from here.” Her voice was raised slightly to be heard over the background music from the radio, which had been the only sound since we’d left the rescue guy filling out paperwork at the side of the motorway.

“No problem.”

I watched her out of the corner of my eye for a moment. Her face was closed off to me whilst she concentrated on navigating us through the increasing traffic. Without thinking, I covered her hand that rested on the gear stick, and held it tightly. “I’m sorry. I’ve fucked up.” I kept my voice low, unsure if I was apologising to her or myself.

“Don’t be. We’re both to blame here. Do what you need to do to make it right in your own head. That’s the only way you’ll be able to forgive yourself, even if Mel never does.” She turned to me and smiled.

“How and when did you get so wise?” I hadn’t let go of her hand, and didn’t want to. The contact was relaxing and felt ‘right’, something I’d never had with Mel.

“Being let down multiple times kind of hardens your outlook on life.”
Ouch
.

“I’m sure it does.” I wasn’t sure if it was a direct snipe at me or a generalisation, but there was no way I was going to delve further into that. “Take a left here, and pull up at the corner. I’ll walk the rest of the way.” Mel catching us together would be bad and I didn’t want to risk it. She’d only take it the wrong way, even though we were innocent, at this precise moment anyway.

“Okay.” She was still distant, but the hardness had gone from her face.

Not long later, Heidi parked and climbed out of the car to stretch her legs, and to light a cigarette.

“Thanks for this. I owe you big time.” My neck cricked as I spoke, making her laugh.

“You need to shrink if you ever want to get in my car again.”

“Six-one isn’t that tall.” I continued to stretch myself out to prevent my muscles seizing up.

“Tall enough compared to me. Short arse, remember?”

She was petite, but, as they say, good things come in small packages, and she certainly was a good thing. Any fella would be lucky to end up with her. Did I hope I would be him? Yeah, I’d be a fool not to, but I also knew it wasn’t always that easy.

“I remember all too well.” I grinned, knowing my response would cause her to blush a little. She didn’t disappoint, but at least she laughed when she swatted my arm.

I grabbed my stuff off the back seat, then pulled her in for a tight, one-armed hug. After a gentle kiss on the forehead, I forced myself to walk away from her. When I looked back one final time she was leaning against the bonnet of her car, watching me.

:: ::

Arriving home was bittersweet. I was looking forward to sleeping in my own bed, but not to seeing Mel. Not only because of my actions over the weekend, but how those actions had helped me make up my mind up about our relationship. Finding the house empty was a relief since I wasn’t quite ready for all the questions she would have. A fresh coffee in hand, I went and sat in the front room, trying to work things out in my head. It might have been my decision, but that wasn’t making it any easier to put things into motion.

The light from the TV flickered across the room while I leaned back on the sofa. Images from the reunion flashed behind my closed eyes—chatting to friends, acquaintances, and Heidi. Mostly Heidi. I tried not to think about her, needing a clear head to prepare myself for talking things through with Mel. However, I began to relive our kiss at the side of the motorway, and I felt my arousal building. Nothing I did calmed my body down, so I finally gave in and laid down while allowing my body to enjoy the images flashing behind my closed eyes.

It wasn’t a conscious decision when I undid my jeans and shimmied them down, along with my boxers, to my knees, freeing my erection. Wrapping my hand around myself elicited a groan deep in my throat. The kiss played on a loop in my mind while I stroked myself to a full hard on. Slowly at first, then building speed, I gripped myself tighter and allowed the clamminess of my palm to act as a lubricant.

My body was readying itself for release and I wanted nothing more than to let go completely, but forced myself to stop. Struggling to catch my breath, I sat up and ran my hands through my hair, tugging on it to calm myself back down. This was wrong to do, at least until I’d cleared things up with Mel. I dragged myself to my feet and shuffled upstairs to turn on the shower, set to ice cold.

Just as I emerged from the bathroom, the front door opened and Mel’s voice, followed by that of her mother, met my ears. Groaning to myself, I tightened the towel around my waist and plastered a smile on my face before walking down to the front room to meet them. The smile slipped when I entered the room, and found Mel using a pair of crutches. Her mum, Joan, had her right arm in a sling.

“Jesus! What happened?” I hurried to help Mel sit down.

“A minor smash in the car.” Mel’s mum made herself comfortable on the sofa, wincing a little. “Oh, Shane. Be a love and make a brew, would you?”

Following orders, and forgetting I was half naked, I bustled around the kitchen making hot drinks for all three of us.

“So is anyone going to tell me what the hell happened?” I asked again, handing out drinks.

“We were coming back from the High Street and I had to swerve to miss a dog that ran across the road. We plowed straight into the central reservation, head on. That was almost five hours ago.” She went on to explain they’d been taken to hospital and checked out. Joan had a sprained wrist from slamming her hand on the dashboard. Mel was a little more banged up, but reassured me she was going to be fine.

So much so, that once her mum had left to go home, Mel turned to me with a glint in her eye. “I see someone missed me.” She dropped her eyes to my crotch, and mine followed.

I was shocked to see that my cold shower wasn’t as successful as I’d hoped. The towel still wrapped round my waist was tented, and Mel had ideas. Slowly, she hobbled over to me and managed to loosen the towel, watching as it dropped to the floor, her smile widening. “I’ve missed you, too.”

It took every ounce of my willpower to not push her away, that wouldn’t have been fair. In the end, I didn’t need to. The moment she touched me, all signs of arousal disappeared.

“Shit,” was all I could mutter while bending to retrieve my towel and cover myself up. I’d never before experienced problems with my performance, even after a heavy night drinking.

“Don’t worry, babe, it happens to lots of guys, especially when they’re tired.” Mel gave me a peck on the cheek and made her way back into the front room. “Once I’m back up and running, we’ll make up for it.” Her laughter made me shiver.

:: ::

I waited just over a week to make sure that Mel was recovering fully and able to rely on herself to get around on her crutches, not wanting to leave her unable to look after herself, no matter how much I needed to talk to her, and make a start on the next step in my life.

During a late bus ride home from work, I planned what I was going to say to her, even considering possible arguments she’d make. I also called my mate, Paul, to talk about going to stay with him for a while. He was my only university friend who’d stayed in the area.

“Of course you can crash here. I’ll be honest, mate, when you hooked up with that chick back at uni, I expected her to last a week tops, never mind years,”
he commented when I asked my favour.