The One That Got Away (10 page)

“Oh, dear. Well, I now have a cuppa so tell me everything. Let’s see if we can get you sorted. Also, I need to get away from the visual of a crappy cake.”

At her invitation, I leaned back against the pillows behind me and began to speak. “I guess you could say I’ve been avoiding Mel. Ever since I ended things, she’s been a bit . . . I don’t want to sound cold and unfeeling, but she’s been quite clingy and desperate.”

“Figured as much, I saw a few posts floating around. She didn’t take it well, I gather?”

I actually snorted at her stating of the obvious.

“Just a tad, and I don’t blame her at all, but the phone calls and messages are getting a bit old now. I can’t seem to get her to understand that she needs to move on with her life rather than trying to get me back. The whole thing’s getting exhausting and not what I need when I should be concentrating on getting another job.”

“How’s that going?”
The click of a lighter sounded in the background.

“Not so great. There’s not many pharmaceutical jobs round here. It’s starting to look like I might have to move.” This fact had become clearer the more I’d scoured job websites and the trade magazines I subscribed to.

“Is that a bad thing? I mean, in the long run it could do you good, making a clean break. Maybe then Mel will realise that you’ve moved on and she’ll do the same.”

“You’re probably right. It can only be a good thing, right?” Why I was looking to Heidi for reassurance, I wasn’t sure, but it felt ‘right’. Until she’d commented on my post, I’d tried not to think about her too much. I needed the time to deal with the fallout from breaking up with Mel and losing my job. Yet as soon as I heard her answer the phone, it had hit me how much I’d missed our interaction, how much I needed it.

“Of course I’m right. I always am when it comes to giving other people advice. Not so great at taking it myself, though.”

“What do you need advice about? Maybe I can help.” Silence took over when I tried to turn the conversation back on her.

“I’ll be fine, thanks anyway. Oh, one of the kids just woke up. Speak soon.”
Before I could say anything else, she’d ended the call. She’d tried to keep her voice light, but I could tell she was lying.

What had I said to bring such a change to her and the conversation? Confused, I left my phone on the bed and went to buy milk.

Heidi:

My phone sat on top of my duvet, silent after I’d ended the call with Shane. I stared at it as if it were the spawn of Satan, rather than admitting that I’d freaked out. The conversation had been going so well once he’d explained the lack of contact, even though he didn’t owe me an explanation. Admittedly, I had felt a little cast aside, thinking that he’d gotten his fill at the reunion and was blowing me off. It wouldn’t have been the first time a guy had done that, I just thought I’d learned from past mistakes. Yet, once he’d filled me in on what had been happening, I'd almost felt . . . desired again.

A mere conversation, helping Shane work through his problems, made me feel so much better about myself as both a person in general and as a woman. I hated how insecure I’d been feeling about myself ever since I found out Jason had cheated. He hadn’t even bothered hiding it the way he had the first couple of times. Those instances were ones I hadn’t found out about until after I’d kicked him out. I’d known our relationship hadn’t been perfect, but I’d thought we’d been happy. I’d been wrong. Feeling like an utter fool, I’d immersed myself into spending time with the kids and being at work, until Shane and I began to talk.

The contact, reliving of our past, and the flirting soon became the highlight of my day once the kids were in bed. When our interaction developed into an actual friendship, we began to chat more about everyday things. I would miss not speaking to him, more than I should in the grand scheme of things.

I stood and shook my head to clear the thoughts that were plaguing me. There was no point in dwelling on the past or trying to work out what was going on in Shane’s head, regardless of whether or not we were talking. Bottom line was that it felt good when we spoke, he made me feel good about myself. What I had to remember was that we both had a life, and that sometimes meant we were unable to speak on a regular basis. After all, I was a grown adult and knew better than to read between lines which hadn’t been drawn.

Refilling the kettle and putting it on to boil for another cup of tea, I forced all thoughts of Shane out of my head for the rest of the evening. Then, I promised myself a new way of looking at life would begin in the morning.

:: ::

The saying goes, ‘time flies when you’re having fun’, but time also flies when you don’t have a lot to do. At least two weeks had passed since I talked to Shane, and all I’d done was work and look after the kids but every night I went to bed feeling like I’d run a marathon. I usually sat on the sofa to relax and then woke up at three a.m. with a sore neck from falling asleep sitting up.

I’d finally plucked up the courage to text Shane and apologise for cutting him off, to which he’d responded in his usual understanding manner. He’d always been so laid back, so my apologising didn’t faze him. Since then, there’d been minimal contact whilst he looked for a new job. It was nice to be surprised with a ‘hey’ text now and then, which made me smile and, according to Sophia, put an extra bounce into my step.

The kids’ weekend with Jason was approaching, and Sophia had insisted upon us going out for the night, “Not to get lashed,” she’d said, “but to at least have a good night.”

It was a good job she wasn’t planning to get wasted. The last time that had happened, I’d ended up fucking Shane in an alleyway. I didn’t fancy repeating that . . . well, not with a random bloke at least.

“Sounds good. I’ll have to make sure Jason knows I won’t be at home, just in case.” I caught her rolling her eyes at the mention of his name.

“Don’t say anything. I know you need to let him know, but it doesn’t mean I like him.”

I’d never have been able to forgive myself if something happened to one of the kids and he wasn’t able to get hold of me.

It was a bit of a Godsend that I wasn’t at work Friday. Sophia wouldn’t shut up about our night out, like it was a huge deal. True, we didn’t get to go out together very often, but we were only heading up to the one pub in the area with a late licence and a decent DJ.

When Jason collected the kids, he assured me he was fine with me going out.

Are you ready?

Sophia’s text let me know she was waiting outside. I went out to meet her, looking forward to letting my hair down, though not too much.

The night was a laugh, yet uneventful, something I was glad of. I’d had a few messages from Shane which had made me smile, causing Sophia to tease me. I didn’t particularly care, but I made sure I didn’t get sucked into chatting with him and end up ignoring my best friend. I wasn’t that mean, but she did insist on taking a picture of the two of us to send to him. He responded in kind which set Sophia off on a rant, waxing lyrical on how gorgeous he was, and that if I didn’t snap him up, she would. She insisted on seeing more photos of him, just in case it was a fluke shot, and then sulked when she found it wasn’t.

“At least tell me the sex was shit, please,” was her parting shot when her cab dropped me back home at around two a.m.. I just smiled and waved before letting myself in and locking the door behind me.

:: ::

The rest of my weekend was spent pottering around the house, making sure I was on top of the boring things such as washing, ironing, and general housework. Thanks to remaining fairly sober, there was no hangover to contend with, and by the time Jason dropped the kids off, I was vegging out on the sofa, chatting with Shane via text. I hid my phone the moment I heard them run through the door, excited and brimming with stories to tell me.

“We had a great time,” Jason told me while we both laughed at the kids. We really were better off as friends. It was much easier for us to be in the same room without me wanting to rip his head off.

“They always do with their dad.” I followed him to the front door to see him out.

“Hey, Heidi. I’ve been thinking . . .”

I knew any sentence spoken by Jason which started this way couldn’t be good. In fact, I had a pretty good idea where this was headed. The conversation about us getting back together popped up often enough for me to know the signs. I gathered he’d been dumped by his latest squeeze, so I decided to cut him off.

“Jase, I love you, but I will never be with you again. You hurt me way too much and treated me like crap. You’re a great dad and my friend, let’s leave it at that.” I pushed him out the door gently.

“It would be different this time, you know it would,” he pressed.

“Maybe at first, but I know you, Jason. You’ll never change, not that way. Now, go home, I’ll speak to you later.” With a soft click, I closed the door and let out a heavy sigh.

:: ::

Shane:

My eyes were stinging from sitting in front of my laptop, scouring job sites. I’d found a couple of promising leads, but nothing had jumped out at me as ‘the one’. Deciding to take a break for an hour or so to rest my eyes and stretch my legs, I grabbed my wallet and headed out. There was a decent coffee shop not far from Paul’s flat.             

I wasn’t a big coffee drinker but did like to indulge on occasion, and the constant job hunting over the past few weeks had drained me. I’d started by looking at local listings, then soon realised I needed to widen my search area. When that had been a bust, I’d started looking nationally.

The coffee shop was quiet, which enabled me to grab a seat and be served quickly. I watched the world pass me by through the huge street-side window.

I rooted through my pockets, looking for my phone to drop Heidi a text, but couldn’t find it. Panicking, I scrambled through my thoughts, trying to work out if it could have fallen from my pocket. Then I remembered standing it in the docking station to charge and play the local radio station.

With nothing else to do, I grabbed a forgotten newspaper and flicked through the sports pages, but soon grew bored and pushed it away. I returned my attention to the street outside and the people ambling along it, chatting or, in most cases, ignoring everyone around them. I drained my cup, but didn’t move while debating a refill or walking home.

Out of the corner of my eye I spotted a familiar figure walking in my direction, weaving her way through the empty tables and chairs.

“Mel, what are you doing here?” I stood and went to order a refill, my decision made for me. I didn’t want to leave the shop and risk Mel following me to find out where I was living now. As horrible as it sounded, I couldn’t help but think this way in her presence.

“I was doing some shopping and spotted you through the window. I thought we could chat like civil adults.” Without any word of agreement from me, she sat herself down opposite me, her eyes never leaving my face. “You look tired, babe.”

Closing my eyes in frustration, I ignored the term of endearment that had never bothered me before now. “Job hunting’s a bit of a bitch.”

“I remember that feeling. Remember that time whe—”

“Mel. I’m not really in the mood for a wander down memory lane.” The words were a bit curt, but I was tired, frustrated, and over-caffeinated. Not the best mix when faced with an ex, especially one I wasn’t interested in seeing again. It was a bit hypocritical of me, considering how much I wanted to see Heidi again, to feel her body against mine once more.

“Well, excuse me for making conversation.” She actually huffed and crossed her arms across her chest, pushing her breasts up in her low cut top, an act that would’ve normally excited me, but this time did nothing.

It hadn’t taken me long to be completely over whatever infatuation I’d had with her that had made me stay with her. She wasn’t a bad person by any means, she just wasn’t the right person for me. It shouldn’t have taken me so long to realise that. It would have been so much easier on both of us, and easier for Mel to move on, if I’d cottoned on and ended things sooner.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap, but don’t you think it’s time to stop all this?” I indicated the both of us with my hand.

“Shane, babe, why do you think it’s so wrong for me to fight for us?” Her confusion sounded genuine.

“Mel, I’ve explained time and time again. Our relationship wasn’t going anywhere and we had no future. Please, I don’t like thinking I’ve hurt you, but I’m not going to change my mind on this. I would love to be able to say I will, but it’s not going to happen. The best thing for both of us is to move on with our lives. I hope we can stay friends, but I can’t consider that if all you want to do anytime we talk is try to change my mind.” It was a speech I’d given countless times, and I prayed she would listen this time. Noticing my cup was once again empty, I decided to head back and carry on with my job search. “I’m sorry, Mel, I know you wish it could be different, but it can’t.”

Leaving the coffee shop, I didn’t look back. I hated hurting her, but I needed to be honest, for both our sakes. Moving away was looking more and more appealing as time passed me by.

After the impromptu meeting with Mel in the coffee shop, I returned to the flat to an email from Northerton Pharmaceuticals as soon as I logged back in on the computer. In opening the correspondence, I’d fully expected to read a ‘thanks, but no thanks’ generic response to my resume and application. It was one I’d filled in out of desperation, applying for a position I wasn’t completely familiar with, but stating the usual blather about being a fast learner and wanting to increase my skill set. It seemed to have worked—the email was inviting me to an interview in a week’s time.

:: ::

I stood outside Northerton Pharmaceuticals, fidgeting in my suit while fiddling with my tie. Checking my watch, I saw I was almost fifteen minutes early. I pulled my phone out of my pocket, shot off a quick text to my mum and opened one from Heidi wishing me luck. After Mum, she was the first person I’d told about the interview. She’d been more excited than I was. The only problem was the location. While the interview was in London at their head office, the job itself was based in the same city she lived in, and I still wasn’t sure how to bring it up with her. I didn’t want her to think I’d applied for it with the idea that something would happen between us if I got it.

Turning my phone off, I took a deep breath and entered the building.