The Outlaw Takes A Bride (The Burnett Brides) (29 page)

Dear God he had been trying to kill himself. She could understand feeling the desire to end it all, the wish to die. Thank God he’d never been successful.

“And then one day, during a robbery, I shot an innocent man. Not intentionally; he came in at the wrong time and startled me. I didn’t kill him, but later I found out that he had a wife and children. Why should he have to pay for my sins with his life?”

He shifted in her arms and rolled to his back and stared at the ceiling.

“So what happened?”

“I decided I wanted to make a clean start. I knew I was wanted so I couldn’t come home. I planned to leave, go to California.” He paused. “But I never made it. A man who had been in my unit of the army caught me in south Texas. He recognized me and knew I was wanted. He turned me in for the reward money.”

“But I don’t understand. If you were wanted, how did you get released?” she asked, unable to keep quiet any longer.

“I didn’t.”

He rolled over and wrapped his arms around her, suddenly pulling her naked body up against him. His lips descended onto hers with fierceness, like the life-and-death struggles he’d experienced, very effectively shutting her up. He pushed her back, rolling her until his body was slanted over hers. His lips consumed hers, and his rough hands stroked her with fevered abandon.

She wanted to stop him; she wanted to push him away. She had so many questions, but his caresses were insistent, and she was caught up in the passion Tanner’s touch created.

Soon she didn’t want to stop him; she wanted only to comfort him, give him the love he had long been denied. She longed to ease his pain and somehow help him, though she had no idea where to begin except to give, during this small moment of time, the only thing she possessed: her body and her heart.

Though Beth wished it were different, she could no longer deny that her heart was involved with Tanner. Somewhere she knew she had fallen for the handsome outlaw and his rough, caring ways. She had probably fallen in love with him back in that hotel room in San Antonio but had just refused to acknowledge her feelings for the man. And now she had traveled all this way to marry his brother, only to realize she loved Tanner.

***

Much later, Tanner pulled Beth spoon fashion into his embrace and lay his head in the curve of her shoulder, breathing in her sweet womanly fragrance. He should have sent her running back to her room, but instead he had allowed himself the luxury of holding her in his arms, of letting his own wicked ways influence her.

And now he’d committed the worst crime of his entire life. When he and Beth had been together in San Antonio, it’d been different. He hadn’t known who Beth was, but this time he’d sunk to his lowest level ever.

He’d slept with his brother’s intended right under his very nose.

For this was Tucker’s home more than Tanner’s, and somehow he’d been unable to resist the chance of being with Beth once again. When she’d come to his room and awakened him from the nightmare, he’d been unable to resist the lure of her arms.

She would always be a temptation to him, be the one woman he’d want above all others. But there was no way for them to be together. He was not worthy of her. Beth needed a husband, and Tanner could not be that man, but his brother could marry her, provide for her and take care of her. At least he would know that in Tucker’s hands Beth was well taken care of. But he could never stand to come back to them, to be around the couple, to watch them together.

His hand slipped down to her naked waist, and she sighed with pleasure. How could he ever look at Beth again and not remember the times he’d spent with her? How could he ever think of her in his brother’s embrace? She had to wed Tucker, since Tanner could never marry. Yet he’d coerced her into his bed the first time and hadn’t resisted her tonight. He’d ruined Beth’s life as much as he’d damaged his own.

One more evil deed against his already tarnished soul. She had no money, no place to go. Beth needed a husband; she needed his family to take care of her.

But Tanner knew he could never marry her, never offer her the kind of life Tucker could provide.

Tanner’s past would haunt him for the rest of his days, and his future looked bleak. He could never wed and burden another person with the deeds of his youth and with a future that held no promise.

He would leave before daylight.

“So how do I explain to your brother I can’t marry him?” Beth asked breaking the silence.

Tanner was jerked out of his reverie by Beth’s comment. “Why would you tell him that you couldn’t marry him?”

Beth glanced up at him, an odd expression on her face. “Because of you and me.”

He ran his hand through his hair, wondering how she was going to take it when he said that he would not be marrying her, that Tucker was still the man she needed to marry.

“Beth, this is not going to work,” he said with a sigh. “I’m wanted by the law; I’ve done so many bad things in my life. You deserve a man who’s worthy and good someone you can respect, who can settle down with you and give you a whole passel of kids. I could never be that man.”

“Why don’t you think you’re worthy enough to deserve happiness? Do you think that you’re the only man who found out that war wasn’t about being a hero? You were sixteen years old when you ran away, you’re not the same man anymore,” she said her voice rising.

“You’re just saying these things to make me feel better.

You’re trying to convince me to marry you. I don’t deserve you, Beth.”

“Why? You deserve to be happy just like the rest of us. What makes you so different besides the fact that you did some stupid things when you were young? Do you think you’re the only one who wouldn’t go back and change some of the decisions they made when they were young and naive? Do you really think you’re the only one the war affected?”

“I know the war affected many people, but most people didn’t start robbing banks to get even with the Yankees.” He sighed. “There are too many things I’ve done and seen that could hurt you, Beth, and you don’t deserve that kind of life.”

“Why do you think that my life was so perfect? I’m not a saint by any means. You said it yourself. How did my family keep from losing their plantation? Let me tell you how I saved my family home. How I kept a roof over our heads.” She paused and took a deep breath. “I—I became a general’s mistress. A Yankee general.” He watched as she faced him, her eyes flashing. “You see, I, too, was affected by the war, though I didn’t go off to fight a battle. I fought much closer to my home and to my heart. I struggled to keep my family together with a roof over our heads. And I fear that you will think badly of me once I tell you what happened.”

He took his hand and ran it down her arm, stroking her gently. “I could never think badly of you.”

There was a moment of silence, and then she spoke, her voice shaking. “Jonesboro was not far from Atlanta. Though our family home wasn’t a huge plantation, we had enough land and slaves to live comfortably. Then the war broke out. Since I was an only child and my parents were elderly, the war didn’t really affect us until the battle came to our doorstep.”

She shuddered and took a deep breath. “General Green was a Yankee officer who ordered that the house be burned. We had no place to go; my father was sick, and my mother was frail. So I begged and pleaded with the general not to burn the house.”

She took a deep breath. “He agreed on two conditions. Pinewood became headquarters for the Yankee officers. They moved in, and we were relegated to the servants’ sleeping quarters. Second, General Green became my— he came to my bed.”

Beth swallowed and took a deep breath, then released it slowly. Tanner could feel the tension radiating from her body.

“I ... I didn’t realize that the decision I made that day, to keep my family together, with a roof over our heads, would affect me for the rest of my life.”

“What do you mean?” Tanner asked, fearing her response.

“The tiny community that we lived in soon found out what I had done. I was no longer accepted, though I had managed to keep my elderly parents in the home they had lived in all their lives. My own reputation was completely and irreversibly damaged. Friends I had known since childhood snubbed me on the street. But worse, even my parents were ostracized.”

She shifted in his arms until her eyes met his. “My father died before the end of the war. I know he knew what I had done, but we never spoke of it. He never acknowledged my shame.”

“I’m sorry,” Tanner said.

She shrugged. “My mother was humiliated. Her only child had saved her from living in a tent, but she only acknowledged the disgrace I had brought upon the family. She would rather have become a beggar than for me to sleep with the enemy. When she died she was a bitter old woman.”

“What happened after the war ended?” Tanner asked knowing she must have lost the plantation if she had come west.

“After the war, the general was transferred. I had no one left to work in the fields. I had no one to help me pay the taxes.”

She sighed and glanced up into his eyes. “Four years after the war ended I lost it all. I sold everything I could and we lived in a little house in town until my mother died six months ago. With her death, I had absolutely nothing left and no reason to stay in a town where acquaintances no longer looked me in the face. A town where no eligible man would take a second glance at me unless he thought there was a chance of getting into my bed. Then I saw your brother’s ad in the Atlanta Gazette, and I sent a reply.”

Tanner took a deep breath. Her story made him feel sad. The war had taken so much from both of them. It had stolen their youth, changed them into people they had never had any intention of becoming. He’d never meant to turn into an outlaw or dreamed he would spend part of his life running from the law. And Beth had never intended to become a man’s mistress; rather, a wife and a mother. She was an innocent who had done what she had to do to save her family.

“I’m no different from you, Tanner. I’ve done things that I’m not proud of, but I had no choice. I guess part of me left Georgia hoping to escape what I had done, but no matter how far I run, it’ll always be a part of me. No matter what I do, I will be a soiled woman, a woman no man would ever want to marry, including your brother.”

“No. You’re wrong. You did what you had to do to save your family. What would have become of you if you’d let them burn down your home? What would have become of your parents? They were too elderly to work.”

A tear slipped down her cheek. “You and I both know that most people would have rather we starved to death or even had to sleep in a tent before I let a Yankee touch me. As ridiculous as it sounds, the people in town despised me because I had managed to keep my family together. And when I lost the plantation to taxes, they laughed. I had finally gotten what I was due.”

“No, you did what you had to do. Give yourself a chance,” Tanner said.

“Then why can’t you give us a chance? You’re wanted by the law. Do you think that would matter? We’d be together.”

“It would matter to me. Sooner or later you’d regret being with me. You’d think you should have married Tucker. You’d start to hate me..." His voice trailed off.

“No. I could never hate you.” A tear rolled down her cheek, and she swiped it angrily away. “So what do we do now?”

“We enjoy tonight and wait to see what the dawn brings.” Tanner held her in his arms, soothing her until she fell asleep.

***

Tanner lay beside Beth, watching her sleep. Her face was peaceful and relaxed in slumber, her breathing steady and even. Her skin was as smooth as silk, and when her eyes were open, they were warm and inviting.

He glanced down her graceful neck and strong shoulders to her uplifted breasts, so full and round, so tempting and pleasing to his sight. His eyes continued down to the curve of her waist, and he imagined his hands spanning her small frame. His gaze went still lower to where her legs joined her body in graceful abandonment. In sleep her limbs were pulled up as she lay on her side, facing him.

She was breathtakingly beautiful, and his heart ached with the knowledge that he must leave her. For neither one of them had the willpower to stay away from each other, and somehow Beth needed a man who was upstanding and good. She deserved someone who had lived a life she could be proud of, who could prove to her she had done the honorable thing by sacrificing herself for her family. She needed a man who could remain by her side and give her a lifetime of love and children, a man like his brother. She should marry Tucker.

His heart swelled with pain at the thought of her and his brother together. But what could he do? He was wanted by the law for a crime he readily admitted committing. He was haunted by his past, and his future, yet to be determined, looked bleak.

Tucker was a lawman; he could give a woman a future, a home. He could offer Beth everything that Tanner could not, and she ought to have a chance at happiness. She deserved a man like Tucker.

Just as Beth had done the honorable thing by sacrificing herself for her family, it was time Tanner did something respectable in his life. God knew he had done so little good in his life before now. But doing the admirable thing was also going to be painful.

She was the most courageous woman he’d ever met, but he couldn’t have her. She deserved a principled man, one who could love her and show her she had done what was important at that terrible time in her life.