The Outrageous Debutante (34 page)

‘I think it has something to do with the nature of love!’ Sarah smiled, acknowledging her sister’s dilemma with deep compassion. ‘So here is my plan. Stay here with Agnes. I will take the coach, go on to Burford and attempt to talk some sense into his lordship! Tell him that you are waiting here with the best of intentions. How he could believe that you could be in league with Edward I will never understand! Then, when he is in possession of all the true facts, it will be up to him to make the grand gesture. You have come all the way from London to acknowledge your guilt, as you see it, although I cannot agree with you. The least he can do is travel the few miles from Burford to Aymestry. But do not yield too quickly, Theodora. In my opinion, it is good for a man who is used to wielding authority with ease and a high degree of success to be put under some pressure and be unsure of the outcome. And Nicholas is certainly more authoritarian than many!’

‘How devious you are, dear Sarah.’ Theodora chuckled, her perspective somewhat restored by her astute sister. ‘I think you understand Nicholas very well.’

‘Not devious. Determined.’ Sarah raised her fair brows. The family resemblance was suddenly clear. ‘And don’t forget that I lived in the same house as Nicholas for a little time. He was younger then, but he has always had what might be described as a strong character and a flair for getting his own way. As do all the Faringdon men. But I have a strong affection for him. He was very kind to me when life was difficult and my self-esteem was at its lowest ebb, and he never once blamed me for—’ She caught herself up on the unhappy thoughts. ‘But that
is long ago now. I want the best for both of you. I am of the opinion that it would be better if I see Nicholas when you are not present. Then I need not mince my words.’ She took Thea’s hand in both of hers and pressed it warmly. ‘Don’t worry so. Mrs Grant will look after you very well. I think you will not have long to wait.’

‘Well!’ As Sarah left the room to continue her journey, Agnes rose to her feet to enquire about a room for her mistress, a thoughtful expression on her face. ‘A forceful lady—crafty, even—in spite of appearances to the contrary. I can well believe that she is your sister, miss!’ She turned her head as she reached the door, a little smile deepening the lines on her face. ‘I don’t give much hope for Lord Nicholas if that one has her way. With both of you hunting him down, the man does not stand a chance.’

‘Indeed, dear Agnes, I hope not.’

‘I think there is no need for you to lose any more sleep over it, Miss Thea. It would not be good for it to affect you looks, now would it? I think we should expect Lord Nicholas before the night is much advanced. And then perhaps at last we can all get back to a more placid lifestyle!’

Ignoring the dark mutterings, but none the less accepting the sense of them, Theodora followed Agnes from the room, praying for the success of her sister in persuading Nicholas to see the light.

‘I have come here, Nicholas, to illuminate a few basic misconceptions concerning my sister Theodora.’ No sooner had she alighted from the coach than Sarah had stalked into the library at Burford Hall, not even waiting to remove her bonnet and gloves. She now stood defiantly in the centre of the room, the light of battle in her eye. The clear gaze that she fixed on Nicholas held a severity, a conviction, of which he had no recollection. New York, it seemed, had allowed the somewhat reticent and self-conscious Mrs Sarah Russell to blossom into a lady with a core of steel. He admired it.

Yet, on this matter he was not to be intimidated.

‘Then I am afraid that you are doomed to be disappointed and
your journey a wasted one. Sister or no, she is the last person of whom I wish to speak.’

‘Nevertheless, I have travelled from New York for this sole purpose. Because I felt that I owed a debt to your family and to my sister. And unless you forbid me the house, I shall say what I feel I must.’

Nicholas discovered with not a little surprise that he had taken a stance behind his desk, as if to put the expanse of polished wood between himself and the lady who had arrived a mere few minutes ago, her impressive post chaise and escort pulling up on the gravel sweep with considerable dash. The last person he had expected to see was Sarah Russell, believing her to be comfortably established on the far side of the Atlantic, probably in domestic harmony with some worthy American gentleman. Yet here she was breathing fire, and, it appeared, hell-bent on taking him to task.

As he watched her with a degree of caution, his thoughts fell into the painful and familiar pattern that he had signally failed to banish. He did not want this … this
interview
. He had persuaded himself that the death of his liaison with Theodora with all its attendant suspicions was a matter for rejoicing.
Almost persuaded!
He felt his jaw clench. It continued to amaze and infuriate him, as every day passed, that his existence without Thea’s warm smile and infectious laughter, the slide of her silken skin beneath his fingers, was disagreeable in the extreme. He could not stop thinking about her. Could not stop wanting her. A disease that had got a hold and would not let go! Would it be a lifelong ailment?

Oh, God!

And here was Sarah Russell to stir and reignite the banked sensations even further. From the beginning he set his mind and his will against her.

‘Very well. Say what you must—and that can be the end of it. It is of little consequence.’ He picked up a sealed document from the desk, one which he had been working on when Sarah arrived, as if this conversation was a mere interruption to his daily routine.

And it would not be an easy conversation, Sarah realised, as she took in the discouraging set of his jaw and his shuttered expression. She assessed him with some interest. Here was a power. Not dormant as in his youth, but tightly leashed. Here in the high-bridged nose, the elegantly carved cheekbones, the decided chin, was not the careless, smiling boy whom she remembered. Nor in the cold hauteur as he regarded her across the desk, brows raised, disapproval in every inch of him. Thea was right. Matters had become dangerously difficult between the two of them.

‘I have left Thea at Aymestry, Nicholas,’ she informed him before he could change his mind and be tempted to show her the door. And that nugget of information, she was delighted to note, forced him to focus on her and to concentrate on her words. The expression of supercilious boredom had vanished entirely. She took immediate advantage, embroidering the truth a little. ‘The poor girl is waiting there, quaking in her kid slippers.’

At Aymestry. Theodora was at Aymestry
. His pulse took a fast leap in response. She was at Aymestry, his own home. So close that he could be with her within the hour, could hold her in his arms and claim those smiling lips with his own. His heart would urge him to take a horse and ride through the growing dusk, to throw himself at her feet and ask forgiveness for any false accusation. He took a deep breath against that impulse. For there would lie disaster. His mind, proud and hurt, questioned why she had come, refused any spirit of compromise and so forbade it. But his willpower was severely tested. Nicholas turned his mind back to Sarah, who patiently awaited his response, no sympathy at all in her expression.

‘Theodora is not a poor girl. Neither does she quake.’ His words were brusque, voice cynical, eyes cold. ‘She is the most headstrong female I have ever had the misfortune to meet. There is nothing between us.’

‘Nevertheless, she is afraid. Of you primarily, although she would find it difficult to admit to such a weakness. Your possible reactions to her if she had accompanied me here to Burford. Of the depth of emotion that has taken over her life and will give
her no peace. But she forced herself to come here because she believes that she wronged you. I cannot think why.’ Sarah frowned at Lord Nicholas. ‘It seems to me that
you
were far more to blame in all this.’

The document crumpled as his hand clenched. ‘Your confidence in me and my judgement of a situation where you were not yourself present is most flattering. Thank you, Sarah!’

She ignored the bitter irony and pushed on, aware only of the controlled emotion in his face and the bleak grey of his eyes, a symptom of unhappiness if she knew anything about it. ‘You should have believed her, Nicholas. Her integrity is beyond question. I have known her less than a week, but that is clear to me. She is no more Edward’s tool against you than … than …’ Suddenly Sarah could not find the words as the horror of the past and her own part in it rolled back to swamp her with regret and shame.

Nicholas sighed, the taut muscles in his face relaxing. ‘Than you are now, dear Sarah.’ He replaced the manuscript back on the desk, carefully, smoothing it with his hand. The softening of his expression and the deliberate kindness in his words were almost her undoing.

‘Yes. That is what I would say.’ She took a breath to steady herself again. ‘Theodora is innocent, Nicholas. There was no plot between her and Edward. No deceit. The rift in the family a mere month after her birth was final, all connections between the Wooton-Devereux and the Baxendales cut. Even I had almost forgotten my sister’s existence until Mrs Stamford wrote to Eleanor about your interest in the lady.’

‘Eleanor’s mama! I should have guessed.’ Nicholas snorted in grim amusement at Mrs Stamford’s involvement.

Sarah clenched her still-gloved hands before her, willing Nicholas to listen and believe. ‘Thea did not know of her birth until after you had met in London. She was not aware until Lady Drusilla told her of it. Lady Drusilla did not know much of the old scandal, but warned Thea that nothing good would ever come of a relationship between Baxendale and Faringdon—and suggested
that it would be best if it were ended before it could become a matter for pain and heartache between you.’

‘Ah. Now I understand.’ A faint line touched his brow. ‘So that is why she tried to end it.’

‘I know nothing of that—but it certainly explains why Thea decided no good would come of telling you that Edward Baxendale was her brother. Her mother—Lady Drusilla—had warned her well. You should have talked to her, Nicholas. Indeed you should.’

As Sarah’s impassioned words bit, forcing his mind to reconsider, Nicholas prowled to the fireplace. Kicked a smouldering log into life. Returned again to face her, running fingers through his hair, an impatient gesture that almost made her smile. How often had she seen Henry do exactly that when assailed by frustrations and doubts.

‘I know,’ Nicholas admitted at last. ‘I know it. I wish that she had told me. It made me think that … that she had a motive for her lack of openness. Then afterwards, when I had accused her of baiting a trap to lure me into marriage—then it was too late for explanations, for either of us.’

‘So I understand.’ At last. A hint of regret. Sarah felt for the first time a relaxing of the tense muscles in her shoulders, but still she did not cease her attack. ‘You did not explain to her why you should hold the name of Baxendale in such hatred, which left her thinking you to be capricious and unreasonable.’

‘No.’ He raised his eyes to Sarah’s. ‘Neither of us was very wise, I think.’ His lips curved in a bitter parody of a smile. ‘The past casts a long shadow, Sarah, whether we wish it or not?’

‘Yes. I too remember the torment Eleanor had to live through.’ Sarah at last dropped her eyes from his fierce gaze.

‘Forgive me, Sarah. I would not have resurrected all this for the world. I can see that it brings you pain.’

‘Yes, it does. I hate the need to remember. I still feel the shame. But the legacy is here before us and we must deal with it.’ She could no longer prevent a tear escaping to track down her cheek.

At which Nicholas abandoned his entrenched and distant position
to stride round the desk, and took her in his arms as any brother might and kissed her damp cheeks. ‘Don’t think of it, Sarah. There is no blame attached to you. You have proved your loyalty to this family time and again. You know that you are loved and respected here.’

‘Yes.’

He led her to a chair and sat beside her. Leaned forward to rest his forearms on his thighs, hands clasped loosely before him, and set himself to bare his soul.

‘What should I say to you? I think—if I am honest—that the portrait you have painted of Thea’s innocence is no stranger to me.’ For a long moment he dropped his head into his hands. Tempting Sarah to reach out to touch his dark hair in compassion. But now was not the time to weaken. She must push the message home. As if picking up her thought pattern, he raised his head to look at Sarah. The longing in his eyes struck at her heart, even before he spoke. ‘I have made such a mess of things, Sarah. You would not believe … When I received Eleanor’s letter—it brought it all back. And then everything went wrong, layer upon agonising layer. We said things that would deliberately hurt and tear. Neither of us would step back and reconsider.’

‘Headstrong! I knew it!’ But there was a smile now in Sarah’s voice and a sigh of relief. ‘You are both the same.’

‘Yes. I fear so. And pride. And the legacy of Baxendale is still too close to ignore. The name is still an anathema,’ he admitted, ‘however much I might wish to bury it.’

Sarah remained silent for a long moment. She knew exactly how to destroy these chains that still bound Nicholas to the past. And set herself to do it.

‘Nicholas—do you love Theodora?’

‘Yes. I cannot get her out of my mind. But is it now too late? I fear that I have killed her love for me.’

‘Of course you have! That is why, foolish girl that she is, she was prepared to travel all the way across the country, simply to make her peace with you! Have a little sense!’ She curbed her
impatience at the blindness of men, and hid a triumphant little smile. ‘She has so much courage Nicholas. It astounds me.’

‘I know. I see the same courage in you.’

‘Never! But Theodora … What are you going to do about her?’

‘I think it is all beyond remedy.’

‘You say the name stands between you. Think about this. Do you have any friendship for me?’

‘Of course.’ He looked puzzled. ‘Do you need to ask?’