The Pace (29 page)

He kissed me again, and it was noticeably more relaxed than the first one had been.

“I still don’t like it,” I informed him.

He smiled. “I’ll be back before you know it.”

“But what if you’re not? What if something happens to you, after all this?”

He shook his head at the thought. “Sophie, nothing could keep me from returning to you.”

“Are you sure?”

“I wouldn’t leave you if I wasn’t.”

Although I felt better knowing he’d be back, it didn’t completely take away my apprehension. I paced every inch of my floor in his absence before I realized it was doing no good to worry. I had to believe that he would be all right. He’d managed to keep himself out of danger this long. I decided to take a long shower, go to bed, and wait.

The only way I could stop thinking about him was to try to think about something else. I shifted toward what I had learned about Amelia and Lenny and tried to pick out similarities. I was very much like Amelia in her instinct to help others in need and her interest in medicine. Plus, I imagined her to be very independent in order to go after such an innovative job during that time.

In Lenny, I saw toughness. She wasn’t going to take being mistreated from any guy, and she wasn’t afraid to go out on a limb. She also didn’t get sucked into what the crowd was doing. I liked her, and I could definitely see myself in her.

I lay there for a long time thinking about what had made me who I was in each of these time periods. I always thought my personality was a result of my upbringing, and all of a sudden, I was pondering the nature vs. nurture concept. I wondered if I was the way I was simply because it was my nature or if it was the nurture of my parents. That’s when I realized Wes hadn’t told me about my “other” parents before. Why hadn’t he mentioned them? Were they the same souls, too? That idea was very weird.

My thoughts drifted until I fell asleep. Within a few moments, the blackness behind my eyelids was replaced by a very vivid nightmare. I was being screamed at by an unfamiliar man. He kept shouting that I was gonna be sorry. I was shouting back that he didn’t know what he was talking about. Then he violently shook me. “He’s a misfit!” he shouted. “He doesn’t deserve you!”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about!” I kept yelling. Then another unfamiliar face appeared. This time it was a woman who came up behind the man and touched his shoulder.

“Please, Frank. Stop,” she pleaded, in tears.

He was so irate he shoved her to the floor. I tried to help her, but he stepped in my path. “You are not welcome here as long as you defy me!” He grabbed me and shook me by the shoulders again. “You will not be welcome in this house if you defy me!”

“Fine! I’m leaving!” I shouted. I ran, hysterically, out of the house, got into my car, and sped shakily down the highway. I was crying and between the tears and the rain pounding on my windshield, I could hardly see the road.

The next thing I heard was an overwhelming screeching sound followed by headlights shining brightly in my windshield. I swerved and lost complete control of my car. The car I was driving went right over the cliff, and my heart felt like it exploded. I woke up and screamed.

A
rms were unexpectedly wrapped around me as I gasped for air. “Sophie, it’s okay. You were dreaming.” I recognized the voice instantly.

“Wes,” I whispered, still out of breath.

“Yes. I’m here.”

I pressed myself closer to him. He naturally started rubbing my hair to soothe me, and then I remembered his absence. “You’re back.”

“I told you I would be.”

I took a deep breath. “I had an awful dream.”

“About what?”

“It was an accident. Someone was shouting at me.” I paused, trying to remember. “Someone named Frank. He was yelling at me, and he shoved a woman and told me to leave.” Wes immediately tensed up. I recognized the tightening of his muscles.

“And that scared you?” he asked.

“No, but the storm and driving off of the cliff did.”

He sat up instantly. “Sophie, that was not a dream. You were remembering.”

“Remembering what?”

“Your car accident. It was raining that night, and you were coming to see me. Frank was your father.”

I was shocked. So much for the nurturing aspect. “Why would I fight with my father?”

“Because he forbade you to see me. He thought I was no good. I didn’t have a prestigious reputation at the time, and to all accounts, my father was always ‘traveling.’ He didn’t like my lack of parental guidance, and that’s putting it nicely.”

“That doesn’t justify him screaming at me.”

“You’re right, and your mother never forgave him for sending you out in the storm like that. She never forgave me either.”

I kept thinking about how she’d tried to stop him. It made me angry to think about him shoving her. “What happened to Frank?”

“He eventually left your mother penniless and then he remarried. He died a few years ago.”

I was really bitter now. “And what happened to her?”

He paused for a long time.

“Wes, what happened to her?” I repeated.

He looked at me and very hesitantly whispered, “She’s still living.”

I gasped. “Where?”

“Sophie, I’m not sure it’s a good idea.”

“Where, Wes?” I countered.

“She’s at an assisted living facility outside of town.”

I was flabbergasted. That was completely unexpected. “You weren’t going to tell me?”

He leaned closer to my face. “Sophie, this is all new to me. I don’t know what I’m doing. What was I supposed to say?”

He had a point. “I’m sorry. That was rude. This is just too weird.” I rested my head back on his chest as a peace offering, and he resumed softly stroking my hair as I took it all in.

I felt very secure with myself after that night. It was as if I carried the accomplishments of Amelia and Lenny inside me. I felt more confident than ever. The best part about everything was that things had returned to normal between Wes and me. We were back to spending every day together, and although he wasn’t yet willing to sacrifice his clarity, he was very much loving and affectionate. I was as happy as I could’ve been.

I had all the answers I wanted, and the only unknown still hovering in my mind was the fact that Lenny’s mother was still alive. I was very curious to meet her, but I was also hesitant that it would freak her out. She was ninety-one years old, and I didn’t want to send her into shock at the sight of her dead daughter. It was not something I took lightly.

After heavy deliberation, I came to the conclusion that if I was her, I would want to know. So, I made up my mind to go visit her. Wes wanted to come with me, but I insisted on going alone.

One Saturday after work, I drove up to the facility. It was about an hour drive, and it gave me plenty of time to think about what I might say. I eventually concluded that there was no way to rehearse the conversation. Plus, I didn’t know how alert she would be. I was going to play it by ear.

When I arrived at the nursing home, I was amazed. It was a beautiful complex located on a lake. The main building was yellow, with huge white columns, and it looked like a resort. I went into the main entrance and, despite the outside, I was still expecting it to look like a hospital. It had a sanitary feel to it, but it was much homier than I’d expected.

I walked up to the counter and asked the nurse, “Can I see Maria Emerson, please?”

She looked at me, surprised, above her reading glasses. “Who’s visiting?”

“My name is Sophie Slone.”

She looked me over from head to toe. “Ms. Emerson doesn’t usually have visitors.”

I didn’t understand her point. “Why not?”

“She just doesn’t have any family. Unless you’re family.”

I looked around at the reception area. The place was very nice. I couldn’t understand who would be taking care of her. “If she doesn’t have any family, who pays for her to stay here?” I inquired.

She smiled softly. “I wouldn’t be able to provide you with that information.” I took a deep breath. “But since there is no name to provide you with, I guess I won’t be breaking any rules. Her stay is paid for by an anonymous donor.”

“Interesting,” I said, louder than I’d planned. She looked surprised. I refocused. “May I see her please?”

“Sure, you can find her in Suite 2036. Down the hall, up the elevator, and to the left.”

“Thank you.” I followed her instructions until I reached a private suite. I stood at the door in hesitation. All of a sudden, I wished that I had Wes with me, but it was too late. I had to do this alone. I took a deep breath and lightly tapped at her door. After getting no response, I slowly peeked in the doorway.

Ms. Emerson was lying in her bed facing a large open window overlooking the lake. “Ms. Emerson?” I whispered, as I tiptoed across the room. She didn’t respond. I slowly approached her and quietly sat in the chair next to her bed. She was completely still. So still that I searched for breathing movements to make sure she wasn’t dead. Thankfully, she was just sleeping. I studied her for any sort of recollection, and I didn’t notice any physical connections, but I did feel an odd energy flowing between us.

I took the opportunity to examine her bedroom while she was resting.

There were several fresh flower arrangements throughout her room, as well as books, magazines, and notepads. It looked like there were plenty of things to keep her busy, including a piano. Sitting there, I could almost hear the sound of it playing. It made me smile. As I turned my attention back to her, I noticed a little round table and chair. The table held a very specific item from the past. Sitting on the table was a teacup and saucer that matched the set my mother now had.

A movement on the bed startled me as the woman turned to face me.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you,” I whispered, dropping my hair in my face.

“Lenore?” she whispered, in a feeble but hopeful voice.

I kept my head down, unsure as to whether I’d made the right decision in coming. I was frozen.

“Lenore, is that you?”

She held her hand open as an invitation for mine. Her hand was extremely wrinkled, but when I placed my hand in it, I was surprised at the softness of it. I still couldn’t bring myself to look her in the eye. I was afraid she would see a difference between me and Lenny, and that would be worse than if I hadn’t come at all.

She squeezed my hand with as much strength as she could, and then whispered, “He was right. He told me you would return. I didn’t believe him.” She struggled to turn her body so she could place her other hand on top of mine. “Lenore, let me see you. I’ve waited forty-five years.”

I squeezed my eyes shut and took a deep breath. There was no turning back. I lifted my head in reluctance and moved the hair out of my eyes. I could feel her piercing stare even with my eyes closed. When I built up enough nerve, I slowly opened my eyes to reveal a mirror image of the green in hers. Even I was stunned. She instantly closed her eyes and released a tear.

“Thank you,” she whispered. After repeating it a few times, it became clear she wasn’t thanking me. Her gratitude was beyond anything I could’ve offered her. After a few minutes, I expected her to open her eyes and talk to me, but she just lay there holding onto my hand. She seemed content, and at peace, with just my presence.

After a while, I realized she had fallen back asleep. She was lying there so peacefully, and I noticed her hair had recently been brushed, and her nails were manicured and painted a light pink color. It was obvious to me that she was being well taken care of.

Once I was content with the time I’d spent there, I slowly pulled my hand from hers and gathered my things quietly, so as not to wake her. I didn’t want to leave with her thinking I was a figment of her imagination, so I removed the cross necklace from around my neck and placed it into her hand. I hoped it would be enough to convince her that I’d been there.

I couldn’t say what it felt like being there with her, because I didn’t have anything to which I could compare it. But, I did know I was glad I had come. Whatever sort of comfort I offered her, I’m certain she offered it to me in equal amounts. Seeing her, and her reaction to me, made me realize that my existence was greater than anything I had known before.

I headed back through the lobby with a smile on my face, virtually proud of what I had done. Unexpectedly, a nurse stopped me as I walked by the desk.

“Excuse me, miss.” I turned attentively toward her. “A gentleman was by here looking for you.”

“For me?” I was surprised.

“Yes. He asked if he could see the person you were visiting. Once we told him where you were, he said he had an emergency and left.”

“What was his name?”

“He didn’t say.”

That was strange. “What did he look like?”

“Older gentleman, gray hair.”

That had to be some sort of mistake. I thanked her anyway.

When I got into my Jeep, I had two missed calls. They were both from Wes. I checked the time and realized I had been gone longer than expected. I called him back before I even left the parking lot. The first question I asked him was if he was the one who paid for her stay. As I suspected, he was. I wasn’t surprised in the least.

“Thank you,” I said.

“You don’t need to thank me.” His voice was earnest.

“Yes, I do. She’s being well taken care of, and if it weren’t for you, who knows where she would be.” I thanked him again for loving me in a way I couldn’t begin to comprehend. It made me miss him even more than usual. I couldn’t wait to get home, and I’d only been out of town a few hours.

As I drove, I gave him the recap of my visit, and I also told him about the strange man who had supposedly asked about me. It sent him into worry overdrive. I couldn’t get two words out during his interrogation. I finally cut him off. “Wes, calm down. I don’t know anybody. I’m sure they had the wrong person.” Either way, he insisted upon talking to me until I got home safely. I couldn’t complain. His voice still sent butterflies through my stomach. I could listen to him talk for hours. He probably could’ve read the phone book, and I wouldn’t have complained. Even so, I thought I’d use my time more wisely.