The Perfect Emotion (33 page)

“You look beautiful.  Stop worrying,” he smiled reassuringly at me and I exhaled.  His fingers stroked over my pink and I relaxed even more. 

“Wow, this is really nice. How long ago did it open?” I asked curiously.

“Thanks, it’s only been open for a couple months now. It’s doing well, but my dad would never invest in something risky. The Chef is extremely well known and the other investor’s background is really successful, as well. It’s already been rated as one of Milwaukee’s Top Restaurants. He doesn’t really have too much to do with it in terms of business now though, but he has a lot of his business and family meetings here,” Reed explained in a very matter of fact way. The way his tongue hung onto the word family struck me as off key. The lights turned brighter, but his eyes darkened as they shifted over my face. The blue in them was deep and sapphire looking. As he swallowed, I could see a hesitation over a lump in his throat.

“Are you close with your dad?” I asked him boldly knowing that he rarely mentioned his family.

“Ummm, hmmm,” he paused and pursed his lips together.  His hand started to release mine, but I turned my hand over to hold his in place.  This time I stroked his pinky finger.  He smiled knowingly at me.  “We used to be.  Now everything has become… formal and forced.  It’s a complicated situation and I don’t want to bore you with the details.”  He used his free hand to pull out his menu indicating he didn’t want to open up about it any further.  “So, what are you in the mood for?  I think you could use some meat,” he wiggled his eyebrows at me and I couldn’t stop myself from giggling.

“Well, I agree, I think I’ll get a steak. This definitely beats eating in my room.” Our server took our order and when I our dinners come out I gasped at the size of my bake potato. It was the size of my head. My steak was tender and delicious. Reed ordered leg of lamb that was a special for the night. He attempted to get me to try it, but I refused. Our conversation flowed about school and the week ahead of us, which brought us to discussing the weekend.

“I texted with my dad earlier and he and my mom want to come up on Sunday.  He asked if you could come to dinner with us,” I said a little nervous and unsure. 

“Yes, of course.  And I want to be with you on Friday night too.”  I desperately wanted to know what he was doing here on Saturday night, but hated to sound to pushy.  Before I thought too much more I asked knowing he said he would never lie to me.

“You’ll be here Saturday night?” I asked and then put my fork full of potato in my mouth.

“Yes, but I don’t want to and I’d rather be with you.”  He said after he finished chewing.  Watching him intently his jaw ticked in frustration.  “My dad is requiring me to come.  I’m sorry.”  My chest tightened and hurt grabbed at me.  I wonder why he doesn’t ask me to come with him and then I worried maybe he’s ashamed of me.  I bite at the corner of my bottom lip and then it occurs to me that his ex-girlfriend might be at the dinner. I look down into my plate swirling my fork through the juices of the steak. He breathes in heavily, clearly frustrated.

“What’s her name?” I ask bravely.

“Who?”  He looks around the room trying to gather whom I’m referring to.

“Your ex-girlfriend?”  My voice became small and I continued to stare into my plate.

“Katherine, look at me,” he says firmly.  My eyes leave the plate and gaze into Reed’s eyes.  “Jessica.”  Her name rolls off his tongue in dis-taste as if he just ate something foul and potent.

“Will she be there?” He closes his eyes and lets his head fall back breathing out roughly. When our eyes meet again he looks almost sad.

“Yes, she will.”

“Oh,” I say meekly. “I’m worried. Does she still like you?”

“You have absolutely nothing to be worried about.  I promise you, Kate, the only reason I’m not bringing you is because part of this dinner is business and I’m not ready to unleash the wrath of my father on you.  If I didn’t have to go I wouldn’t, but… my dad is not like yours or most dad’s probably.  My history with him is rough.  Some of it stems from when my parents were together.”  He runs his hand through his hair and the air coming in and out of his mouth seems thin and strained.  “I just, I just don’t want to drag all this shit out right now.  I’m sorry.  Okay?”

“Okay,” I concede, but then press him further. “I understand, but you didn’t answer my question.” He looks at me in confusion and then I ask him again, “Does she still like you?”

He sits back rolling his tongue over his teeth. Our eyes lock on each other. “Yes, she still does.”

“I have to go to the restroom.”  I get up briskly and storm off in the direction I think the bathrooms are.  I hear Reed’s chair skid across the floor and my name whispered from him, but I don’t stop or turn around.  I don’t have time because I know heavy fat tears are on the brink of my eyelids. 

Once I’m in a stall I let the tears fall down my cheeks. My breathing escalates and I start to count. Chanting in my head… breath in, breath out as I lean against the door I ball up my hands and press them into my eyes. I search my mind for something calming and think of how I feel when I run along the lake. Determined not to go into a complete panic I begin to get in deeper breaths slowly. After a few moments my body calms and I hear the door open and then lock.

“Kate, it’s me,” Reeds voice echoes across the long line of stalls.  “Please come out.”  I move my hands to my cheeks and pace my breathing.  I try to get a grasp on my emotions.  I’m not sure if this is about Jessica or something more.  My tears have dried and I beg them to give me a break. 
I can do this. 
Open the door and face him. Tell him what is going on in your head. Maybe if you tell him he will open up more too.

With a shaky hand I unlatch the plantain-shuttered door.  My eyes focus on my feet urging them to move forward.  I take one step and then I feel Reed’s hands secure around my shoulders pulling me out.  Comfort and fear for what I need to do consume me all at once.  It still shocks me how comforted I always feel in Reed’s arms.  While his grasp on me is sharp and purposeful I’ve never questioned his intent, which is drastically different from Kyle’s approach when we’d have a challenging conversation. 
Challenging conversation, that’s all this is, it doesn’t mean a fight, it doesn’t mean I have to cave into anything, it doesn’t mean I have to shy away from saying what I’m really feeling.

“I’ve got you. I’m sorry, so sorry,” he whispers into my ear as he hugs me to him closely. “Please don’t run from me though.” My hands make their way under his shirt and lightly strum across his lower back. He kisses the top of my head tenderly.

“I’m not r-running. I-I just couldn’t breath and needed to take a moment.”

“Away from me though. You left to get away from me. I hate that. I hate that I upset you and then you turned away from me.” The hurt in his voice resonates in my gut. I swallow past the tightness and nerves that have sparked in my chest.

“I’m sorry. You’re right I shouldn’t have done that. I-I… I feel hurt that you haven’t shared with me very much about Jessica. Of course, I feel threatened that she will be there and that she seems to be a big part of your life. I wish you had told me this. And earlier when I asked about your dad you shut me out. I’m scared you’re ashamed to bring around your family or that maybe you don’t really feel the same about me or that there is still something going on with you and Jessica,” I ramble out as quickly as I can without taking a breath for fear I’ll chicken out and keep it all in.

He tightens his hold on me and let’s out a quiet short chuckle.  I squirm against him unsure of what he could possible find amusing.  “Thank you, I know that is not easy for you.  While it’s a lot to address I wish you would say all this rather than turn from me.  Remember, I am new at this too, Kate.  I’ve never done this kind of relationship before.  I’m trying not to screw up, but obviously I will.  The reason I haven’t told you much about Jessica is because I didn’t think you wanted to hear about it and you didn’t seem ready for it.  I was waiting for you,” he pauses taking in a deep breath.  “I’m not intentionally ever going to keep anything from you, but I see you struggle to face things.  Sometimes I worry I’ll scare you off, baby.”

“I don’t want to get hurt,” I mumble shyly into his chest.  It’s the truth.  This is what a big part of my fear is about.  If I open up and allow him in he could hurt me or leave me.  It’s happened to me before.  “I’m afraid that you’ll easily abandon me and if I continue to let you in and open myself up I’ll definitely get hurt.”  As the words leave my lips I realize that I’ve heard very similar words from my therapist.  I’ve never really told Reed about my mom, but it may help him understand that my struggles don’t just stem from Kyle.  Just as I’m about to tell him the door to come into the bathroom rattles.  I pull back from Reed and move to the counter.

“It’s fine I told Bonnie I was locking it because you were sick.  There are bathrooms in the front that customers can use,” he says as he props himself up on the marble counter.  His hands reach for mine and I easily slide in between his legs.  “Keep talking.”  My nerve to continue has diminished I’d rather hear him talk.

“It’s your turn now.”

“Okay… I don’t plan on hurting you. In fact, all I want to do is protect you from getting hurt, Kate. And abandoning you isn’t even an option. I care about you too much…” He cups my cheeks with his thumbs pushing my chin up to look into his eyes and then he mouths, “olive juice”.  Slowly I close my eyes and let a small smile fall upon my lips.  Before I open my eyes the softness of his lips brush along mine.  His teeth graze on my bottom lightly and then he sucks it in between his lips.  I let out a deep and heavy sigh that sounds like a moan.  He releases my bottom lip with a chaste kiss.  “I’ll answer and explain everything else, but let’s get out of here.  I need you closer to me and probably in less clothing,” he says in a deep husky tone and then winks.  I practically melt and find myself pressing my legs together squirming wishing I had the friction of Reed’s expertise fingers or maybe mouth or…
Dear God what have I turned into?

I wash my face off and run my fingers through my hair before we make our way to exit out of the restroom. My cheeks remain flushed though especially once we exit the bathroom. Luckily, the rain has stopped and Reed thought ahead to sneak us through the kitchen and out the back door. Once back in the alley Reed guides us down to the main road and there waits his car. I feel guilty leaving without saying goodbye to Bonnie, but am extremely relieved I didn’t have to face anyone. It dawns on me as Reed opens the passenger door that I probably should be more embarrassed with Reed for my overreaction. Of course, I am slightly embarrassed, but I told him everything I was feeling and why. It feels right … and good.

Reed shifts into gear and off we go back towards campus. The one thing I absolutely hate about this car is that he can’t really hold my hand or touch me when he drives. I’ve never felt this need or craving to be embraced with someone as much as I do with Reed. My mind stirs curiously as I concoct up answers to my questions, but I remain quiet knowing that he said he’d answer all my questions.

“I’m taking you back to my place tonight.”  Raising my eyebrows in shock and questioning his authority I turn towards him waiting for him to notice my reaction.  I can see him chewing the inside of his check as if he is deep in thought.  It occurs to me that maybe it’s harder than I thought for him to open up about his past and family.  I had been thinking that he was intentionally keeping things from me, but I may be wrong.  I’m still waiting for him to notice me so I cough mockingly and he turns to take in my expression.  “Shit, I’m sorry, will you come back to my place tonight?”  He says with laughter in his voice and I of course lower my eyebrows with a smile.

“Yes, thanks for asking,” I say with a bit of sass and retort.

C
HAPTER 24

When we walk into the house I want to move us straight up to my room, but everyone is hanging out in the family room.  Quinn is sitting on Matt’s lap on one of the mismatched couches and she jumps up at the sight of Kate.  It never ceases to amaze me how much energy Quinn always has. Kate truly looks happy to see her too. I glance around the room and see all the guys and… Reese. Reese is the last person Kate needs to be exposed to though. I know she hooks up with the other guys, but still she pursues me. She is sitting between two of the guys with a beer in her hand. I can feel her eyes darting in my direction, but I keep my attention elsewhere. Quinn pulls Kate down into the couch forcing Matt to stand up. I make my way towards the kitchen and Matt follows. I grab a cup and tap the keg knowing I might need a drink to loosen up for my conversation with Kate. Matt follows suit.

“Why the hell is Reese here?” I ask annoyed.

“No clue, assuming that she’s hoping you’d be here. And here you are.” Matt says flatly.

“Fuck, she annoys me.  I don’t want her anywhere near Kate.”  He doesn’t respond, but gives me a look that reminds me that I’m the one who hooked up with her in the first place.  Not the brightest decision I’ll admit.