The Perfect Emotion (8 page)

I decide to hurry through and just grab some soup to go and head back to my dorm to sneak a nap in before I meet Reed.  The lightness I feel throughout me is a welcomed change.  I know part of it is from doing well on all my tests and paper, but a big part of it is from my progress in therapy, dinner with my mom and Reed’s invitation to play tennis tonight.  My heartbeat picks up at just the thought of seeing him tonight.  I’m practically giddy.  It’s still difficult to think about how I left things though.  I wonder if I’ll ever be able to move past what I did. 

Once I’m up in my room I settle at my desk to eat my soup. I finish up and take my hair down before changing into my PINK pants and tank. I’m just about to settle in my bed when Maggie comes in breathless. She blows the hair from her face and makes a growl sound.

“You okay?” I ask hesitantly.

“No.  I mean yes, but Brandon sure has some nerve.  I caught him talking to Dirty Diana again! ARGH.” 

“What? Really?  Did you go up to him?”

“No he’ll know I know though when he comes by later. She had her hands all over him, running her fingers over his tat. He just sat there too. I think I even saw him smile back at her. He doesn’t do smiley either.” She has a point.

“Why don’t you go talk to him?”  Things like this happen all the time with these two.  They really are adorable, but they are always hot and cold.  I don’t let myself get too concerned. 

“No way, I’m beat. Let’s watch TV and take a nap.” We close the blinds and make the room as dark as possible. Maggie throws a do not disturb sign on the outside of the door and soon after we are both asleep.

It’s just shy of six when I open the doors to the Rec Center.  I head into the locker room to drop my bag off and then head out to the tennis courts.  I look and immediately see Reed.  He’s practicing his serves and the moment he sees me heading in he freezes.  His eyes lock on mine and I wish I could see the blue in them.  When I get to my side of the court he never wavers from holding my gaze.  I bite down on the bottom corner of my lip hesitating on whether to talk.  This time I don’t resist or stop myself from engaging.

“Hi.”  His mouth parts and then I see a lip pressed grin.  It’s not cocky, but genuine. 

“Hi Kate.”  I smile and then reach down to grab a couple tennis balls.

“Love-Love.”  I give a good serve, it’s not my strongest, but it’s decent and it’s in.  Reed of course sends it back beautifully.  I’m able to return it to the opposite corner and he misses it. 
Dang.
  That feels good.

“Nice one.” He says with his back turned to me. As he’s walking to get a couple balls I lose any restraint and filters I’ve had.

“Sweet or salty?”  I say nervously.  My view is of his back and I see the muscles in his firm back and shoulders straighten through the thin fabric of his shirt.  He pauses mid stride when he hears my question.  Then he turns around to smile and wink at me.  I’ve missed that. 
Oh. How. I’ve. Missed.
That.
  My knees go weak, but I force myself to get in my stance.

“Salty.  Silver or gold?”  He asks from his side of the court ready to serve.

“Silver.  Dogs or Cats?”  He slams a serve in that I return, not as strong as I would like, but still I’ve managed to get it in.  We play this out before continuing the game.  I lose this point, but I feel solid.

“Dogs.  Beer or wine?”  Before he answers he cocks his head to the side knowing I know the answer to this.

“Beer.  Coke or Pepsi?” 

“Coke.”  I answer, but don’t throw another one out there as we continue to play.  I’m short on breath and need all my energy to play him. 

We finish up a few sets and it’s after seven now.  Like always we stay on our opposite sides of the court pacing and drinking our sports bottles.  Finally, I sit down to catch my breath.  Reed continues to pace, but keeps his eyes in my direction.  The moment stretches and then he makes his way across the court.  He stands in front of me and I look up to see those crystal clear, ocean blues.  They are just as intense as I remember them.  My stomach does a little flip and my pulse races.  Luckily, I’m sitting or I know the lightheadedness spreading through me would take over. 

“Anything else you want to ask?” The way his lip curves up on the one side and his hair hangs slightly in front of his eyes with sweat dripping down one would think he is a model for a sport commercial. I bite down on the bottom corner of my lip as I contemplate my answer. There is so much I’d love to ask, but I can’t. I just can’t bring myself to do it. My heart hurts for a moment and then I snap myself out of it.

“No,” I say with little declaration to my tone.

“Okay.”  He hesitates for a moment and I can see that he is having his own internal battle, but he doesn’t say anything else.  As he walks off the courts he runs his hands through his hair and his head drops a little.  I contemplate running up to him and telling him things, things that still seem too difficult.  In the end I chicken out though.

I walk back to the house happier than I’ve felt in months.  My plan worked just like I thought it would.  I knew over time that tennis could be our bond again.  This time she came to me.  For weeks I played against her never crossing the line or talking to her.  When she turned around and asked me, “Sweet or salty” I think I stopped breathing and I nearly fell to my knees.  I knew that this was a huge breakthrough.  I loved that she started up the game I had started with her months ago to get her to open up.  This time I let the questioning end in her court, giving her the opportunity to ask more.  She didn’t ask more like I begged her to internally, but I knew I couldn’t press her.  She had to come to me on her own… well, I of course was going to do everything in my power to set her up though.

While I had all intentions of having her back by spring break it looks like I’ll have to wait it out even longer. The thought of not seeing her for the week sucks. I decide that I’ll head to my mom’s place tonight before I have to be at my dad’s tomorrow. Everyone is going out tonight, but I’m not really up for it. I round the corner and kick at the broken up sidewalk in front of our old campus house. Just as I’m about to head up the front porch the front door opens with Quinn coming out. She turns back to kiss Matt before heading towards me.

“Hieee Reed, how was tennis?”  She asks with way more perk than I could ever handle.  Matt on the other hand handles it great.

“Hey, actually great.  You won’t believe it, but she talked to me today,” I tell her openly with a stupid smile on my face.

“Really!  That’s awesome.  I know she is going to come around.  You two are meant for each other.”  I laugh at her giddiness.  Maggie always tells me she’s coming around too, but it’s nice to hear another of her friends say the same thing.  “Well, I am headed over to her dorm now and I’m going to beg her to come out with us to McGee’s tonight.  She always says no to going to a party, but she may be open to McGee’s.”  I cringe knowing the reason she won’t go to a party anymore. 

“Quinn, tell me if she says she’ll go out tonight. I was planning on leaving tonight for break, but if she is here and going out so am I.”

She promises to tell Matt what’s going on before she skips off.  That girl has more energy than my toddler nieces and nephew.  I walk into the house not bothering to repeat myself to Matt because he heard the whole conversation. 

He pats me on the back and says, “She’s coming around, man.  Beer?”  I nod in agreement and we head to the kitchen.  Once we get in there I see two of my other roommates and Reese. 
Fuck.
  I really want to kick her out, but it seems like she is friends with my other roommates and even hooks up with them.  Although, that never deters her from blatantly pursuing me.  I say hi to my roommates and purposely try to ignore her.  That doesn’t stop her from sauntering right over to me though.  She stands in front of me as close as she can without touching me.

“You’re coming out tonight, right?”  She whispers against the side of my face because I refuse to look at her.  Reese is someone if you show any little opening she’ll take it and turn it around and twist it to her benefit.  It’s gotten to the point that I can’t really even be courteous or polite. 

“Nope and even if I did I wouldn’t be hanging out with you, Reese.”  I hate to be a dick like this, but its necessary.

“Reed,” Matt says and pulls me even further away from this one sided conversation.  I look over at him and he says, “It’s a go.”  I smile and know that he is referring to Kate coming out tonight.  Change of plans.  I’ll call my mom once I get up to my room to let her know.  She’ll be disappointed, but if she knew the details she’d understand.  I almost forget Reese is still standing in front of me. 

“What’s a go?” She asks all bright eyed.

“Nothing,” I say and gently push her aside to head up the back stairs. Once I get in my room I lock my door.

C
HAPTER 6

After I quickly shower at the gym I make my way back over to my dorm. Along the way I see I have a missed call from my mom saying that she’ll pick me up tomorrow for break because dad had some work to do. It makes sense with taxes due around the corner, which is a portion of his business. If I had gotten that message even a week ago I may have freaked out, but now I feel okay about it. I feel that my mom and I have made some headway in our relationship and I allow myself to admit that it feels good. That’s what my therapist has encouraged me to do, to let myself trust my emotions even though I may get hurt in the long run.  I push out the thought that I could get hurt though.  I’m learning how to deal and cope better with the more challenging pieces of my life.  Even Reed.  I can feel myself opening up to the possibility of facing him and what I did.

I walk into our room and see Quinn and Maggie trying on different shirts. Shutting the door behind me I throw my workout bag down and walk over to sit on my bed.

“Hi Kate, how’s Reed?” Quinn boldly asks. I purse my lips and try to hide my shock at her knowing I just saw him.

“Fine.”  I don’t bother to ask why she knows because I don’t want to hear any details and as always Quinn gives plenty of details.  I turn to look at Maggie instead.