The Pledge (9 page)

It wasn't until I felt Allen's hands on my butt that reality set in. As much as I didn't want to, I backed away.

“What's the matter?” he asked, his voice low and deep. “I know you want me. This would be a great way to end our first date.”

“We've got to stop,” I said.

He pulled me back to him and kissed me gently. “It's okay. Nobody has to know.”

I didn't want to admit that I wanted to do more than kiss him right then. I glanced at my watch and realized it was after nine. “We need to get going. I have to be home soon,” I said, not knowing what else to say.

Allen sat down in the swing and pulled me onto his lap. “We still have some time,” he whispered, giving my neck a feather-soft kiss. It felt so good. Before I knew it, I had turned so I was facing him, and we were kissing again. Allen rubbed his hands up and down my back, pulling me close, and I ran my fingers over his hair and his muscular shoulders.

I had never felt anything like what was going on inside my body, and although I kept telling myself we needed to stop, my lips and tongue seemed to have a mind of their own.

It wasn't until a bright light shone in our faces that I pulled away.

“Courtland?” someone asked.

I squinted against the light, using my hand to shield my eyes.

“Yes,” I said. It took me only a second to take in the officer's uniform. The officer focused the light on the ground, and I realized it was my daddy's old partner, William Henderson.

I jumped out of Allen's lap so fast I almost fell on the ground. “Hey, Officer Henderson,” I said. “We were just…uh…talking.”

He laughed. “Really?” he asked, arching his eyebrow. He turned to look at Allen, who stood and held out his hand.

“Allen Benson,” he said, turning on the charm. “I was just about to take Courtland home.”

“I think that's a good idea,” Officer Henderson said before turning to me. “How's your father?”

“He's okay,” I said, smoothing my hair. I knew I had to be looking crazy.

“Tell him I said hello, and don't let me catch you two out here again,” he said, which I took as a warning that he would tell Daddy if he did.

“Yes, sir,” Allen said, reaching out to shake his hand again. “I can assure you it won't happen again. Thank you, sir.”

Officer Henderson watched us as we got in the car and drove away.

“Do you think he's going to tell my daddy?” I asked, pulling down the visor so I could fix my hair.

“So what if he does? We weren't doing anything but kissing,” Allen said.

I smacked my lips. “After the conversation you had with my daddy earlier, you want him to find out we were kissing?” I thought about saying that it was more than that, but I decided not to bring it up.

“Good point,” Allen said.

“You know what, my momma is going to want to know all about the dance, since this was my first date. What am I supposed to tell her? Maybe we should at least stop through there.”

Allen frowned. “I hadn't thought about that. Why don't you call one of your girls and get the details?”

I reluctantly called Candy and she gave me a rundown of what we'd missed. After promising to call her the next morning, I gave Allen the information, and we coordinated our stories, so if Momma asked any questions we wouldn't contradict each other.

We sat in silence for a few minutes. “Girl, where'd you learn how to kiss like that? I thought you told me you've never had a boyfriend,” Allen finally said.

“I don't know,” I said. “I did what came natural. You were a good teacher.”

Allen lifted one side of his mouth in a smile. “So you're sure you haven't been with anybody else?”

I tapped him on the arm. “Boy, I told you no. You know how strict my parents are. When would I have the chance?”

“A woman will find the time to do what she wants to do,” he said.

I looked at him not believing the words that had just come out of his mouth. “So what are you trying to accuse me of?” I asked, rolling my neck.

I guess Allen realized how he sounded, because he caressed my hair while we were at a stoplight. “I'm sorry. I know you're a virgin,” he said, touching my purity necklace. “I just can't stand the thought of you being with another guy.”

“And you think I like the thought of you being with another girl?” I said, still a little angry. “We both know I'm not the first girl you've kissed. As a matter of fact, that day you missed our study session, you rolled up with a hickey on your neck, talking about how Coach Patterson wanted to meet with you. Please.”

Allen sat back in his seat and stared at me so long I started to feel uncomfortable. He didn't move until the car behind him blew its horn because the light had turned green. He didn't say a word until we pulled up in front of my house where the front porch light was shining bright, welcoming me home.

I reached down to get my purse, and Allen grabbed my wrist, stopping me. “Don't you ever question me about who I see and what I do. Do you hear me?” he asked between clenched teeth.

I tried to pry his hand off me, but his grip only grew tighter, and the fabric on my sleeve bunched up around my wrist. “Ow, you're hurting me,” I said.

“Do you hear me?” he repeated, ignoring my plea. There was this strange look in his eyes and it scared me. I told myself to stay calm, but apparently my heart wasn't listening, because it was running a marathon in my chest.

“Yeah, I hear you,” I said, willing to say anything so he would let go of me. When he didn't move, I looked him dead in the eye. “I said I heard you,” I repeated, jerking my arm. “Let go of me.”

Allen seemed satisfied with my words, because he let go. I wanted to rub my left wrist, which was throbbing, but I decided to wait until I got in the house. I grabbed my purse with my right hand and moved to open the door.

“I've got it,” Allen said, getting out of the car before I could protest.

I gave him a tight smile as he helped me out of the car and led me up the stairs. I removed my key from my purse, ignoring Allen, who stood patiently waiting for me to unlock the front door.

“You okay?” Allen asked, pushing my hair out of my eyes.

All I could do was nod.

“Did you have a good time?”

I didn't know what to say. I realized that despite Aunt Dani's antics, it had been the perfect evening until the drive home. I was ready to escape to my room, so I just nodded.

“Can I have a kiss?” he said. He pointed to a spot on his cheek, indicating I should kiss him there. I leaned in to do as he had asked, but just as my lips were about to touch his cheek, he turned his head, and our mouths touched.

“I love you, Courtland,” he whispered as I let myself in.

I was headed up the stairs when Daddy's voice stopped me. “How'd it go?” he asked from the den.

I stuck my head in and nodded at him.

“William called and told me he saw you,” he said, giving me this weird look.

I wasn't sure what Officer Henderson had told Daddy. Finally I said, “Yeah, he told me to tell you hello.”

When Daddy didn't say anything else, I turned to leave. “Good night,” I said, my back to him.

“Courtland,” my daddy called, and I turned around. “Allen's a good guy. I like him. Don't let him get away.”

I just nodded.

Momma's bedroom door was cracked open when I walked by, and I saw she had fallen asleep studying her Sunday-school lesson. I thought about turning off her bedside light, but I didn't want to wake her because I knew she'd want to talk. Instead I headed to my room where I took off my coat and got undressed.

I looked at the spot where Allen had grabbed me. Although there wasn't a bruise, it hurt. That's when the tears came. I replayed the evening in my head, trying to figure out what had gone so horribly wrong. What had I done to make Allen so angry with me? He had mentioned me not seeing other guys, so why was it so wrong for me to say something about him not seeing other girls? Was that enough to make him so angry he would put his hands on me?

As I got in bed and cried myself to sleep that night, I realized the day I had been dreaming of all my life had finally come, and it was nothing like my dreams.

I also knew that as much as I loved Allen, I could never see him again.

I really
didn't feel like going to church the next morning, but Momma wasn't hearing it.

I guess I was pretty quiet because on the drive to church Momma glanced over at me. “You okay?” she asked.

“Yes, ma'am,” I said. I pulled out my Bible and pretended to read, hoping she wouldn't ask any more questions.

“So how was your date last night?” she asked. “I thought you would have woken me up when you came in to tell me all the details.”

“It was fine,” I said and told her about the Empire Club, although I left out the incident at the park and on the drive home.

“That sounds nice,” she said. “So when are you guys going out again?”

“I don't know,” I said as we pulled up at church. “I'm going to be pretty busy with regionals coming up this weekend.”

She nodded but didn't say anything. I jumped out of the car to end the conversation. I walked Cory over to children's church, and I had just gotten into the church and was about to settle into my favorite back pew when Momma grabbed my left hand.

“You're going to sing today,” she said.

“Momma,” I whined, “I didn't even come to practice yesterday.”

“That's okay. You know all the songs we're singing.”

I started to say something, but she gave me the eye, so I headed to the back.

It felt like the entire congregation was watching me during devotion. I couldn't concentrate because I was so busy thinking about my date. I guess I was fidgeting a lot once service started because Momma finally passed me a note telling me to go in the back to the fellowship hall.

I scooted past a few choir members, and she met me back there.

“What is wrong with you?” she demanded.

“I'm tired,” I said.

“You weren't too tired to go out last night.”

One of the choir members stuck her head in the room. “Sister Murphy, turn off your microphone,” she said. “The entire congregation can hear you.”

Momma and I looked at each other, embarrassed. I guess she was supposed to sing lead for a song, since that was the only time she wore one of the mikes our church had recently purchased.

I took a sip of water, trying to get myself together. I whispered a prayer that God would help me. Momma and I headed back to the choir stand, and I tried to focus, but I couldn't get my mind off Allen.

When the musician began playing, I started singing before everyone else, and my off-key voice rang loudly through the church. I looked at the floor, embarrassed, and only pretended to sing the rest of the song as I stared at the clock on the back wall so I wouldn't have to look at anyone in the pews.

I had to endure one more song, the one where Momma sang solo, before I finally sat down.

The church secretary got up to read the announcements, and I tried to figure out a way to sneak my cell phone out of my purse without Momma seeing me so I could check to see if Allen had texted me.

I had just opened my purse when I heard the name
Allen Benson.
I looked up to see Allen looking too fine in a black pinstriped suit, white shirt and a peach tie.

I glanced at Momma, silently asking her if she knew Allen was planning on coming. She quickly shook her head, which meant she didn't know.

After the other visitors were called, they were asked if they had anything to say. All of the other visitors sat down except for Allen.

“First giving honor to God, I just wanted to say good morning and to thank my girlfriend, Courtland Murphy, for inviting me. I will be back again.”

People in the congregation were looking at me and a couple of the choir members patted me on the shoulder.

Our pastor, Reverend Russell, walked over to the pulpit. “Welcome, welcome,” he greeted. “Thank you for joining us today.” He looked over the crowd, and although his back was to me, I could have sworn his eyes landed on Allen.

“Stand up, son,” he said. “You're the star player at Grover who they say is going pro, right?”

“Yes, sir,” Allen said.

“Well, amen,” Pastor Russell said enthusiastically before turning to me. “Courtland has got her a basketball-playing man. Go head, girl.”

The congregation laughed and applauded.

Allen caught my eye a few times during service and smiled at me. Before I could stop myself, I smiled back. I couldn't believe he had actually come to my church to see me and had told everyone I was his girlfriend.

During service, I tried to pay attention to the sermon, but my mind kept drifting to the night before. I realized that Allen hadn't meant to hurt me. He probably didn't even realize how strong he was, and it was obvious he was sorry, because he had come to my church.

It was as though he was reading my mind when he walked over to me after service. He gave me a hug and immediately said he was sorry.

I hugged him back and accepted his apology as Momma walked up.

“Is it okay if I take Courtland out to lunch and drive her home, Mrs. M.?” he asked after giving her a hug.

Momma smiled. “It's good to see you, Allen. We normally go to my parents' house, but I guess it would be okay if she went with you.”

We said our goodbyes and walked to Allen's Explorer. On the front seat was a big teddy bear holding a heart that read “I Love You.”

I gasped. “That is so sweet,” I said as he helped me in. “Thank you.”

“Baby, I am so sorry about the way I treated you last night,” he said.

Seeing him cry made me cry, too. “It's okay,” I said. “I know you didn't mean it.”

“Courtland, I would never hurt you,” he said. “Please forgive me. I promise you it won't ever happen again.”

I listened as he was talking, and I remembered my aunt Dani telling me men always did crazy things because they loved you. She said since Allen was famous, he was under a lot of pressure, and I had to be extra understanding, especially if he put his hands on me or called me out of my name. She said as long as he apologized and bought me a nice gift, I should be cool with whatever he did. Part of me didn't believe her, but then another part of me thought she might be right, since she had dated a lot of men.

Once Allen was finished, I shook my head. “I know you're sorry, but I think we should take a break from each other,” I said.

He broke down and cried so hard tears were dripping off his chin. “Please don't do this,” he said. “I love you, Courtland. Let me make this right.”

His words really were touching me. I wanted to believe him, I really did, but I was scared to. He lifted my wrist again and started kissing it. “I will never hurt you again, Courtland. I know I shouldn't have gotten so mad last night, but when you accused me of seeing someone else, I was just so hurt….” He took a deep breath. “Please let me show you I can be the man you need.”

I realized what he said was true. If I hadn't brought up that whole hickey incident, none of this would have happened. I was as much to blame as he was. He kissed me on the lips, and I crumbled.

“You have to promise you'll never put your hands on me again,” I said.

He quickly nodded. “I promise. If I do, you can leave,” he said.

“Okay,” I agreed, and just like that, we were back together.

 

I was really looking forward to the Worth the Wait meeting after school that week. I had a lot of questions running through my mind, and I needed some advice from people who I didn't think would judge me.

I had convinced Bree to come to a couple of meetings with me, and she liked them so much that she had joined, too. We were just getting settled when I looked toward the door and frowned.

“What's she doing here?” I whispered to Bree, who glanced at the door without being obvious.

“Andrea said she wanted us to invite people of different races,” she reminded me.

“I thought she meant Hispanics and stuff,” I said. A girl named Jennifer Perez had recently joined, and she was cool, but I didn't know how I felt about a white girl joining, especially this white girl.

Emily Arrington was on our rival cheerleading team. Although we obviously had a few things in common, I didn't like the fact that I would now have to share Worth the Wait with her.

“What are you doing here?” she came up to me and asked.

“I need to be asking you that,” I said, rolling my eyes at her.

She tossed her hair and took a seat in the chair right next to me. “I heard about this club, and I thought I would come check it out. Do you have a problem with that?”

I didn't bother to answer.

“Well, I see we have someone new today,” our adviser, Andrea, said. She walked over and gave Emily a hug. “Welcome.”

“Thanks,” Emily said, giving her biggest cheerleader smile.

I gave her a half smile and rolled my eyes again, knowing she was being fake.

“You guys ready to get started?” Andrea asked.

We all got settled, then after prayer and Bible study, we got right into our discussion. I thought about not bringing up my question because Emily was there, but I really wanted to know.

“If you really love someone and plan to marry them anyway, do you have to wait until you get married to sleep with them?” I asked.

“Of course you do. You made a pledge, girl,” someone said.

“If you're in love with each other and plan to get married anyway, then I say do it,” Bree said, and I looked at her in surprise.

“What about the vow we took?” I asked.

“I say you need to keep your vow,” Jennifer said. “You're breaking a promise to yourself. Doesn't that mean anything to you?”

“Of course it does,” I said. “Let me ask you—do you have a boyfriend?”

“No,” Jennifer said defensively. “Why?”

“Because it's easy to say what you won't do when you don't have that temptation staring you in the face,” Emily said, and as much as I didn't want to, I found myself agreeing with her.

“So what are some ways you can avoid temptation?” Andrea asked.

We all grew quiet as we sat deep in thought.

“You can avoid being alone with guys,” someone said.

“Is that realistic?” someone else asked.

“For me it is,” Jennifer said. She turned to me. “I had a boyfriend, but we broke up because I wouldn't have sex with him. He came with that old tired line, ‘If you really loved me…' I was like, ‘Boy, please, if you love me, you'll wait.' He broke up with me the next week, and I'm not going to lie and say it didn't hurt, but then I thought about how I would have been feeling if I had slept with him and then he would have broken up with me.”

I hadn't thought about it like that, but what Jennifer said made sense. Until Allen put a ring on my finger and actually became my husband, there was no guarantee he would marry me, so what was to stop him from walking away if I gave in? Still, that didn't change the fact that I was feeling some serious things that I had never had to deal with before.

I had tried talking with Aunt Dani about my feelings, and she had encouraged me to act on them, but deep down, I didn't feel like that was the right thing to do.

“I say there's nothing wrong with sleeping with someone if the two of you really love each other,” Emily said.

A few of us looked at her like she was crazy.

“If you feel that way, why are you here?” Jennifer asked.

“Because guys find virgins sexy,” Emily said. “They all want to think they'll be the ones to make you change your mind. If the right guy comes along, I'm down. If I really loved him, I wouldn't mind having his baby before we got married, too. That way, I would have a part of him with me forever.”

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I sat waiting for Andrea to tell Emily she had to leave, since she seemed to have joined the group for all the wrong reasons, but she didn't. Instead she said, “I'm sorry you feel that way, Emily. I really hope you'll change your mind after you've been with us for a while.”

Emily just shrugged and pulled out her phone to send a text message to someone.

We continued our discussion for the next hour, but by the time we were done, I still didn't have any clear answers about whether I should move my relationship with Allen to the next level. He said he loved me, and I loved him, but was that enough to make me break my pledge?