The Predator (12 page)

It would give them time to step back and breathe and repair the damage the last eighteen months of constant bickering had done to their relationship.

His visits home were sporadic. Three months had passed before she’d seen him the first time. The second gap had been even longer and he’d slept in the spare room.

She’d stopped taking the pill. It hadn’t been a conscious decision. Not really. More like, there was no longer a need. Brandon was away for months at a time. The time he’d come home and slept in the spare room, they’d barely spoken.

But then he’d surprised her. He’d arrived on the doorstep of their Bondi unit completely out of the blue, exhausted and depressed. His undercover operation, infiltrating a terrorist cell in Jakarta, was going nowhere and the daily fear of discovery was eroding his mind and his body. He could barely find the words.

He’d come to her for sustenance. He’d come to her for strength.

Without hesitation, she’d taken him in her arms and had loved him the way they had loved in the beginning. All night, they’d kissed and made love and she’d held him until finally, he’d fallen asleep. Once again, he was the Brandon she’d fallen in love with. He’d needed her and she wanted him home. She’d never loved him more.

But his stint in Jakarta wasn’t finished and he wasn’t a man to let others down. The team of AFP officers he’d left in Jakarta were depending upon him to return and he’d had no choice but to go back to them.

After a tearful farewell, Alex had promised to be waiting for him when he got back. He still had a few months to run on his posting. If arrests weren’t made during that time, his placement would be extended. He was working undercover. He couldn’t simply disappear and be replaced by someone else.

Six weeks after his visit, Alex discovered she was pregnant. She was elated and a little scared of Brandon’s reaction, but had been confident they would work things out. He was due home just before their twenty-eighth birthdays.

She’d planned everything down to the last detail. The meal, the wine—she was sticking to soda water—the music. She’d even made a cake.

She’d taken the ultrasound image of their baby, scanned at twelve weeks, and had placed it in a small gift box lined with tissue paper. She’d hoped and prayed he would accept her gift with joy.

But things hadn’t turned out that way. Before she’d had a chance to give him her present, he’d quietly told her they were over.

Shock and disbelief had paralyzed her. She’d begged him for an explanation. Over and over again, he’d refused until at last anger had overtaken her and she’d told him to leave and to never come back. At the time, she’d meant every single word.

But time had a way of softening even the harshest of memories. Brandon’s worried face came back into focus and Alex’s shoulders slumped.

“I’m sorry, Brandon. I shouldn’t have flown at you like that. I’m surprised you didn’t tell your family about our troubles, but in a way, I think I’m glad you didn’t. It was nobody’s business but ours.”

His face filled with hope. “You don’t know how much that means to me, Alex. I’ve tortured myself for years about that night. I wished I could have done it differently. You don’t know how many times I wished I’d chosen us and our marriage.”

“We’ve all done things in our lives we’re not proud of,” she whispered.

“Can you ever forgive me, Alex?”

Tears sparkled in his eyes. Her throat tightened with emotion. She took a step closer to him and rested her palm on his smooth cheek. “I think I already have.”

His lips found hers and she melted into him. Memories bombarded her from every corner of her mind. Her arms came up around him and he pulled her in tightly against him. His lips continued their sweet torture, igniting a fire deep inside her belly.

“Hmm.”

The noise slowly penetrated the fog in Alex’s head. She pulled slightly away and caught sight of Lily standing only a few feet away, carrying a glass of red wine. Heat flared in Alex’s cheeks.

“Lily, oh, God—I know what you must be thinking. It’s not what it looks like. I—”

Lily didn’t miss a beat. She waved her hand nonchalantly.

“Hey, no problem. You’ve already told me you weren’t getting back together. I believe you, I really do. By the way, Tom asked me to bring this to you.” She handed Alex the glass. “I also wanted to ask if Sam was allergic to anything? We’re about to sit down and eat and I wanted to make sure before I filled his plate.”

Alex’s embarrassment burned hotter. She’d completely forgotten about Sam. Her son. Her baby.

Unable to look at Brandon, she straightened her blouse and patted her hair and turned to follow Lily.

“Thanks, Lily. Sam can eat anything you have.” She stumbled, but didn’t dare stop as she made her way to the table.

Brandon called after her. “Save me a seat.”

CHAPTER TWELVE

Alex was acutely aware of Brandon seated beside her at the table crowded with Tom and Lily’s family and friends. Although it seated a dozen people comfortably, more than half that again were perched on stools and other chairs as food was passed from one to the other.

Sam had squeezed himself in between Joe and the five-year-old daughter of one of Lily’s friends and seemed to be having the time of his life. His little face was animated as he chewed his way through a sausage. Joe turned and said something to him and he laughed in delight.

A pang went through her. It was such a shame he’d missed out on this sort of connection. She snuck a look at Brandon and found him staring down at her. Flustered, she quickly shifted her gaze to her plate. Oh, God, he’d kissed
her. She’d kissed him back. What the hell had she been thinking?

The only good thing to come of it was that he’d barely noticed Sam. Apart from a perfunctory nod when she’d made the briefest of introductions, throughout the meal his attention had remained firmly on her. Uncomfortably so.

She squirmed in her seat and did her best to ignore Brandon by concentrating on slicing into her steak and forking a piece of it into her mouth. She took her time, chewing it slowly, knowing she wouldn’t have to answer any of his burning questions while her mouth was full.

Working the meat until it was little more than mush in her mouth, she finally swallowed. He pounced the second her throat stopped moving.

“Are we going to talk about this like adults?”

Alex coughed and reached for the glass of merlot Lily had given her. Taking a sip, she prayed for the right words. She
so
didn’t want to get into a conversation about this in front of everyone. She hadn’t had any time to think about the kiss—what it meant and how she felt about it.

There was no denying it had been wonderful, like coming home after a long, long absence, but things were way too complicated now. The biggest complication sat right across from her, dunking pieces of sausage into the ketchup and sucking it off the ends. The sauce was smeared across his lips and over his cheek. As she watched, his little pink tongue came out to swipe at it.

A reluctant smile tugged at her lips. “Sam, use a napkin, honey. You’re getting it everywhere.”

Brandon’s gaze landed on Sam and he frowned. Alex held her breath and cursed silently for drawing his attention to her son. Brandon turned back to her, his eyes shuttered.

“You’re overthinking things, Alex,” he murmured close to her ear. “Let’s discuss what just happened in the garden—like adults.”

She tensed as his warm breath tickled her skin. “Really? And how would you know what I’m thinking?”

“I know you. It wasn’t that long ago I knew you better than you knew yourself.”

The observation stung. It was a claim she couldn’t refute. She set her jaw, determined not to be pressured into discussing the issue. “It’s not a matter of being adult about it, Brandon. There are so many other things to consider.”

“At least you don’t deny there’s something to discuss.”

She bit her lip and wished she’d done just that. It would have been the wisest thing to do. Laugh off the kiss as if it was nothing.

But that wouldn’t be honest and she vowed not to deceive him again. Her conscience weighed heavily enough on that score. She wasn’t about to compound it. It would be tough enough to deal with the fallout when he discovered he was a father. And until she was ready to tell him about that, she’d be wise to stay as far away from him as possible.

Decision made, she turned to him, determined to put an end to any fledgling hope he might have about a reunion.

“Can we do this somewhere else?” She glanced meaningfully around the crowded table.

He pushed back his chair and waited for her to stand. Taking hold of her elbow, he steered her toward a part of the garden that lay in shadows, away from the revelry of the barbeque and any curious onlookers.

Alex drew in a deep breath and prayed for the right words. She cleared her throat.

“I’ve always been attracted to you, Brandon. You know that. And, regardless of all that’s gone on with us, you still have the power to turn me on.”

Even in the dimness, she saw his eyes darken with emotion. Ignoring it, she plowed on.

“That’s just the way it is, Brandon. It doesn’t mean anything. It doesn’t change anything. Let’s call it how we see it.”

He started to protest and she quickly continued. “It is what it is, Brandon. Let it go. I have a new life, now. A life I’m very happy with. I have my son whom I adore, a job I love and…it’s great. Everything’s great.”

“What about you? Who looks after you?”

He’d leaned in close, too close. His deep voice rumbled over her and she shivered from the impact. He’d always been so good at taking care of her, of making sure she always had everything she’d needed. It was one of the things she’d loved about him. She turned away and clenched her hands to stop from reaching out for him.

She was wrong to think they could ever have a future together. Too much had gone on and nothing could change the biggest deception of their relationship. A deception she’d initiated.

Plastering a bright smile on her face, she turned back to him. “I-I’ve actually started seeing someone. A man who is very sweet and charming and who treats me really well.”

The lie tasted like poison. He recoiled as if she’d bitten him. The shock on his face horrified her.
Where the hell had that come from?
And what about her decision two minutes ago to be honest?

She thrust around wildly for some way to justify her comment. It wasn’t a total untruth. She’d seen some very attractive men come through on her dating page. Just last night, she’d decided at least two of them looked like genuine possibilities. She hadn’t decided whether she really wanted to take the next step, but the more she thought about it, the more it made sense. She had to move on. Too much had happened. Too much had been said. Too much had been left unsaid.

Brandon stared at her, hurt and disbelief clouding his features. His lips twisted into an ugly sneer.

“You really take the cake, you know that? I would never have believed it of you, Alex. The girl I knew may not have been perfect, but she had more integrity than anyone I’d ever met.”

He shook his head in disgust. “You had the nerve to kiss me? To tell me how I still turn you on. Does he know? The poor bastard you have dangling on a leash? Does he know you still fantasize about your husband?”

Heat scorched her cheeks, but she took the tongue-lashing without comment. It was nothing less than she deserved. She’d have reacted the same way if their roles had been reversed. She didn’t know why she’d said it. She’d panicked and said the first thing that had come into her mind.

That was no excuse. It was unforgivable. She shouldn’t have said it. But now that she had, it gave him a reason to pull away, to leave her and her son alone, to get on with his life without her—without them.

Pain arced through her heart, but she refused to give it heed. This was for the best. She should never have dreamed otherwise. She was a fool to think, even for an instant, that they could return to the way it used to be—to the time when they’d lived for each other, when they were so attuned they’d completed each other’s sentences.

It could never be that way again and it was time, once and for all, to accept that.

Turning her back on him, she hurried back to the table, averting her eyes from the gazes of everyone seated there. Sam was where she’d left him. She tugged him by the arm.

“Come on, honey. It’s time to go.”

“But, Mom, I haven’t finished my other sausage. And I want to play with Lucy. And Joe said we’re having ice cream after.”

“I know, Sam, but it’s getting late. You’ve had a big day. We need to get home.”

From the corner of her eye, she saw Tom push away from the table. Panic seized her. She didn’t want to explain herself to anyone, least of all, Tom.

Taking hold of Sam again, she lifted him out of his chair and hugged him close. Burying her face in his shoulder, she headed toward the house.

Lily was in the kitchen.

Alex came to a halt. “Lily, um…there you are. Thank you so much for having us over, but we have to leave.”

Surprise widened the other woman’s eyes. “Leave? We haven’t even had a chance to talk properly. Do you really have to rush off?”

Alex grimaced. “I’m afraid so. Sam’s had a big day out at the Aquarium and it’s all beginning to catch up with him. It’s time I got him home to bed.”

Lily eyed her intently and Alex did her best not to squirm. The seconds dragged on, but finally, Lily shrugged and looked away. Alex bit her lip and wished things could be different.

“Would you do me a favor and say hello to Cassie? I just came down from her room. She’s asking about you.”

Alex bit down on a sigh and nodded. “Of course. I’d like that. Do you mind watching Sam for a minute? I’d rather he not breathe in any residual flu bugs.”

Lily smiled. “Sure.” She bent down until she was at eye level with Sam. “Would you like to have some ice cream? I have chocolate, vanilla and strawberry.”

Sam’s eyes went wide and he looked at Alex. “Can I, Mom? Can I?”

She nodded again. “Yes, sweetheart, but don’t forget your manners.” She looked back at Lily and mouthed
thank you
. “I won’t be long.”