The Price of Deception (19 page)

She could not believe her eyes when she had spun
around and saw Robert only a few yards away. There had been a
repressed hope in the back of her mind that one day he would find
her alive. Suzette did not realize how unprepared for such an event
she had been, until that moment. The sight of him sent a rush
through her veins like hot oil. She felt her body weaken in his
presence, and thankfully he had rushed to her side to help her
remain upright. Robert—the man she had loved more than life
itself—had returned.

Suzette could not be sure that her decision to follow
him to his residence had been the right choice. What if someone had
seen them enter into the empty townhouse hand in hand? How
inappropriate the entire course of action had been, but she wanted
to speak with him too. The cemetery did accentuate the thought of
death, and leaving the morbid surroundings had been the right
choice.

“Oh, Robert,” she longingly breathed his name.

He had changed in appearance and demeanor. His face
appeared fuller, and the young man who had rescued her had turned
into a responsible Duke. The burdens of his duties were clearly
etched in the lines of his expression, as well as his personal
unhappiness.

Though he had lied to her about his marriage after
its occurrence, she had somehow always pictured them as a happy
couple. Never once did she consider any misery on his part. His
wife, in her eyes, had been the luckiest woman in the world to have
captured his hand in marriage. Had it all been just a matter of
convenience, as he stated? If that were the case, Suzette could
only mourn over his misery. His declaration of undying love had
been spoken with such conviction, that Suzette could not deny he
meant every word.

She turned over on her side and hugged a pillow. When
she did so, she thought of her marriage bed. Philippe had always
shared her bed, unlike others who slept in separate rooms. She
struggled to find in her heart the love he deserved from her as his
wife.

When she married him, she did so to save her
reputation. Even though he forgave her, Suzette’s heart still
belonged to Robert. As the years passed, she thought she had put
that all aside and would grow to love Philippe once again. However,
no love bloomed—only gratefulness. She constantly compared the two,
and each time, Philippe came up wanting.

Suzette realized that as a young woman she’d merely
had a crush upon him. He looked so handsome in his uniform when he
had joined the French Navy and had left to make his livelihood.
Like a fairytale story, Suzette had thought of him as her prince
charming. The fact of the matter remained, after maturing through
her own struggles, they really had nothing in common.

The contemplation of Philippe’s lovemaking turned her
head from the pillow and back to the ceiling. He always sought his
own physical release and not her pleasure. How often had she looked
at the fabric overhead in their canopy bed? She fixated upon it
until he released his seed. Did he ever consider that she would
appreciate anything in return? Robert always had her interests at
heart before his own.

Suzette closed her eyes and breathed in and out
slowly, trying to make sense of everything that had transpired. Her
thoughts were suddenly interrupted by a persistent knock at the
door.

“Mommy, are you in there?”

“Just a minute,” she called out, as she climbed out
of bed and walked over to the door to greet her son.

“Mommy, you’re home!”

“Yes, I’m home, sweetie,” she replied. Suzette
stroked the top of his head with the palm of her hand. “I’m glad
you came to see me, because I have an idea I want to share with
you.”

“What is it?”

“How would you like to go for a walk, with just me
tomorrow, to the gardens and see the fountains? Since spring is
here, they have turned them on and the water is splashing high into
the air. Would that be fun?”

Robert’s eyes grew round as saucers, and a boyish
grin spread across his face.

“Can we go today, instead?”

“No, not today. Mommy is tired, but I promise
tomorrow in the morning after breakfast, we’ll take a walk to the
gardens—just you and me.”

“Let’s bring bread too, so we can feed the ducks.
Daddy always does and that’s fun. I like to feed the ducks.”

“Of course,” Suzette smiled, “we will bring some
bread. Now, you go along and tell Madame Dubois to make sure you
have some lunch. Mommy isn’t going to eat today. She’s feeling a
little tired.”

Suzette gave him a kiss and sent him on his way. The
remainder of the day she spent counting the hours before her secret
rendezvous.

* * * *

Antsy over the morning meeting with his son, Robert
found it impossible to sleep the night before. Giles had provided
ample spirits to ease him to sleep, and he even suggested a trip to
the brothel for relaxation. Robert would have none of it. The
thought of another’s bed distressed him, as he once again felt
bound to Suzette in some kind of ritual of fidelity. Instead, he
lay in bed tormented by the past and an uncertain future. His body
grew fatigued, but his troubled mind refused to rest.

When morning finally arrived, he hurried to the
entrance of the gardens well before the meeting time. He had wanted
to stop at a toy store and buy the young lad something as a token
of his affection, but restrained himself from doing so. The
encounter had to occur by chance and not look planned. Perhaps,
next time it wouldn’t appear inappropriate if he brought a small
token of his fondness.

He wondered if Robert would recognize him from their
previous encounter. Convinced he probably would not, his thoughts
turned to his rash promise to Suzette. He really had no intention
of returning to England after seeing the boy. How could he possibly
meet the lad once and then leave him behind?

As the hour neared, Robert strolled around the
fountain several times. The rainy weather had passed, and a
glorious sunny day arrived in its place. The sun’s rays danced off
the fountain, and its cascading water looked like a thousand
stunning diamonds sprinkled from Heaven. The slight breeze sent a
misty spray on Robert’s face when he walked in front of the
fountain at a certain angle.

Robert counted each time he circled, and when he had
reached the eighth round, he finally saw Suzette approaching with
his son. They strolled together holding hands. She was dressed in a
stunning dark green gown, with a matching feathered hat, which
blended well with the garden and the flowering plants. Robert
thought she looked like an entrancing fairy in the woods. The
sunshine danced off her auburn tresses, and he wished to run toward
them and scoop each into his arms.

Finally, she approached and stopped. He took off his
top hat and greeted the couple. “Madame, what a surprise it is to
see you!”

When he looked at the two of them, Robert realized
the culmination of his dreams. There before him stood Suzette and
his son, who for all rights and purposes, were his family. The
sight burned into his heart like an etched picture—a masterpiece of
fulfillment.

“Why, Monsieur Holland, it is good to see you,”
Suzette responded with a sparkle in her eye. “May I introduce you
to my son, Robert.”

“Very nice to meet you, young man.” Robert offered
his hand. His son didn’t immediately respond. Instead, he looked up
at Suzette.

“It’s all right, Robert. The polite thing to do is to
shake the Monsieur’s hand in return.”

Robert smiled and grabbed his son’s hand, shaking it
heartily up and down. When their flesh touched, it took
considerable restraint for Robert not to cry. He had never
experienced such completeness in his entire life. His earnest
longing for a child had been fulfilled. Robert held his own flesh
and blood within his hand, and the heir to his name and
fortune.

“Didn’t I meet you once?” Little Robert asked with a
confused look upon his face.

“I think you did, young man. You were with your
father, and I was with my wife.”

“Oh, yeah,” he blurted out in return. “Now I remember
Daddy said Mommy passed away, but she’s here now.”

“Yes, indeed, she’s here now.” Robert looked at
Suzette with a comical grin. She merely nodded in response. As much
as he hated to do so, he let go of Robert’s hand and stood
upright.

“I was just taking a walk, Madame. Would you and your
son care to walk with me?”

“Yes, of course, I don’t think my son would
mind.”

Little Robert grasped Suzette’s hand again and then
reached over and put his hand into Robert’s palm. “We can all walk
together,” he said, innocently.

Robert knew then he had reached the pinnacle of his
life. The three of them strolled down the pathway through the
gardens holding hands. He had tasted Heaven itself.

“So, Robert, what are your favorite things to do? Do
you ride?”

“You mean ride a horsey?”

“Yes, a horse.”

“No. We have none. Do you have horses?” His quizzical
head and eyes tilted up toward Robert.

“Why yes, I do, in fact. I have a very nice pony that
would do well for a young lad like yourself.”

“Well, I don’t think little Robert will be riding any
time soon,” interjected Suzette, with a slightly annoyed look in
her eyes. “We have no place to keep a horse, Monsieur Holland.”

Robert hadn’t entertained that thought as he merely
envisioned his son riding the pony next to him at his estate.

“Are there other things you like to do?” Robert
asked, changing the subject for Suzette’s sake.

“I like blocks. I like to build with blocks. Daddy
plays with me, and we build castles and forts and all sorts of
things.”

“Well, that sounds like fun,” he replied, with little
enthusiasm. Robert didn’t care to know what Philippe did with the
boy. His son’s upbringing had been in the hands of his rival, which
infuriated Robert.

“Robert, do you want to walk over to the lake and
feed the ducks?” Suzette asked as they neared a body of water.

“Yes, Mama, can I have the bread?”

“Sure, sweetheart, just be careful and stay away from
the edge of the lake.” She handed him a small paper bag.

Robert ran up ahead and stopped. As soon as he tossed
pieces of bread into the water, ducks congregated in front of
him.

The ducks quacked, and Robert quacked in return. His
father chuckled at the simple-minded joy that a child could bring
into the world. The innocence of life, and all that was good and
well in the universe, was embodied in the small boy that
entertained himself by the water’s edge.

“I love him already,” Robert confessed. He stood and
watched his every move with adoration. “He’s a fine young lad,
Suzette. He’s our son!”

Robert repeated the words again and allowed the
reality to sink into his soul. He was not childless after all. All
of his prayers had been answered in the form of a five-year-old
boy, who quacked like a duck a few feet away.

“I want us to be a family, Suzette. You, me, and
Robert. I want it more than the air I breathe.”

“You shouldn’t say such things!”

“Why not? Cannot a man dream to comfort himself for
his losses?” He reached over and touched Suzette’s hand gently, but
did not grasp it for fear others would see. “I love you, Suzette.
Last night I didn’t sleep a wink thinking of our predicament and
planning for our future. I beg you to tell me that you want a
future with me.”

“You’re being irrational, Robert Holland. There is no
future for us. I am married. I also have a daughter. Have you
forgotten that? Is she also to be part of our family?”

Robert hadn’t considered the young babe that she had
borne to Philippe. Why did she have to defy him and dash his
hopes?

“No, I haven’t forgotten you have a baby,” came his
words of disappointment. “If you love me, Suzette, then tell me you
wish for a future together. I have no idea how, but do not deny my
hunger for such a life, or I shall surely die for want. I cannot
bear such an anguished thought of not living the remainder of my
days with you and our boy.”

“You must bear it,” Suzette replied in resignation.
“I do not dream any longer, Robert. I take what comes my way and
pray for grace to endure my sorrows.” She turned and looked at him
with forlorn.

“If I could, I would leave with you this very moment
to begin our lives together. But I have a daughter and a husband;
and you a wife and duty. We must find comfort that we shall always
be bound together as one in Robert, though we must remain apart
from one another. That must be our solace alone for his sake and
that of my daughter. Don’t you see that?”

Robert’s joyful countenance faded over Suzette’s
insistent thoughts of doing the right thing. “No, I do not see it,”
he sputtered in exasperation. He pulled his eyes away from her gaze
and placed them back on his son.

“You can be assured as the sun rises and sets every
day that I shall not rest until I find a way to bring us together
as a family. I swear to you upon my honor that we shall be husband
and wife, raising Robert together.”

“I don’t understand you,” she replied, painfully. “Is
it not enough for you to know my love? I cannot give you anything
more.”

Suzette stepped briskly away and walked to her son’s
side at the lake’s edge. She pulled a piece of bread from the bag,
and began to tear it, angrily tossing pieces into the water. Robert
stood and watched. Her staunch refusal to believe in a possible
future together broke his heart.

He stepped up next to her while she flung the crumbs
into the lake. Every duck within a mile radius seemed to have
arrived for the free feeding. Little Robert giggled over the noisy
quacks. As Robert glanced over at Suzette, he saw a tear trickle
down her cheek. He touched her arm gently, and she turned and
looked at him.