The Price of Love (21 page)

‘I do understand, Robert, but I couldn’t possibly take care of a baby, not here, even if I wanted to do so,’ Lucy told him. ‘It’s a terrible place to live; I’m sure you wouldn’t want your child growing up here and mixing with the children who live here. Anyway,’ she went on quickly before he could answer, ‘I have my hands full looking after Sam. This last accident has put him right back; so far he isn’t able to even consider going back to work.’

‘I wasn’t thinking of bringing Anna here,’ Robert said quickly. ‘Like I said before when I mentioned it to you, I thought you could both come and live in my house.’

‘Move back to Priory Terrace?’ Lucy’s heart beat faster. It was what she had dreamed about doing, but not like this.

‘I’m living there on my own. My dad has gone to live with his sister in Yorkshire. He says he can’t stand having a young child in the house,’ he added ruefully.

Lucy shook her head uncertainly. ‘I’m not sure if that would work, Robert; you’ll have to give me time to think about it and to talk it over with Sam.’

‘It would be a much better life for both of you,’ Robert persisted as he looked around the shabby room.

Lucy clenched her hands into tight fists at her side. ‘I’m not at all sure.’

Robert looked bemused. ‘Why ever not, Lucy?’

‘I’m not sure that I could take to a child that was yours and Patsy’s,’ she said with a tremor in her voice.

‘Please, Lucy. Give it some further thought … for Anna’s sake,’ Robert pleaded. ‘I know I acted foolishly by having a fling with Patsy but I never meant to hurt you. I acted on impulse because at the time I was so frustrated because you never seemed to have any time to spare for me.’

Lucy wiped away a tear from the corner of her eye. ‘I don’t know, Robert, I really don’t know,’ she murmured indecisively.

‘You heard what she said, now bugger off,’ Sam told him angrily, struggling out of his chair and pulling open the door.

In the days that followed Lucy could think of nothing but Robert and little Anna. It was obvious from what Robert had told her that the child wasn’t being looked after properly and she couldn’t help feeling that she ought to do something to help. After all, she told herself, it wasn’t little Anna’s fault; the poor little mite hadn’t asked to be born and she certainly wasn’t to blame for the past indiscretions of her parents.

She wished she could talk about the situation with Sam, but he refused to discuss it further. Remembering the anger in his voice when he had shown Robert the door, she was quite sure that he wouldn’t want to be involved in any way with Patsy’s child.

The problem was going round and round in her mind as she left Old Hall Street and started to walk home. She almost jumped out of her skin when she heard someone calling out her name, and she turned to find Robert hurrying to catch up with her.

‘What are you doing here? How did you know where I worked?’ She knew she was gabbling almost incoherently but she was worried in case he had been round to Horatio Street and she knew that would upset Sam yet again.

‘I managed to find out where you worked – never mind how, but it wasn’t from Sam,’ he told her hurriedly as he saw the anxious look on her face. ‘That’s not important. I wanted to get you on your own so that I could talk to you and find out if you had managed to come to any sort of decision yet about looking after Anna.’

Lucy bit down on her lower lip. ‘It’s too difficult, Robert; I don’t feel that I can do it.’

‘Look, let’s find a milk bar and have a drink and talk this over,’ he pleaded.

‘No, I can’t.’ Lucy shook her head emphatically. ‘I must get back. Sam will be up and dressed by now and he waits for me to come home to get his breakfast.’

‘Ten minutes isn’t going to make much difference,’ Robert insisted, taking her firmly by the arm and heading towards Tithebarn Street. ‘We’ll find a milk bar on the way back to Horatio Street.’

The feel of Robert’s hand holding her arm sent a shiver through Lucy. Her knees felt weak and she felt powerless to argue. She couldn’t stop thinking about how many nights she had lain awake remembering the touch of his hands on her body, his lips pressed against hers; the sweet words of love being murmured in her ear and now, once again, they were walking side by side.

Silently she let him take command and it wasn’t until they were seated inside the milk bar and the coffee was on the table in front of them that again she tried to explain her feelings about bringing up Anna after what had happened between them all.

Robert listened in silence, his eyes studying her face, nodding now and then as he listened to her reasons. ‘I understand what you are saying but I am sure you wouldn’t let it make any difference to the way you cared for Anna.’

‘I’m not sure,’ Lucy said worriedly.

‘Perhaps we should give it a try,’ he suggested hopefully.

‘It wouldn’t be fair on Sam to do that; not without him agreeing, because he would think you were offering us charity by letting us move back to Priory Terrace,’ she said lamely, staring down into her coffee and avoiding Robert’s gaze.

‘Then talk to him about it.’

‘He refuses to discuss it and I don’t want to upset him,’ she added uneasily.

‘I do understand,’ Robert said gravely. ‘Look, if it would make matters easier for you, I am quite willing to move out of the house and live somewhere else. I’m earning good money so I can afford to do that.’

‘Even if you did that it would still be so complicated because it would be such a long-term commitment for me to make,’ Lucy murmured, shaking her head.

‘I will take care of the rent and all the other household expenses as well as paying you for your time and trouble, so you’ll be better off in every way,’ Robert went on quickly. ‘I promise you that I will arrange it all so that you don’t even have to see me or speak to me unless you want to do so for any reason.’

‘That all sounds fine but what about your visits to see Anna? As her father, surely you would want to see her regularly so that you could watch her growing up.’

‘True.’ Robert nodded thoughtfully. ‘Even so, if my coming to the house to do that would upset Sam and make things difficult for you, then I am willing to meet you and Anna somewhere right away from Priory Terrace.’

‘No,’ Lucy shook her head, ‘that might be all right at the moment while Anna is too small to understand, but what about when she is old enough to know what is going on? Don’t you think she would think it odd that she is taken meet this strange man called Daddy every week and that it is always in the park or somewhere like that and that he never comes to the house?’

Robert shrugged. ‘I don’t know, you are probably right about that, but surely we can work something out. Once Sam is back to full health and starts to make a new life for himself he may not feel so antagonistic towards me. Remember, Lucy, in time Sam might even want to get married and have his own home.’

‘So then you would feel you were free to come and visit Anna whenever you wanted to do so. You might even want to move back into your house again?’

‘Lucy, I can’t think that far ahead. Let’s deal with what is happening at this very moment. I desperately need someone I can trust to look after Anna and bring her up. You need a better place to live for Sam’s sake, if not for your own well-being.’

Lucy drank the remains of her coffee and made to leave but Robert laid his hand on her arm to stop her.

‘I am willing to be as accommodating as I possibly can,’ he said earnestly. ‘You name your terms and I will gladly make any compromises that are necessary.’

Lucy looked at him with tears in her eyes. ‘I don’t know, Robert,’ she whispered. ‘I really don’t know what to say. There are so many things to be considered.’

‘Perhaps if you met Anna you will feel differently,’ Robert murmured. ‘I could bring her to meet you both next Sunday,’ he suggested.

‘No, no, that might upset Sam even more. I would like to see her,’ she added quickly as she saw Robert’s jaw tighten. ‘Perhaps we could meet in St John’s Gardens?’

‘Very well. About two o’clock?’

Lucy could think of nothing else all week. Several times she was on the point of mentioning it to Sam and even asking him if he wanted to come along as well, but caution made her hold her tongue.

There was no point in antagonising him any more, she decided. She would meet Robert and Anna and make sure she wanted to be involved before she talked to Sam about it again.

It wasn’t cold on the Sunday but it was blustery and, as she made her way to St John’s Gardens, Lucy was glad she’d put on a thick jacket over her blouse and skirt.

The gardens were almost deserted and most of the summer flowers were looking tired and straggly as if they sensed that winter was not very far away.

Robert was already there. As she walked towards them Lucy’s heart thudded as she looked at the child in his arms. She wasn’t at all like Patsy; instead, she had straight light-brown hair like Robert and she was extremely thin.

What struck Lucy most about little Anna was that she looked very unkempt. Her face had a smear of jam around the edges of her mouth; her hair was greasy and uncombed. She was wearing odd socks and the hem of her dress had come unstitched so that it hung unevenly around her spindly little legs.

‘Are you going to say hello to Lucy?’ Robert prompted as they drew nearer.

‘Come on, you’re not shy,’ he persisted as Anna shook her head and buried her face in Robert’s shoulder.

‘She’ll come round,’ he murmured as he fell into step alongside Lucy.

After a few minutes Lucy suggested that perhaps if they sat down on one of the park benches for a few minutes she would be able to talk to Anna.

They found a sheltered spot and sat down with Anna seated between them. When Lucy handed her a little bag of Dolly Mixtures she’d brought along for her, the barrier between them was broken immediately. Excitedly, Anna shared the little sweets with both of them before tucking into them herself and in next to no time was smiling happily.

Ten minutes later when, once again, they resumed their walk, Anna insisted on holding Lucy’s hand as well as Robert’s as she trotted along between them.

Lucy was completely captivated. There was now no doubt at all in her mind that the child needed far more love and care than she was getting at the moment and deep down she knew that she wanted to be the one to give her that.

She was tempted to take them both back to Horatio Street and let Sam see the child for himself, confident that he would be won over just as she had been. Common sense prevailed; she knew it would be better to prepare him in advance.

Before they all parted, as she hugged Anna goodbye, Lucy promised Robert that she would think it over yet again and that she would give him a definite answer in a few days.

‘Sam is the stumbling block, isn’t he?’ Robert said harshly. ‘Talk to him, Lucy. Point out the better life he could have away from that slum where you’re living now. He’ll never get better while you stay there, not with all that foul air and dreary surroundings. You said yourself that he is very depressed; well, you’re the one who can do something about it.’

‘I’ll think it over and try to talk to Sam about it,’ she promised. ‘By the way, who is looking after Anna at the moment?’

‘Jenny Wood, the woman I told you about, who is living in your old house. She has a husband, three kids and half a dozen cats and she’s good hearted, but she is slapdash. The other thing that worries me is all the cats. She lets them sleep in the cot alongside Anna and I don’t think that’s healthy.’

There were tears in Lucy’s eyes as she walked home after they parted. Her thoughts were in turmoil. It wasn’t only the problem of placating Sam and persuading him that living back in Priory Terrace again would be far better for his health that worried her, but also that she had to convince herself that it was the right thing to do.

Robert’s attitude worried her. She knew he was concerned about Anna and it was easy to see that he loved her dearly and was desperate to do the best he could for her. But never once, Lucy reflected, had he expressed any feelings for her. It was almost as if she was a mere acquaintance; someone he thought could prove helpful to him in his time of need.

Did he still have feelings for her, or were they completely dead? she wondered. She still felt an overpowering love for him and she wasn’t sure she could tolerate the close relationship with Robert that taking care of Anna would involve.

She would have to talk it all over with Sam, perhaps that would help to clear her mind and help her to make a decision, she resolved as she reached home.

‘You’re late, I was worried in case something had happened to you,’ he greeted her as she walked in.

‘Sorry about that, I forgot the time. I’m pleased to see you’ve made yourself a cuppa.’ She smiled.

‘Not before time,’ he said ruefully. ‘I rely on you doing things for me far too much.’

Lucy didn’t answer. As she busied herself making a meal for them she wondered if perhaps this might be a good time to talk about Robert’s suggestion. Sam seemed to be in a better frame of mind than he usually was. Would talking about the future of Patsy’s baby spoil all this? she wondered.

She waited until they had eaten then, instead of clearing away their plates and starting on the rest of the chores that were waiting to be done, she poured them both another cup of tea.

‘Have you got something on your mind that you want to talk about?’ Sam asked, noticing that she seemed distracted.

‘Yes, as a matter of fact I have,’ Lucy told him as she stirred some sugar into her tea and then pushed the sugar basin across the table towards him.

‘Well, go on, then, spit it out; let’s hear what it is. Has it got something to do with that business Robert came here asking you about the other day?’

‘Yes, it has. I saw him again this afternoon and he wanted to know if I’d made my mind up yet about what I’m going to do.’

‘And have you?’

‘No, Sam, I haven’t. I’ve given it a lot of thought but it’s not simply my decision, is it?’

Sam drained his cup and pushed it to one side. ‘As far as I’m concerned, it is. You do whatever you think is best.’