The Price of Love (22 page)

‘That’s what I’m trying to do. I want to do what’s best for us as well as for him. I know how desperately you want to move away from here and moving back to Priory Terrace would give us a chance to do so.’

‘Go and live with that bugger! You can go if you want to; I’d rather stay here until I die.’

‘Patsy was as much to blame for what happened as Robert was,’ Lucy reminded him quietly.

‘I trusted her.’

‘I know you did, and I trusted Robert, but it’s all water under the bridge. We can’t undo what has already happened but perhaps we can all make a fresh start by looking after Patsy’s baby.’

‘Robert’s baby, you bloody well mean. Every day I’d have that thrust under my nose,’ he muttered morosely.

‘Oh Sam, it’s not little Anna’s fault; she didn’t decide who her parents should be,’ Lucy said softly. ‘I’d dreamed that one day I’d have a family and that Robert would be the father of my children but it was not to be, was it? Now that I’ve met Anna I am convinced I could love her and care for her.’

‘So you think that by sacrificing what’s left of your life by looking after his kid you’ll put matters right,’ Sam said, his voice laced with sarcasm.

‘Not altogether. I hoped it would be a fresh start for us as well. We’d get away from this horrible place, and you’d recover your health and strength.’

‘Don’t you think you’ve already made enough changes because of me? I’ve dragged you down into the gutter and been a load round your neck for years now.’

‘Sam, don’t talk like that. You’re my brother and I care about you a great deal; I’ve only done what any sister would do.’

He ran his hands through his hair despairingly. ‘I’ve no prospects; no hope, if it comes to that. I wish I had died in that car accident along with Mam and Dad and then it would all have been over and I wouldn’t have put you through years of misery. In fact, none of this would have happened.’

‘Stop right there,’ Lucy told him fiercely. ‘Yes, all right, I admit I have made sacrifices for you and I don’t intend to see them all thrown away. If you don’t want me to take on the responsibility of bringing up Patsy’s child, then I won’t, but don’t add to all my problems by having such a defeatist attitude.’

‘I’m not being defeatist, I’m being realistic,’ Sam stated angrily. ‘Do you really want to move back to Priory Terrace and have all our old neighbours gossiping and sniggering about us? They certainly will do when they find out that we’re living with Robert and that you’re caring for his kid. I thought you’d got more pride than that,’ he added bitterly.

Lucy stood up and began to stack up their dirty plates and carry them away. How on earth did Sam think they were going to survive on the money she earned cleaning offices? she thought despairingly. Why couldn’t he accept what Robert was suggesting as a means of paying their way and living in reasonable comfort at the same time?

As she washed up and put away the dishes they’d used she let her mind dwell on what Sam had just said. Pride might come into it for him, but did she really care about what the neighbours thought or said? Would it be any worse than having to go on living where they were and being scared of what Joe Black might do if he ever managed to get her on her own?

Perhaps if Sam saw Anna and realised what a lovely little girl she was, then he might reconsider the idea of the two of them bringing her up.

Lucy thought about it for the rest of the day and she knew she had to clear the air before she went to bed that night. She waited until evening before she broached the subject again.

Sam listened in silence as she expounded both the good points of their moving back to Priory Terrace and the drawbacks that there might be.

‘Your mind’s made up, isn’t it?’ he said dryly.

‘No, I think it is what we ought to do but I won’t do it unless you are in agreement.’

He was silent for such a long time that Lucy began to think he wasn’t going to give her an answer. Then, with a long-drawn-out sigh, he said, ‘All right, if you think you can handle it. I want to make a couple of things clear, though.’

‘What are they?’

‘Don’t expect me to be friendly with Robert and never ask me to keep an eye on his child. Is that understood?’

‘You will be civil to him, though?’ she asked anxiously.

‘I suppose I will have to be if I’m living under his roof but tell him he’d better keep out of my way as much as possible if he wants this arrangement to work. As soon as I am able to do so I’ll pay my way because I don’t intend to be beholden to the man.’

A week later Lucy wrote a letter to Robert to let him know that they would consider moving back to Priory Terrace. She explained that Sam was not totally in favour of what they were doing but he’d agreed to give it a fair trial.

Robert replied that he understood and that he would keep out of Sam’s way as much as possible. He suggested that it might be a good idea if she came round one evening on her own so that she could see what arrangements he had made for them and change anything that didn’t meet with her approval.

Lucy went there the following evening and she was surprised at how nervous she felt to be walking down Priory Terrace again after such a long time away. She wondered if she would meet any of their old neighbours and, if so, how they would react. As it was she met no one she knew but, nevertheless, her heart was thudding as she knocked on Robert’s front door and cast a covert glance at the house next door where she had grown up.

It seemed very strange to be back once again inside a house that she’d visited so often and which was almost identical to the one she’d grown up in.

‘Let me show you how I’ve planned things so far and then we’ll have a cup of tea and talk it over and you can tell me if everything is to your liking,’ he suggested when she arrived.

‘That sounds like a good idea, but where’s little Anna? I’m looking forward to seeing her again.’

‘She’s in bed and fast asleep.’

‘Oh, I was hoping she would still be up,’ Lucy said, her voice tinged with disappointment.

‘You can still go up and see her if you really want to.’

‘I would like to; I promise to be very quiet and not waken her,’ Lucy said, smiling.

As she stood beside the cot looking down at the tiny figure curled up with her thumb in her mouth, Lucy’s heart turned over. She wished Sam was there; if he took one look at Anna, she was sure his antagonism would melt because she was so utterly irresistible.

She looked nothing at all like Patsy; she was just a very small child needing love and affection and in that moment Lucy knew she was determined to give it to her, even if it jeopardised her own chances of happiness in the future.

Very gently she moved away a damp tendril of hair that had fallen across Anna’s cheek, and then she bent over the cot and kissed her lightly on the brow.

As she did so Anna stirred and opened her eyes. Lucy looked across apologetically at Robert who was standing on the other side of the cot but he merely smiled.

As she turned back to the child, Anna stretched and opened her eyes wide and stared up at them; first at Robert and then at Lucy. Then she raised both her arms, as if asking to be picked up, and Lucy’s breath caught in her throat because Anna was looking directly at her, not at Robert.

Hesitating for only the briefest moment, Lucy bent over and picked the child up. Anna was warm and sweet-smelling from sleep and as her arms held on tightly round Lucy’s neck and she buried her little face in Lucy’s shoulder, Lucy felt an overwhelming flood of love for the child flow through her.

She wanted to go on cuddling Anna, but when she saw Robert straighten the bottom sheet in the cot she took it as a hint that he felt Anna should be put back down to sleep. Very tenderly Lucy kissed the child and lowered her back into the cot and tucked the covers in around her.

There was a tiny smile on Anna’s face as she closed her eyes and once more drifted into sleep. Taking a last look to make sure she was comfortable, Lucy very quietly tiptoed out of the room.

Robert said nothing as he led her towards the stairs. Neither of them spoke until they were downstairs.

‘Right, shall we do the grand tour first?’ Robert pronounced, his voice and manner brisk and formal. ‘If I go on living here as well, then we’ll have to share the kitchen, of course, but I thought I could use the middle room and keep all Anna’s toys and paraphernalia in there and you and Sam have the front room as your sitting room.’

As he led her in there to show her what he meant she saw that what had been the Tanners’ best room when she was a child remained exactly as she remembered it all those years ago. The sofa and two big armchairs, all upholstered in red and green multi-patterned plush, were still in pristine condition. As children, she recalled, they had never been allowed even to sit on them in case they left finger marks on the highly polished wooden arms and framework.

When she and Robert had been courting they had often found solace in this very room, knowing that it was unlikely that anyone else would come in there. Even so, she’d always felt guilty as they’d sat on the sofa with their arms around each other in case either Robert’s mother or father came in unexpectedly and caught them together and voiced their disapproval.

She looked at Robert, wondering if he remembered those occasions, but there was nothing on his face to indicate that he did. Yet she couldn’t believe that he didn’t recall the magic of those precious moments, the promises they’d made to each other and the wonderful future they’d planned.

Her eyes were blurred by unshed tears as she studied the Turkish carpet square that almost covered the entire room and the piano that no one ever played still standing against one wall.

‘I’m planning to get rid of the piano and replace it with a table and chairs, if you think that would be more suitable,’ Robert assured her when she said nothing.

‘Why do that?’ Lucy frowned. ‘We’ll all be eating our meals together in the kitchen, won’t we?’

His face lightened. ‘I would like that, but are you sure that it will suit Sam?’

Lucy hesitated. ‘If it doesn’t, then he can have his on a tray in here, but I most certainly will be sitting down with you in the kitchen. How else can I teach Anna table manners and make sure she eats all the right things?’ she said firmly.

‘Well, perhaps we should wait and see what happens when you move in,’ Robert cautioned. ‘If it doesn’t suit Sam, then we can change things around to suit him.’

‘I don’t think you should get rid of the piano. Anna might want to learn to play one day.’

‘We can’t expect everybody to fall in with what is best for Anna, you know,’ Robert said dryly. ‘There’ll be grown-ups living here as well as Anna and they have to be considered as well.’

‘Anna is the reason we are moving in here and I intend to do everything possible to make her life a good one. As far as the piano goes, we never had one, but I rather think Sam might like to try and play it and an interest of that sort might be good for him as well.’

‘Right, in that case, I’ll leave the room as it is for the present but I do want you to know that you are free to make any changes you feel necessary,’ Robert insisted as they went back out into the hallway and he closed the door behind them.

‘Up here is more of a problem,’ he went on as they went up the stairs again. ‘I want you to have the big front bedroom and I will have to take the middle bedroom. That leaves Sam with the small back bedroom which is rather unfortunate because I’m sure he needs more space. I would have taken that one myself except there’s only room in there for a single bed and I have to get Anna’s cot in.’

‘Why don’t you and Anna have the large bedroom, then?’ Lucy suggested.

‘That’s not fair on you. You’d be far too cramped in that smaller middle bedroom.’

‘Another solution would be for me to have the large bedroom and to move Anna’s cot in there too. In next to no time she will be ready for a bed of her own and it is probably the only room that is big enough to take two single beds.’

They argued amicably about the set-up as they went back downstairs and into the kitchen. Robert made a pot of tea and eventually agreed to try out Lucy’s idea.

‘You must tell me if it doesn’t work out,’ Robert told her emphatically. ‘I never expected you to look after Anna at night as well as all day. She does sleep fairly well most of the time but you might get some disturbed nights.’

‘Once she’s in a regular routine I’m sure she will sleep right through; anyway, you’re a working man and can’t afford to lose your sleep. As I’m going to be at home all day it won’t matter quite so much if I have a disturbed night,’ she added with a smile.

‘So if all the arrangements I’ve made so far are acceptable and meet with your approval, then can I assume that you and Sam will be moving in?’

Lucy’s heart sank. Robert sounded so formal, almost as if he was letting the rooms, and she was merely a tenant; or else that he was hiring a housekeeper. Had every trace of the feelings he had felt for her not all that long ago vanished for ever? she wondered.

Trying to keep her voice as unemotional as his she said, ‘As soon as you like. It’s a bit late to do so tonight, so what about tomorrow evening? We haven’t much to bring apart from our clothes and a few bits and pieces of personal stuff. Also, it will give me time to let my present employers know that I’ve left.’

‘That sounds great! Would you like me to come round after work tomorrow and help you move?’

‘No, I think it might go more smoothly if you aren’t there, Robert, because Sam is still rather touchy about what we are doing,’ Lucy said a trifle awkwardly.

‘That’s fine; I do understand.’ He laid his hand on her arm. ‘Give it time, Lucy, and I’m sure it will all work out as you want it to.’

‘Well, I do hope you’re right.’

He reached into his inner pocket and drew out his wallet and took out a five-pound note. ‘Take this and get a taxi; don’t try carrying everything yourself.’

She tried to refuse but Robert was insistent. ‘Please, Lucy, if you won’t let me come and help you pack and move, then this is the least I can do.’