The Promises We Keep (Made for Love Book 1) (108 page)

“
Good god, he
’
s on fire!
”
says Logan as she sits back down in the seat beside me.
“
I swear, he
’
s never played as well as he
’
s playing right now.
”
She leans forward and talks around me, directing her next comment at Avery.
“
He
must
have gotten laid last night.
”

My back stiffens and I immediately turn to make sure Avery
’
s okay. I wish I had known what Logan was about to say so that I might have shut her up, but the damage is done. Avery
’
s stricken face drains of all color
—
another opposite reaction I can
’
t definitively interpret
—
before she launches herself across my lap to claw at Logan. She almost connects with her intended target, but I wrap my arms around her and pin her to my chest. I share a shocked glance with Addie just as Avery crumbles into a ball of tears against me.

“
Logan
—
just watch the game, alright?
”
I mutter before leaning down to whisper into Avery
’
s ear.
“
You know it
’
s not true. He
’
d never do that to you.
”

“
Oh!
”
she huffs as she pulls away from me and stands on her feet.
“
I wish everyone would stop defending him!
”
She storms away before anyone can say anything to stop her.

“
I was just
kidding
,
”
murmurs Logan.

I shake my head at her, indicating that now is not the time. Somehow, she just made everything worse.
 

Four days.

We haven
’
t spoken to each other in four days.

She
’
s definitely going to break up with me.

I thought that the game would help dull this ache that seems to be all consuming, but I was an idiot to think that football could fix me. I wish that she would just put me out of my misery, that she would come storming through the door and tell me that we are over
—
that I have pushed her too far and that she finally understands why I believe I
’
m not good enough for her
—
because I
’
m not.

I thought that I could discard my past. I thought that if I was forgiven from my indiscretions that I could forget about them and move on. Isn
’
t that what they are always telling us in church? That once we choose to believe that Jesus is God, that we are covered by His grace; that our past is forgotten; that our sins are forgiven; that we are a
new
creation in Him?
That may be true, but that doesn
’
t mean that
I
have forgotten my past or that
I
can see myself as a new creation. Who I am is made up of good parts and bad; I thought that I could press forward
—
press forward with Avery
—
and be better for her. Apparently not.

Thinking back, I can
’
t even pinpoint the moment when my trigger was pulled
—
I was just so desperate to
show
her. I didn
’
t stop and think. I didn
’
t stop to consider how my past was encroaching on my present, seeking to destroy the one thing that matters the most to me
—
the one person I love more than anyone else.

The look on her face when she
pushed
me away...

I hurt her.
I hurt her.

Four days.

We haven
’
t spoken to each other in four days.

She
’
s definitely going to break up with me.

And I deserve it.

“
Big Red, come on. You can
’
t stay here. It
’
s homecoming, we won, you
’
re depressed, you need to be out,
”
says Jack as he and Claire come to fill my doorway.

“
We
’
re going to Generation Ink so that Jack can get a new tat before we hit a party or two,
”
Claire pipes in before I can respond.
“
At least come and hang out with us for a little while. Please? I can't in good conscious leave you here in this state.
”

I
’
ve never been out with Claire and Jack on a Saturday night. Parties aren
’
t usually my scene
—
but I
’
m not normally in need of a temporary cure for the most intense pain I
’
ve ever felt, either. Who knows, maybe I can put myself out of my own misery for a couple hours. Perhaps a frat house filled with loud music and obnoxious partiers will drown out that still small voice that's been trying to remind me that she loves me and then convince me that I still might have a fighting chance. It's not true; lies like that are what make me feel worse. I knew from the beginning that she deserves better. It's what kept me from pursuing her in the first place. I tried to prove myself wrong and it ended up being at her expense.

Shit. Jack is right. I need to get out of here.

“
Yeah. Okay. I
’
ll come.
”

He's not sorry. If four days with no apology wasn't proof enough, the game I watched him play earlier said it all. My heart feels like it
’
s been jammed into a shredder and then discarded into a recycle bin and then left on the side of the road. Lying here in my bed, I can honestly say that I
’
m too confused to be in any state of mourning. I just can
’
t wrap my mind around what
’
s happened. With the hell week that was my period
and
mid-terms
and
my fight with Grayson behind me, I find that I can now focus all of my energy on trying to dissect and decipher every single piece of this mess. The more I think about it, the more confused I get. Everything seemed to come crashing down in one moment; and the fact that we haven
’
t come close to even
trying
to put the pieces together fills me with so much doubt and plagues me with so many questions. With every day that goes by, the gravity of our inability to work our way through this issue settles in a little bit more.

I wonder what it says about us? What it says about our love? What it says about our future? What it says about him? What it says about me?

I wonder, what is he feeling? What is he thinking? What is he doing? What does he want?

Has he changed his mind about wanting me?

I wonder if I should stop being so stubborn and talk to him like AJ suggested, or if seeking him out would somehow make what he did okay? I wonder if I shouldn
’
t have stopped him at all
…
is this wretched feeling worth my decision to say no?

I
’
m pulled from my thoughts at the sound of my phone. It
’
s in my pocket so I dig it out and discover that it
’
s Claire who is trying to reach me. It
’
s also after midnight, which makes me wonder about the legitimacy of her call, so I ignore it. Two seconds after the ringing stops, it starts again. Figuring that one time might be an accident and two times is more likely on purpose, I decide to pick up.

“
Hello?
”

“
Ave?
”
I can barely hear her over the background noise of whatever party she
’
s at.
“
Ave, are you there?
”

“
Yeah. I can hardly hear you.
”

“
Sorry. Hold on.
”
I listen and imagine her as she makes her way through a crowded room. I hear a sliding door open and close and then the music fades to a quite hum.
“
How about now?
”

“
I can hear you. What
’
s up?
”

“
You need to come get Grayson.
”

I sit up slowly as I let her words sink in. They don
’
t make any sense. Grayson doesn
’
t go to parties
—
then again, Grayson is pretty unrecognizable to me recently.
In need of clarification I ask,
“
Are you at a party?
”

“
Yes, I
’
m at a party
—
and so is your boyfriend. Ave, you need to get down here.
”

My heart rate speeds up as a slew of horrible scenarios contaminate my mind. Logan
’
s comment from the game resounds like a clanging cymbal, but I push the thought away. Before I have a chance to dwell on anything my imagination has conjured up, I force myself to speak.
“
Why? You know we
’
re not speaking right now and
—”

“
Avery! He
’
s
drunk.
Get your ass in your car and come get your man!
”