The Protector (28 page)

“Do you believe in love at first sight then?” The afternoon sun had drifted just below the horizon and the car was beginning to get dark. He still wore the baseball cap from this morning, but he had removed his sweatshirt.  I could see the cross tattoo on his forearm. I wanted desperately to ask him about that. But I also didn’t want to ruin our time together right now. It was too nice.  

Love at first sight? I nodded my head no.  I didn’t believe in love at first sight. Love was something that didn’t just appear out of the blue.

“No?” I could tell he was questioning my answer. “You claim to be a hopeless romantic and you don’t believe in love at first sight?” Jack shook his head in disbelief.  “I find that hard to believe.”

“Do you believe in love at first sight then?” I had to ask.  His shock and disbelief that I didn’t was intriguing. I wanted to know what he thought, but I also didn’t want to make him turn cold.  Surprisingly he didn’t. His response, to my question was lukewarm. I didn’t take him for the hopeless romantic type who believed in fairy tales.

He shook his head no and a sort of laugh cough came out of his mouth. He looked at me strangely and it was a look I did not recognize.  “I am not sure what I believe in when it comes to love.” He quickly reverted the subject back to me. “So if you don’t believe in love at first sight, and you believe in soul mates, explain that.”

I took a deep breath, “It’s not that I don’t believe in love at first sight.  I think two people can be attracted to each other at first sight. But love comes over time. It may be a short time, but it’s not instantaneous. If they are soul mates, then that love will grow even stronger over time. And nothing can change that love, much like Fredrick and Anne in
Persuasion.
Nothing could change how they felt about each other, not even time.  It was a love that lasted separation, time, society pressures and persuasion.   How could they
not
be soul mates?”

He contemplated my words.  “I guess I can see that.  How do you explain Darcy and Elizabeth Bennett then? Was theirs not love at first sight?”

I thought about my answer for a moment, “I don’t think so.  There was something about her, he admired, but his pride I think got in the way for both of them. But no, I don’t think theirs was love at first sight, nor do I think they truly knew of their love for one another until later, and I think Darcy knew before she did.  But that is just my interpretation,” I ended quickly.  Everyone had different interpretations of the book and the story behind Elizabeth and Darcy.  I think only Jane Austen could truly explain the love between the two of them.

“I think I like your interpretation,” he responded quietly.   His smile faded and our conversation stopped.  I wanted to say something to him, but I wasn’t sure what to say. As I glanced over at him, the pained look returned. I could only guess the face of a man in deep thought. It was the one where he looked like he was in pain.

I wasn’t sure I wanted the conversation to continue in the direction it had been approaching. I didn’t want it to turn away from love and I didn’t want his coldness to return.

The silence continued as the car grew darker and nightfall descended on the barren landscape. I wanted to crack a joke, but as I glanced periodically at him, I could tell that pained look still had not disappeared. Guilt was beginning to well up as I realized that all that talk of love had to have hurt him. It had to have brought up thoughts of Paige and the love he lost. That loss had to be devastating to him.   Suddenly I had this overwhelming need to apologize to him.  But I let the silence continue. I didn’t want to interrupt his thoughts or make the pain worse.  I sat there and waited patiently for his expression to change. He wanted to say something to me, but just when he would take a deep breath and open his mouth, he would close it again and go back to that painful look. At last he let the words come out.  

“I am pretty sure Paige and I weren’t soul mates.”  His statement came as a shock to me. “I think two people who have a love hate relationship for each other can’t be soul mates.” For someone who had been waiting for him to open up, I was now suddenly shocked by it.  I wasn’t sure if he could see the look on my face. But he continued anyway.

“Don’t get me wrong, I loved her. I still love her in my own way.  But I don’t think we were made for each other. If anything, we were made to irritate the hell out of each other.”  He never took his eyes off the road as he spoke.  And the pained look didn’t disappear with his words as I expected it to.

I took a breath in and thought about responding to his statement. I even opened my mouth to do so, but nothing came out. I didn’t know what to say.   I wasn’t sure why he opened up all of a sudden.  Finally the obvious question popped into my head, “Why did you marry her then?”

He shrugged his shoulders and nodded his head.  I waited for the bomb to drop and I even pulled my knees up to my chest to prepare either for the tirade or the sudden quiet. I wasn’t sure what his reaction would be.  “It was the honorable thing to do.  We may not have had love but we had sexual attraction. She got pregnant, and worked in a position where being a single mom was well not acceptable.”

“You have a child?”  The thought horrified me. But it wasn’t because I thought he would be a horrible father. What scared me was the thought I had taken him away from his child, a child with only one living parent. That thought sent my head spinning.

“No.  Paige lost the baby.  It devastated her. We may not have been right for each other, but a child was something we hoped would bring us together. After everything, we were married and we were both determined to make it work. No matter what the circumstances were behind our marriage.”

I nodded my head in acknowledgement.  “But you loved her didn’t you?”

“Yes.” His answer was straightforward and left no room for doubt. “I loved her, but it wasn’t the love Jane Austen writes about, or the love you believe is between soul mates.”

“I’m sorry.”  I didn’t know what else to say as I was truly sorry for him and even for Paige.

Jack chuckled.  “You apologize too much, you know that. And for things you shouldn’t.  I just don’t think Paige and I were soul mates. I think we were friends, the best we could be to each other. That is nothing to apologize for.”

“No, I am just sorry that the two of you didn’t get to feel each other as soul mates, that’s all.”  I lied. I was sorry for causing him pain as well.

As I contemplated what he told me, we could see the lights of Reno ahead of us.  It was a blessing.  “I’m starving!” I blurted out.

J

For a woman who wanted to know so much. I think she was glad to see the lights of Reno.  Her startling announcement of hunger was not only funny, but reassuring all the same. Our conversation changed when the lights of Reno became visible.   I wasn’t entirely convinced I wanted to stay in Reno. There were too many cameras because of the casinos and basically every hotel had them. I wanted to stay off the beaten path. But she needed to eat.

“I am thinking that once we eat, we should continue on to California. Stay in some small town.  I need to get us off the beaten path so if they figure out we are not in South America, we can throw them off. If they do catch up with us I want it to look like we are going off to the Bay area.

“Sure. Do you think they will catch up with us?”

“At some point they will figure out we are not in South America. I think we have thrown them off. They will keep their distance from Javier and his wife for
a while
. Then they will realize when the trail goes cold they have been duped. And we are back to square one. I am hoping this will give me enough time to negotiate something for you. A handover of the processor, in exchange for your safety.”

“Will my life ever be normal again Jack?”  She still had her knees up to her chest. It was a position I noticed she took when she was nervous or scared and she wanted to keep herself from fidgeting.

“Sure,” I said. But I knew I hadn’t convinced her.

“Jack? Seriously?”  She looked at me in disbelief. She knew as well as I did, her life was never going to be the same, no matter what happened.

“I don’t know the answer to that Sonny.  All I know is that as long as I can help it, I will do my best to keep you safe.”  I hoped this would soothe her troubled mind.

15
Dinner for two

We stopped at a major restaurant chain right off the highway.  We would blend in with everyone else and that was my goal.  And no one noticed any different as we walked into the restaurant. I grabbed her hand as I held the door open for her.   I wanted people to think we were a couple, it helped with the illusion. But most of all I wanted to feel the warmth of her skin on mine. She looked at me and smile and didn’t try and pull away.

The restaurant was extremely well lit and full of people, so it was a surprise when the hostess took us directly to our table without making us wait. We passed several tables, but I was oblivious to any of them as I held her hand and followed her and the hostess to our table. I liked the feeling of being with her, even if it was a façade. As the hostess led us to our table, I noticed an older couple at a table near ours.  They sat on the same side of the table, extremely close and they both smiled as we walked by and took our seats.

As Alison read the menu and contemplated what she would eat, I casually glanced at the couple next to us.  They cuddled in the middle of the restaurant. On several occasions I watched as the older woman patted the man’s hand in a gesture of love.

“Jack?”

I didn’t respond. It was as if these two people sitting near us had me in some sort of a trance. Watching them made me understand Alison’s explanation of soul mates. Watching them, they had to be soul mates. They looked at each other in total admiration and love.

“Jack!”  this time, Alison took her hand and squeezed my upper arm.

“Stop staring,” she whispered into my ear. 

I tore my eyes away from the couple and looked into Alison’s deep emerald eyes. She had a look of concern on her face.  I reached up and touched her pale face and rubbed her cheek with my thumb. We were so close, I could have easily bent my head slightly down and kissed what I imagined were her soft lips. As my thumb rubbed her cheek back and forth, she closed her eyes and I could feel her body shake.

As much as I wanted to kiss her lips, I resisted the urge and kissed the top of her forehead.  It was the second time today and it sent electricity pulsating through my body and hers too I could feel. 

Alison pulled her face way from mine and looked on the other side of me. “They’re staring at us now,” she whispered.   Her face grew red with embarrassment and I could feel her body temperature rise. A smile crossed her lips.  She lowered her head and leaned closer to me.  I knew she was hiding, but I liked the fact she had moved closer to me.  After all that had transpired today, I wanted to reassure her I wasn’t mad at her. I watched her patiently and wrapped my arm around her shoulder. She was glowing with a smile. It was probably was the most beautiful thing I had seen all day.  “I guess we are entertaining,” I smirked.

The waitress came and took our orders and then it was back to just the two of us again. It was nice to glance around and see various people, but it was even better to turn and look at the beautiful brunette who sat next to me smiling. 

“What are you smiling for?” I was intrigued because she hadn’t stopped smiling since our close encounter of the romantic kind.

She nodded her head. “It’s nice to be among people.”

“What my company not enough for you?”

Her smile faded quickly, “no, I … I, “she stammered.

“I’m kidding!” I quickly added putting my hand on her hand.

She took a deep breath in relief. “We were quiet for so long today, it’s just nice to hear other people’s conversations.”

“We don’t need to be quiet tomorrow Sonny.”

She seemed to relax even more and laid her head on my shoulder.

“Tired,” I asked her wrapping my arm around her shoulder pulling her even closer to me.

“Yes and Comfortable.”

A part of me felt guilty for that comfort she was feeling. I was feeling it too and it wasn’t something that was good for either of us.  I could feel myself growing even more attached to her and ever more attracted to everything about her. And this was more of a job hazard than anything I had done overseas.  In the past I had always been able to walk away from situations, and now as I was with her, I wasn’t entirely sure I could walk away.

I hugged her a little tighter to me and took in the scent of her.  I liked the feeling of her against my body and I liked the feeling of having someone by my side. I had come to the conclusion since boarding the plane with her in Tel Aviv, I was tired of being alone.  Even when I was with Paige, we were alone, not doing things together but doing things we felt were important only for us individually. She had her job and I had mine. It wasn’t often that the two coincided. I longed for the closeness and togetherness of a daily routine.  I was coming to the realization I had enjoyed my time in Albuquerque with her. Even if it was under an extreme amount of stress.  I found myself wanting to do more with her, to travel with her, wake up and have coffee with her. Plain and simple I wanted to be with her as much as I could.