The Protector (27 page)

“No, I am sorry Sonny. I don’t want you in any more danger than you already are in. And I don’t want to hurt you.” His tone was apologetic and sincere. 

My hand instinctively reached up and rubbed his cheek. I hadn’t noticed it before, but he hadn’t shaved that morning and there was definite stubble.  We both looked down and his hand gently covered mine. The moment sent shockwaves through every part of my body.  He slowly moved his face away and moved his cheek along mine. He moved his lips to my cheek where he kissed softly. His lips then traveled to my temple and then my forehead, gently kissing each place. I closed my eyes and shuddered with each kiss.  I wanted to move my lips to meet his, but I didn’t, in fear of his reaction.

He moved back to his seat and sat back. He leaned his head on the head rest and took in a deep breath.  “You intoxicate me.”

J

The words came easily to me and that frightened me. What frightened me even more was how close I had come to kissing her. The closeness of our bodies was tempting. It was much different than when she was asleep next to me, protecting her from the bad dreams. This was different, she was conscious and by my side, able to react to my words and my actions.

I suddenly needed an outlet, a violent, active outlet and I didn’t have it.  I hit the steering wheel with the palm of my hand. This made her jump in her seat.  “Seat belt on?”  She nodded yes and pulled her knees back up to her chest.  “Still hungry? Or did I ruin your appetite?”

She didn’t respond to me nor did she look in my direction.  She was quiet and I knew I wasn’t going to get much out of her. Our trip from Vegas to Reno was going to be a long and quiet one.

My mind filled with worry about what I had done to her. I knew I had scared her and I had meant to do that. But touching her like I did, that was crossing the line.  I drove away from the outlet mall and decided I at least owed her the courtesy of answering her question that started the whole outburst.

“You asked me about the money?“  I paused as I turned the corner and headed West down the street. “I make sure I get paid well for what I do.”

She still didn’t look at me.  She looked like a child sitting in the seat with her knees up to her chest. I wished she would relax just a little and smile. I desperately wanted to see that beautiful warm smile. But I knew I didn’t deserve that. I didn’t deserve the silence nor the patience she seemed to be exhibiting at that moment.

“I am sorry I asked you. I just don’t understand how you could blow through that much cash. And a lot of it on me, a person you barely know.  I hardly see how I am worth it. ” Her words were shaky and not loud enough to be anything but a murmur.  “You say you want me to understand who you are but I can’t, not like this anyway.” She shook her head and clutched her knees even tighter to her chest.

I had nothing to say to her in response. She was right. I wanted her to understand who I was, but she couldn’t.  And it was better if we kept a distance between us.  But I was finding that extremely difficult.  Alison had some incredibly strange effect on me, one Paige never had.

Paige never quite understood my inner ticking. And for the longest time, until she died, neither had I. I was still learning and would probably discover more about myself as days went on. What bothered me the most was the fact that before I met Alison, I didn’t care to know how I ticked. I could care less about a lot of things and I didn’t care about the future. Suddenly, I had this innate need to figure everything out and to discover what my future held.

I pulled into the burger place a few minutes later and as I figured, she barely touched her food. I was going to have to make a conscious effort at dinner to get her to eat something. I also realized that if I didn’t rectify the situation she probably would not sleep as well.

Time seemed to fly by as we left Las Vegas and headed through the desert of Nevada.  I never really liked Nevada, any of the times I had actually gone. Vegas was ok, Reno about the same. Tahoe was nice but too commercial.  And there you had it, Nevada.  The stark desert landscape flew by as I kept my speed just above eight-five. What made matters worse was the silence that had enveloped us.

A

Someone once said, silence was sweet, but for me it was far from sweet it was more like my own tailor made nightmare.  I was afraid to talk to Jack. I was afraid to ask questions, afraid to make observations.  I wasn’t afraid that he would do something to me, as much as I was afraid of upsetting him into not wanting to help me. I figured that if I was annoying enough, he might leave me to fend for myself. And frankly that thought did scare me.  But what scared me more was being away from him.   I felt I needed him.

During the silence, I had lots of time to contemplate him.  I wondered what his relationship with his mom was like.  My mother used to tell me that a man’s relationship with his mother will determine what kind of husband he would be.  What was it like with his wife Paige? Did he hide from her as he seemed to hide from everything else? Weren’t married couples supposed to know everything about each other, good and bad and accept both the good and bad.   At least with me he had an excuse; he barely knew me.  But in the same, nothing he could confess to me would make me feel any different about him.   

I tried to keep my mind off of him, by reading a few of the magazines I had. I even tried to read the book. But each time I was unsuccessful. The words would just blur into one black blob on the piece of paper. About an hour or so out of Vegas, I finally dozed off. I was hoping a peaceful sleep would come, but my hopes were shattered when my violent screams woke me.

I am not sure what scared me or him more, my scream or the semi’s horn that came up behind us as he slammed on the brakes. Once again, my chest took the full impact of the seat belt. I was now sure that my breasts had to be a visible black and blue.  I don’t know how he managed to do it, but he pulled over to the side of the road without us being hit by the semi.  There was nothing around us but barren desert and a few cars that followed behind the truck. I could feel the warmth of the sun through the tinted windows of the car.

“What the?”  Jack put the car in park and turned to look at me.

“I am sorry!” My voice was frantic. I wasn’t sure where the dream ended and reality began. I unbuckled my seat belt and buried my face into my hands.

“Sonny? Are you ok?” He was almost frantic and had his door half open before I could respond.

I shook my head. “Dream, I had a horrific dream. You were gone.”  I lifted my head out of my hands and looked at Jack. His face dropped and he looked past me out the window.  

“This is normal. I told you, you have been through a lot in the last few weeks. It’s normal to dream of death.” He looked away from me as he said it. It was as if he was afraid of our eyes meeting.

I wished desperately he would put his arms around me and pull me close. But I knew that wasn’t going to happen. “You didn’t die Jack, you just left.” I shook my head as I said the words. The dream had been so vivid, in color.  We were in Oregon, I guessed. The green was so vibrant and it was wet.  I could almost feel the humidity on my face. We were together in a parking lot, just him and I.  I had turned to talk to him and he was no longer there.  “You didn’t say a word. You stopped someplace and then you were gone. You left. I thought someone had hurt you. But then some old man came and told me that you had left. “

A strange, almost painful look crossed his face. He still didn’t look at me. He just sat there for what seemed like an eternity.  Cars and trucks passed our parked car at great speed. The afternoon sun was beginning to drift down. I guessed it was about three or four o’clock. But I wasn’t sure.

He finally took a deep breath in. “I’m here and I am not leaving you until we get this mess straightened out ok?”

I nodded my head with a yes. I couldn’t form any words.

“I am serious.  I am not leaving your side until I know you are safe.” This time as the words came off of his tongue he looked at me. “OK?”

Again, I nodded wishing desperately he would touch me, but he didn’t.

“Alison, please understand,” he pleaded.  “I don’t have the strength to leave you right now.”

“Strength?” I repeated his word, but I wasn’t quite sure why he said what he did.

“Just….” He looked back out the front window. “I am not going anywhere until you are safe.  And when I do leave you, I will let you know.”  His voice was reassuring and sad.

I said nothing for a few minutes. Letting his words sink into my consciousness. “It was just a bad dream that’s all,” I finally answered back.

“Sure you are ok? Do you need to get out and walk around?”

I desperately wanted to stretch my legs. But this was not the place for a quiet stroll.  The cars were still whipping past us at break neck speed. And the sudden thought of coming across a snake outside the car door, scared me more than any one person with a gun trying to kill me. I quickly nodded my head no.  “Let’s just keep driving.”

“We’ll stop here in a little bit. We should hit Tonopah pretty quickly. We can stay there tonight if you want?” 

His question was sincere, but I was sure he wanted to continue on. The farther we got away from Arizona the better.  “We can go on to Reno, I’m fine. It was just a dream.”

Once again the only sound came from the car’s engine. I didn’t know what to say and I was pretty sure he didn’t know what to say either. Our whole trip, 10 or so hours had been spent with little conversation. And if there was conversation it usually involved fireworks.  I was beginning to believe that maybe the saying silence is golden was right.  It seemed that Jack and I were like oil and water.   Out of the blue, the silence ended. I wasn’t sure where we were, somewhere outside of Tonopah. The landscape was still barren and there really wasn’t much to look at as we drove Northwest toward Reno.

“You know I always liked being alone. I like the silence, but this is killing me Alison. Talk to me. Please!”  He was pleading with me and I wasn’t sure what to say to him or how to answer him.

Finally, I looked at him exasperated.  “I’m afraid to.”

“Please?” His tone did not change. .  The please came through teeth clenched in a fake grin. “I promise, I will be nice. Just talk to me. Pick any subject. Tell me about school, your parents, your favorite movies, music. Anything.”  He sounded frustrated now and worried.  If anything I had thought he was enjoying the silence.

“Are we going to have some reciprocation here? “ I wasn’t sure what his response would be but at this point I was in agreement. I had enough of the silence. 

“Keep the subjects neutral and we are good.”  His eyes stayed on the road as he passed a truck doing ninety. 

“You mean keep it to subjects you’re willing to discuss,” I asked half heartedly

He smiled a bright smile at me. And so the conversation started.  We started with music and the subjects expanded from there.  There was reciprocation and the conversation was light. We even laughed. I learned his favorite band was the Eagles and he learned one of mine was Queen. I thought he was going to die laughing when he heard that.  “Queen?”

“Queen,” I reaffirmed. There is something about the song
Under Pressure
. If I could pick a theme song. That would be it!”

His laugh came straight from his gut. It was full of pure humor and bewilderment at my choice in music. “I guess I can see that.”

             
I learned his favorite author was James Patterson.  He learned mine was Jane Austen. This didn’t seem like such a shock to him. 

“You seem like the hopeless romantic type. Which one is your favorite,” he asked. I pictured him contemplating my answer. And I watched guessing which character I pictured him as, Mr. Darcy, Wentworth or Edward.  Each one of Austen’s leading men I adored had traits I could see in Jack. There was the pride of Darcy, the stubbornness of Wentworth and the sweet loving nature Edward.

“Persuasion.” I pretty much sang and this amused him. 

“Persuasion? Not Pride and Prejudice?”  He turned his head so I could see the expression on his face. He had a quizzical smirk on it.   “Wow, I guess I see you more as the Elizabeth Bennet, Mr. Darcy type?”

“Don’t get me wrong I love
Pride and Prejudice
, but there is something about
Persuasion
. I am a total hopeless romantic and that is a story of a love that never dies. Wentworth, he never stopped loving Anne, even after she rejected him.  And she never stopped loving him.  There is something to be said about soul mates.  Anne and Frederick were soul mates.”

“So you believe in soul mates?”  His question was filled with more than curiosity. 

I looked away from him as I couldn’t bear to look into his eyes the few brief seconds he tore his eyes away from the road.  I wondered if he was a successful interrogator. He had to be, especially when it came to interrogating women.  No one could resist those eyes. I never thought brown eyes could be sexy, but his were mesmerizing. 

I nodded yes.  “I think everyone has one.  I don’t think everyone is lucky enough to love them in their lifetime but I truly believe that everyone has a soul mate.”  I gazed once again out the window. The sun was falling and it made the desert sparkle as the sun hit the windows of homes that littered the landscape.