The Rancher's Lullaby (Glades County Cowboys) (9 page)

“LJ and I are headed to Nutmeg’s for ice cream next. It’s a pretty day out. Why don’t you come with us?”

“Why me?” she countered, struggling to maintain some distance. “Every single woman in town would jump at the chance to spend time with you.”

“That’s just what I’m afraid of.” Garrett toed her carpet. “Look, I’m a single man with a young child. The minute I start down the street with a local girl on my arm, the gossip mill will spit out news that I’m on the market. Single women all over town will start lining up at the Circle P with casseroles and parenting advice. But I’m not available. It’s too soon since my wife died, and I have to think of LJ. He has to come first. You understand that.”

“Won’t people jump to the same conclusion if they see us together?”

“Not necessarily. For one thing, most people around these parts know you’ve signed on to work the Circle P’s cattle drive. Unless we give ’em a reason to think otherwise, they’ll assume we’re takin’ care of business. And for another...” His dark eyes searched hers. His voice dropped to a bare whisper. “Since we’ve decided that nothing can happen between us, you’re the safe choice.”

Safe
. The answer was one she hadn’t expected...and wasn’t sure she wanted. She certainly didn’t feel safe, not by a long shot. Still, she hesitated. Any man who could strip and change his infant son in less than five minutes didn’t really need her help, but she was beginning to think that there was a lot more to Garrett Judd than her first impression. The man was incredibly sexy, with dark good looks that made her toes curl. He knew his way around a guitar. She’d obviously misjudged his relationship with LJ. Curious to learn more about the man who sent her thoughts into turmoil, she finally reached a decision.

“I could use an ice cream,” she admitted, though she didn’t think something cold and sweet would feed the hunger that stirred in her whenever she came within ten yards of the handsome rancher. She brushed at the damp spot LJ had left on her shirt. “Just, um, give me a quick minute to change.”

She felt Garrett’s eyes slide over her body, caressing every curve. For half a sec, she thought something that went far beyond platonic flashed in his blue eyes, but his grin, when he found it, was all boyish charm. “You look fine just the way you are.”

“Uh, no. I don’t think so.” The T-shirt she wore had been through so many washings the cloth had grown thin. The milky white blotch below the neck only deepened its lack of appeal. If there was one thing she’d learned in her years as a performer, it was to maintain the image, and walking through town in worn and stained clothes wasn’t the one she needed to project as Okeechobee’s newest business owner. “It’ll just take me a minute.”

In her bedroom, she shimmied out of her cut-offs and into a pair of lightweight capris. Though she told herself to grab the first top she found in her closet, she couldn’t help spending extra time choosing a sleeveless tank that floated breezily over her chest to skim her hips. A pair of sparkly flip-flops completed the look, and she was ready. She glanced in the mirror, wondering if she should bother with makeup. Deciding it would just melt in the heat, she settled for two swipes of lip gloss. Her hair was another matter, and she smoothed it into a long ponytail.

The change took longer than promised, but the appreciative gleam in Garrett’s eyes told her he didn’t mind the wait. She shrugged his glance aside with a reminder that they’d opted for friendship. Spending a couple of hours with him and his son was just one friend doing another a favor. No more. No less.

Yeah, you keep telling yourself that. Maybe one day, you’ll believe it.

At the base of the stairs, Garrett settled LJ into a stroller. From the diaper bag, he pulled out a baggie filled with cereal. “It keeps him busy.” The pieces he scattered across the tray chipped away another chunk of his reluctant-father image.

A short walk brought them to a small sandwich shop across from the town square. Lisa chose chocolate from several containers of house-churned ice cream while Garrett opted for two vanilla cones. Their purchases nestled in a cardboard tray, he pushed the stroller across the street to the green space that ran down the center of town. In the shade of the bandstand, they settled on a bench.

Lisa grinned when Garrett tugged LJ’s shirt off before he held the baby’s cone within licking distance. She giggled when a pair of blue eyes so much like his dad’s crinkled at the first taste of the cold treat. In minutes, the boy had more on him than in him, while she and Garrett raced to eat their ice cream before it melted.

“Hold on a sec,” Garrett said after running a washcloth over his son and slipping the boy’s shirt back on. “LJ’s not the only one who needs a wipe.”

Garrett’s fingers barely brushed her skin as he dabbed at a sticky spot on her cheek. He paused, his hand cupping her chin. This time, she was sure a decidedly more-than-friendly gleam flashed in his blue eyes. But he only took another swipe at the smudge before he slipped the damp cloth into a plastic bag.

“Now that Mom knows LJ can survive my care, I imagine she’ll expect me to watch the little tyrant every Sunday.” Crossing his booted feet at the ankles, Garrett stretched one arm along the top of the bench. His lips slanted to one side, his eyes warming. “I was thinking I’d take him on a picnic next week. I know a pretty spot not far from the Circle P. Why don’t you join us?”

Lisa stopped playing “Itsy Bitsy Spider” with LJ. Withdrawing her hand, she curled her fingers inward. An impromptu trip down the street for ice cream was one thing. Regular outings with the rancher and his son, something else entirely. Hanging out with Garrett and his son was just asking for trouble. She shook her head. “No,” she said. “I’m afraid I can’t.”

“Oh?” Garrett’s arm tensed on the seat back behind her. Something that looked a lot like hurt flashed in his eyes. He blinked, and it faded. “You have other plans?”

“No other plans.” In the weeks they’d known one another, she hadn’t lied to him. She wasn’t about to start now. “I just don’t think it’s a good idea. That’s all.”

Lisa glanced down at LJ, who eyed her sleepily. The urge to cuddle the baby against her chest was so strong, it actually hurt. Garrett had chosen to spend time with her because he considered her to be a safe choice. But there was nothing safe about getting involved with Garrett, or his son. At least not for her.

“I can’t, Garrett. It’s not you. It’s...” She took a breath. “It’s LJ. I can’t be around him.”

* * *

G
ARRETT
REMOVED
HIS
arm from its comfortable position along the back of the bench. He resettled his Stetson on his head and stared at the boy who grinned up sleepily. Sure, the kid had his moments. In all likelihood, he’d grow up to be too much like his dad. But, just like he did, the boy wore his heart on his sleeve. He had no doubt LJ was smitten with Lisa. She cared for the boy, too. He saw it in the way she spooned ice cream into the baby’s mouth like a mother bird feeding a chick. Whether she realized it or not, she’d already developed a special tone she used only when she was talking about the boy. The squirmy little munchkin fit handily in her arms. She hadn’t even cried foul when the kid had used her T-shirt as his own personal bib.

So, what was the problem?

Briefly he considered giving in to her demands, whether they made sense or not. Something in his heart made him reconsider.

“Hold on a sec,” he said, placing one hand on her knee. He leaned forward, pulling a couple of bottles of water from the diaper bag. He handed one to her.

“What’s going on?” he asked. When Lisa gave him an innocent look, he refused to back down. “
Really
going on?”

Her dark eyes clouded over. She took a breath that seemed to shudder through her chest. “Being around LJ is a constant reminder that I can’t have children of my own.”

“And you think the best way to solve the problem is to avoid it?” He shook his head. Lisa had been giving him advice ever since the day they met, but he’d tried the same tactics and knew they wouldn’t work. He leaned a bit closer.

“Don’t fool yourself. As a guy who recently hung up his track shoes, I can tell you that running away won’t help. When Arlene died, I thought my life was over. I couldn’t even stand to look at LJ because, every time I did, it only reminded me that she was gone.” His voice thinned and he cleared his throat. “It took a while, but I finally realized that ignoring our son wouldn’t bring his mother back. My attitude was only hurting the both of us.”

He could practically see the wheels turning as Lisa stared at LJ. Her mouth gaped open. She closed it. When her lips parted again, he had to lean in to hear the barely whispered words.

“I know my way isn’t the best. But I don’t know what else to do.”

Garrett gave her shoulder a squeeze. “You don’t strike me as the kind of person who’d spend the rest of her life feeling sorry for herself. Look at what you did after you found out about Brad and Jessie. You could’ve let them walk all over you. But you didn’t. You changed things up, moved on. You struck out on your own. Opened the music store here in town. You can do the same thing with this, too. Find a solution that works for you.”

The tears that welled in Lisa’s eyes stirred a need to wrap his arm around her. She pulled on her hair, her voice shaky. “My whole life, I’ve had only two dreams. To play music and have a family of my own. When the doctors told me I had to give up performing in order to have a baby, quitting the band was the hardest decision I ever made. But the joke was on me. Jessie was the one who got pregnant.” She took a shuddery breath and straightened.

“Don’t forget,” Garrett reminded, “you found a way to make music work for you. You write songs, perform. You might not be onstage at the Grand Ole Opry, but your music, it makes you happy. It makes the people around you happy. You’ll do the same thing where children are concerned.” He paused, thinking. “You don’t have to have a baby of your own to have a child. You could adopt. Become a foster parent.”

“You’ve been reading my mind again, haven’t you.”

The smile that teased at the corners of her eyes let him know he was on the right track. Beneath his hand, her shoulder relaxed.

“Once the shock of finding out I couldn’t ever have a baby wore off, I started thinking about adoption. I even looked at a couple of websites, but the whole process... There’s a lot to take in.”

“Don’t make the same mistake I did by trying to tackle everything at once. That’s what I did today and nearly got myself and LJ into big trouble. Luckily I found someone to help out. You.” He stroked the smooth skin of her upper arm. “As for adoption, I don’t have any answers for you, but I know someone who might. Talk to Sarah. Before she and Ty got married, she was a social worker. Chris and Tim are their foster children. She says there are a lot of kids out there who need homes.”

Lisa shrugged. “I guess talking couldn’t hurt.”

“That’s my girl.” When it came to music, Lisa refused to move on to the next song until he played it perfectly. It was his turn to return the favor. He stretched. “On the ranch, sometimes a cow will birth a weakling. One that can’t even suck from the teat. We don’t let that calf die. If we have to, we bottle-feed it. But every day, we try to get it to nurse from its mama. Little by little, the calf gets stronger, nurses longer. Maybe you should do that. Build up your baby muscles. So to speak.” The sparkle that came into Lisa’s eyes made him grin.

“Baby muscles, huh?” She touched her fist to his arm. “Crazy as it sounds, it might actually work.”

“We can start small,” Garrett said agreeably. “Not with a picnic. That might be too much for the first time.” He pretended to give the matter some thought. “I’d planned to take LJ for his first horseback ride soon. I know. We’ll do it in two weeks. You can come and watch.” When her brow furrowed, he held his breath, not sure he wanted to know why her answer mattered so much.

“Yeah,” she whispered at last. “I can do that.”

She looked so vulnerable, so uncertain that he wanted to give her something she could hold on to until then. Angling for a kiss, he leaned closer. Lisa’s hand on his chest warmed him, but stopped him all the same.

“Hold it right there, cowboy,” she said, tipping her head up to face him. “Unless you want women with casseroles lined up at the Circle P by the time you get home, you might want to think about what you’re doing out here—” she gestured to the traffic that crept along on either side of the park “—where everyone can see.”

She was right. Kissing her in the middle of town would put them on the radar of every biddy on the grapevine. In fact, kissing her at all ranked pretty low on the list of things he should be doing. Not with LJ sleeping in the stroller at their feet. Not as long as she insisted they stay friends. Only friends. Not as long as she could pull up stakes and move on. Reluctantly, he stood. “I need to get to the ranch. LJ’s gonna need his dinner and a bath before bedtime. Plus, I want to clean up the mess he and I made before Mom and the rest of the gang get back.”

“Time for me to get going, too. I have a few things to finish before I open the shop tomorrow. See you for practice tomorrow night? And at the jam on Tuesday?”

“Wouldn’t miss it.” To give his fingers something to do besides reach for her, he grabbed the stroller handle and pushed LJ toward his truck. Buckling his son into the car seat a few minutes later, Garrett allowed himself a single glance at the woman who climbed the stairs to her apartment.

He probably should have told her he was sorry as hell she couldn’t have a baby of her own. But he hadn’t. Because that would have been a lie, and he didn’t want to lie to her. Truth was, if there was even a chance Lisa could get pregnant, he’d head in the opposite direction so fast she’d only see his tracks in the dust.

Chapter Seven

Two weeks later, Lisa poured a generous dollop of cream into her cup. She stirred a spoon through the milky mixture and inhaled the scent of fresh-brewed coffee. Her tummy wobbled the tiniest bit, and she lowered the cup as her desire for a hot drink on an equally hot afternoon waned.

“So, Garrett tells me you might be interested in becoming a foster parent.” Apparently unfazed by the heat, Sarah downed a healthy swig from her own mug. Wrapping her fingers around her cup, the redhead leaned forward, her expression earnest. “There are far more kids who need placement than there are homes. My old supervisor will jump at the chance to sign you on.”

“Hold up, now.” Lisa shifted, uncomfortable on the leather sofa in the Circle P’s great room. Giving up on the coffee, she slid her cup onto a nearby table. Instead, she chose a plain shortbread from the tray of elaborate treats Sarah had placed between them. “I never said I wanted to become a foster parent.”

“Oh?” Sarah frowned, her disappointment evident. “I must have misunderstood.”

“I told Garrett I wanted to look into adoption.” A fact the rancher must have failed to mention when he set up this meeting. Lisa glanced at her watch and relaxed the tiniest bit. LJ would sleep for at least another hour. Plenty of time to learn the ins and outs of working with the Department of Children and Families before the boy’s first horseback ride. She propped one elbow on her knee, eager to take the first step in starting her own family.

“Why, that’s even better,” Sarah exclaimed. “Imagine taking children who’ve bounced from one home to another for years and giving them a sense of permanence, of belonging. It’s so rewarding. For you, and for them.” Her voice dropped into a conspiratorial whisper. “You’d never know it to see them now, but Chris and Tim were headed for serious trouble before we took them in. Why, they were so wild, they practically burned the Circle P to the ground when they first got here. Once they understood that we’d love and support them, no matter what, they turned a corner. My sister-in-law, Emma, is a professional chef. The boys are training with her and going to night school. By the time they’re ready to strike out on their own, they’ll have the skills and education to earn a good living. Most kids in the foster care system never get that chance.”

Lisa’s stomach sank with the realization that her hostess had overlooked a few critical details. She lowered the uneaten cookie to the center of her napkin. “I think you’ve gotten the wrong idea. My ex and I tried everything to get pregnant. Nothing worked. At least, nothing worked for me. Now that he and his girlfriend are expecting, it’s pretty obvious that he’s not the one with the problem.”

“Oh, wow.”

When Sarah’s eyes filled with sympathy, Lisa thought they both might end up in tears. She waved a hand. “I was devastated, but I’m working through it,” she insisted. “I was thinking, though...if I can’t have a baby of my own, maybe adoption is the answer.”

“A baby. You want to adopt a baby.” Comprehension smoothed the lines that had crossed Sarah’s forehead.

Lisa didn’t understand when her hostess bowed her head and shook it. She held her breath, certain she wouldn’t like whatever came next.

“Adopting a baby is tougher than you’d think,” Sarah said, looking up. “Nearly impossible.”

“Why?” It didn’t make sense. According to the former social worker, the foster care system was bursting at the seams. “Didn’t you just say there were tons of kids out there who need homes?”

“Not babies. Those are scarcer than hen’s teeth. Girls have more options than ever before. The ones who go through with a pregnancy usually opt for private adoptions. Last time I checked, the wait for a healthy newborn through the Department of Children and Families was about three years.”

“Three years,” Lisa echoed. Could she wait that long? She watched Sarah reach for the tray of sweets. When her new friend’s hand wavered between a coconut-topped bar and one with some kind of red fruit, Lisa’s gaze dropped to the pale yellow cookie that had lost its appeal. She folded the edges of her napkin around the treat while her hostess chose one loaded with white flakes.

Sarah finished in two dainty bites and dusted a few crumbs from her jeans. “I hate to tell you this, but I guess it’s better to find out before you put a lot of time and money into the process. There’s more.” She hesitated, not going on until Lisa nodded. “As a single woman and someone who’s just starting a new career, you’ll have a tough time meeting the criteria. Plus, the courts have the final say in any adoption, and they always favor married couples. It’d be easier if you waited till you were in a stable relationship. Unless you’re already in one?” Sarah quirked one eyebrow. “Any prospects?”

For a steady boyfriend? Or a husband?

“No,” Lisa confessed. Garrett was the only man she’d been attracted to since she moved to Okeechobee. But, for reasons that seemed far less clear than they had a little over a month ago, she’d refused to let their relationship go any father than friendship...except for one glaring exception.

She clenched her fingers to keep them from tracing the memory of Garrett’s kisses. The night of the storm, she had wanted, craved, needed the reminder that she was alive and desirable. Garrett had given her all that and more. Since then, she’d seen that same desire smoldering in his blue eyes more than once. She’d felt it in his caress when he dabbed ice cream from her cheek. And, heaven help her, she wanted him, too. But the last thing she needed was to get wrapped up in Garrett Judd when there was so much unsettled in her own life. So, she’d held back. Retreated, rather than let him think she was interested. No doubt, she’d reached the right decision. Made the smart move. Yet she couldn’t deny that her cozy apartment had seemed far too empty after Garrett and LJ visited it.

“Hmm.” Sarah held her gaze for a long beat without blinking. At last, before she helped herself to another cookie, she said, “Well, then there’s the cost, of course. Adoption, even through a state agency, can be expensive.”

“How much, exactly?” Few of the government websites addressed the cost in anything more than the vaguest of terms. Lisa held her breath while she busied her fingers plaiting and loosening the end of her braid. Even though business at Pickin’ Strings had picked up since she’d started advertising in the newspaper, the store still operated in the red.

“For a private adoption, you need to think in terms of tens of thousands of dollars. If you work with DCF, your costs will be lower, but the odds of ever getting a baby are practically nil.”

Lisa placed a hand on her hollow stomach while Sarah spoke. It didn’t sound as if she was going to have any more luck adopting a child than she’d had in having one of her own. A familiar disappointment stung her eyes. When it clogged the back of her throat, she bowed her head.

“Hey, there you are. I’ve been looking for you. Mom brought LJ down a little while ago.”

At the sound of Garrett’s voice echoing through the great room, Lisa drew in a ragged breath. Her conversation with Sarah had been so intense, so consuming, that she’d paid scant attention to traffic up and down the stairs. Straightening, she swiped at her eyes.

“Are you ready for the big event?” he asked, his boot steps sounding closer.

“I think I’d better go.” Lisa slowly shook her head. No matter what Garrett had said about strengthening her baby muscles, she couldn’t be around LJ and maintain her composure. Not now that another door to starting a family of her own had slammed in her face.

Instantly on alert, the rancher glared at Sarah. “What did you say to her?”

“It’s not her fault.” Lisa sucked in a breath as a sudden urge to lay her head against Garrett’s broad chest swept over her. She wanted to feel his arms around her, to draw from his strength. But not even Garrett could shelter her from the disappointment his boss’s wife had served up along with a plate of pretty cookies. She rose on unsteady feet and placed a hand on Garrett’s forearm. “She only told me the truth—that adopting a baby is a long, arduous process with very little chance of success.”

“I’m so sorry, Lisa,” Sarah murmured from her seat.

“It’s better to find out now,” Lisa said, struggling to put on a brave face. “But I should go. I need to think about everything you’ve told me.” She managed only one step toward the door before Garrett placed his strong hand over hers, trapping it in place.

“Stay,” he pleaded. “If only for a little while. Everyone will be disappointed if we have to postpone.”

Lisa let her brows knit. “You’d wait to take LJ on his first horseback ride...for me?” That possibility hadn’t even crossed her mind.

“Well, sure.” Garrett shrugged. “We’re doing this for you as much as for him. Besides—” his dark eyes glittered “—I want you to be here.”

When he put it that way, how could she leave?

* * *

U
NCERTAIN
HOW
TO
proceed if Lisa insisted on walking out the door, Garrett drew in a deep breath. He shouldn’t care. Shouldn’t give a damn whether she stayed to see LJ take his first horseback ride or not. After all, it wasn’t as if they were a couple or anything. In fact, she’d made her decision to keep her distance pretty clear. She probably wasn’t going to stick around anyway. As far as he knew, Lisa would sell Pickin’ Strings and move on by the time LJ cut his first molars.

But...

He let a ragged breath seep through his lips. But ever since she’d taken pity on him and joined him and LJ for ice cream, he hadn’t been able to ignore the gaping hole in his life. The one it’d take a woman’s presence to fill.

Take Monday night, for example. In the middle of singing a lullaby to LJ, he’d caught himself wondering if he’d ever fall in love again. Though he’d kept playing without skipping a beat, he couldn’t seem to shake the question loose. The same thing had happened Tuesday when, tiptoeing down the stairs for coffee, he kept thinking how nice it’d be if there was someone waiting for him in the kitchen, someone to share the day’s first cup of joe.

In an effort to think of other things, he’d tried burying himself in his work. A tactic that hadn’t succeeded as he’d hoped. Shortly after daybreak, he’d spotted a rare set of panther tracks in a bare patch of sand and wished there was someone waiting at home, eager to hear all about it. As for the nights, well, the nights were worse. While everyone else slept, he stared at the ceiling, wondering if he was destined to grow old without anyone at his side.

Sometimes—if only for a little while—he imagined what his future would look like if Lisa became a permanent fixture in it. It went without saying that she turned him on. He could hardly look at her without thinking of the night they’d spent together...and wanting to do it all over again. Yeah, the sex had been great, but that wasn’t all. She challenged him to become a better version of himself. Even her childless state inspired him to be a better father to his own son. It didn’t hurt that she had a smile that could light up a room. Or that, every once in a while, the way she looked at him did funny things to his heart.

Glancing down at the woman who’d spent the last hour talking with Sarah and was now on her way out the door, he cleared his throat. “It’d mean a lot to me if you stayed, Lisa.”

Something in his tone must have gotten through to her, because she slowly turned toward him. He held his breath as he waited for her answer. When it came, her nod of acquiescence sent a tiny jolt of pleasure straight through him. Aware that he was dangerously close to showing feelings he wasn’t certain of, he forced a casual smile to his lips. Unable to resist, he touched a playful finger to her nose.

“Did you bring a hat? I wouldn’t want you to get burned.” This late in the day, the risk of sunburn faded. Still, he hated the thought of her pale skin reddening beneath the sun.

“I left it on a hook by the door.”

“Better grab it. Mom’s waiting for us in the kitchen.”

He watched her dart across the hardwood floor, unable to wrench his eyes from the denim that hugged her curves any more than he could prevent the slow grin that spread across his face. A grin that slid sideways when a gentle throat-clearing reminded him they weren’t alone.

He gave Sarah his best aw-shucks look and trailed the women into the hall. Halfway through the corridor, though, Lisa’s footsteps faltered. Afraid she’d had a sudden change of heart, he motioned Sarah to continue on without them. He touched one cautious finger to Lisa’s elbow. “Problem?”

“No, not at all.” She swept one hand through the air while he followed her gaze to the photographs that lined the walls. “Who are these people?” she asked.

Garrett glanced at the array of familiar pictures. “Parkers and Judds—pretty much everyone who’s ever worked on the Circle P.”

“What an incredible heritage,” she said, her eyes widening. “You said your family had been here for generations, but seeing it all laid out here is pretty amazing.”

“We mostly take it for granted, but you’re right.” Garrett deliberately scanned the framed prints. “Every one of us knows the history of the land, of our families, through the pictures on these walls.”

“My family never stayed more than a year in the same place. Every new gig meant a new house, a new school.” Almost reverently, Lisa peered closer. Curiosity flared in her sparkling brown eyes. “Are there any of you when you were little? Does LJ look like you?”

At the reminder that Lisa wasn’t the type to stick around long, he cleared his throat. “Some other time I’ll be glad to take you through them, one by one. But it’s getting late. If we don’t get on out to the corral, everybody’ll give up on us and go home.”

“Everybody?” Her eyes lost some of their shine. “I thought this was just for LJ.”

“’Round here, we’ll use any excuse for a party. Today it’s LJ’s first horseback ride. Who knows what it’ll be tomorrow?” They moved into the kitchen, where his mom waited. Beside her, Ty already had LJ propped on one lean hip. “Ready?” Garrett asked the group.

Doris lifted a camera from the table. “All set.”

“Let’s do this, then.”

Garrett hadn’t been joking about the crowd. Practically every worker on the ranch had gathered at the corral, along with so many relatives he didn’t bother with individual introductions. Not that anyone cared. His family took one look at Lisa and whisked her into their midst.