The Rancher's Lullaby (Glades County Cowboys) (13 page)

Lisa frowned. Garrett’s cool relationship with his son was one of the first things she’d noticed about him. “You’ve changed,” she reminded him gently.

“Yeah, but...now that we’re thinking of a future together—that is what we’re thinking, isn’t it? A future? Our future?”

She loved that Garrett could be so self-assured one minute and yet so tender-hearted the next. She nodded. Spending the next forty or fifty years with him was what she wanted more than anything...besides having a baby. But if she thought he’d sweep her into his arms and profess his undying love—or at least kiss her senseless—she was wrong. Garrett sank onto the edge of her couch.

“I guess it’s time I came clean about my past,” he said simply.

“You aren’t an ax murderer, are you?” Certain he wasn’t, she let a teasing grin tug at the corners of her mouth.

“No, but...” Looking downright glum, he studied the floor. “Arlene’s death was my fault.”

Lisa sucked in a breath and leaned forward. Her voice barely a whisper, she asked, “How?”

* * *

G
ARRETT
SHUDDERED
AS
he recalled how he’d spent LJ’s infancy in a fog of self-loathing, guilt and blame. “I’m not sure where to start,” he confessed, his voice so low it was barely audible.

“Most people say to start at the beginning. We have plenty of time. Neither of us is going anywhere.”

“Losing Arlene was my fault.” Bald-faced honesty hurt, but this was no time to sugar-coat the truth. “I pressed her to start a family. We’d been married for several years, known each other since we were kids. It was time. The natural progression of things. Or at least, I thought it was.”

“She didn’t want children?” Lisa’s calm acceptance urged him to go on.

“Arlene always said her students were her kids. Looking back, I think she’d have been perfectly happy if things had just gone on the way they were. We both had good jobs, doing work we liked. I suppose you’d say she’d found her calling, but me, I wanted more. Wanted a child of my own. A son to carry on the Judd name. A daughter who’d wrap me around her little finger. I convinced Arlene to let nature take its course. See what happened. The next thing I knew—” he shuddered “—the next thing I knew, Arlene was pregnant.”

“With LJ?” Lisa breathed.

He nodded. “From early on, there were problems. Arlene’s blood pressure spiked.” He swallowed. As a rancher, he’d seen cows go down with eclampsia. Without a vet on hand, they often lost the cow and the calf. So when the doctor diagnosed his wife with the condition in its early stages, he’d known the situation was serious.

“We did everything the doctors told us to do. Diet. Exercise. Medicine to control her blood pressure. Then, bed rest. None of it made a darn bit of difference.” He rubbed the knuckles of his left hand, the hand that had held his wife’s until the nurses forced him to let go. “The docs recommended we terminate. Try again later. Arlene wouldn’t have anything to do with the idea. At seven months, they said the only solution was to deliver the baby early, but my wife refused. Said he was too little, begged to hold out a little longer. Like a house of cards, everything started falling apart after that. Her kidneys shut down. She went on dialysis. The docs put her in the hospital where they could monitor her condition better.”

“What a nightmare,” Lisa murmured.

“She was three weeks from her due date when...” His voice thinned. He took a minute to get control. “The placenta separated. They rushed her into surgery for a C-section. LJ, he was fine. They whisked him off to the neonatal unit to be sure. But Arlene...”

Banned from the operating room, he’d hit his knees, but his prayers hadn’t changed the outcome. “They couldn’t stop the bleeding. They tried, um, they tried everything.” The doctor’s ashen face and blood-stained green scrubs—they still haunted his dreams, reminding him that his wife, the mother of his child, was gone.

Tears leaked from his eyes. Deliberately Garrett straightened the arms he’d crossed while he talked, flexed the fingers he’d clenched. He mopped his face with his shirttail.

“If I hadn’t been so insistent...” He let his voice trail off.

“Oh, Garrett, you can’t blame yourself. You had no way of knowing.” Lisa’s voice trembled. “I’m so very sorry about what happened to Arlene, but women have babies all the time. You couldn’t know how it would turn out.”

“Maybe not.” Garrett drew in air until his lungs filled to capacity. Expelling the cleansing breath through his nose, he wiped his damp palms on his jeans. He wrapped his fingers around his knees. “But I can make damn sure it doesn’t happen again.”

A soft gasp drew his focus to the dark eyes that searched his face. Gently he reached for Lisa’s hands, laced his fingers between hers.

“One day you might change your mind,” came her quiet whisper.

“Doubtful.” He shook his head. Certain she had to be thinking of her own situation, he tightened his grip on her fingers when she tried to pull away. This was one area where he could offer reassurance, and he rushed to supply it. “This has got to be difficult for someone like you. Someone who’s tried so hard to have a baby. Honey, if there’s one thing Arlene’s death taught me, it’s that this life doesn’t come with a whole lot of guarantees. My love for you is one of them. You’ll always be perfect to me, just the way you are.”

Her fingers went limp in his grasp. She sank back into the cushions as if every drop of starch had seeped out of her spine. Studying her, Garrett noted the signs of someone who’d just had a huge burden lifted off her shoulders. He patted her hand, glad they’d cleared the air between them. It was kind of ironic when he stopped to think about it. Of all the men and women in the world, he and Lisa had found their perfect match in each other.

“Wasn’t there something else you wanted to talk about?”

“It—it can wait.” Lisa blinked slowly. “It’s been a busy couple of weeks, and I think it’s all catching up with me. I don’t think there’s anything I want more than a nap.”

Garrett’s eyes honed in on her. She did look a little pale. No matter how well she’d handled it at the time, having Puck run away with her had probably taken more out of her than either of them had realized. Maybe she should rest.

Unable to resist, he grinned. “You want some company?”

She pushed to her feet. “I don’t think I’d get much rest if you stayed.”

Rising, he wiggled his eyebrows in his best lascivious leer. “True.” When the move drew a smile, he wrapped his arms around her waist and drew her close. “The roundup starts next weekend, but how ’bout we get away together after that? I’ve got a few days comin’ to me. We could head over to Blue Spring. It’s real pretty this time of year.”

He tried to hide his disappointment when Lisa shook her head.

“I can’t close Pickin’ Strings. Not even for a day or two. Not till it’s operating in the black.” She tilted her face up to his. “Rain check?”

“For you, anything.” He leaned in, his lips meeting hers. Minutes later, as he headed down the stairs to his truck, Garrett told himself he had far more than any man deserved. He had a son to carry on his name, a boy who would, in all likelihood, grow up to be far too much like his daddy. He’d been given a second chance at life, at love, with a woman he adored.

He paused, his foot hovering over the bottom riser. Why, then, couldn’t he shake the feeling that something was wrong between him and Lisa, and he just couldn’t put his finger on it?

Chapter Ten

Garrett pulled Gold into the grass that grew just beyond the trail. He tipped his hat to Sarah and Mrs. Brown as they rode past. Two of the ranch hands herded a half-dozen cattle past his vantage point while he waited. At last, he reined his horse in alongside Jake Brown while he gave the man’s two daughters a deeper grin than the obligatory one he reserved for most guests. Carolyn and Krissy had spent the hours before they hit the trail this morning practicing with lariats, trying their darnedest to throw a loop over a tree stump. They hadn’t succeeded. Their luck hadn’t improved once they mounted up. Especially since their new target was a calf that didn’t want to leave its mother.

Krissy twirled her rope in the air and let fly.

“Good one,” her sister called when the business end grazed the calf’s back. The loop clung for a second before it fell into the dirt. The little heifer kicked her heels and trotted closer to her mother’s side.

“The girls seem to be enjoying themselves,” Garrett remarked as the younger girl recoiled her rope for another try. “How ’bout yourself?”

The New Yorker tugged a brand-new Stetson low over a pair of designer sunglasses. “Sure beats taking a cruise. We did that last year. Six days with forty-two hundred new friends. I get enough of crowds back home. This time, we wanted to try something different. Get in touch with nature.” He spread his arms in an expansive gesture. “Fresh air. Sunshine. I envy you, man. You get to have this all the time.”

“Yep. I reckon I do.” Garrett treated himself to a leisurely glance at their surroundings. From the lakes with their densely wooded sections to the acres and acres of grassland that stretched clear to the horizon, the Circle P’s quiet beauty surrounded him. As a teen, he’d hungered to see a different part of the world, been eager to leave the ranch in his dust. Once he’d won his share of gold buckles, the novelty of following the rodeo circuit had worn off faster than a jack rabbit could cross a dirt road. Then life in Atlanta had soured him on big cities. Coming home had given him a new appreciation for the place where he’d been born and raised. It stirred him to tend the land the same way his father and forefathers had, to pass that sense of stewardship along to his son.

His brothers were doing the same thing with their children. Hank often took Noelle with him when he checked the grazing pastures on the Bar X. As for Colt, Bree might be too young to drive a tractor, but he’d seen his brother walking hand-in-hand with the little girl, pointing out the various plants and animals that inhabited their little corner of the world. It was all part of building an appreciation, a love for their way of life. Garrett squared himself in his saddle. One day soon, he’d do that with LJ, too. Had, in fact, already started during their picnics with Lisa.

Lisa.
From the very beginning, LJ had loved snuggling next to her while they played silly singing games or she read aloud to him. Thanks to weekly riding lessons, she’d overcome her fears, endured a runaway horse and lived to tell the tale. He smiled, thinking how smoothly she had fit into his life. How much he wanted her to be a part of his future. His, and LJ’s.

It was time, he reckoned, to take their relationship to the next level. Between the practice sessions and the jams, the weekly riding lessons and outings with LJ, they already spent all their free time together. But he wanted more. He wanted to linger over long, slow kisses that didn’t have to end. To spend all night making love to her. To go on real dates and make plans for a future together.

All of which he couldn’t do as long as his own future remained unsettled.

Tugging his reins to the side, he urged Gold off the trail. Ty lingered among the last of the riders and, spotting him, Garrett waited until his friend drew abreast before he tapped his heels to the buckskin’s flanks. The horse blew air and settled in to a plodding walk beside Ranger.

The Circle P’s owner tugged down the bandana he’d tied over the lower half of his face. “Everybody ahead enjoying themselves?”

“Those guys from New Jersey...” Garrett stumbled over their names.

“Wayne, Tony and Cory,” Ty supplied without missing a beat.

“Yeah, them. They’ve been nippin’ from a flask since we left the barn. We’ll probably want to watch them as the night goes on.” Monitoring their guests’ drinking habits went hand-in-hand with maintaining the Circle P’s family-friendly atmosphere.

“Thanks for the heads-up. How are Carolyn and Krissy?”

“I don’t know what they’ll do if they ever rope one of those calves, but they’re having a blast trying. Their mom’s a quiet one. I don’t think she’s said two words all morning.”

Ty nodded. “And the others?”

This first day on the trail, riders mostly stayed with their own groups. Garrett gave his boss and friend a brief update on each. When he finished, they rode in companionable silence until they spotted a smudge of dark smoke rising from the bunkhouse chimney. Knowing they’d reach the camp within the hour, Garrett took a breath. Much as he hated the thought of moving on, he’d understood from the start that he was only filling in as manager for his brothers. Now that he was thinking of a future with Lisa, it was time for him and LJ to settle down for good.

“I’ve been givin’ some thought to what comes next,” he began. “What with Randy and Royce due home this winter, I was thinkin’ I probably ought to start looking for a new job.”

Ty’s head swung toward him. “I thought you were doing fine here. What’s the rush?”

Stifling a pang of regret that his time on the ranch was drawing to a close, Garrett squared his shoulders. “It won’t take all three of us to manage the Circle P.”

“What makes you think your brothers will actually show up this time?”

Garrett switched the reins to his free hand and wiped a sweaty palm on his Wranglers as he considered the unexpected question. “They said they’d be here after the first of the year. Soon as they finish out their contract in Montana.”

Ty shook his head. “Don’t get me wrong. I’ve heard nothing but good things about how well the twins are doing up north. But they were supposed to show up twice now—when Colt left and again when Hank did. Both times they found some reason to stay put. Maybe they aren’t as keen about coming to Florida as everyone else thinks.”

The high-pitched whine of cicadas broke the stillness. Garrett let his voice drop. “At Dad’s funeral, they swore they wanted to come home and run the Circle P.”

From beneath his cowboy hat, Ty’s gaze honed in. “When a loved one passes, people tend to make rash promises. Now that some time has passed and they’ve thought about it, managing the Circle P might not be what they want to do with their lives.”

Garrett thought for a moment. He’d made a few empty promises of his own after Arlene’s death. Was it possible the twins had, too?

Ty leaned forward to comb his fingers through Ranger’s mane. “What about you? You want the job?”

“More than anything,” Garrett managed thickly. He wouldn’t argue with his brothers’ right to walk in their father’s bootsteps, but yeah, he wanted to stay put. To carry on the traditions of a long line of Judds. He tried out the words until he knew they were right and cleared his throat. “If it turns out they have other plans, I’d like to stay on...permanently.”

“Talk to your brothers, then. As for me, the job’s yours as long as you want it.” Ty straightened. Up ahead, the first of the cattle and riders broke into a clearing that led the way to the corrals by the bunkhouse.

Before the Circle P’s owner could spur his horse to the front of the line, Garrett blurted, “Think it’d be okay if LJ and I moved into the little house? The one Colt and Emma refurbished?”

When Ty gave the matter about two seconds’ thought before shrugging his approval, Garrett took a breath and added, “Would you have any objection if I asked someone to move in with me? Not right away. Down the road a bit. If things go the way I think they will...”

“You and Lisa?” That snagged his friend’s attention, and the man settled back into his saddle. “So it’s like that, is it?”

“Yeah.” Garrett grinned.

“Huh. Didn’t see that one coming.” Ty expelled a breath. His expression shifted into a smile. “If she makes you happy, I hope it all works out for you.”

“Me, too.” He nodded. The feeling that he’d missed some hint or failed to catch a signal during his last visit with Lisa still nagged at him. He shoved it aside. Like every new couple, they’d have a few bumps to get past. It was part of what made new love so much fun. That, and the sex. He coughed.

“What’s she think about moving this far away from town?” Ty asked.

“It’s early yet. I haven’t asked her.” Hadn’t, in fact, ever taken her out on a date. Not a real one. To someplace with linen tablecloths and candles. But that was an oversight he’d correct as soon as the roundup ended. Grinning, Garrett tipped his hat back. With the prospect of permanent employment, a woman and a son he loved, things looked a whole lot brighter than they had a few months ago. Touching his heels to Gold’s sides, he moved on, suddenly eager to get the cattle settled in their pens and set his plans for the future in motion.

* * *

I
N
L
ISA
’
S
ARMS
, LJ pointed beyond the screen door. “Orse-y! Orse-y!”

“Horse,” Lisa murmured, her stomach sinking as Josh tied a gelding named Dusty to the hitching post outside the kitchen door. An unexpected frisson of nervous energy passed through her. She fought it down, telling herself she should expect a few butterflies. After all, it had been months since her last performance. This time, though, she had bigger concerns than appearing before a group. How would Garrett react when he learned her secret? The question echoed, refusing to be ignored.

“You ready, Miss Lisa? Should I get Lady for you?” The young ranch hand stood on the cement porch, his weight shifting from one booted foot to the other.

“I’ve already loaded my gear in the back of the ATV, Josh.” Lisa hugged LJ to her chest before reluctantly settling the boy into his high chair. “I guess it’s time to go.”

At the counter, Doris sliced cleanly through a palm heart. “It’s not too late to change your mind. If you decided not to go on the roundup, I’m sure Ty would understand.” Barely looking up, she continued chopping.

Lisa smoothed LJ’s dark hair. “Why would I do that? I’m looking forward to it.” Not that she wanted to perform full-time anymore. No, her days having to glance at her booking schedule to know what city she was in, those days were over. She’d found her niche in the music shop. Just as she’d found everything else she’d ever wanted in Okeechobee.

“You weren’t feeling all that great on Sunday.” Doris lowered the butcher knife. She aimed a pointed glance toward Lisa’s midsection.

“Oh, that.” Lisa waved a hand dismissively. “Like I said, I’m pretty sure it was something I ate.” That was her story, and she was sticking to it. She wasn’t about to confess that she was carrying Garrett’s baby. Not before she told Garrett. So far, she hadn’t found the words. Or the time. Certainly not on Sunday evening. She’d planned to tell him one day this week but, busy with preparations for the roundup, Garrett had skipped the jam Tuesday night. At their final practice, he’d been all thumbs and as jumpy as a metronome set at two hundred beats per minute.

So, no. She hadn’t been able to tell him about the baby. But she would. She had to. There was no sense trying to hide a secret like the one she carried in a town the size of Okeechobee. Garrett was a smart guy. He’d do the math. Besides, a man deserved to know he was a father. Whether he’d intended to become one or not.

At the screen door, Josh cleared his throat. “Miss Lisa, you sure you want to take the ATV? Might take us a bit longer to get where we’re going, but it’d be quieter on horseback. We wouldn’t disturb the birds.” The ranch hand swept his hat from his head.

Lisa aimed her friendliest smile toward the wrangler who, according to Garrett, had shown more interest in the migratory birds than the cattle. While she hated to let her escort down, she had little choice in the matter. Hoping the young man wouldn’t insist, she said, “I’d be a lot more comfortable in the ATV.”

Though Lisa read disappointment in Josh’s narrow shoulders, he only plopped his hat back on his head and issued a polite, “Whatever you say, ma’am.”

He quickly led Dusty back to the barn. By the time he returned, she’d settled herself in the passenger seat of the sturdy four-wheeler that had been outfitted to look like a covered wagon. The ranch hand slid behind the wheel of the vehicle parked beneath the shade tree and started the engine. Just beyond the first set of gates, though, Josh slowed.

“Look right there,” he said, pointing. “See those little piles?”

Following his aim, Lisa spotted a dozen mounds of rich black dirt in the tall green grass.

“Burrowing owls make those.” Josh’s voice rose above the engine’s noisy rumbles. “They’re on the endangered list.”

She scanned the area and shook her head. “I don’t see any owls. Did we scare them away?”

“Nah, they’re nocturnal. They’ll be out hunting tonight. They’re real good at helping keep the insect population under control. Their nests can be ten, twelve feet deep.”

As Josh put the ATV in motion again, she squinted over her shoulder at the mounds. What if Lady had stepped in one of the holes while they were riding through the pasture? Glad she’d made the decision to forego the horseback ride, no matter how leisurely, she settled into her seat.

They bumped along the deeply rutted trail for thirty minutes or more before Josh lifted his chin to the flocks of sparrows and smaller birds that wheeled and turned in the sky overhead. “They’re on their way to their nests near the lake. That’s where the bunkhouse is. We’re almost there.”

The sun had dipped below the tops of the trees by the time they rounded a corner and pulled into a clearing. At one end stood a two-story bunkhouse built of sturdy cedar. A short distance from the temporary living quarters, hand-hewn logs formed a large circle around an open fire pit. In the distance, a dozen or more long-horned cattle milled about in roomy pens. Before she had time to take in more of her surroundings, Josh stood at her side.