THE RELUCTANT BRIDE (32 page)

Over
her shoulder Sue gave her that cool mocking smile that was so
familiar. “It's not for another ten days, but thanks for
coming. I don't see many people at the moment.”

Except
Rod. “I was sorry to hear about the miscarriage.”

“
Thank
you.” Sue put the coffee on a tray and Gabriella saw that her
face was suddenly shadowed. “I had mixed feelings for a while.
The baby had become very real to me. But -” and briskly she
opened cupboard doors, put out cups and saucers and a caddy of
biscuits - “it's all for the best. I don't suppose I'd have
coped very well on my own.”

Despite
her jealousy Gabriella felt a sudden surge of pity for the girl.
Whatever problems the baby might had presented, losing it must have
been dreadful and Sue's suffering showed in her face. How could Rod
have abandoned her in such circumstances? Disgust sharpened her
voice. “Rod should have done more.”

Sue
looked at her in surprise. “Oh, but he's been ever so helpful.
This apartment – I had nowhere to live and I could never have
afforded to rent anything half as good as this. And the money -”
She gave an embarrassed smile. “I hope you didn't mind about
that. He did tell you?”

“
Yes,”
Gabriella lied. “He told me.”

“
And
then recommending me for the job in Slough. He could hardly have done
more.”

He
could have married you! For God's sake, how could you be so –
so passive
about
it all? You should have
made
him marry you.

Sue
was scrambling eggs, piling them on to a piece of toast. “You
don't mind, do you? I need to put some weight back on.” She
transferred the plate to the tray and led the way back to the sitting
room.

While
she ate and Gabriella sipped her coffee they talked about the
apartment, about Englands, about Sue's new job. “I'm looking
forward to it,” she said. “It's another step up the
ladder and the firm is very hi-tech and progressive. There'll be lots
of trips abroad, too.”

But
you're used to that, aren't you, Sue? Do you think I don't know?
Gabriella set down her cup, wishing she could carry this off as
coolly as Sue appeared to be doing. “I must go,” she said
abruptly, rising from her chair.

“
Oh,
have another coffee first. I really appreciate your coming round.”
Sue glanced up from beneath her furry eyelashes as she poured. “You
know, I never felt you liked me very much when I was at Englands. You
used to give me such an inferiority complex.”

“
I
did!”
Gabriella sank back into her chair.

Sue
laughed. “You always made me feel like the typical dumb blonde
– except that I'm a redhead. You're so intelligent and
competent, so good at everything, just like Rod. No one was surprised
when you both took over the Company.” She shrugged. “Me,
I'll never be more than a secretary.”

“
I
didn't know you felt like that,” Gabriella said faintly.

“
Oh
yes!” Sue smiled that mocking smile that Gabriella was coming
to realise was not aimed at herself but was self-deprecating. “I
often wished I could be more like you. I even started going to
classes once, Business Studies. Rod encouraged me, said I could do a
Day Release course. But I couldn't keep it up, most of it was way
above my head.”

Absently
Gabriella helped herself to a biscuit and munched on it as she tried
to make sense of this astonishing revelation.

“
I
felt that you looked down on
me
,”
she suddenly found herself confessing. “You were always so
glamorous and sophisticated and well groomed. I felt at a
disadvantage with my sensible suits and sensible hair style.”

Sue's
lone eyes became round. “I thought yours was the executive
look. Believe me, if you knew how many times I pictured myself at the
head of a boardroom table dressed just like you!”

They
found themselves laughing together and Gabriella realised with a jolt
that in other circumstances they could have been friends. But the
realisation brought the reminder that too much lay between them. She
rose again. “I really must go.”

Just
as she was about to leave, Sue touched her arm. “You won't tell
anyone I'm here, will you?”

Gabriella
stared at her.

“
No
one knows except you and Rod and Jenny. But if anyone else finds out
it could make it easier for Martin to trace me.”

Martin?
“I shan't tell anyone,” Gabriella said. But who was
Martin?

“
I
feel much safer now I've left Englands but I know he's still trying
to find me. He just won't accept that I'll never go back to him.”

Gabriella
felt as if she had stopped breathing. “When did you leave this
– Martin?” she whispered.

“
About
two months ago when I knew I was pregnant. I went away for a week on
my own to think things over and when I got back I packed my things
and left. I stayed with Jenny for a week, then you and Rod got
married and he offered me the apartment until I could sort something
out.”

“
Did
– did you tell Martin about the baby?”Gabriella managed
to whisper.

“
Oh
no! My God, if he'd known I was expecting his child he would never
have let me out of his sight! I keep telling myself it's a good thing
the baby didn't live. Martin would have stopped at nothing to get
hold of him.” She smiled wistfully. “You're so lucky,
having Rod. He's such a wonderful person. We went out together, you
know – just for a time when I first came to work for him.”
She sighed. “But you can't choose, can you? It was my destiny
to meet Martin.”

“
I'm
so sorry. I – If there's anything I can do – any way I -”

“
Thanks,
but things are looking up now. I'll be all right. Thanks again for
coming, and – well, I should have said it earlier, but I do
wish you and Rod all the best. I know your marriage will be a very
happy one.”

“
Thank
you,” said Gabriella. She wished with all her heart that it
could be so, but she now knew without a doubt that she had thrown
everything away.”

The
sick horror that flooded over her when she realised how wrong she had
been was something she would never forget. The hatred she had felt
for Rod was as nothing to the self disgust she was experiencing now.
Rod would never, never forgive her, yet at this moment when she
realised just how much she loved him she needed his forgiveness
desperately. Despair filled her and as the time for his return drew
nearer she knew that she couldn't face him.

She
remembered a little Devon guesthouse where she and Bernard had once
stayed, upriver from Dartmouth. A quiet place with beautiful
countryside and river views. A good place to escape while she sorted
out the turmoil in her mind, and far enough away to deter Rod from
following her. Not that he would, she thought bleakly. He would be
glad she had gone.

“
Darling,
don't go,” pleaded her mother when she told her. “Running
away is no answer. Whatever is wrong, stay and talk it through with
Rod.”

“
I
can't, Mum. I have to do some thinking first.”

“
I'm
worried about you. You don't look at all well. I don't want you to go
off on your own.”

“
I'll
be all right. Really.”

“
How
long will you be away?”

“
I
don't know. I've told Jenny a week but if it's longer I'll phone.”

“
At
least give me your address, dear.”

Gabriella
hesitated. “I don't want Rod to know where I am.”

“
But
I won't have a moment's peace if
I
don't
know.”

Reluctantly
Gabriella wrote down the address. She left on the Friday, two hours
before Rod's plane was due.

****

The
little guesthouse had only two letting bedrooms and the middle aged
couple who occupied the other room seemed as anxious to avoid company
as Gabriella herself.

Mrs
Donleavy, the owner of the guesthouse, remembered her. “You
came with that nice young man who enjoyed walking so much. How is
he?”

“
Bernard.
He's well, I think. We don't see each other now.”

“
What
a pity.”

Was
it? Did she regret their break up? No. She regretted almost
everything she had done since, but not that. If marriage to Rod had
taught her anything, it was that she needed more, far more, than
Bernard could have given her.

She
walked every day. Downriver to Dartmouth and along the coastal paths,
across the fields. She took the ferry to Totnes and explored the old
buildings and shops. Dartmouth itself was filled with tourists and
the estuary bustled with small yachts and dinghies, steamers and the
naval boats from the College, but in the surrounding countryside
there was space for all and she tramped for hours at a time, until
her anguish was dulled by physical exhaustion.

Later
she would have to decide what to do. But not yet.

When
she returned on the Tuesday evening Mrs Donleavy told her she had a
visitor. “He's in the lounge, my love. Ever so handsome,”
she said admiringly. “Like a film star!”

It
could only be Rod. Gabriella's heart began a slow thumping. She would
have liked to delay their meeting, at least until she had showered
and changed. She knew she looked a mess, hot and
rumpled,
with scratches on her cheek where a briar had swung across her path.
“How long has he been here?” she asked.