THE RELUCTANT BRIDE (31 page)

“
Don't
patronise me, dear!” Her mother's voice was
uncharacteristically sharp and Gabriella looked at her in surprise.

“
Was
I? I'm sorry. I didn't mean to, but I do think I'm more of a realist
than you.”

“
Gabriella.”
Mrs Stevens reached out a hand and drew her gently towards her. “I
know you think I'm just a silly old romanticist – oh yes, you
do, you can't deny it – but the truth is I see things far more
clearly and practically than you realise. I always have. If I hadn't,
do you think I would have stayed with your father all those years?”

Gabriella
stared at her. “You mean – you would have left him?”

“
Oh
yes, dear, I thought about it many times.” She sighed and was
silent for a time. Then: “I think I've done you a disservice,
Gabriella, by not talking to you about your father. You were so
terribly upset when he left. I thought it best to keep quiet, to give
you time to get over it. But I can see now that your interpretation
of what happened may have coloured your attitude to men, to life
generally. I should have talked to you, made you understand.”

Gabriella's
mouth was dry. She swallowed with difficulty. “Talk to me now,”
she whispered.

“
I
loved your father. He was a wonderful man, wonderful. Larger than
life. From the moment I met him he filled my life with colour and
excitement. I married him just a month after we met, you know.”
She smiled. “You're thinking, that was not very practical, not
very sensible, aren't you? But sometimes things happen to you that
are so tremendous, so all important that you have to reach out with
both hands and grab, before it's too late. Before you lose them.”

“
But
– did you know then what he was like? The other women?”

Mrs
Stevens shook her head. “No. That came later. But if I had –
oh, I don't know. How can you say what you would do if you were given
greater knowledge at the time?” I expect I would still have
married him.”

“
Why?
How could you?”

Her
mother was silent for a long time. Her eyes, looking into the past,
were soft and dreaming. “Because he gave me so much,” she
said at last. “He brought a sort of intensity to living that I
knew I could never experience with anyone else, if I met a thousand
other men. It was as if everything I saw, felt, heard, even tasted,
had something extra. He took life in great bites and he taught me to
do the same. And he loved me so much, more than anyone had ever loved
me before.”

“
At
first.”

“
Oh
no, dear. Always.”

“
He
couldn't have done! How could he, when he – when he -”
Gabriella jumped up from the table, her eyes filling with tears
again. She dashed them away and turned to face her mother. “How
could you have stayed with him. Didn't you have any pride?”

“
It's
easy to let pride blind you to what is fundamentally important in
your life.”

“
But
– he hurt you so much.”

“
Perhaps
not as much as you believed, my dear. Your father loved me, always. I
was the most important thing in his life, as he was in mine. The
other women – they were a drug. He just couldn't resist them,
the excitement of the chase, the capture. Someone new everywhere he
went. But it was me he loved, me he came back to.”

“
Even
so. I've never understand how you could just accept the way he
behaved.”

“
I
told you I was a realist. I weighed up all that he had given me,
continued to give me. Oh, not just the material things, although
there had been plenty of them. But his love, that was as deep and
fresh as the day we married. The wonderful companionship, the magic
he brought to everything we experienced together. You felt that too,
didn't you, dear?”

“
Yes,”
Gabriella whispered.

“
You
and I, dear. We would both have lost so much.”

“
But
we did lose it in the end.”

“
Yes.”
Her mother nodded sadly.

“
I've
always hated him. For leaving us the way he did. Without saying
goodbye. Without even any money.”

“
Your
father had become involved with a woman who turned out to be far
cleverer than he was. She fooled him into investing money in her
business, and then more money, temporary loans, money that he hadn't
earned yet, until he became so financially entangled that he couldn't
extricate himself. There was nothing left and if he'd stayed in
England he might even have faced charges. So he went to Brazil. To
her. But he didn't love her, Gabriella. He loved us. So much that he
couldn't bear to say goodbye.”

Gabriella
shook her head in stubborn denial. “I don't believe it.”

“
He
had always taken such care of us, showered us with every luxury
imaginable. Now he could give us nothing. He was ashamed, desperately
ashamed. He took the easiest way out.”

“
If
he'd been faithful to you none of it would have happened.”

“
If.
If. Your father was a magnificent man and I will never regret having
known him, loved him, married him. But he was a weak man, too, and
other women were his failing.”

They
fell into silence. From beyond the quiet room came the clink of pans
and crockery as Mrs Priddy prepared lunch.

Gabriella
shivered and hugged her arms to her chest. “Rod is like my
father,” she whispered.

“
Oh
no, dear! How could you think so?”

“
There've
always been – lots of women.”

“
Naturally.
He's a very attractive man. But he's married to you now.”

“
Why
should that make any difference?”

“
You
think he's seeing someone else?”

Careful,
Gabriella. “I – I don't know. Perhaps.”

“
My
dear, Rod is a very different man from your father. Rod isn't weak,
he's strong, very strong. I think he's a moral man, too. And he loves
you.” Gabriella began to shake her head. “Believe me, he
loves you. It's there for all but the blind to see.”

“
You
think I'm being blind?”

Mrs
Stevens took her hand and squeezed it. “I think you're a very
frightened girl. Frightened to love. Frightened to trust. Some of
that is my fault and I'm deeply sorry. I should have realised how you
felt.”

“
You
can't blame yourself, Mum.”

“
We
should have talked earlier. But now you must talk to Rod.”

Why?
She could never forgive him. “It's no use.”

“
Try,
dear. But not a confrontation, that's never the best way. Just talk
to him. Open your heart, let him see that you love him.”

“
I
can't! I can't!”

“
What
have you to lose? A little pride at most. But if you don't talk, this
dreadful gap between you will widen and widen until you are enemies.”

“
I
think we're enemies now,” Gabriella said miserably.

“
Oh
my dear, I hate to see you so unhappy. But there's still time.
Promise me you'll talk to him when he comes back.”

It
would be useless, she knew. But at her mother's insistence she
promised.

As
she tried to work on the Company's forward budget later she recalled
snatches of their conversation and was glad they had had the chance
to talk about the past. She had been foolish to put her father on
such a high pedestal. Thinking about him now she was able at last to
see him, however weak and faulty, as a human being and slowly she
felt the hard bitterness dissolving. Did he ever think of her, she
wondered. And was her mother right? Had he left because he loved them
too much?

But
it hadn't been fair to burden her mother with her problems. How could
she help when she knew nothing of the real circumstances, was so
wrong about Rod's feelings? Rod didn't love her. There were times
when he had tolerated her, even desired her when there was no one
else around, but now he was finding it more and more difficult to
disguise his dislike. It had been a relief for both of them when he
left for France.

Inevitably
her thoughts turned to Sue Langdon. Was she with him? If she had not
yet left for her new job she was free as a bird, Gabriella thought
bitterly, and there was no reason at all why Rod should have stopped
seeing her. But had he taken her with him?

There
was only one way to find out.

It
was one fifteen when she got to the apartment. She had decided not to
telephone first, but as she rang the bell and waited apprehension
almost made her turn tail and flee. She saw a curtain move at the
window overlooking the entrance and a few moments later heard
footsteps across the tiled floor of the hall.

Sue
opened the door, seeming as surprised to see Gabriella as Gabriella
was to find her there.

Without
make-up and with her dark red hair hanging loose and uncurled about
her face, her beauty was if anything more pronounced. There were
slight hollows beneath her cheekbones that added a fine drawn classic
look to her features.

“
I'm
sorry I didn't give you any warning,” said Gabriella. “I
just happened to be nearby and I thought -”

“
It's
nice to see you,” said Sue, seeming genuinely pleased. “Would
you like some lunch? I was just cooking myself some scrambled eggs.
I've plenty if you'd like some.”

Gabriella
thought she would choke if she ate anything. “No thanks, but a
coffee would be nice.”

“
Well,
come into the kitchen while I make it,” said Sue. “It
seems strange, playing hostess to you. You must know this apartment
so well.”

Oh
no,” said Gabriella silently. You spent all the happy hours
here, not I! “I heard you were starting a new job soon,”
she said. “I thought I'd come and see you before you left.”
She glanced around the apartment, noting that most of Rod's furniture
remained but there were several unfamiliar bits and pieces that must
belong to Sue.