The Road to Winter (21 page)

‘Now I know.'

As I turn to walk out of the shed, she blocks my way. I try to squeeze past, but she moves and blocks me again. Then, without warning, she leans in and kisses me on the mouth. Not a soft kiss; her mouth is open and she presses her lips hard against mine. I can taste the salt on her skin and feel her hair touching my face. A couple of strands catch between our lips.

She moves away, pulls the hair back behind her ear and puts her arms around my neck. This time she pushes her whole body against me and I can feel her tongue inside my mouth. I don't know how long we kiss for. I'm not even sure if I'm still breathing. I feel myself get hard against her, but
I'm not embarrassed. I've never felt so alive.

At last she pulls back, but she stays so close I can feel her breathing in and out. She's smiling and I can't stop myself from smiling either. She dips her head and puts her ear to my chest. I'm sure my heart must be deafening. I loop my arms around her and we stay like this for ages, just holding each other. I lift her singlet at the back and run my fingertips over her skin, smooth and soft.

‘What are you two doing?'

It's Willow, standing in the doorway.

We push apart, laughing.

‘Nothing,' Kas says. ‘Finn just had something in his eye and I was trying to get it out.'

‘No, you weren't,' Willow says. ‘You were kissing.'

‘You're right,' Kas says, swooping her up in her arms. ‘We were kissing.'

She burrows her face into Willow's chest, blows a raspberry against her skin and carries her out of the shed.

We fry up the abs in the kitchen, the glow of the gas jets the only light. I keep looking back at Kas at the table with Willow on her lap. When she looks at me and smiles, her teeth shine in the glow of the flame.

I try to concentrate on the cooking—I don't want to overdo them or they'll be too rubbery to eat—but all I can think of is kissing her again, feeling her body against mine.

When the abs are done I put the pan in the middle of the table and we eat with our fingers, picking up the hot strips and juggling them from hand to hand to cool them. We're so hungry that no one talks. The fat drips down Kas's chin.

‘So,
ladies
,' I say, in the smoothest voice I can muster up. ‘What do you think about abalone?'

‘It's delicious,' Willow says, picking another strip out of the pan.

‘I've never tasted anything like them,' Kas says. ‘They taste like the smell of the sea.'

‘You wait till you try mussels,' I say. ‘And oysters. Red Rocks Point is the best place for them. If we stay at Ray's for a while, I'll collect some and we'll have a feast.'

‘
This
is a feast, Finn,' Kas says.

She stops eating and looks across the table at me. I can't read her expression in the shadows, but her fingers walk across the table and weave through mine.

We don't have time to sit and enjoy the feeling of a full belly. We have to get going.

Out in the yard, Kas slips the bridle over Yogi's head. We fill the saddlebags with tinned food, clothes and a couple of knives. Then I boost Willow onto Yogi's back and she grabs a handful of his mane.

Rowdy's excited by all the preparations. He's still favouring one of his back legs but seems happy enough to walk.

By the time we are ready to go, the moon is already high. It's almost full and I'm worried it might give too much light, but clouds begin to move in off the ocean.

‘We have to cross the river,' I say.

‘Okay,' Kas says. ‘Let's go.'

‘How's the leg?'

‘All right,' she says, but I see that she's still limping heavily.

‘I thought you were going to ride.'

‘Yogi's got enough to carry. I'll be fine.'

We retrace our steps from the morning until we veer off to find the spot where the river has been piped under the old tip road. There's a wide verge on the side that's well concealed by the taller trees and we take the chance on following it, moving in and out of the shadows. It leads us to the intersection with the coast road, where they built the barriers when the town was quarantined. Anything burnable is long gone, but the big orange barriers are still there.

We need to follow the road for a couple of ks towards Pinchgut Junction. Then we'll turn east along the coast road leading to the top of Ray's valley.

The road is more overgrown here so we have to walk Yogi out on the last remaining strip of bitumen. His clip-clopping echoes through the bush. Rowdy lopes along on three legs next to Kas. He almost looks his old self again after a couple of good feeds.

Kas leads Yogi and I watch her silhouette: even with the limp, I love the way her body moves. Her shoulders look wider from behind and she seems to taper down to her hips. Her legs are bare below her shorts and the muscles of her calves are bunched and tight. I'm feeling things that a couple of weeks
ago I thought I'd never get to feel—the need to be with a girl, to have her touch me, to kiss me.

The more time I spend with Kas, the more I notice the differences between her and Rose. She's less defensive and, even with the danger that threatens almost everywhere, she's fun to be around. From what I can make out, Rose copped the worst of what went on in Longley and she probably has every right to be less trusting. But Kas is more open, maybe more innocent. More like me, I guess.

We are still about an hour from Ray's place when Kas slows for me to catch her up.

‘You know at the meeting in the valley?' she says. ‘When you first saw me?'

‘Yeah.'

‘What'd Harry mean when he said you'd nearly killed Ramage?'

I tell her about the night at the hayshed. About the wire and cutting Ramage's hand.

‘Why his hand?'

‘Because that's where Rose was cut. She never said who did it, but I guessed it was Ramage.'

‘Her left hand?'

‘Yeah. Why?'

Kas takes my fingers and runs them over the back of her left hand. There's something hard under the skin.

‘What's that?' I ask.

‘It's an implant. All Sileys have them. So we could be tracked—back when there was the technology to do it.'

‘So…'

‘So I think she might have cut it out herself.'

‘But why? They can't track you now.'

‘But they can still identify us,' Kas says. ‘Rose always hated it, was always picking at it. It meant you were someone else's property, bought and sold like an animal. Do you know what that feels like?'

She stops. The moonlight is behind her and it makes a halo of her hair.

‘What's wrong with people in this country, Finn? Even before the virus it was so beautiful here; you had everything. But you were so cruel.'

I don't have an answer to that. We walk on in silence. There's a word on the tip of my tongue but I find it hard to let out. It's like admitting she's right, like saying we are—we always were—cruel.

‘Sorry,' I say at last into the night.

Kas reaches for my hand. ‘It's not your fault. It's never the kids' fault.'

The moon has almost set by the time we make it to the top of Ray's valley. To avoid getting swiped by the low branches, Willow slides down from Yogi and walks.

Finally, the trees start to thin and we come to the fence that marks the beginning of Ray's place. I know exactly where the trip-wire is so we go along to a break in the fence past the closed gate. We still can't see Ray's house from here, but as we drop down into the valley I pick out the silhouette of his
roof and chimney against the night sky. There's no light and no smell of smoke.

When we get within fifty metres of the house, I whistle long and low. Ray's probably asleep. I whistle again and wait, then I hear the creak of a screen door.

‘That you, young Finn?'

‘Yep, it's me.'

A shadow comes out to meet us and I recognise Ray's bow-legged walk. Rowdy is already rubbing his nose against Ray's leg and Ray is scratching him under the chin.

‘Jesus, Finn, I'm not runnin' a bloody guesthouse,' Ray says when he sees Kas, Willow and Yogi, but there's a chuckle in his voice. He draws me into a big bear hug.

By the time we get to the porch he's lit a small kero lamp.

‘Who might these ladies be, then?'

I introduce Kas and Willow. Ray brings the lamp closer to Kas's face and nods.

‘You must be Rose's sister.'

Kas can't contain herself. ‘Is she here?'

‘Come inside,' he says quietly.

We follow the lantern light along the hallway to the kitchen. I notice the door to one of the bedrooms is closed.

Ray hangs the lamp above the table and we sit down. Willow climbs into my lap, her eyes wide now as she takes in this new place. Ray winks at her.

‘Where is she?' Kas asks.

‘She's sleeping.' Ray points his chin towards the closed door.

Kas jumps to her feet, but Ray takes her by the arm.

‘Let her sleep, girl. She's okay, but I have to tell you what's happened.' He leans his elbows on the table and sighs long and deep. The way the shadows fall across his face makes him look older than I remember.

‘She arrived here three or four days ago,' he begins. ‘In pretty bad shape. Her clothes torn, cuts all over her, and disorientated. She was feverish, too, stumbling and making no sense at all. She's crook, Finn, too crook for me to look after. I've been feeding her, but I don't have a lotta food to spare. I got her to eat some soup today, but she's just skin and bone. When she's awake she holds her belly the whole time, stroking it and talking to the baby.' Ray takes a deep breath. ‘It don't look good. I reckon the baby isn't far off coming.'

‘But she thought she was only six months pregnant,' I say.

‘She's probably more than six months,' Kas says, and then, ‘Don't ask me how I know.'

Ray goes on. ‘You were right about that cut on her hand, Finn. I reckon that's where the fever has come from. The infection's spread.'

‘I've got to see her,' Kas says, moving towards the door.

Ray glances at me and I nod.

‘Just be real quiet,' he says. ‘Sleep's the best thing for her now.'

Kas quietly opens the door off the kitchen. She starts to move through, then reaches her hand back for me.

The first thing I notice, while my eyes adjust to the dark, is the sound of Rose's breathing. It's not regular. She inhales and
seems to hold her breath for ages before letting it out. Then she breathes short and sharp, like she's panting.

Kas kneels down next to the bed and puts her forehead on Rose's arm. I slip away from her grip and sit on a chair on the other side of the bed.

We stay here like this for ages. I can see Rose more clearly now from the bit of light coming through the partly opened door. She looks so small, like she's shrunk. But I can see the bulge the baby makes under the bedsheets.

Eventually Rose stirs and opens her eyes. With her right hand she reaches out and touches Kas's face. Then she turns to me and sits her other, injured, hand gently in mine.

‘You found her,' she says. ‘You found her.'

Her voice is so weak I can hardly hear her. Kas is crying, wiping the tears away with her sleeve.

‘I think she found me,' I say.

Rose turns to Kas, pulls her in close and kisses her on the cheek. Then she takes her sister's hand and places it on her belly.

‘Feel,' she says.

Kas leans in and a smile creases her lips. ‘It's moving,' she says.

‘We're going to be okay, aren't we, Finn?' Rose says.

‘Yeah,' I say. ‘Before you know it, you'll be better. You'll have the baby and we'll all move back to my place. We'll swim every day and hunt and fish and…'

‘Rowdy,' Rose says suddenly. ‘Did you find him?'

‘He's here. He was waiting for us at home. He was hungry, but he's okay now.'

‘He saved me,' she says. ‘He caught me—the Wilder that stayed behind after you left—but Rowdy saved me. He attacked him.'

I want to ask about the Wilder I found dead in the paddock, the one with the arrow in his leg and the knife in his chest, but Rose's eyes are closing again and she's drifting off. She still hangs onto us, but eventually her grip loosens and we slide her hands under the sheet. Kas leans over and kisses her on the forehead. Then she kisses her belly.

Back in the kitchen, Willow has fallen asleep at the table. Kas picks her up and Ray takes them to the old couch in the lounge room.

I know we are still in danger, but everything always feels more solid, more secure, when Ray's around. It's like I can offload some of the responsibility, just for a few hours.

Ray's standing in the doorway, looking at me.

‘Tough day?' he asks.

‘You won't believe what's been happening.'

‘Maybe in the morning, eh?' he says. ‘I'm buggered, son. Not as young as I used to be. I'm going to get some shut-eye. You should too. I reckon we're all going to need our strength soon. Rose's baby is closer to coming than we thought.'