The Rules for Disappearing (12 page)

“Yeah. Dad, we need to talk. Have you been home yet?” I grind

—S

—N

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my teeth, stopping myself from totally balling him out on the

sidewalk.

His whole body stiffens. “Not yet.”

“Mom’s bad. Every day this week, Dad.” I pace around in small

circles.

His fists are clenched by his side. “You think I don’t know that?”

“She’s gonna kill herself before long. Is that what you want?”

My voice is too loud and customers inside Pearl’s are staring at us through the window but I’m too pissed to stop.

Dad lets out a muffled curse and hits the car roof. “Of course that’s not what I want. All I ever wanted was for this family to be safe and happy.” He kicks a stone off the sidewalk.

I let out a snort of disgust. “Well, we don’t seem very safe and we sure as hell aren’t happy.” I turn to get Teeny but stop when I get to the door. “Please tell me what you did. It’s making me crazy.

Maybe if I could understand it—all of this would make a little more sense.” And I can figure out how to get out of this.

His face turns several shades of red then moves into the purple tones. Maybe if he strokes out, that’ll take care of everything. I feel guilty the second that thought runs through my head.

“Leave Teeny here. I’ll bring her home with me. Go take care

of Mom,” I say.

I walk back into Pearl’s and run straight to the bathroom.

There are two stalls, so I go into the oversized one and sit on the floor, pressing my fingers to my eyes.

The door opens, but I stay on the floor, silent. Two small legs S—

appear in front of me.

N—

“Pearl told me to check on you. Are you okay?” Teeny’s little

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head pops into view from under the stall door.

I rub my eyes to make sure no water leaked out. “Yeah, I’m

okay.”

When I open the door, Teeny looks worried. I pull her into a

hug. “It’s all good.”

She hugs me back, hard. “I saw Dad leave. Does that mean I get to stay?”

“Yeah. Just tonight though.”

Teeny looks up and smiles. “I’ll go tell Pearl and Ethan.” She sprints from the bathroom.

I walk to the sink and splash some cold water on my face. A

pale-faced, dark-haired girl stares back at me and I wonder if the old me is in there at all anymore.

When I push through the door to the bathroom, I nearly run into Ethan.

“Everything okay?” His hand is on my arm. Whenever we’re

close now, he seems to find a reason to touch me. The rough texture on his palm sends tingly little shivers across my skin.

My mind goes blank and we stand there, staring at each other.

And then I remember I’m pissed at him.

I step back. “Yeah, fine. Mary’s staying.”

“She ran back there to tell us.” He shoves his hands in his

pockets. “I shouldn’t have said that in the courtyard. You’re right. If you say you’re from Lewisville, well then, you’re from Lewisville.”

“I don’t know why you find it so hard to believe I’m from

Arkansas.”

—S

He leans against the wall and the dimple makes an appearance.

—N

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“It’s the way you look at things around here. It’s all new to you. And the way you said “hick” that first day, like you wouldn’t be caught dead near one. I mean, you’re from Arkansas, right? Place is full of them.”

He chuckles and I can’t help but smile.

He steps in a bit closer. “And you sound different.”

Good Lord, he’s observant. And determined to invade my per-

sonal space. “My grandparents are from up north and I spent a lot of time with them when I was little.” I’m going off script here, but I’ve got to satisfy his curiosity. “Mom told me I never really found my place to fit in.”

“You weren’t in Health today.”

The doctor’s appointment answer is on the tip of my tongue

when I realize this is my chance to see just how much the suits are watching. “Well, you pissed me off and I didn’t want to see you.

Why does everyone get to leave for lunch but I get busted skipping Health?”

Ethan laughs and says, “Should have told me you wanted to cut.

Lunch is easy, no one’s looking for you. Knighton’s a different story.

He comes off pretty chill but he’s a tight ass over attendance. Probably called it in when you weren’t there.”

Okay, maybe Agent Thomas’s answer makes more sense now. “I

was mad—I couldn’t come ask you the best way to skip class.”

“
Was
mad? Does this mean I’m off your shit list?”

I shrug. “Maybe.”

“Knighton and Thurman are the only ones who care. You’re

S—

safe cutting out on anybody else. Or you can always tell them you’re N—

sick and they’ll send you to the office. Duck out instead.”

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We stand there with nothing else to say and it’s awkward. It’s hard to hold eye contact with him especially since he’s so close.

“Well, I guess I better get back to the counter.”

Ethan smiles and I swear he knows he’s getting to me. The next few customers whiz in and out and finally business dies down. I peek in the kitchen, and Teeny is having the time of her life.

Maybe it was a bad move getting a job here. When we leave

this placement, all the progress Teeny’s made will be for nothing.

But I need the money and the little bit in tips I’ve gotten this week is really nice.

While I clean, my conversation with Agent Thomas rolls

through my head over and over.

I’m sure if you think hard enough, you can figure some of it out.

As much as I hate to relive those last few months and weeks, I take Agent Thomas’s suggestion. I think back six weeks before we moved and there’s not a single thing that wasn’t normal.

Dad worked all the time. Check.

Mom skipped around from one charity committee to another.

Check.

I go back months . . . nothing. My life was pretty damn perfect, or was until I found out my friends were frauds. My stomach flips, just like it does every time I try to think about that night. Everything in me wants to push this memory away, bury it where it can’t hurt me, but I think about Agent Thomas and what he said and I can’t hide from that night anymore.

I close my eyes and I can see us, Laura, Elle, and me, lounging poolside. We were at my house, painting our nails, discussing cloth-

—S

ing options and making plans for the night. Teeny had a friend over

—N

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and they were driving us nuts. They did cannonballs right next to us and soaked all our magazines. Elle screamed, “Teeny, quit being a pain in the ass,” which is what she said to Teeny on a daily basis.

And then Teeny turned around and shook her butt at her before

doing another cannonball.

I open my eyes and glance toward the kitchen, watching Teeny

with Pearl and Ethan. She’s better now but still miles away from who she used to be.

Moving to the tables in the front of the dining room, I struggle to bring the images back to my mind. Flash forward a few hours, and I’m in Elle’s house, headed up the stairs. Sophie, Elle’s toy poodle snoozes outside her room and I bent down to scratch her belly, just the way she likes it. And that’s when I heard my name and the high-pitched laugh Laura reserves for when she’s being flirty.

I push the memory away, scared to hear the words I know will

slice me down the middle. Dropping down in the booth, I physi-

cally brace myself as I replay the conversation I’ve been avoiding for months.

“Brandon, I don’t get why you have to go to those lame dinner

parties. Just tell your dad you have other plans.”

I peeked into the room. Laura was on the bed, phone to her ear, while Elle leaned into the mirror over her dresser, applying mascara.

Brandon? Lame dinner party? My mom had another dinner

party planned for the next night for Dad’s boss and I knew that’s what Laura was talking about.

Laura laughed again and the sound grated on my nerves.

S—

“Brandon, you’re terrible. She’s liked you since freshman year. Just N—

tell her you don’t like her and put her out of her misery.” And then 96

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Elle turned from the mirror and said, “Tell him to be nice about it.

Don’t hurt her feelings.”

Laura laughed again (God, how annoying) and said, “Maybe we

can hook up later. She’ll be with us but I’ll get Elle to distract her so I can slip away. I can meet you at your house later.”

I can remember the fiery hands of rage creeping up my neck.

And then the suffocating pain of my best friends’ betrayal. I did have a huge crush on Brandon and had since freshman year and

they both knew it and now so did Brandon. And Laura, sweet, nice, people-pleasing Laura, was hooking up with him behind my back.

And Elle was covering for her. Those bitches.

I ran out of Elle’s house. There was no way I was going to give them the satisfaction of seeing me so upset.

And then things get fuzzy. I remember seeing some girls from

my school that I knew but not well and them telling me about a party at some sophomore’s house. Did I want to go? Hell, yeah! I got in the car with them and that’s when the drinking started.

I sit in the booth at Pearl’s and try like hell to remember the rest of the evening. There were lots of people, and the music was loud but that was exactly what I wanted. I remember drinking, a lot.

And dancing. And kissing some random boy—I can’t even picture

his face.

By the time I made it home, the cop cars filled the driveway and the suits had made themselves at home. And that was the day I had my first ride in that van with no windows. It was like riding in some sick amusement park ride—feeling the speed and every bump in the road but no way to place where you were. It was the most claustro-

—S

phobic I’ve ever felt.

—N

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That night was a disaster but not for any reason that has to do with us being in Witness Protection. Agent Thomas was wrong—

the only thing that I got out of reliving that night is a depressing reminder of how completely my life has fallen apart.

“You about finished in here?” Pearl’s turning off the lights in the kitchen and Ethan and Teeny are getting their jackets on. I’m still in the booth in the front dining room.

“Yes. Just about done.”

I gather my things from behind the counter, pulling on the ugly gray hoodie, and look at Ethan. “Good night, Pearl. Ethan.” I pull Teeny outside.

Both Ethan and Pearl get to the door at the same time.

“Good gracious girlie, y’all can’t walk home. It’s almost freezing out there. I’ll drive you,” Pearl says.

“I’ll take them, Aunt Pearl. My truck’s right out front,” Ethan says.

Teeny is almost clapping her hands together she’s so excited.

He holds his fist out and she bumps it with hers. “I can’t let my new friend here walk home in the cold.”

Teeny beams when she asks, “Can I sit in the front?”

I can worry and think about The Plan all day long but I’ve

already let him slip into our lives. If for nothing other than seeing Teeny so happy tonight, it’s worth the risk. “Yeah, that’s fine.”

Ethan and Teeny laugh and joke during the short ride home. I

contribute nothing.

“Thanks for the ride, Ethan.” Teeny’s voice is higher than nor-S—

mal when she gets out of the truck. Does she have a crush on him?

N—

“No problem. Do y’all ride the bus in the morning?”

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Before I can even open my mouth, Teeny blurts out, “Yes, and

it’s horrible. It stinks and the kids on my bus are really mean to me.

Meg said she hates her bus, too, because they’re all freshman. She said she feels like a total loser.”

My face is crimson by the time Teeny finishes. Ethan chuckles

and looks at me. “Are you gonna get mad if I offer to come get y’all in the morning?”

“No.” I’m humiliated.

Teeny jumps up and down next to the truck. “That’s awesome!”

I let out a nervous laugh but it quickly dies when I see Mom

wobble out of the front door. I grab Teeny’s arm.

“Girls? Are you out there?”

No, no, no. Teeny stiffens when she hears Mom. Neither of us

wants Ethan to see her like this.

“We gotta go. Thanks for the ride.” Teeny and I both sprint up the front steps, pushing Mom back inside.

Dad helps Mom back into bed and I get Teeny settled in our

room with one of the books she brought home from her school

library. It’s been a few days since I’ve done any laundry and we’re both down to our last clean pair of underwear, so I grab our clothes, a small bottle of detergent, and my journal. Once I hit the steps outside, I hear a faint rumble in the distance and stop. This is a pretty quiet area and there’s usually no one out this time of night especially with it so cold out. I start toward the laundry room and the rumbling gets a little louder. It sounds like a car idling.

I glance around the lot and look for the smoky signs of exhaust fumes hitting cold air. A black Suburban in the far corner of the lot

—S

is backed into the spot and smoke billows up from behind it.