The Saffron Gate (72 page)

^{'Is this goodbye, then, Aszulay? Will . . . is this the last time we'll see each other?' I could barely speak the words. I couldn't say goodbye to him. I couldn't.}

^{He looked down at me, his eyes somehow dark, in spite of their light colour. 'Is this what you wish?'}

^{Aszulay!
I wanted to shout. Stop being so . . . so polite, was the only word I could think of. I shook my head. 'No. It isn't. I don't want to say goodbye.'}

^{He didn't move any closer to me. 'And . . . do you think . . . could you truly live in a place such as this? Live, Sidonie. Not visit, not stay for a short time. Not wander about the souks, or daydream in the gardens. I mean really live.' He stopped. 'Raise children.' He stopped again. 'And endure the differences between the world you once knew, and this world.'}

^{I couldn't speak. He was asking me too many questions, but not the right one.}

^{'Can you see this life clearly?' he asked then, and again, I was confused by his words, and just looked into his eyes.}

^{And then I opened my mouth.
Yes,
I was about to say.
Yes, yes, I can see it with you,
but he spoke first.}

^{'You don't have the answer,' he stated. 'I understand more than you realise.' He turned from me then, going out of the courtyard, shutting the gate quietly.}

^{I sat on the bench, not sure of what had just happened. The red cat came to me for the first time, rubbing against my legs. And then she leapt on to the bench beside me and lowered herself on to her paws, staring at me.}

^{I heard the throaty rumble of her purring.}

^{THIRTY NINE}

^{O
ver the next few days I did what I had told Aszulay I would do. I completed my final painting, delivering it to Monsieur Henri and collecting my payment for the others that had been sold.}

^{'Your work has become popular in such a short time, mademoiselle,' he said. 'The owner of a gallery on Rue de la Fontaine has mentioned he would like to speak to you.' He gave me a card. 'You may get in touch with him at your leisure.'}

^{I sat in the coolness of the lobby, looking at the envelope and the printed card. Dare I think that I could sustain myself by my painting in Albany? Would I find the interest for my work there that I had here?}

^{But I couldn't bear to think of Albany, and Juniper Road.}

^{I walked slowly back into the medina, followed, of course, by Najeeb. As we passed Sharia Zitoun, I instinctively looked, as I always did, at the niche in the wall.}

^{Since that first time, seeing Badou and Falida hiding there with the kittens, I had never seen them there again. But now I made out a shadowy figure.}

^{I went closer. It was Falida, with a small grey kitten on her lap.}

^{'Falida,' I said, and she jumped. She looked up at me, her eyes too big in her thin face. There was something stricken about her. 'What is it? What's wrong, Falida?'}

^{Her eyes glistened. For all I had seen her mistreated by Manon, I hadn't seen her cry. 'I am on the street again, mademoiselle,' she said.}

^{'Manon turned you out?'}

^{'They're all gone.'}

^{'All gone? What do you mean?'}

^{'My lady and the man. Gone. And Badou. I don't want to be on the street. I am too old now. It's not good for a girl on the street. Bad things will happen to me. I'm afraid, mademoiselle.' She put the kitten to her face, as if hiding her tears from me. But her narrow shoulders shook.}

^{I leaned down, putting my hand on her forearm. 'Falida. Tell me what happened.'}

^{She lifted her head. Her lips were dry. I wondered when she had last eaten. 'My lady and the men. They fight.'}

^{'Etienne? She fought with Monsieur Duverger?'}

^{'All men, mademoiselle. Monsieur Olivier and Aszulay and Monsieur Etienne. Always fighting. Badou is very sad. He is afraid. He cries and cries.'}

^{I licked my own lips, suddenly as dry as Falida's. 'But. . . Where did they go? And who? Was it Manon and Etienne and Badou? Did they go somewhere?'}

^{Falida shook her head. 'The other one. Monsieur Olivier. He said he take my lady, but not Badou. He don't want Badou. My lady said she give Badou to Monsieur Etienne. But Aszulay talk to Monsieur Etienne, then Monsieur Etienne fight with my lady and goes away and don't come back. My lady . . . she so angry. Badou and me hide. We afraid. She bad when she angry; she hit us. We hide here, but then night comes, and I don't know what to do. Badou hungry, cries more all the time. I take him back to my lady, she give me a paper, and bag with Badou's clothes. She tell me take him to Aszulay, and give Aszulay paper.'}

^{'And . . . did you?'}

^{Falida nodded. 'Aszulay not there. I leave Badou with servant: She tell me go away.' Falida put her face against the kitten, and once more tears shone on her cheeks.}

^{'When did this happen?' I asked.}

^{'Two nights I on street,' she said.}

^{'Do you know how long Manon has gone for this time? With Monsieur Olivier?' Falida shook her head.}

^{'Come with me,' I said, and she put the kitten back into the hole in the wall and stood, and I took her hand.}

^{We went back to Sharia Soura, and I gave her bread and a plate of chicken and couscous, ignoring Nawar's glares. I had the servant heat water, and after Falida had eaten, I let her bathe in my room, giving her one of my kaftans to put on. When I went to check on her, she was asleep, breathing in deep, exhausted sighs. As my room dimmed, I lay beside her on the mattress, and closed my own eyes.}

^{I awoke in the night. Falida was curled against me. I put my arm over her and went back to sleep.}

^{The next morning I combed Falida's hair for her, braided it into two long tails, and gave her breakfast. As the day before, she was silent, her eyes downcast the whole time. Although she was so thin, I noticed the kaftan was the right length; she was already almost as tall as me. When we'd eaten breakfast, I called to Najeeb.}

^{'Can you take me to Aszulay's house?' I asked Falida. I wasn't sure I could find it from Sharia Soura.}

^{She nodded, and with Najeeb following, we went through the medina until I recognised Aszulay's street.}

^{I went to his gate and knocked.}

^{Aszulay opened it, Badou at his side.}

^{'Falida!' Badou said, in a delighted voice, and grinned at me. 'Another tooth is loose, Sidonie,' he said, showing me one on the bottom, rocking it back and forth with his index finger.}

^{Falida kneeled, putting her arms around him. He hugged her quickly, then pulled away, speaking into her face, his words an excited jumble. 'We were looking for you yesterday. Guess what? Oncle Aszulay said the next time we go to the
bled
I can bring back a puppy. And we're going to teach it to fetch a stick, like Ali's dog. And you can help us, Falida. Isn't that right, Oncle Aszulay?'}

^{'Yes,' Aszulay said, looking at me, not the children. He wore a simple dark blue djellaba. He didn't smile. 'Take Falida into the house and give her some of the melon we've prepared for lunch, Badou.'}

^{I watched the children leave the courtyard. My hands trembled slightly. I didn't know if I could look at Aszulay, didn't know what I'd say.}

^{'Poor things,' I said, still in the doorway of the courtyard. 'What's happened? Falida said Manon went away with Olivier.'}

^{'Sidonie,' he said, and by the way he said my name I had to look at him. 'I didn't know if I'd . . .' He stopped, his face so still, so serious. So beautiful. I wanted to touch it.}

^{He glanced at Najeeb, still standing behind me. 'Will you stay for a while? I don't like speaking in this manner, in the doorway.' His face was still unreadable.}

^{When I nodded, a tiny muscle in his cheek twitched. He spoke to Najeeb, and the boy left. Aszulay took my arm and pulled me inside, shutting the gate. I was suddenly weak, and leaned against it.}

^{'I told Etienne the truth,' Aszulay said. 'I went the next morning, after seeing you at Sharia Soura, and told him that Badou wasn't his.'}

^{I waited, watching Aszulay's face.}

^{'He was relieved, of course. He said he would leave the city immediately; even as an uncle, he had no real interest in the boy. He won't be back to Marrakesh.'}

^{Still I said nothing.}

^{'He asked me . . . he wanted me to tell you that he was sorry. Sorry for the pain he caused you. And to wish you well, and to ask that you will some day forgive him.'}

^{I looked down. I didn't know what to feel, didn't want to talk about Etienne with Aszulay. We stood in silence.}

^{'And Manon?' I finally said, when I could again look at him.}

^{'Manon finally has what she always wanted. She left me a letter. She's arranged to have her house sold, and has gone to live in France. With Olivier. I don't know how long he'll be blinded by her; she has the same hold over him she has with all men, at least at the beginning. But if he proves to be like the others, he'll tire of her moods, her demands. Before too long she will lose her appeal.'}

^{'And then she'll return?'}

^{He shrugged. 'Who knows? But there will be nothing here for her any more. Without her house, without her son, without any friends — I cannot call her a friend any longer, not after her final actions — she will not have . . . what is the expression? When you can no longer come home?'}

^{I didn't answer his question. 'But . . . Badou. Manon simply left him?'}

^{He looked over his shoulder, at the house. 'In her letter she wrote that since I was so concerned about the child's future, interfering and destroying her plan to have Etienne take Badou, now I could take responsibility for him. He was of no further use to her. So she discarded him, as she has done to all those who are of no further use.'}

^{He stood in front of me, looking down at me, and then moved closer and put his hand on my cheek, covering the old scar. 'But of course this is not a hardship.' He stopped. 'I love the child.'}

^{I tried to think of something to say, but was too aware of his hand on my cheek, of standing so near to him. I felt the warmth of his fingers, and wondered if when he removed them they would leave a faint blue stain.}

^{'Twice I went to Sharia Soura to speak to you,' he said. 'Both times I was told you weren't there.'}

^{'But Mena didn't tell—'}

^{'They think we are incorrigible. You and I, Sidonie. They don't approve.' He smiled, so slightly, as he said it.}