The Sanctuary (46 page)

“Honey, I’ll be right outside if you need me.” Val kissed me on the forehead.

“Go have a smoke. I know you need one. I’ll be—” Another contraction ripped into me. “Fuck. Just go, Val,” I said between breaths.

As soon as the room cleared, Dr. Will began the procedure, and within minutes, she was applying tape to my back. “All done. Now lie back and relax. You won’t be able to move until after you give birth. From the waist down, you should begin to feel numb.”

“Thank you, Doc.” I rested on the pillow. I felt completely exhausted, and I hadn’t even given birth. I looked at the clock. Four forty-five a.m.

Angela stood next to me, prepping an IV line. “Dr. Stanton is on the floor. He’s ordered something to induce you because you’re at six centimeters, but he’s afraid the epidural will slow things down for you.” She slipped the line in my vein and played with the bags to adjust the medication flow.

Val cracked open the door. “Can I come in?”

“Of course.” Angela looked at him. “I was explaining to Eve that we’re inducing her because the epidural may slow things down. If all goes well, you’ll probably start to deliver within the hour.” She patted my hand. “Feeling better?”

I nodded. “Yes, thanks.”

“Good, I’ll be back in a bit to check on you. If you feel the need to push, do not do it until I’m here.” Angela breezed out of the room, leaving me alone with Val.

“Hey, gorgeous. Jenni went to buy breakfast. She thinks you’ll be a while.” Val sat down next to me, holding my hand.

I wrinkled my nose. “You reek like cigarettes.”

“You seem better. The epidural worked, I see.” He winked.

I closed my eyes. “I want this to be over with. I’m never getting pregnant again. We’ll adopt if you want more kids.”

He laughed. “We’ll see what you say in a couple of years. Let’s get through this first.”

Less than twenty minutes later, I began to feel a rush of pressure between my legs. My eyes shot open. “Val?” I scanned the room, but he wasn’t there. “Val?” I screamed out again, panic setting in. I grabbed the nurses’ button and began to press it frantically.

“What’s wrong?” Val flew out of the bathroom, nearly knocking into Angela as she ran into the room.

“I have to push!” I screamed out in frustration. It was so hard not to. There was an irresistible urge violently forcing my muscles to bear down.

A second nurse breezed in, followed by a whole entourage of people.

“Get them out!” I don’t need a viewing party for this,” I growled.

Angela sat down in front of me. “It’s okay, sweetie. They’re just here to take care of the baby once it comes.”

“Don’t you know who I am? Who he is? We don’t want everyone in here! Where is my doctor?” I demanded. I now understood why women turned into demons in labor. It brought out the devil in you.

“Easy, Eve.” Val tried to move my hair out of my face.

“Don’t touch me. Look what it did to us in the first place,” I snapped.

One of the other nurses who entered walked to the other side of me. “It will be all right. We’re here to make sure everything goes smoothly. Dr. Stanton is on his way. He’s delivering another baby down the hall, but we will get you started.”

Before I could answer her, Angela interjected, dropping the footboard of the bed straight down, prepping it for delivery. “Eve, I need you to slide on down, and when you feel the need to push again, we’ll start. Are you ready?” She smiled from between my legs.

“Can’t they leave until the baby comes?” I eyed at least four other women standing along the sidelines.

“Sure.” Angela turned to them, requesting they stay on call for when the baby arrived. They filed out one by one and left us alone.

I took a deep breath. A wave was beginning to hit.

Angela saw the look on my face. “Val, I need you to hold her leg under her knee. You’ll need to hold her in place. And on three, Eve. One, two…”

I didn’t wait until three. I began to push from deep in my belly with all of my might. I screamed out, just when I thought I couldn’t push anymore.

“Great, that was great, Eve. Relax for a moment. You’re doing well,” Angela coached on.

“Are you okay?” Val looked at me, his hands gripping my leg.

Another contraction hit. “I have to—” I squeezed my eyes shut, holding my breath and pushing with all my might.

“Good, Eve, keep pushing,” Val said, trying to encourage me on.

“Fuck you!” I growled at him.

Val stared at me but didn’t say a word; he knew better.

Angela glanced up. “You’re doing so well. So, do we know if it is a girl or a boy?”

I shook my head, but Val responded for me. “No, we decided to wait and be surprised.”

I corrected him. “No,
I
decided to wait. If it was up to
you
, we would have known months ago. I don’t understand why you couldn’t be surprised.”

Val sighed. “Okay, I decided it was best to go along with whatever you wanted.”

Another contraction hit, this time worse than the first few. The epidural was starting to wear off. “Fuck!” I screamed and lunged forward.

“Keep her back!” Angela instructed firmly as Val and the other nurse attempted to hold me down.

I swatted at Val’s arm. “Get the fuck off of me,” I snarled.

“Relax, Eve, you’re doing great. One more good push and the baby will be crowning. Do you remember how to breathe through the contractions?” Angela asked me, trying to distract me from the burning pain between my legs.

“No, I never took a class.”

Angela guided me through the breathing process, but as soon as the next one hit, I couldn’t focus. All I could do is bear down with all of my might, pressing against the hands that restrained me.

“Arrghh!” I flopped my body backward on the bed after the last push, exhausted from labor. I didn’t think I had the strength or the energy to keep pushing.

“I can’t do this,” I declared, defeat.

“Yes you can, darling.” Val tried to soothe me.

My eyes narrowed. “Easy for you to say. You’re not the one
pushing
.”

Angela tried to stop the argument. “You can do this. You’re so close. Do you want a mirror? Sometimes it can give you a bit of incentive when you see it.” She reached out to the wall behind her and snatched up a mirror conveniently placed in the room.

I agreed halfheartedly. I wanted the monster out. Another surge hit, and I tried to muster up the energy to give it my all.

I let out a deep grunt and pushed with all of my might. I looked at the mirror and saw a curve of flesh covered in wet brown hair try to push through. “Oh my God, that’s disgusting.” I was repulsed. It was the grossest thing I’d ever seen and killed any hope of me having sex again.

Val smiled. “That’s our baby! You saw her. She’s inches away from us. Come on, darling, you can do this.”

“You motherfucker,
shut the fuck up
.” I dug my nails into his arm as the impulse to push took over again. I was so angry with him it gave me the courage to push as hard as I could.

Dr. Stanton opened the door. “So are we ready to have a baby?”

Angela stood up. “She looks like she may need to be cut.”

“Let’s take a peek.” The doctor sat between my legs.

“I’m so glad you’re here, Doc.” I was relieved to see a familiar, friendly face.

Dr. Stanton examined me. “How long has she been pushing for?” he asked Angela.

“About an hour.”

“Okay, Eve, I want your next push to be a really great push. I want you to push this baby out with all of your might. Can you do that?”

“I’ll try my best,” I mumbled.

The next contraction hit, and I closed my eyes shut, squeezing every muscle in my body and pushing with whatever energy I had left in me. I held my breath as long as I could, grunting and groaning as I came to the end. But our little one refused to come out. I lay back on the bed, gathering my strength. I looked at Val. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” he asked as he gripped my hand. The sun began to peek its way through the blinds. A new day was dawning.

“For not being able to do this.” I choked up, tears forming in the corners of my eyes.

“Of course you can do this. You’re almost there, darling.” He leaned over and kissed my forehead.

Dr. Stanton looked at Val. “Do you still want to do what we discussed?”

“If it’s all right with you, I’d be thrilled.” Val smiled.

“Come on, she’s not going to wait all day.” Dr. Stanton changed positions, and Val sat down in front of me with the doctor gripping my leg.

“What did you discuss? Why are you down there? I don’t want you seeing me like this.” I glared at Val.

“I’m going to deliver our child. Is that all right?” Val looked at me, but I didn’t have time to respond. I felt another rush and began to bear down. I didn’t want Val to deliver our baby, but I had no choice. It was too late to discuss it.

“There you go.” I heard Doctor Stanton say. “Now, Val, help support the head.”

I felt Val’s hand around the head. “Okay, Eve, one more push, and our baby will be here. Are you ready?” Val looked at me with eager anticipation.

“Oh God, I’m exhausted.” I closed my eyes. Just a little more. I tried to egg myself on, prepping my mind for the final journey.

Dr. Stanton instructed Val, watching his every move. “Help ease the shoulders out while supporting the head. That’s it. Now loop your fingers under the arms and angle and turn the baby as she pushes.” The doctor looked at me. “Come on, Eve, keep pushing.”

I groaned and felt Val ease our child effortlessly out of me. “It’s a girl!” Val announced, holding her up and placing her onto my chest.

Dr. Stanton extracted the mucus from our baby’s mouth and nose before I heard our baby cry for the first time. It was relieving, exhilarating, and enchanting.

I smiled at Val, who was staring at both of us, awestruck. “I suppose you were right.”

“I had a feeling.” He leaned over and kissed me. “I love you, darling. She is perfect. You did a wonderful job. I am so proud of you.”

“I am amazed you delivered her. You did a wonderful job, too.” I beamed, stunned at how precious she was.

Angela leaned in with a hospital cloth and began to wipe her down as she lay on top of me, cleaning her to shiny new perfection.

“Would you like to do the honors?” Dr. Stanton handed Val a surgical scissors to cut the cord. “You need to cut it right here.” He motioned to the cord.

Val looked up, and I smiled at him. We’d done it. We overcame the obstacles, the ups and the downs, and now we were parents, unified by this little creature. Val cut the cord, and the nurse wrapped her up, handing her to me. Everything was perfect. Everything was complete.

“Oh, Val, she’s perfect.” I placed my finger in her hand.

Val leaned onto the bed, propping himself up next to me. “Why yes, she is. Hello, my little one.”

And with his voice, she opened her eyes and looked at us, letting out a yawn. It brought smiles to our faces and tears to our eyes.

“Can I hold her?” he asked.

“Of course.” I passed our daughter to him.

He cradled her in his arms and began to talk in Finnish to her. My heart melted seeing him hold her.

One of the nurses walked over. “I hate to interrupt, but we need to weigh and measure her. Will you be breastfeeding or bottle feeding?”

I stared at the nurse, momentarily dumbfounded. I hadn’t made a final decision. “I’ll breastfeed and supplement if needed.”

“Very good. Val, please come with us so we can take her vitals.”

“Are you okay with me leaving for a bit?”

“Yes, I’ll be fine.” I laid my head on the pillow. “I’m too exhausted to care right now.”

“I’ll be right back. I love you, darling.”

Several hours later, I was wrapped in a deep slumber with Val next to me in the recovery room. Labor had knocked the life out of me. I opened one eye when I heard someone in the room.

“Good morning. Your daughter is hungry again.” The pediatric nurse rolled in with the bassinet.

“Didn’t she just eat?” I rubbed my eyes and sat up, taking her into my arms.

“Welcome to motherhood.” The nurse chuckled.

Val rose from his slumber. “Didn’t she just eat?” he repeated, his eyes half-closed.

“She’ll need to eat every two to three hours if you continue to breastfeed. If you bottle feed, it will be closer to three to five hours, depending on her appetite,” the nurse informed us. “And while I have you both awake, here is the paperwork we need filled out for her birth certificate. Take your time. We need it within the week. You can keep her here as long as you’d like. Bring her to the nursery when you’re ready to rest again.”

The nurse placed her into my arms, snuggling her next to my breast, which she immediately latched onto. I glanced over the papers on the table. “When can we go home?”

“You can go home today if you want. But we’re going to keep her here for twenty-four hours under observation.”

“Is everything all right?” I questioned the nurse.

“It’s standard procedure. We monitor for jaundice, body temperature, see if she’s gaining or losing any weight. She’ll be fine here. Do you have any other questions?”

“No,” I responded, watching our little girl. The nurse slipped out, leaving our little family alone for the first time.

I leaned back, with her attached to my body. Her latch felt like the grip of death on my breast. “I don’t know if I can breastfeed every two hours. I’m exhausted.”

Val propped himself up on his side. “So bottle feed. And go home so you can get a good night’s sleep.”

“I’m not leaving her alone in a hospital. Are you crazy?”

“She’ll be fine. I’ll stay with her.” Val yawned as he leaned over and began to stroke her thick, light brown hair.

“You can’t stay with her. They won’t keep you in a room. You didn’t give birth.” I shot him a sideways look. “But the thought is appreciated.”

“So let’s go home. The nurse is right. You won’t get any rest in here. Have them bottle feed her then.”

“Are you sure? I mean don’t all European women breastfeed?”

He laughed. “Don’t do it for me. You had a rough pregnancy, and I’m going on tour in six weeks. Do you think either of us can survive on an hour of sleep every other hour?”