The Secret 02 The Forever of Ella and Micha (5 page)

Two hours later, we are fully dressed again and driving to the club to catch up with Lila and the band. It’s after midnight, but the town is alive. Cars line the road, people walk up the sidewalks, and lights shine against the night.

After Micha begged me for five minutes straight to let him drive, I finally surrendered and handed over the keys, but only after he swore not to drive like a crazy person.

He throttles the gas anyway and rips the tires against the asphalt as he floors the car onto the main road.

“You promised.” I stab a finger at him. “Behave.”

“This thing’s weak,” he says, pleased. “What’s it got under the hood?”

“I don’t know.” I shrug. “I didn’t look. I was too busy trying to get here to see you.”

He reaches over the console and places his hand on my thigh, bringing warmth between my legs. “Come on. You know you want to let me see how fast it can go. And then afterward, we can pull over and you can take all that excitement out on me in the backseat.”

“You are ridiculously horny,” I tell him, smiling. “But I’m sure you know that.”

“I do,” he says simply, halting at a stoplight. The red glow illuminates the cab. “I’m on the fucking road, away from you all the time… it’s becoming a real problem.”

Panic strangles me as I think of him being far away in New York surrounded by women who would probably happily take care of his problem. I exhale gradually, so he won’t hear the unsteadiness of my breathing.

“Hey.” He strokes my inner thigh with his thumb as the light turns green. “I know what you’re thinking and you need to relax. I would never do anything to hurt you.”

I smile, but it doesn’t feel real. People never mean to do things that are hurtful, yet sometimes it just happens, through an intense moment, through brief rationalization, or by simply speaking words that only belong inside one’s head.

Or simply by giving up for a second.

People hurt each other all the time.

Ella has a wandering mind by the time we pull up to the club, but so do I. I’m not sure if her surprise visit was a good thing or a bad thing because it’ll make it harder to leave when morning comes around.

It turns out that only Naomi, Chase, and Lila are at the club. Dylan left with the hostess, but no one really seems to know where to—or they just don’t care.

There’s some really cheesy music playing in the background and a woman wearing red boots and a cowgirl hat is dancing in front of an old guy, trying to seduce him, but she’s drunk and keeps falling down.

An instant tension builds at the table once we sit down. Lila targets Ella with a heavy look and mouths
bitch
while nodding her head at Naomi.

I raise an eyebrow, glancing between Ella and Lila. While Naomi’s distracted with Chase, Lila leans over the table and shields the side of her face with her hand. “Remind me to tell you a lovely little story later.”

It’s hard not to roll my eyes at the silliness. “Should we order an appetizer or something?”

“We already did,” Naomi snaps, shooting me a dirty look. “And we ordered drinks, but neither has been brought out yet.”

I hold my hands up in front of me and lift my eyebrows. “Okay, sorry for asking.”

She practically snarls at me and I wonder if a catfight broke out between Lila and her. “Well, I’m getting annoyed with the crappy service.”

I drape my arm around Ella’s shoulder and whisper in her ear, “What are you looking at?”

She jumps, startled, and turns her head toward me. “It was nothing. I was just dazing off.”

I track the direction she was looking, to an old couple cuddled up together in a booth. They’re a little bit rough around the edges, like they’ve had one too many road trips across the country on their Harleys.

“Why were you staring at the old couple?” I play with her hair.

She shakes her head promptly. “I wasn’t.”

I stare at her lip as she nibbles on it nervously, but decide to let whatever she’s been weird about go for now, not wanting to ruin the one night we get together for the next month.

For some reason, I find myself staring at an old couple and picturing what it would be like if Micha and I were still together at that age. The man feeds the woman a bite of his food and she leans over to give him a kiss. It’s fascinating watching them because my parents were never that affectionate with each other.

The more I think about it, the more my nerves own me. I can’t see Micha and me together, old and sitting at a table, feeding each other—I can’t see anything.

Micha is concerned about me, like he always is when I’m acting like a weirdo. I focus on the conversation, nodding my head, even though I have no idea what’s going on.

When we’re leaving, Lila seizes my elbow and rips me away from Micha’s grasp.

“What are you doing?” I say, stumbling to keep up with her as she tows me around the corner of the brick restaurant and into the smoking area. It’s dark and the air feels a little damp compared to Vegas’ dry heat.

“That Naomi is a bitch.” She waves her finger as she talks.

My eyebrows furrow as I check to make sure no one is listening to us at the corner of the building. “Why? What did she do to you?”

“She didn’t do anything to me.” She crosses her arms and her face reddens with anger. “She said stuff about you.”

“Like what?”

“That you mess with Micha’s head. That you’re no good for him.”

My jaw drops. “She said that to you?”

“No, but I overheard her.” He eyes wander to a group of guys standing by the corner observing us. “She thought I was in the bathroom, but I was coming back and I heard her talking to that Chase dude, who by the way is so hot.”

“The one with a lot of tattoos and with a Mohawk thing going on?” I ask and she nods. “He doesn’t seem like your type.”

She shrugs and then quickly shakes her head. “That’s beside the point. I think Naomi wants Micha, and I don’t trust her.”

“We’ve gone over this a thousand times.” I hold my breath as a guy with a cigarette walks by and blows smoke in our direction. “I trust
him
.”

“I think you’re making a mistake.” She picks some mascara off her eyelashes. “I think you should ask him to quit the band.”

“No way, I would never do that to him,” I say, appalled.

“It’s your call,” she replies. “But I’m saying I smell trouble.”

“Yo, Ella May!” Micha hollers from the corner of the building and Lila and my gazes dart to him. “What are you doing?”

I glance at Lila. “Thanks for worrying about me, but it’ll be okay.”

She sighs and we walk over to Micha, who’s waiting for me with his hand extended. “Is something wrong?”

I stare into his eyes, glimmering with happiness. “No, everything’s great.”

Usually, everyone in the band crashes in the same room. Naomi takes one of the beds and the rest of us flip a coin to see who gets the other. Tonight, I get an extra room so Ella and I can have more time together.

After some charming persuading on my part, I convince Lila to sleep in the same room as the band. She doesn’t seem too thrilled about it though, since Dylan won’t stop bothering her.

Once we’re alone, Ella flops down on the bed and drapes her arm over her head. “I’m exhausted. What time is it?”

I glance down at the leather-banded watch on my wrist. “Almost three o’clock.”

“Really?” She props up on her elbows. “Do you always stay up this late?”

“Usually.” I unfasten my watch and slip off my boots, prowling toward her. “And I’m good for a few more hours at least.” I shuck off my shirt, climb onto the bed, and cover her body with mine. Her fingers trace my stomach muscles and the black cursive font of the tattoo on my ribs.

“I’ll always be with you, inside and out,” she reads. “Through hard times and helpless ones, through love, through doubt.”

I lean back a little, bring her hand to my mouth, and gently kiss her palm. “You know I wrote that for you.”

“No, you didn’t.” Her eyelids flutter as I breathe on the sensitive spot of her wrist. “You wrote that when you were, like, sixteen.”

“Actually fifteen.” I release her hand and lie down on top of her, supporting my weight with my arms. “I remember sitting down to write it and the only inspiration I had was your sad eyes—I couldn’t get them out of my head.”

She pouts. “I don’t have sad eyes, do I?”

I brush my finger along her cheekbone and underneath one of her green eyes. “You did. All the time. And sometimes you still do.”

“You look sad sometimes too,” she tells me with her auburn hair spread out across the pillow below her head. “But right now you look happy.”

“That’s because I am happy.” I start singing her the lyrics and it makes her grin broaden.

“There we go,” I say and kiss her deeply, nipping at her lip and tracing my tongue along the inside of her mouth.

She wraps her long legs around me and things turn heated. Threading my fingers through her hair, I caress her neck with my tongue until I know she’s going to have a hickey. Her shoulder shudders upward from the touch of my breath and she giggles.

I put a small gap between us and look her in the eyes. “Does that tickle?”

She shakes her head with a solemn expression on her face. “No, not at all.”

I pinch her side playfully and she jerks sideways, attempting to roll out from under me.

“Please don’t.” She laughs, struggling for air. “Pretty please.”

I listen to her, because there’s something else I’m dying to do. I begin to undress her, deliberately at first, but then my movements turn desperate and I end up ripping some of the buttons off her shirt.

Minutes later, our clothes are in a pile on the floor and I’m back inside her. As I stare into her eyes, I consider begging her to come with me on the road, but the moment is fleeting and I realize I just can’t do that to her.

I wake up in a quiet room with Ella in my arms, and her naked body curled up against me. I wish it was possible to wake up every morning like this, but then someone would have to give up something important.

“God, what the fuck am I going to do?” I whisper aloud to myself.

Morning is peeking through the curtain and cars buzz down the main road in front of the hotel. I watch Ella sleep for a bit, while I run my fingers along her back, until finally her eyelids peek open.

“You’re awake.” She blinks the tiredness away.

I twist a lock of her hair around my finger. “I couldn’t sleep.” She starts to sit up, but I tighten my arms around her and hold her to me. “Just stay put for a few more minutes. I like holding you.”

Her eyes examine me, and she rests her head back on my shoulder. “What’s wrong? You seem upset.”

I smooth away the worry line between her brows with my thumb. “Have you ever thought about what we’re going to do with our lives? With each other?”

She bites at her bottom lip. “Sometimes I think about it.”

“And where do you see us going?” I ask with caution, not wanting to scare her with what I’m thinking about asking her. I need to test the waters first.

Her eyes round and her breathing becomes frantic. “Are you breaking up with me?”

I snort a laugh. “Why the fuck would you ever think that?”

She props up on her elbow and gazes down at me, her hair a curtain around our faces. “Because you have this look on your face like you’re about to tell me some horrible news.”

“It’s not bad news.” I guide her body on top of mine. “But I’m not sure if you’ll be happy about it either.”

She clutches onto my shoulders as she pushes herself up, so she’s straddling me and I can feel her warmth on my cock. The blanket falls from her shoulders and her breasts are just above my face.

“Please hurry up and tell me, then,” she begs. “Because you’re scaring the shit out of me right now.”

“I think…” I stop, remembering my mother and my father, and how things turned out for them. “It’s nothing. Honestly it wasn’t really that important.”

Her face falls. “No, that look on your face isn’t nothing. Since when do you keep things from me?”

“I’m not keeping anything from you.” I’m just holding out for a while until I know we’re both on the same page. “Now come here.”

I sit up and put my mouth over her breast, sucking on her nipple and distracting her. When I move my mouth away, she’s panting and the light reflects in her eyes. Wrapping my hand around the back of her head, I steer her lips toward mine and thrust my cock inside her. She breathes fervently against my lips, and moments later we’ve both forgotten about the conversation.

It’s been a week since the LA trip and I feel like shit all the time. Micha’s been really busy and I barely get to talk to him. Plus Lila started dating Preston and she’s never around. My muscles ache just from walking, my head hurts all the time, and every task is tiring.

I’m waiting outside the therapist’s office, with my bag on my lap, when I get a text from my brother.

My therapist walks out of the office and motions me to come in as the phone beeps again. I shut it off and sit down in a chair in front of the desk, decorated with a nameplate, a cup full of pens, and a tall stack of folders.