The Secret Life of Daydreams (22 page)

As thoroughly as she’d been kissed before, nothing had ever felt as right as this kiss. No one could ever feel this right.

At last, Josh raised a hand to cup the side of her face, leaving a trail of gentle kisses from her mouth to the side of her neck, below the ear lobe. When Sofia trembled and sighed, Josh’s hand fell to her shoulder, and the other one to her arm, until some distance grew between them. She drew a shuddering breath. Josh straightened, then lifted an arm over her shoulders and she rested against his side. His heart beat as hard as her own did, a small consolation that he too was affected by what had just happened between them.

What had happened really?

“I don’t know.” There was a smile in his deep voice, a tone of surprise and reverence.

Somehow she’d voiced the question aloud and the realization brought her hands up to cover her face with a hushed whimper. Oh, help.

Josh’s chest filled with a breath and he dropped a kiss on her forehead as his arm tightened around her. “It’s okay, Sofia. We’ll figure this out.”

Josh was wrong. There was no way she could figure this out.

How could one simple kiss change so much between two people?

Sofia lay awake in bed. Well, not one kiss. More like half a dozen or more, first at the Solaris mansion’s gardens and then when Josh dropped her off at home. He parked and accompanied her to the apartment door and they’d been unable to say goodbye without more kissing.

But those were not just any kisses. Kisses were the ones she’d shared with her ex-fiancé during their two-year relationship. Sure, they’d been nice and Sofia had enjoyed kissing him, but it was so, so different from kissing Josh.

Josh.

Did he think about last night? Had it been as life-altering to him as it was to her? At the clarity of the memory, she brought a hand to her mouth and touched it. The feelings came rushing back: his stubbled cheek and the smell of him, his solid chest and the gentle pressure of his lips. She closed her eyes and sighed.

The prospect of facing him had her anxious. How was she going to keep her feelings from him after that kiss? It felt as if part of her had been transferred to him, irrevocably so, and there was no going back to the simplicity of their friendship of before, not when her soul was missing something, someone. Her heart ached and she lay a hand over her chest. This was the kind of bittersweet pain that didn’t go away easily.

She had never truly given her heart to her ex-fiancé, Rodrigo, had she? She’d held back, not admitting to herself what she already knew, that he wasn’t the one who’d take her to the temple.

And neither was Josh. He wouldn’t even talk to her about the church, let alone attend Sunday meetings. Never mind that he was a member and had been inside the temple. Having a relationship with him and expecting him to go to the temple with her was as hopeless as the time she’d spent with Rodrigo, hoping for him to join the church. Fruitless and hopeless.

No, she and Josh couldn’t figure it out or make it work, despite what he thought and his reassurances. She should have never kissed Josh.

When Sofia got up the next morning, her face wore the emotional confusion and the little sleep with which she’d wrestled all night. Of course she’d prayed on her knees at the side of the bed, unable to fall asleep until much later. But apparently she must learn patience first, and the frustration of unanswered prayers only added to her unrest.

Today was the first day of work at her new job. It was a part-time position as a waitress for a café located in the historic downtown. They’d advertised for someone who could speak English to handle foreign patrons, and when she filled her application adding Spanish and French, they’d skipped the interview and had hired her on the spot. She didn’t have the experience but was motivated to learn fast and hopefully increase her hours until school started.

Her cell phone rang. It was Margarida. “Está?”

“It’s me, Sofia. Just wanted to wish you boa sorte on your first day. How are you feeling?”

“Margarida, come clean. You just want to know how my date with Josh went.”

Margarida gasped in mock indignation. “There you go, doubting my sincerity. Of course I want to wish you good luck.” She paused. “And yes, I do want to know how the date went too. It’s not my fault you’re starting a new job the day after a big date.”

Sofia checked the time on the large kitchen clock. “The date that should never have happened, you mean.”

“It went that badly?”

“It was the most wonderful date I’ve ever been on, and Josh was even more wonderful.” Sofia sighed.

“I don’t understand.”

“I’ll tell you about it later. Nurse Antónia is arriving any minute and I still need to send Josh a message.”

“To thank him?”

“To tell him I won’t be home today. I forgot to tell him.”

Margarida groaned. “You didn’t tell Josh you’re starting a new job?”

“It wasn’t on purpose. I wanted to tell him but…other things happened.” Her voice took on a wistful tone.

“Huh huh. I can tell. Okay, fine. At what time will you be done with your shift?”

“I’m not sure. They’re training me in these first few days.” Sofia gave the clock an urgent glance. “I’ll message you later.”

“I’ll be waiting.”

After she hung up, Sofia blew out a long breath, summoning the courage to deal with Josh. He’d sent her a message earlier, asking to meet with her but she hadn’t replied.

Josh, I can’t meet with you today.

His reply was immediate.
Is something the matter? I’d really like to see you.

I’m starting my new job.

What new job? You didn’t say anything.

I’m sorry. I was distracted.
By him, she wanted to add.
I’m waitressing at a downtown café.

He didn’t reply right away.
Is this what you want?

This is what I need right now. I’m sorry, Josh, but I really have to go.

Okay, I’ll call you later.

Sofia pocketed the phone and walked to the foyer, not knowing if she should feel relieved or concerned after her exchange with Josh. But it would have to wait.

* * *

Josh looked at the screen on his cell phone one more time before tossing it on the bed. Sofia was starting a new job and she hadn’t told him.

He stood and opened the sliding door to the balcony. The morning air hit him and he inhaled deeply. Somewhere not too far, a church bell pealed and a flock of pigeons flew over the terracotta roof tiles, still dark and wet from the early dew. Josh braced his hands against the railing as the memories of the night before washed over him.

That kiss.

Somehow he’d known that kissing Sofia would change everything. How many times had he told himself not to do it? Too many to count. He’d talked himself out of it over and over again, but in the end none of the reasons mattered, and the moment his lips touched hers, he was completely lost to her. He had underestimated his physical attraction for her and just the memory of that kiss roiled the feelings inside him. Indeed it was a magical evening in the secret garden, as Sofia had called it, an evening he would never forget.

He wanted to see Sofia. He wanted to talk to her, touch her, spend time with her. Maybe it was better that he had to wait, forcing him to cool down and simmer some patience. This morning he was going back to the Solaris mansion for a tour of the place and to discuss the job. Sitting and waiting for things to happen was not his style, and rushing something that couldn’t be rushed never turned out well. There must be balance, moderation in all things. And working to pass the time was the only solution that made any sense at the moment.

Later in the day, Josh finished processing the latest batch of images, and scheduled a blog post for the next morning. It had been a productive day. He’d signed on to take the Solaris job and had run the preliminary visualization sketches for approval. Then he walked around a new area in the city, close to the housing projects, the bairro social, for low-income tenants. There he’d met a family with three young children, and now that his Portuguese was much better, they’d trusted him to tell their story. He was going back tomorrow for more images and interviews.

Josh was successful in keeping Sofia in the back of his mind for most of the day. Sometimes he’d thought of how she was doing, hoping the new job was going well for her. But with his work done and put away until the next morning, something inside him clamored for her, and the need to be with her rekindled anew, refusing to be ignored.

He reached for the phone and sent Sofia a message.
Are you home yet?

Yes.

Can I come over, please?

For a little bit.

I’ll be quick, I promise.

Okay.

By the time Sofia opened her door to Josh, the relief of seeing her after a day of built-up anticipation filled him with a sort of gratitude he hadn’t felt in a long time. She brought a finger to her lips and he entered quietly.

He waited for her to lock the door behind them, not knowing how to greet her, but when Sofia turned around, they took a step closer to each other. The hesitation only lasted a second before she was in the circle of his arms, before he had a hand to her face and his mouth on hers.

Not quite a whole day apart, and they kissed like this. No words needed.

When the kiss took a more intimate direction, Josh placed his hands on her waist and stepped back. Sofia brought a hand up to her chest and breathed in steadily, then turned to the kitchen. Josh rubbed his temples and took a breath of his own before following her. He was in trouble, if he didn’t take care.

Was it always going to be like this? The depth, the passion, like a brand on his soul?

She was almost done drinking a tall glass of water when he leaned against the doorjamb. Sofia held up a glass to him. “Água?”

He needed some. “Sure. Thank you.”

Josh met her out on the balcony, and sat on the chair beside her. “How did your day go?”

She wore her hair in a low ponytail and also wore the old pair of navy sweatpants with a pink top. As beautiful as she had been in the dress of the day before, Josh loved to see her at home and casual, and looking so good in pink. It meant she was comfortable in his presence, and he liked that.

“It was crazy, but I’m hoping I’ll get better at it.” She rested against the back of her chair and stretched her legs.

“I thought you were going to try for that tutoring job.” Josh leaned towards her direction.

“That didn’t work out. This job pays more, plus it has tips and the potential for more hours.”

“When did you get it?”

She blew out a breath. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I didn’t hold it from you on purpose. I’ve just been so distracted with Mother’s problems and—” She stopped and looked straight at him.

And him. He was the distraction. Which led to what he wanted to talk about. Josh reached for her hand and took her fingers. “Sofia, I think we should talk about yesterday.” And a few minutes ago too, when they met in her foyer.

She didn’t remove her hand but he felt her withdraw behind a wall of uncertainty.

“Oh.”

Josh scooted his chair closer to hers and held both her hands, forcing her eyes up to him. The doubts were there, the same ones he had. Their past relationship histories had similarities, and some things were hard to get over. He struggled with what to say.

Why was it so hard to put feelings into words, the right words?

Sofia rose from the chair and strode to the far end of the balcony. She heaved a sigh laced with frustration, a feeling he was well acquainted with.

He came to stand at the railing and gave her space, even as the need to place his arms around her grew within him. Instead he shoved his hands in his pockets.

Sofia spoke before him. “If you’re going to ask me what I want, I can’t tell you because I don’t know.”

He shouldn’t have expected anything less than honesty from her.

“I don’t want you to feel pressured.” She had enough going on and Josh didn’t want to add to her problems. “I like you, Sofia. A lot.” There was more to it, but neither of them was ready to admit it, were they?