The Secret Life of Daydreams (37 page)

Sofia removed her shoes and wiggled her toes. “No, I’ll be all right. I think it will be good for me to have some time alone.”

Margarida brought her arms around Sofia and hugged her. “If you change your mind, just come over.” She placed her hands on her shoulders. “I won’t leave until you promise.”

“I promise.” Sofia returned the hug and then walked Margarida to the foyer.

After Margarida left, Sofia went out onto the balcony. In the early evening, a few clouds clung to the horizon and the sun hid behind the buildings, round and orange and almost as warm as it had been all day.

Again, her life had taken a turn. Mother was gone. Thanks to Josh, at the end of summer Sofia was starting the doctorate degree after all.

The only constant was her saudade of Josh. She’d be missing him for a long time.

Two months later

Josh dropped a hand to his Nikon and adjusted the tripod. He bent down and checked the settings one more time, keeping the framing and composition in the center, and tweaking the focus. It was now a waiting game. Below, past the reflection pool, the Salt Lake temple lights shone against the night sky. In a few minutes, the early-morning light would rise from the east and fill the background behind the building with ribbons of color, pale at first and then bolder.

And Josh waited for the right moment, a few minutes of time between the emerging day and waning night, before the flood lights were turned off. He’d be there with his face glued to the back of the camera, ready to press the shutter and capture the precise combination of color and light and symmetry that resulted in magic.

The last temple in his personal pilgrimage. Out of the fifteen operating temples in the state of Utah, the Salt Lake temple was the remaining one on his list, and Josh had now photographed them all in the past two months, at the same time of time of day and with similar composition. The series would be printed on art paper and placed behind wide, white acid-free mats and thin black frames, and Josh had the perfect spot to display it.

He’d struggled for a few days after his conversation with Grandpa. One night in particular he woke up early with unsettling dreams of his mission, his life before it and since then. Unable to fall back asleep, Josh grabbed his camera bag and borrowed Grandpa’s car. Half an hour later, he stopped at the Bountiful temple grounds, set up his equipment, and took the first shot in the series.

But more than collecting images of all the temples in Utah, the time alone in front of each building as the sun rose behind it gave Josh the introspection to think about his beliefs and the changes in his life since the divorce. And somehow the solitude, the time of day, the sacredness and symbolism of each place, came together to raise the spiritual awareness he’d been shunning for a long time. That night after visiting the temple, Josh met with Laureanne’s bishop for the first time, despite the misgivings and doubts threatening to hold him back.

And today he had the last appointment. How was he to find the courage to keep going, flawed and damaged as he was? Like Grandpa had said, he had two choices: to be happy or to be miserable, and for the first time in years, he didn’t want to lose his chance at happiness, however scary going for it was.

As the sky pinked up in the early light, Josh pressed the shutter and it fired continuously for a second. He stood back a little and checked the images he’d just taken on the back screen. Perfect.

If only capturing his dreams were as easy as pressing a button.

* * *

One week later

At last, Josh pulled up to Ashley’s driveway. Her two youngest kids drew the curtains aside and stuck their noses to the window, waving wildly at him. Josh got out of the truck and waved back. A few moments later, the door opened and Ashley bounded toward him.

“Josh! We didn’t expect you till tomorrow.” She lifted her arms around his neck.

Josh returned the embrace. “Hey, lil’ sis.” Ashley was the shortest in the family and Josh had started the nickname when he had turned eleven and surpassed her in height even though she was eighteen months older than him. “I made good time. Thought I’d surprise you guys.”

Ashley turned to the vehicle. “A moving trailer? You’re really doing it?”

“More like a moving box. I don’t have much with me and you’ve been holding the larger stuff.” He craned his neck toward her side yard. Ashley and Andy’s house sat on a one-acre lot in a small town in California, and he’d left his F-250 and Airstream parked on their property.

He turned back to her and lifted his palm, unable to contain his enthusiasm. “And yes, I’m really doing it!” Ashley raised her arm and high-fived him, and he laughed.

She led the way to the house, shaking her head and smiling. “It’s all there; we haven’t touched it. I can’t believe you’re going ahead with your crazy plan.”

When they entered the house, the children ran to Josh and greeted him with hugs around the legs.

“Uncle Josh! Are you taking us camping?”

Josh bent and picked up the littlest one. “Camping? You mean to tell me your mom and dad didn’t take you camping this summer?” He tickled her belly and she dissolved in giggles.

“My kids got this idea that we need to go camping in style in Uncle Josh’s camper, because tents are not good enough,” Ashley said, with a pointed look to her children.

The kids nodded and chattered at the same time.

“Tents are awesome, guys!” Josh smiled.

“What about if it rains, Uncle Josh?” asked Colton, the five year-old.

“If it rains we get wet, right?” They shook their heads and Josh continued, “What is this? You guys don’t want to get wet?” He turned to Ashley. “Do you have the keys to Uncle Josh’s camper, Mom?” He emphasized the last word and winked at her.

Ashley walked to a cabinet and retrieved a key ring from a hook, then handed it to Josh. He made his way to the back of the house and out to the backyard. Ashley and the children followed.

He unlocked the Airstream and opened the door wide. “Okay, kids, come check it out and open the windows. It smells stuffy in here.” The children rushed to comply.

Ashley came to join him by the door and crossed her arms. “What are your plans?”

Josh stepped out and stood in the shade with her. “I’ve got to return the rental car tomorrow. If you or Andy could give me a ride back, it would be great.”

She nodded. “I’m sure Andy can do it. He gets off early on Fridays. How long are you staying with us?”

“A few days?” He raised his shoulders. “Is that okay? Just long enough to sell the truck. Already have a few prospective buyers lined up.”

“You know we love to have you here, especially the kids.” She tipped her head toward the inside of the Airstream, where the children chattered and laughed. “You can stay as long as you want. Are you going back to Utah?”

He shook his head. “No, I already said goodbye to everyone over the weekend. Laureanne had a big barbecue sendoff for me. You know how she is, the more the merrier, and everybody was there.”

“And Mom and Dad?”

“Skype chat. They look good and happy and very busy.”

“Yes, they are. We Skype with them twice a month. The kids love it.”

“Well, maybe the kids can add Uncle Josh to their Skyping schedule.” The corners of his lips turned into a smile.

Ashley looked toward the fields. “We’re going to miss you. You know that, right?”

Josh rested an arm around her shoulders. “It’s not forever, Ashley. I’m sure I’ll come back to visit.”

She bumped a hip into him and smiled. “We’ll hold you to it.” She gestured to the camper. “What about the Airstream? That could take a while to sell.”

He walked up to the side and rubbed a hand on it. “Well, I like this camper too much. I think I have other plans for it.” Josh stuck his head inside the open door. “Hey, kids! Come out here. I’ve got a business deal for you.”

Two small heads poked out from behind the chair. “Yes, Uncle Josh?”

Josh raised an eyebrow. “So you know how I’m moving soon? Where I’m going I can’t take my camper with me. But I like it too much and I don’t want to sell it.” He rubbed his chin slowly. “If only I had some trusted people that could take care of it for me…”

The children looked at each other and grinned. “We’re trusted people, Uncle Josh!” They scurried down the steps and grabbed his hands. “Please choose us! We’ll take good care of your camper!”

Ashley shook her head. “No, Josh, you could use the money more.”

Josh crossed his arm and pretended to consider. “I don’t know. It’s a tough choice.”

The children continued pleading with him.

“You kids drive a hard bargain. How can I say no?” He laughed and extended his hand. “Let’s shake on it.”

After a late dinner and the kids were put to bed, Josh, Ashley, and Andy sat outside on the back patio. The waning moon cast shadows amid the trees on the west side and the solar-powered lights lent enough light to dispel some darkness. When the breeze blew in, it brought the scent of the cornfield beyond the fence, of the sun-packed dirt and the orange-tree leaves nearby. It had been a busy day, full of laughter and games and fun times spent with family, and Josh had loved every minute of it. But these quiet moments in the backyard gave him a few minutes to reflect on the days ahead.

“I’ll follow you into town after lunch so you can drop off the rental,” Andy said.

“Thanks, I appreciate that.”

“Sure, no problem.” Andy set down his glass. “What else do you need, Josh?”

“The large boxes need to go to the shipping facility and readied for the long-term shipping. I’ll have to repack my suitcases before that. I actually have a list of things to do before I leave, to make sure I’m not forgetting anything.” His mouth curved into a smile. “In case you were wondering, Ashley. I’m more organized than you give me credit.” The large prints and canvases that he owned had already been shipped from Salt Lake City.

“It’s good to know you’re finally learning some skills in your old age, little brother,” Ashley said. “What about the plane tickets?”

Josh stretched his arms behind his neck. “You mean
the
plane ticket. One-way trip.” He grinned. “Already got it.”

“Have you told her yet?”

He shook his head. “I talked to my friend Paulo and his wife, but not Sofia.” He’d struggled with the decision to contact her. What if she said no to his coming?

Andy turned to him. “That’s a big risk you’re taking.”

“I’d rather take my chances in person, where it’s easier to explain my motives.” At least, he hoped so.

“Look at you, just like a little kid before Christmas.” Ashley patted his arm. “You’re so excited, you’re practically bouncing.”

Josh’s forehead creased. “Really? You think it shows?”

Andy chuckled. “Oh, it shows all right. Don’t even try to hide it.”

The excitement was too much at times, filling his chest with a kind of energy he hadn’t known in a while. But underneath it, the nerves of what he was about to embark on sometimes took over the enthusiasm. In a way, it was a gamble. What if his plan didn’t work? He’d have to readjust some of it, but he’d still go ahead. Living the rest of his mortal life with a
what if
was not an option any more. The sorrow and guilt in his past had already held him back too much. It was time to move forward first and ask questions later, much later.

“I can see the change already,” Ashley said quietly.

Josh turned to her. “What change?”

“The change in you, in your expression.” Her lips curved gently. “Do you remember the last time you were here? Was it seven, eight months ago?”

“After the southern California job.”

Ashley nodded. “You parked the Airstream in that spot and barely came out for the first few days. We worried about you. You looked so depressed, so absent.”

Josh swallowed. He remembered that time.

“You had these dark, dark circles under your eyes and a haunted expression. The kids kept asking me what was wrong with Uncle Josh and I just said you weren’t feeling well.” She paused. “So they started praying for you.”

Andy reached for Ashley’s hand and squeezed her fingers.