The Secret of Life Wellness: The Essential Guide to Life's Big Questions (42 page)

Implicate Order

When I interviewed Dr. John Demartini, author of
The Breakthrough Experience
, he

shared, “Whatever we are infatuated with or resentful of consumes space and time in

our minds, and we are not free to run our own lives. A balanced perspective allows us to

have freedom. The universe has laws that govern equilibrium. When we don’t see it, we

become disordered. When we see it, we become poised instead of poisoned, present

instead of future and past oriented. Wisdom is becoming aware of the implicate order

and equilibrium that reigns.”24

Being on your own gives you an opportunity to find the hidden order and blessings

of your experience and recognize that nothing is missing; it is just appearing in a differ-

ent form.

Processes for Healing a Broken Heart

Below are three processes that can help you heal and move forward. Please do the heart

healing process several times. Also work with the cord clearing process on page [XX]

and clear cords with your ex and anyone else involved as well as the emotions release

process on page . . . and release any negative emotions you are experiencing.

Ask Yourself These Powerful Questions

Ask yourself the following questions and write down the answers, so that you can read

them later:

What were some of the positive elements that helped me grow in this relationship?

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Are there feelings of guilt I am still holding on to that I am willing to release?

Where do I need to forgive my ex-partner or myself ? Do the forgiveness exercise

from chapter 9 on page [XX].

Who are the people that can offer me support?

Can I give myself permission to receive this support?

Am I willing to keep my heart open, even though it hurts?

What kind of person would I like to attract into my life now?

What kind of relationship would I love to have now?

Recognize the Balance

On one side of a piece of paper, write what you feel you have lost by breaking up with

your partner; on the other side of the paper, write how those things are appearing in your

life now in a new form. Even if they are not obvious, try to recognize the balance in life.

Connect to Your Heart

Place your hands on your chest and take slow, deep breaths. Focus on relaxing your

body and being soft and gentle with yourself.

Say: “Divine Healing Intelligence, please help me to release any anger, sadness, loneli-

ness, guilt, fear, and ___________________ (add anything else you would like to release)

from my heart, mind, body, and energy field. Please help me soothe my heart and fill it

with peace, calm, sweetness, softness, and warmth. Bring people into my life who will

support and encourage me through this challenging time. Help me with my decision-

making processes. Show me the best actions to take to put my life in order. Please bring

back feelings of confidence, happiness, and enthusiasm about my future. Thank you.”

Repeat the word “CLEAR” several times until you feel lighter.

Visualize beautiful green, pink, and yellow hues moving through your heart and

cleansing it. Now, think about what you would really love to experience and give

yourself permission to receive it.

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Complete the process with the following mudra. Sit with a straight back, bring the

palms of your hands together; hold your hands in a prayer-like position. Bring the tips

of your middle fingers to the center of your forehead, at the level of your third eye

chakra. Your elbows should point out to the sides. Take slow, deep breaths. Imagine that

you are taking back all the power you have given away to your ex. Thank them for the

experience of making you stronger. Then hum “ummmmmm” several times. Hold this

position for at least two to three minutes, up to five minutes, two or three times a day

after a break up, until you feel stronger.

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21

How You Can Deal with

Grief, Death and Loss

Could you please talk about the different stages of grief when a person

experiences loss? I would also love to hear some inspiration and examples of

handling the death of a loved one, someone really young and someone older.

My grandmother is dying and I want to do all I can to support her and make

her transition as gentle and loving as possible. Also, my best friend has

recently lost a young child and I would love to help her deal with it.

While death and grief are not easy to discuss, every human being has to deal with

losing someone they love and eventually facing their own mortality. In fact, a

great majority would rather have their teeth pulled than discuss it. The possibility of los-

ing a loved one often elicits fear, anxiety, and grief. However for many people watching a

loved one die can also be life changing. I recently heard a friend share that by watching

her mother die she became a free spirit no longer willing to play by other people’s rules.

It’s like she completely changed her point of view on life and what matters.

Taking the Fear Out of Death

Although it’s difficult to watch people we love get ill and die, it is important that we

educate ourselves and others about the dying process. It is essential to understand that

the body is only a shelter for the soul for a relatively brief period. The soul doesn’t die.

It simply returns to where it came from. In order to make this transition easier, we need

to understand the journey of the soul from this reality to the next.

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While there are known stages of grief, everyone is unique and experiences death of

a loved one in their own way. While death can feel like a tremendous loss for the

people who are left behind, it can also be a beautiful transition and a passage into a new

reality. In certain cultures, people celebrate death and see it as the soul’s return to its

true home.

Many people fear death because it is a doorway into the unknown. For people who

have experienced past life regressions or near-death experiences, transitioning into the

next phase of their existence is a little less mysterious and more tranquil.

It is also common for a loved one to try to communicate with their family members

and souls who are important to them just before, after, or even at the moment they are

dying. In my personal life, as well as working with clients, I often witness the process of

soul communication. Some of the techniques souls can use to reach out to their family

are: dreams, movement of objects, flickering lights, touch, visions, mediums, and com-

municating with children.

James Van Praag, medium and well-known author of books on death and spirit

communication, shared, “When you can provide evidence of life after death, and prove

to people that there’s a survival of consciousness, you take the fear out of death.”25

My Story: My First Encounter with Death

My first experience with death was completely unexpected. I was pregnant

with my first child and enthusiastic about becoming a mother. The preg-

nancy helped me to connect more with my inner strength.

About three and a half weeks before my baby was due, I saw a midwife

at the birth center. She did the usual measurements and told me that

everything was perfectly fine. We were about to leave when I had a strong

feeling that something was wrong with my baby’s heart. The midwife

listened to the heartbeat and told me that everything was perfect and not

to worry.

She also told me not to be concerned if the baby wasn’t very active, as

in the final weeks of pregnancy, there is not much room to move. I accepted

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her response and went home. A few days later, I noticed that the baby

wasn’t moving much and I heard strange noises. However, I remembered

what the midwife said and waited.

By the end of the week I started having strong contractions and Paul

drove me to the hospital. The contractions were unbearable. Paul let me out

of the car, so I could get into the hospital quickly. When I walked in, a

woman saw me bending over in pain and came over. I leaned on her and

she helped me walk. During one of my contractions, she put her hand on

my belly and asked when I had last felt the baby move. I could not under-

stand why she asked me this and felt angry.

By the time I got to my hospital room, the contractions had increased

and I felt like the baby was about to come. When the midwife showed up, I

was pushing. She helped take the baby out, and I tuned out for a moment,

completely exhausted. The room was very quiet. I felt disoriented. I looked

up at the midwife and asked, “Is everything all right?”

For a moment she was quiet, and then said, “I’m sorry.” I did not com-

prehend. I looked at Paul, who had tears in his eyes. My mind went blank.

I looked at my baby. He wasn’t moving. It hit me.

He was dead.

I asked everyone to leave the room. I could not understand how it hap-

pened. This was Australia, after all, and things like that did not happen here

as far as I knew.
It was me, something was wrong with me
, I thought. My

mind was chaotic. I stared at the ceiling and entered into some kind of a

trance. I felt nothing, just frozen.

I don’t know how long I stared at the ceiling, but at one point something

incredible happened and for the first time in my life I saw an angel. This

angel looked kind and beautiful and she was dressed in white. The angel told

me not to worry, that I would have two children soon, a boy and a girl. After

she said that, two angelic looking children appeared next to her. They were

beautiful and joyous. I felt a sense of relief and closed my eyes.

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For the next few hours, I felt a sense of gratitude. I told Paul that even

though our baby had died, I did not regret the decision to have him

because I had learned so much. I also made a vow that somehow I would

use this experience to help others.

This was too big and too painful an experience to disregard. I would

honor it and use it for the greater good.

I knew that Paul was devastated and tried to console him. By the morn-

ing, my trance began to melt and pain flooded my body. A hurricane of

sorrow and tears engulfed me, and I could no longer reason. All I could do

was cry.

The next few weeks were extremely difficult. I felt devastated; not only

did I have to deal with my loss and shattered dreams, but also with other

people’s sympathy and attempts to console Paul and me. Some people

shared their stories of loss; others told me horror stories about people los-

ing two, three, or four babies. Hearing this made me feel even more

devastated, as there was no way I could handle this again. I did not want to

hear any more. All I wanted was to get away and disappear.

My body craved to hold a baby. This feeling, this need, was more painful

than anything I had ever experienced.

Paul bought several books on life after death, which we both devoured.

However, I still felt distraught. I had nightmares about death and woke up

dripping with sweat. Paul decided that we needed help, so we went to see a

psychologist. At our first visit, the psychologist told us there was a course

we could do that could take us to the edge of death. When I heard, I knew

that I had to do it. Even though it was starting the same evening and was a

five-hour drive away, Paul and I decided to go..

When I walked into the room where the course was being held, I saw

about sixty people sitting and talking to each other. I found a chair and sat

down. To my surprise, my body started to shudder and I began to sob. Ini-

tially, I could not understand my reaction. After all, I had felt completely

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drained from crying. I had cried so much that I felt like there were no more

tears left. However, even though I did not know it, I cried because on a deep

level, I realized that I was not alone—that many other people there were in

the same boat, feeling desperate, abandoned, and separated from the Divine.