The Seventh Voyage of Temperance (The Adventures of Ichabod Temperance Book 7) (5 page)

BOOK: The Seventh Voyage of Temperance (The Adventures of Ichabod Temperance Book 7)


What a pitiful example of your species’ life form. I will be doing it a favour when I snuff it out!

“Please don’t gobble us up all gone, sir!”


“Please, kind, noble, intelligent and handsome, Gumibara.”


“Please, Mr. Gumibara sir. Pretty please? You know...”

“You are my Gumshine,”

“My only Gumshine.”

“You make me

“When skies are gray.”

“You’ll never know, dear,”

“How much I love you,”

“Oh, please don’t take,”

“My Gumshine, away.”

“Rar, rar, rar. That is so sweet! Rar, rar, rar. That song always makes me cry! Rar, rar, rar. I can’t resist anything truly sweet! You win! How could I ever think of devouring you, hoo, hoo. Rar, rar, rar.”

“Chin up, Gumibara. As was stated before, Mr. Temperance and I are here to lend what assistance we may in whatever lies ahead for the Fate and Fortune of Monstrous Island.”




“Thanks for taking us through the hidden pass that leads to your secret valley, Gumibara, sir. This isolated section is nothing like the exterior view of Monstrous Island. All of your neatly arranged fruity orchards surely make for a serene, and relaxing environment. It’s nice and peaceful, sitting around this little campfire, having magnificent and magnanimous, Gumibara share the bounty of these lovely orchards with us. How about filling us in on a little of this island’s backstory.”

Puny Human! How presumptuous of you to call upon me in such a familiar way! Oops! Er, sorry Icky,a monster has to be a monster right? No matter how sweet my nature, I am still a monster’s monster, at heart. Anyway, no problem, Icks, I’ll share the goods. This island has always been a hidden place. Its remote location combined with a peculiar atmospheric phenomenon that manages to always keep this island hidden in a cloudbank has maintained its privacy. When our Earth passed through the tail of the
‘Revelatory Comet’,
several of this island’s residents were affected. There were three of us. The other two were lowly creatures of no consequence! I was just your average, Pacific island Koala Bear with an above average yearning for sweets, and an outrageously inflated intelligence quotient due to the
‘Revelatory Comet’
. Somehow, our island was discovered. An evil man came here. A disgraced European doctor of unusual physics by the name of Atwell Lionelstein. He is consumed with mad visions of World Domination! He has plans, the will, and the means to build incredible super-monsters! The power hungry doctor discovered the three hyper-intelligent animals living on this island. We became the focus of his horrible experiments! He transformed me from a slow-moving fuzzy-wuzzy little bear, into the mighty giant that sits before you! I am the inescapable, boneless, yet at times, hospitable, Gumibara!

“Quite the thrilling tale, sir. Pray tell, can yo inform us any further about your fellow islander animals that were similarly transformed, eh hem?”

“No! Forget that they exist, Persephone, they matter not! I am the greatest super-monster! I am the Ultimo Keijo!

“I see, then perhaps you would like to fill in some more background on this Doctor Lionelstein, and how he is able to maintain his power with such a fearsome foe as you in opposition, eh hem?”

“Of course, Persephone. Monstrous Island is basically three-sided with an unassailable, inscalable, cluster of mountains in the middle. Three mountain ranges reach out from this central hub in three, long, equilateral, slightly curved to the left, peninsulas.”

“Sort-a like-a three-pointed boomerang?”

No! That is a ridiculous example, Icky, even if it is an accurate description! Boomerangs are from Australia! That funny country is far to the South! We are closer to Nippon than anywhere else! You should be maintaining a Japanese theme, here! You should have said that the island’s shape was reminiscent of a three-pointed shiruken!
Ninja throwing star, baby! Get hip, Icks. So, these archipelagos are each held by opposing factions. I inhabit this southern extension. None may dare to enter here!
Where was I? Oh, yeah! The rocky extension pointing to the North-East is where our nemesis, Doctor Atwell Lionelstein resides. His army of huge, clockwork, robotic soldiers have constructed a wall that secures his position. Towers of many levels are intermittently spaced along this barrier from coast to rocky coast. More than a wall, though, this demarcation is also a laboratory and citadel. The fortifications have proven impregnable, even to me, Gumibara!
The North-Western archipelegio and the central mountain range are where the other two super-monsters reside. Those two are beneath me; therefore I do not get along well with the aberrations.”

“Is that bad ol’ Doctor Lionelstein up there all by himself, Mr. Gumibara, sir?”

“No, he has an assistant, a person as evil as Dr. Lionelstein himself. Bent in both mind and body, this is a hunch-backed servant that lurches along after her master like a lop-sided half-sprung automaton. Her name is Laurie Petier. Where Doctor Lionelstein’s expertise is in theoretical concept, this gruesome assistant supplies a vast amount of raw, mechanical construction ability with her ghastly and grotesque, yet singularly capable aptitude toward bio-mechanics.”

“Oh, I do so beg your pardon, Gumibara, but could you elaborate a little please on the ‘bio-mechanics’, eh hem?”

“Of course, Persephone my dear. This Laurie Petier person has managed to actually fuse mechanical parts with living tissue. While they were residing in a forgotten, little Deutsch kingdom village somewhere, she built a clockwork arm and successfully replaced the doctors when he lost it to an early, angry, post-mortem experiment. He can control the contraption as if it were his own natural organic arm. A subsequent eye injury and following prosthetic has given rise to the doctors most hated weapon, the ’Evil Eye’.”

“Dang, that sounds awful. What is this doctor’s ’Evil Eye’?”

“I do not wish to talk about it!”

“So it’s just the two of them up there?”

“Yes, … wait, no! There is a third! A miserable prisoner is trapped there as well for the fiendish Doctor Lionelstein has dragged his innocent, beautiful, young, adopted sister along to slave away at the endless chores involved with keeping up that sprawling keep.”

“I say, my dear Gumibara, when we were brought here, the IndiGoGo Girls indicated that we were to bring a mad scientist’s plans to a stop. I now feel certain that this Doctor Lionelstein must be the person they had in mind. Will you please help us to thwart his evil plans, eh hem?”

“Hmmm, his defenses have been too much for me to overcome in the past... No matter! I shall rise to the challenge and defeat this evil man for I am the greatest super-monster on Monstrous Island!


Chapter Four:
Icky vs. the Insurmountable Wall of Denial

“Ehnny-y-yesss, your new eyepiece is now fully charged, calibrated, and secured into its rightful socket, Herr Dauktor.”

“Good Laurie Petier, but were you able to fix my arm’s triceptical retrievers?”

“Ja, hai, da, Dauktor Lionelstein! Your arm has received a complete, twenty-seven point safety check. You are cleared to go and conquer!”

“Good, Laurie, the last test detonation proved that I had at long last worked out the last proper adjustments and calculations necessary for the extraordinary ‘Excoriation Process’. How I
the day I squandered my three perfect test subjects in those early trials. Though extremely powerful, they never really quite made it to the extreme example of super-monster that I was hoping for. I must have a subject that is both intelligent, yet in complete fear of me! Obedience must be complete in the creature. I must command an unquestioning dominance over the subject! I had that with the ‘
Charmed Trio
’, but now, they are all in hiding on this island and beyond my control. Now that I have the process perfected, I have no subject to transform!”

“Ehnnyes, Herr Dauktor, a standard human would rebel against you, and an animal does not have the intelligence by which orders and wishes can be transferred. Gumibara and his island siblings were our greatest hope for creating a super-monster that can defeat any army, yet remain under your own personal control.”

“Yes, don’t remind me, Laurie Petier. That in turn reminds me, where is my subjugated, adopted, sibling? Rhianico, where are you? Where is my dinner you simpering little sorry excuse for a sister/slave?”

“If you please, Brother Atwell-San! I have it here for you, Nii-San!”

“Bah, this food is barely tepid! I want it steaming hot! You foolish girl, you are still day-dreaming about that stupid boy from ToeKey-Oh. Forget about him! You are my sister and belong to me! By the way, no starch in my loin cloth you stupid girl! Now go and properly prepare my dinner before I throw you into the lizard pits!”

“Hai, if you please, brother, hai!”

“My stupid sister! She still pines for that young,  Nipponese, super-secret-agent-samurai, bodyguard, when she should only be thinking of serving me!”

“Ehnn-y-y-esss Dauktor, but she
very loyal to you...”

“Bah! Of course she is loyal to me! I am her brother and she belongs to me!”

“And she is

“Well, now you’re stretching things a bit, Laurie Petier. Heh, heh, he-hunh? Oh! I see where you are going, now, Laurie! Of course! Rhianico will be the perfect candidate for a super-monster excoriation process, atomo-bionical, mass-disruptor, detonation subject! Now that we have the proper mutagenic, explosive compound aligned to the right calibrations, we are poised to create the greatest super-monster of all time! Hah! Hah! Ahh-

~Weerall! Weerall! Weerall! Weerall!...~

“The perimeter alarm! We are under attack! Hurry Laurie Petier, to the central tower battlement command station!”

“Ja Wohl, Herr Dauktor!”

“Ah, here we are. The Central Nervo System will now be put to the test! Let us see who could be so presumptuous as to intrude upon my archipelago of solitude. Look Laurie, it’s Gumibara, coming back for more punishment! All automato warriors stand down! I shall deal with this threat myself! Laurie, come assist me with these connections. I can’t get my mechanical arm to fit into the control socket! Laurie, engage the electro-servo relays! Ah, there we are. Now I can aim and fire many of this fortresses weapons with my mind!”

“Hey, Gumibara! Don’t come pounding on my gates, you sticky problem, and not expect a robust response!  Ha, ha, ha! Automated Gattling guns, afix on primary target, Gumibara. Ready, aim


to shoot
? I shall destroy you Doctor Lionelstein! Where are you? Ah, there you are! I see you up there, somewhere beyond the third or fourth level of this multi-tiered tower on your swivel control throne! I shall penetrate this tall, square, fortress set in this extended barrier wall. The rafters extending from each floor level grant the forbidding keep a sense of Eastern, or Japanese style. At each corner of the tower, these roof beams end in up-turned corners, in an attempt to ward off evil spirits, but there is no deterring this super-monster, jelly belly delight! Each floor of your castle is full of deadly, inhuman, robot-atons, but they are not enough to repel the mighty Gumibara! Do your worst! I easily absorb your tiny rifle rounds with impunity!

“Blast you, Gumibara, I have no time to waste on a sub-standard super-monster such as you! Begone, I have work to do!”

Sub-standard super-monster!?!?”



“Herr Dauktor Lionelstein, there are two humans attempting to climb into the castle while Gumibara provides a distraction!”

“What? Where, Laurie?”

“Over on the Eastern side of the Komodo Dragon stocked moat, Herr Dauktor!”

“Hah! Yes, I see them! An extraordinarily good looking, red-headed Western woman in a particularly fetching, and well-filled out, emerald dress. {Probably British if I am any judge. The woman, not the dress.}I must admit, I do approve of the provocative wearing of her embroidered corset on the outside of her ensemble. Is that a chimpanzee by which she is accompanied? It’s not, is it? Why, I believe it is human! The thing that scampers along with the beautiful female is a pitiful little fellow in a derby hat. I shall strictly enforce my no trespassing policy, and fire my automated Gattling guns into them until they are Swiss cheese!


“Ha, ha, hah-unh? Hey, just as I was firing on them, a swift moving shadow snatched them both up and into safety!”

“Ach, Dauktor, it was that no good kid from ToeKey-Oh! Utilizing an ingenious grappling hook launcher, he was able to sweep in on a thin rope and scoop the hapless couple from their tenuous purchase on the cliff wall, and out of harm’s way in the nick of time!”

“Bah! That pesky little pseudo-samurai! I shall blast him and his two friends into a million pieces, like this!”


“Blast, grind, and confound it! That idiot Gumibara has gotten in the way and is absorbing all the rifle rounds that were meant to destroy the three humans! Now he has grabbed up his little friends and is running away into the jungle!”

“Let that be a lesson to you and your friends, Gumibara! There’s more where that came from! Ha, ha!”

“Dauktor, the ToeKey-Oh Kid may come back. We must be careful that Rhianico does not know that he is on the island. A split in the subject’s loyalties could prove catastrophic for our plans.”

“Perhaps you are right, Laurie Petier. Let us hastily, if surreptitiously, make preparations for Rhianico’s augmented debut!”

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