The Sharpest Edge (5 page)

“Have you seen any sign of him yet?”

“No.” She hadn’t told Alan about the noise on the roof last night. Why would she? Growing up, she’d heard so many noises and they had never been a homicidal maniac. Until she had proof it was anything other than a bear, she wasn’t going to let her paranoia rule her. “I got an alarm and the cops are on it.”

“I think I should come out there. Stay with you.”

She frowned and forced herself to walk into the kitchen to find something for dinner. “I’m fine. Really. We have to stick to the plan.” Stay organized. Stay in control. It was the only way to win. “His goal is to get us to react emotionally and make a mistake. We can’t let him win.”

Alan was quiet for a moment. “I don’t like it.”

“Join the club.” She paused. “Can you do me a favor?”

“Sure.”

“Can you double-check the date Jimmy got out of prison? Find out for sure if he was still there a month ago?”

“Why?”

“There’s been some stuff going on around here. Weird stuff. I just want to make sure that Jimmy didn’t have anything to do with it.”

“What’s going on, Kim?” His words were rushed, almost panicky. “Talk to me.”

“Just find out, okay?” She didn’t want to talk about the possibility that Jimmy had tried to kill her dad. Talking about it gave the swirling innuendos validity, and she didn’t want to do that. Not unless there was a reason. “I’m seeing ghosts where there are none and I need to remind myself of the facts, okay?”

“That’s all it is?”

“Yes.” Heaven help her, she hoped that was all it was.

He grunted. “I’ll check. Call me in an hour, okay? To check in.”

She couldn’t keep the smile off her face. “Thanks for caring.”

“See you later, Kim. Be careful.”

She disconnected and shoved her phone in her pocket. No way was she leaving it in another room. Such a fine line between being paranoid and being careful. She’d been clinging to the right side of the line for the past eighteen months, but right now she was dangerously close to catapulting down the other side of it into an emotional hell that would destroy her the way it had killed her mother.

S
EAN PULLED HIS
cruiser into Kim’s driveway later that evening. It was past midnight and the lights in the cabin were still on. Nerves getting to the woman who claimed to be so tough?

He parked outside her front door and climbed out, standing silently to listen to the woods. To feel the darkness.

Owls were hooting softly. Loons were calling. The sounds of night were active and right.

Then why was his skin prickling?

He turned slowly and stared into the woodsy hill above the driveway. It was too dark to see, but he didn’t need his eyes. He could sense something. Someone.

Soundlessly, he unclipped his gun and slid it free, aiming it into the woods.

“Sean? Is that you?”

A window scraped open and he glanced up at Kim. “Quiet.”

Her eyes widened and her mouth snapped shut.

He turned back to the woods, but whatever had been there was gone. He could sense nothing. Had it been his imagination? On edge because the woman he once loved might be in danger? Or an accurate cop instinct?

He wished he knew.

He holstered his gun and faced the window. “Any problems tonight?”

“Was someone out there?”

“I don’t know.”

Her eyes were huge and he wanted to grab her and hold her and chase those nightmares away. The past didn’t matter, huh? What an idiot he’d been to think he could order it away. “I’ll check out the rest of the property, then head on out.”

She stared at him. “Do you want to come in?”

Hell, yes, he wanted to come in. She was leaning out of her old bedroom window. They’d stolen many a moment in that spot while her parents were out on the lake. Too many memories. “Um, no, I need to keep moving.”

Her fingers gripped the window frame. “I could make some coffee, so you don’t fall asleep.”

“You want me to come in?”

Silence fell and he regretted his question. Kim was too
proud to acknowledge that she was scared. He shouldn’t have forced her to admit that she wanted his company because she never would. Not anymore.

Despite everything, he wanted to be inside that house with her. It didn’t matter what the circumstances were or that they were trying to pretend they were strangers. He simply wanted to be with her. To keep her safe, whether she could admit she needed help or not. “I’d like some coffee.”

She hesitated, then nodded. “I’ll be right down.”

The slam of the window jarred through the night and Sean headed to the front step to meet her. Despite all his efforts to fight his attraction to her, to resist the lure of returning to her side, he was getting sucked in.

He stood on the doorstep and listened to her feet thudding on the stairs as she ran down to greet him. A sense of the inevitable settled heavily on his shoulders. He didn’t want to be here, yet he couldn’t stop it.

And it had nothing to do with the job.

They had ended badly before, and he’d seen enough to know it wouldn’t be any different this time. For ten years, he’d buried the pain. But seeing her again was bringing it all back to the surface again, and it sucked.

Dammit. He was tired of the unanswered questions. Maybe it was time for the discussion they’d never had. Maybe that would finally free him from caring, because Lord knew, nothing else had worked.

Kim punched the alarm code to disable it, then paused with her hand on the doorknob. She took a desperately needed moment to remind herself that Sean in her house meant nothing. Cop and civilian. No past. Just like last night, when he’d been there as a police officer.

He didn’t want to talk about what had happened before. So what if she wasn’t over it? It didn’t matter that she hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him since she’d seen him. She felt so ashamed she’d walked out on him that way, without a word. Without an explanation. Now that he was back in her life, she couldn’t stop thinking about how he must have felt waiting for her.

Waiting. Wondering. She’d betrayed him.

It had been ten years ago. A lifetime had passed. Their relationship was over, and she had to remember that. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath and opened the door. Sean was standing on the step, looking frustrated and determined, and her heart jumped.

Did he look good in his uniform or what? He was so different from the boy she’d loved, but he was the same, too…maybe. “Come on in.”

He stepped inside and stopped just over the threshold, acting like a guest. So different from the other night when
he’d taken possession of her house as if he belonged there. The way he used to act when they were teenagers. Now? They were like strangers. Regret flooded through her and she tried to shut it off, even as a longing for the intimacy they used to share made her want to touch his shoulder. Lean against him. Feel his warmth strengthen her.

“You’re sure the coffee is no trouble?” he asked. His voice was polite and even, and he was scanning the interior of the house. But there was an undercurrent to his tone that made her skin prickle. What wasn’t he telling her?

“No problem at all.” Coffee. Right. She’d invited him in for a caffeine boost. “You can wait in the family room. I’ll start the pot.”

“I’ll go with you.” He fell in behind her as she headed toward the kitchen.

Their feet echoed on the pine floors, his steps heavy and slightly uneven, hers soft in her sneakers. She glanced over her shoulder. “Do you have a leg injury or something?”

His gaze flicked to her face. “Why?”

“Your walk isn’t the same as it used to be. It sounds different.”

He lifted one eyebrow. “You remember what my walk sounded like?”

She felt her cheeks heat up and she turned away. “I guess so.” How embarrassing. He probably hadn’t thought about her once since she’d left, and here she was, admitting she could recall how he used to walk. So she’d spent the last decade thinking about him. So every man she’d dated had fallen short in comparison. So what?

She yanked open the fridge where she’d stashed her coffee beans and he leaned against the counter next to her, his arms folded loosely across his chest. “What else do you remember?” His voice was soft, with that same roughness it’d had when he used to whisper in her ear when they made
love. The shift wasn’t intentional; it was simply how he spoke when he was battling his emotions.

What was he thinking about that was making his voice gruff? She swallowed hard and shut the fridge. “Um…I think you broke your finger.”

He glanced down at his crooked digit and flexed it. “Yeah, I did.”

The churning of the coffee grinder startled them both and they looked at each other, then laughed at the same time. “Guess I’m a little on edge,” she said.

His smile faded into something soft. “Yeah, me, too.”

“Really?” The old Sean had always told her his feelings, but she hadn’t thought this new, aloof Sean would.

He shrugged, his gaze fixed on her as she shoveled grounds into the machine. “I thought someone was out in the woods when I got here.”

Her hand slipped and she dumped the grounds on the counter. “You did?”

He reached out and brushed his fingers over the back of her hand, his touch light and shockingly heavy at the same time. A gesture he’d made a thousand times before. Their unspoken language of support. Her gut lurched and she didn’t know whether to pull away. She’d needed that touch so much, but could they really go back there?

“But I wasn’t sure if anyone was out there or not,” he said. “I’m not used to questioning myself.” He looked down at his hand, still resting against hers, and then moved away.

For a moment, there was a tense silence, then he cleared his throat. “Coffee smells good.” He busied himself sweeping up the spilled grounds off the counter and into his hand.

She nodded. Moment over.

Sean went to the sink and dumped the grounds, then washed his hands. The only sound in the room was the running water, then the drip of the faucet after he shut it off.
“I could stop by tomorrow and fix that if you want. Wastes water.”

She met his gaze. “What’s going on, Sean?”

He tossed the paper towel under the sink, knowing where the trash can was without even looking. “I don’t know where Jimmy is and it worries me. He still hasn’t turned up in California. From what I can figure, he’s not the kind of guy to lie low now that he’s free.”

She shook her head. “No, about us.”

He froze, then spoke carefully, as if choosing his words precisely. “What about us?”

“I…um…” She licked her lips, not sure what to say. After ten years of apologizing in her mind, it didn’t make it any easier to do in person. “I’m sorry.”

“About what?”

“Leaving you.” She was so sorry. She’d loved him, and she’d hurt him. People didn’t hurt those they loved.

“What about the rest of it?”

She frowned. “What are you talking about?”

“Leaving your family. Abandoning them. Hating them. What about that?”

Defensiveness made her voice sharp. “You don’t understand.”

He leaned against the counter again and folded his arms over his chest. “Then tell me. Tell me why you let your father sit alone in his hospital room every day without visiting him. Tell me why you didn’t come home for your mom’s funeral. Tell me why, Kim. Explain it to me so I can stop hating you.”

Pain shot through her. “You hate me?”

“Yes.”

“Oh, God.” She sat down at the table and blinked hard. Her throat was tight. “You used to love me and now you hate me?” It hurt. So much.

Sean sighed and sat across from her. “I don’t hate you.”

“Liar.” Why had she thought a simple apology would solve
everything? There was so much more between them. None of the emotions had gone away. They were all still there. Maybe even more now, because she’d had a decade to obsess over them.

The corner of his mouth curved up. “Okay, sometimes I thought I hated you.”

She pressed her lips together and stared out through the glass doors at the lake. She could see the reflection of the moon on the water and some lights on the opposite shore. A boat went by the dock, its red light passing slowly on the water, close enough that the driver would be able to see in her windows. She shivered as it slipped out of sight into the blackness, the hum of its engine fading into the night. Other than the cry of the loons, there was silence.

“Why do you hate your dad?”

She looked at Sean. Maybe it was time to talk. He deserved that. “He killed my mother.”

Sean’s forehead furrowed. “What are you talking about? She killed herself.”

Kim shook her head. “She sent me a letter before she did it. The reason she committed suicide was because she hated my father and being married to him and he wouldn’t let her go. Death was the only way she could be free.”

Sean’s face darkened. “You’re trying to tell me that she committed suicide because your dad drove her to it?”

“Yes.” She let her breath out in a deep exhale. It felt so good to tell someone. She’d never had anyone to tell, had sat on that knowledge for so many years. Cheryl would have been the only one to tell, but she still loved their dad and Kim would never take that away from Cheryl. It had always been Kim’s burden to carry alone. Until now. Sean could share it with her. Just like the old days, when he would lessen her pain merely by being by her side and understanding.

“You’re wrong.” Sean bit out the words with an intensity that shook her.

“What?” The fragile respite she’d found shattered instantly at his rejection.

He smacked his fist on the table and shoved his chair back. “You’re wrong. Your dad is wonderful. He adored her, he worshipped all of you and he took me into the family as his own son. He tried to save her. It was your leaving that did her in. You’re the one who destroyed the family, and I don’t understand why.”

She stared at him. “Every day I have to live with the fact that if I hadn’t left, I might have been able to help her. To save her. You don’t need to make me feel guilty. I’ve already got that covered.”

Sean gripped the edge of the table and took a deep breath. “If you feel bad, why are you rejecting your dad? He needs you. His wife left him, and both his daughters. He has nothing without you.”

Remorse surged through her. “Stop it! It’s not my fault! I might not have been able to save my mom, but my dad was the reason she killed herself. It’s my dad’s fault, and he doesn’t deserve to be happy. He ripped our family apart with his obsession about this lake and his inability to see that his wife was miserable. Don’t blame me because your boyhood dreams of being my dad’s son were lost! You could have stayed here for him and you chose to leave, too. So back off!”

They were both on their feet now, chests heaving with deep breaths. Moisture filled her eyes, but she fought it off. No way would she shed another tear for these men. Never!

The coffeemaker beeped that the brew was ready, but neither of them moved.

“Why did you leave me, Kim?” His voice was so soft, but it slid through her like a dagger.

“Because I was afraid that if I married you, I’d end up like my mother.” The words tumbled out, desperate to be spoken after years of suppression. “Please understand, Sean. I can’t
deal with it alone anymore. You have to know that I didn’t hurt you on purpose. I loved you and—”

“You thought that you’d end up killing yourself if you were married to me?” He retreated, his face crumpled with the blow of her words. “That I would make you so miserable the only way out would be to die?” He looked as if he’d been punched in the gut, over and over and over again, as if he was in so much pain he could never live again.

What had she done? “No, that’s not what I meant…” She reached for him, but he stepped out of her reach. She hadn’t realized how much those words could hurt until they tumbled out of her mouth. “Sean, come back. It’s not like that. It wasn’t you. That came out wrong.” She’d tried to take away his pain, but she’d hurt him more. So much more. Her stomach blistered with her mistake. “Sean—”

He waved her off. “I gotta get out of here.”

She grabbed his arm as he headed for the door. “Sean! Don’t leave. I was eighteen! I didn’t know—”

He spun around and wrapped his fingers around her upper arms, holding her close to him. His face was so near she could feel his breath on her lips. “I would have died for you. I loved you more than life. And you throw that crap in my face?”

She couldn’t fight the tears this time. “I loved you, too. I really did. But my mom…she was so convincing when she told me I couldn’t marry you and that I had to leave town. I was confused and didn’t know what to do. Then my mom died and I got so scared and my dad was losing it and Cheryl tried to kill herself and all I could do was read the letter from my mom and I didn’t know—”

“Shut up.”

She bit her lower lip and stared at him. How could she ever make this right? Why did she have to keep hurting him like this?

“Go see your dad, Kim. I don’t know what your mom said to you, but she’s wrong. He’s been dying a slow death ever since she killed herself. He loved her the way I loved you.”

“I’m so sorry I hurt you.”

“If you’re sorry, then go see your dad. He’s the one you need to save. I’m over you.”

“Are you?” God help her, she didn’t want him to be over her. She wanted him back. She laid her hand on his cheek. “Are you really over me?”

He pulled her hand away. “Don’t even go there, Kim. I might have been able to forgive you for leaving me, but I’ll never be able to forgive you for what you did to your family.”

“Dammit, Sean! Why don’t you take off your blinders and see that my dad’s the bad guy? Not me. Just because I left you doesn’t mean I’m guilty of all the wrongs in the world!”

“You destroyed your family. Your dad didn’t. He tried to save it.” The conviction in his voice blew through her and she realized that he fully believed his words.

She pulled away. She knew Sean had idolized her family, but come on! How could he not see the truth? “You’re so angry at me that you’ll try to blame me for everything?”

“Believe me, I wish it was that simple.”

Before she could ask what that meant, he walked out the front door and slammed it behind him.

T
HE NEXT EVENING
, Kim pulled her sweatshirt over her hands as she walked up to the nurses’ station. She could do this. She’d spent all day in her dad’s office at the Loon’s Nest working up the courage to go to the hospital. Now it was almost eight at night and she was finally here. What if she threw up? That would be totally embarrassing. “Hi.”

A nurse looked up. “Good evening. Can I help you?”

She swallowed. “Um, I’m Kim Collins. My dad is in the hospital here. His name is Max Collins. I’d like to talk to his doctors.”

“Of course. I’ll let them know you’re here.” The nurse pointed down the hall. “He’s in room 302. I’ll have the doctor meet you there. It could be a while before he’s avail
able.” She turned away before Kim could request another meeting spot.

She didn’t have to go into the room. She could wait outside. In the hall.

For her sister. She was doing this for her sister.

She made it as far as a bench next to his room and sank into the seat, pulling her feet up in front of her and hugging her knees. Who was she kidding? She was here because of what Sean had said last night. After he’d left, the hours had dragged by as she lay in bed, staring at the ceiling and thinking about things she hadn’t thought about for a long time. She’d even begun to doubt her own view of the situation—until she’d gotten up and reread her mom’s letter.