The Shore of Women (43 page)

The thoughts of having no moments with Arvil was more painful than I expected. “He’s only a friend,” I insisted. “It would hurt him if I began to avoid him. He’s done too much for me—he’s been kinder than anyone I’ve known except for you.”

“What shall we do, Birana? He’ll need to ease what’s inside him somehow. By the standards of men, he is handsome. More important, he seems to have a touch of intelligence and sensitivity. He might not be as brutal as others. I’ve been through so much that one more man won’t matter. I could summon him here. It might make matters easier for you.”

“No!” I cried out without thinking. “I wouldn’t have you endure that for me,” I said more calmly, but I was also thinking that, when he saw her beauty, he would lose his feelings for me. Jealousy tore at me; I squeezed my eyes shut to keep from weeping. I was being a fool. I could give him nothing but would keep him from finding pleasures with her.

I swallowed hard, then opened my eyes. Nallei studied me for a long time, then said, “Very well. I won’t summon him.” She picked up a piece of fish and began to eat.

Throughout the summer, the camp was alive with activity as the men made preparations for the harder seasons that lay ahead. Plants had to be gathered and stored, the gardens had to be weeded and harvested, meat had to be butchered and smoked. Arvil and Tulan showed me how to recognize certain roots and plants, and we brought as many back to the camp as we could.

I was unable to put Nallei’s warning from my mind, but all she had done was to make me more awkward when I was with Arvil. I started when he tried to guide my hand and lost some skill with the weapons. Sometimes I smiled at him inadvertently and looked away quickly when he responded with a grin. I tried to be distant but could not maintain that pose for long.

He seemed troubled by my changing moods, but the work of the band left him little time to dwell on them. The men often went far from the camp to hunt for game, and Arvil would sometimes be gone with the hunters for three or four days at a time. This should have eased me, but my moods were no different when he was gone.

Being idle for short periods of time offered too many chances for disturbing thoughts to plague me. I began to look for ways to aid the band. By midsummer, the men were going out in boats to gather wild rice along the shore and in small inlets. I went with them and watched as they paddled their boats into clumps of rice, pulled out clusters with their hands, and struck the plants with their paddles so that the seeds fell onto hides that covered the bottoms of the boats.

When we returned to the camp, we carried the rice into the clearing and laid it out inside one dwelling to dry. I insisted on helping with this task and the men, after a few protests, allowed me to do so.

One of the men was called Kirlan; he was a short, dark-skinned young man who had been sent to the island several times before. I motioned to him.

“You will tell Me,” I said haltingly in the lake tongue, “what is now done with this rice.”

His eyes widened in surprise. “Lady, does our speech now fall from Your lips? It is not worthy of You, for it is a poor speech compared to Your holy tongue.”

“It is not a poor speech. I shall honor you by uttering it from time to time, but now we shall speak in My tongue.” I had learned some of their language by then, but was far from fluent. “What do you do with the rice now?”

“It must dry for two or three days, and then it must be husked between the hands, so.” Kirlan rubbed his palms together. “Then it must be parched over a fire and stored until we need it.” He scratched at his dark, curly hair. “But the Holy One knows this already. Did not the Lady teach us all arts in ancient times?”

“She did,” I replied, a bit taken aback, “but She wishes to see how well you have learned them and how the boys are instructed. I shall come here when it is time to husk the rice and will work with you.”

He gaped at me. “But it is we who serve You. Your fellow aspect has never shared our toil.”

“The Lady will share some of your work with you from now on,” I said firmly, “for She wishes to honor the band that has honored Her.” I searched my mind for another pompous phrase, since this was the sort of talk they expected. “My fellow aspect has watched over you and has not found you wanting, and the time has come for Us to aid you in whatever way these incarnations allow.” Nallei, I knew, was not going to be pleased by this new policy. “Let it not be said that the Lady does not return honor when honor is paid to Her.”

Kirlan bowed, then hastened off to spread this news.

Nallei complained, as I had expected, but I bullied her into coming with me to work; almost against her will, she soon took some satisfaction in the extra tasks. She learned how to scale fish and grew skilled at husking the rice. She cared little about easing the band’s burden in our small way but took some pleasure in knowing that a little of our food was the product of our own efforts. We walked together along the edge of the wood picking berries and helped the men store their dried meat.

Nallei’s days were no longer as tedious, but she had worried that the band might lose their respect for us if we worked at their side. Instead, we seemed to inspire them. They redoubled their efforts to prepare the camp for colder weather, laboring from dawn until nightfall. The gardeners swore that their plots had never yielded so many plants; the hunters exclaimed that deer willingly accepted their arrows and that wildfowl landed at their feet, while those who fished claimed that fish leaped into their boats. Even the trapping of a large and dangerous wild boar that had begun to forage nearby was attributed to our presence among the men.

Nallei grew slimmer and stronger and glowed as though her body were, even without the techniques of our cities, rejuvenating itself. We still swam nearly every morning before crossing to the camp, and often we returned to our hut too tired to do more than fall onto our mat to sleep. Whenever I saw Arvil now, others were usually with us, and we did not often go into the wood alone to practice with spears and bows. It was easier for me not to think of him at other times.

Only the full moon ceremonies marred this season. Nallei drank heavily on those days; I looked on sadly as her boat drifted away from the island. I had solitude then, too much time to dwell on thoughts of Arvil. My illness of the mind had the most power over me then. I saw his gray eyes, heard his voice, felt his hand on mine, and cursed the world for not having made him a woman I might love.

In early fall, spots of color began to appear amid the trees on the hills around the lake. The oaks were beginning to change. Nallei and I kept to the island, wanting to enjoy as much time in the cove as possible before it grew too cold for swimming.

Guards came to the island and left it. Used to seeing me among them, they spoke more easily with me now, but they still used terms of respect. Wirlan came once, although Yerlan rarely sent him in case his healing arts might be needed in the camp. He told me of what Arvil was learning from him but did not speak of the time he had tended Nallei. A red-haired man named Resilan gathered mushrooms for me under the island trees; a hunter named Aklan told me of his hunts. Nallei avoided these guards much of the time except when she needed a task done. I listened to their stories and tried to feel some kindness for them, although it was hard not to think of how they had used Nallei. I would have to live among them, whatever they were.

I was following Resilan along the island shore when he pointed at a boat crossing the bay. “Your next guards come,” he said. “Holy Lady, it is Your messenger Vilan.”

I lifted a hand to my throat; I had already seen Arvil’s blond hair. He would be here for two days, possibly three; we would have all of that time together. I told myself that I was only happy to see a friend, and yet warmth was already rising to my cheeks.

“I see that You are pleased, Holy One,” Resilan said. I lowered my eyes, trying to compose myself. “I’ll tell the Headman of Your happiness, and perhaps he will send Vilan to Your island more often.”

“You must not tell him that,” I replied warily. “I am as happy to see any of you. I’m as happy to see the Headman himself.” I wondered if Yerlan’s feelings toward Arvil had eased, if he was learning to trust him more.

Tulan was in the boat with Arvil. I stood on a rock and watched as they dragged the boat ashore, then bid farewell to Resilan and his companion.

“The Headman chose us,” Tulan said as he came to my side. “He said that because You have sought our company before, it was right for him to send us to guard You.” He struck his chest with one fist. “And I’m the youngest one he has ever sent here.”

Arvil was lifting a basket from the boat. He set it down and looked up as Tulan started to strut. “Be proud,” he said to the boy, “but do not brag.” He stood up and gazed at me. “Since You have let him tend Your horses, perhaps he grows too proud.” He spoke the words gently.

“I am pleased to see you,” I said, as stiffly as I could, but was unable to keep all my joy out of my voice. My mind was darting from one thought to another; I wished I had put on another shirt, trimmed the curls around my face, or worn Nallei’s necklace of feathers.

“I am pleased to see You,” he said softly.

“The horses are well,” Tulan said. “More of the boys ride them now, and Wild Spirit is not so wild.”

“Greetings, Holy One,” Arvil said suddenly.

I turned. Nallei had come down the trail and now stood on the slope above us. “So you are to be Our guards now,” she said. “Greetings, Tulan and Vilan—or perhaps I should continue to call you Arvil as My companion does.”

Tulan bowed; Arvil stared at her a moment before lowering his head. “You may call me whatever You wish.”

She glanced from Arvil to me. I gestured awkwardly at the basket. “Arvil and Tulan will carry up this food,” I said.

Nallei did not reply right away. She’s going to summon him, I thought; she’ll do it to protect me. At last she said, “The boy and I can carry that, and he can tell Me what he has been learning. Perhaps You might show Arvil Our island, since he has not been here before.”

I was bewildered. She had talked of protecting me before; now, she was leaving me alone with Arvil. She walked toward the basket and lifted one end as Tulan picked up the other.

As they walked up the trail, I motioned to Arvil. “We’ll walk along the shore,” I said. “I’ll show you the cove where we swim.” I had learned more of the band’s language and continued to speak in that tongue as we circled the island. I spoke of our hut, of a patch where blueberries grew, of the ducks that would soon fly away from the bay, and kept my eyes averted from him. I had nearly run out of words by the time we reached the cove.

“This is where we swim,” I said, waving a hand at the water.

“So you have said.”

“The water is shallower here, and the sun warms it.”

He moved a little closer to me. “I am a better swimmer now.”

I groped for more words. “Tell me what you’ve been doing during the past days.”

He sat down on one of the rocks; after a moment, I seated myself next to him, careful not to get too close. “I should tell you this,” he said in my language. “You must remain cautious in how you treat Yerlan. He still harbors a longing for you. He doesn’t admit it openly, but when he speaks of you, I hear what is in his voice. He wonders how favored a place I have in your thoughts.”

“Yet he sent you here,” I said.

“He has a liking for Tulan, perhaps because he has no charge of his own. The boy is bold, and when the Headman said he would send Tulan here, Tulan asked if I could go with him. Yerlan agreed, but he didn’t seem happy to do so.” He paused for a bit. “You haven’t spoken alone with him for some time. Perhaps you should when I leave here.”

“I’d rather be near him as little as possible.”

“You can sit in the clearing. He can do nothing there. It would make him happy to speak more to you of his doings, and it may make matters easier for me. I want him to send me here again, and perhaps he will if you show him some favor now.” He reached toward me. “I’ve missed you, Birana.”

I let him hold my hand as all the feelings I wanted to deny flooded into me. I wanted his hand on mine; I wanted him close to me—further than that my thoughts did not go.

I said, “I have missed you, Arvil.”

He released my hand and slipped his arm around my waist. I sat very still, hardly able to breathe. “My longing is still great,” he said. “Even your absence does not weaken it.”

“You mustn’t speak of that.”

“I know what you have told me, and now I am learning Wirlan’s lore. He has taught me much, and he’s also told me a little of what has passed here since your companion came. What his private thoughts of the Lady are, I cannot say, but he knows the lore of ill or weak bodies, and he sees that your companion has a body not unlike our own.”

“What has he told you?” I asked, remembering what Nallei had told me.

“Only that the Lady’s spirit is trapped in such a body. He has joined with her, as have others. Do you think a man who knows his lore can so easily put it aside and believe that you or your companion are something other than what he sees or feels? Others may be blinded by the worship they have been taught, but Wirlan is not such a man.”

I thought of the healer. I had felt uneasy with him, when he was on the island, but had attributed that nervousness to what I knew about him from Nallei; he had said nothing to provoke it. “You shouldn’t be telling me this,” I said. “If Nallei… ,” I paused, but I had said her name and could not call it back. “If my companion knew of this…”

“She will do nothing against him, and I do not think you will. He’s silent about such thoughts except with me, and even you and your friend may need his healing in time.” His arm tightened around my waist. “But it is this I wanted to say. You told me of what would happen when a man joined with a woman, and yet your companion has joined with many, and with Yerlan often, and nothing has come of it. You say a woman would grow large, and a child would come from her body. Your companion could not have hidden this, especially from Wirlan.”