The Space Between (16 page)

He brushed a hand across her chest, leaving a streak of white paint in its wake. Her nipples pebbled and her bottom lip got caught in her teeth. Her hands trembled, then she let the sheet cascade to the floor. The way he was looking at her gave her confidence.

“They say an artist is just as good as their muse…I can be good.” She cocked her head.
 

Nate inhaled sharply, then put both hands on her. She arched into his touch, wrapping one leg around his hip. Nate then reached behind him. Georgia wasn’t sure what he had in his hand until she felt the soft bristles of a paintbrush on her inner thigh. The brush was dry, at first, as he created a masterpiece not with paint, but with the warm soft parts of her that now belonged to him. Georgia gasped as he stoked her sensitive skin, her mouth found his in an urgent, desperate way.
 

She went to a place she’d never expected. Erotic, but without guilt. This was her husband and she felt free to do what her body willed, and her body willed her to ride his hand and then unbutton his jeans, to take him with all that she had. Paint and sweat. She gave herself over with her head thrown back and thighs clenching his waist.
Her whimpers bounced off the tin ceiling above them.
 

“I’m so glad you’re mine,” Nate whispered against her cheek.
 

And she was his. Her heart since warmed to the idea of belonging to this passionate young man, who was just as comfortable taking apart an engine as he was creating works of art. He liked to work with his hands. He had really, really good hands.

“I am yours, Nate. And soon we’ll be a family. I know I may not be the one you would have chosen, but I hope you’re happy.” Georgia lowered her head, embarrassed at the vulnerable tone of her voice.
 

“Hey, look at me.” He lifted her chin with his finger. “I wouldn’t have seduced you that night if I wasn’t interested in you.”

“Seduced, huh? I think the four shots had something to do with it.”

“Please, that just loosened the stick up your ass…You were powerless against my charm, darlin’…Our hands may have been forced a bit, but I think we might have been destined.”

Georgia had been drunk that night, but not enough to not know what she was doing. It was just enough to erase her inhibitions. She wanted to forget about Brady and college for a few moments. Nate made her laugh, made her feel special. And when his hand slid beneath her underwear, she remembered thinking nothing had ever felt that good.

She shivered from the chill in the air and the memory. He lifted the sheet to cover her shoulders before pulling up his jeans.

“Destined…knocked up. Whatever you want to call it.” She smiled and winked. “You finished? I could cut glass over here.”

Nate looked down at her chest and grinned. “Why don’t we head home? You can cut me all you want.”

Georgia wiped a lone tear from her cheek. The ache was nothing new. Sorrow, her constant companion. She functioned—went to class, worked, hung out with her roommate and classmates on occasion. She thought what had been missing were the choices she thought were taken away, but now she had college, and medical school in her future, yet she felt more hollow than ever.
 

She lifted herself off the grass and took one more look at the lake. The setting sun made the water glitter, but the view did little to comfort her today. She brushed the dirt off the seat of her jeans and walked up the path towards the parking lot. Today, she didn’t stop at the line of cars. Today, she kept going. Up and up and up, until she was at the grassy peak that jutted out over the water below.
 

Maybe she would stay up here for a bit longer, because when it came down to it, she didn’t want to go back to her dorm and sleep… If she fell asleep then she would wake up here, of that she was now certain. And she just didn’t want to wake up anymore.

The white chalky rocks were jagged all the way down to the rock covered shore of the lake. She watched the water lap and recede, over and over. A cool breeze whipped her hair, making her shiver. Closer and closer she got to the edge, so close, dirt and loose rock crumbled and fell from beneath her shoes.
 

~
Chapter Nineteen
~

Georgia stirred. Groaning she turned over onto her side, not ready to wake. In fact, she was hoping she wasn’t going to wake up, that was the last thought that had gone through her head the day before. She couldn’t think about it, or she’d go crazy, her need to make sense of things long abandoned. She clenched her eyes closed, willing herself back to sleep. Where she didn’t hurt. Where she found some shred of peace, if there was any to be found.
 

She felt groggy today, her limbs heavy. She wasn’t sure where she was. Maybe she was dead. No, if she were dead she wouldn’t feel like she’d been hit my a truck. She didn’t remember drinking the night before, but this felt like one of the worst hangovers of all time.

She turned over and something soft brushed across her nose. Her eyes fluttered open, slowly adjusting to the dark, to find a mass of sweaty curls. She’d know that smell anywhere…lavender. Georgia gasped and shut her eyes once more, begging and praying that this was really happening. She would give anything, do anything, be anything, just please, please let this be real.

Georgia reached out her hand and felt soft fabric, then skin, a tiny elbow bone. She got the nerve to open her eyes once more and was met with a set of baby blues filled with tears. She gripped her little girl under the arms, pulling her onto her stomach.
 

“Momma, I had a bad dweam.”

The sound that left Georgia filled the room. It was the sound of exaltation, of pure joy. Her body shook with relief, and her relief became whole when she gripped a rough hand on the other side of the bed, warm and beloved.

“Me, too, baby…Me too.”

~Chapter Twenty~

She flipped the old man off as she drove by, her finger below the dashboard. Seeing him had stirred up bad memories, a nightmare, really. She was back in Clive and her only thought was that the bookstore had better be there, or she was going to lose her mind.

She needed answers, closure, a lobotomy, something.

She pulled beside the curb and parked. Her eyes were closed, too nervous to look.
 

“Okay, on the count of three…One, two, three.”

The red awning was there. She cried out in relief and crept out of the car. Once again she inched down the dusty alley, Georgia grabbed the handle and prayed it was unlocked.

“Please, please, please, open.” She hadn’t realized she pulled until she heard the chime. The girl was there behind the counter, smiling. Sitar music was softly playing in the background.

“Glad to see you again…Follow me. Gwen’s been expecting you.”

 
What was she going to say to this woman? It had only been a day in real time, but her experience lasted much, much longer. All the pain, all the tears. The hollow pit that was her life for what seemed months. It was all her fault—Gwen’s. But even as she planned her revenge, she wondered if she’d do it all over again.

The girl pulled back the curtain and held it aside for her. At first she couldn’t move, but then she forced her feet into timid motion. Then as she crossed into the back room, she froze once again—emotions slammed and twirled inside her chest.

 
Gwen chuckled. It was a rich, hearty sound, like honey dripping from its comb.
 

“You don’t know whether to hug me or kill me…That’s all right, dear, I get that a lot.” Gwen smiled and held out her hand. Georgia collapsed into her arms with a sob. Gwen knew the gravity of what she’d experienced. She needed someone to know, to really believe.
 

“Was it real?…or a dream… a psychotic break? Please explain it to me,” she begged, tears streaming down her cheeks.
 

“Did it feel real?”
 

Georgia nodded with a sniffle.
 

“Well then, it was real.”

Gwen walked Georgia over to a sofa covered in golden velvet, an arm wrapped around her shoulders. It was a motherly gesture, and at that moment, it was what Georgia needed
 
more than anything.

“Did you find what you were looking for?” Gwen asked, as she rubbed her back in small rhythmic circles

“Yes. Yes, I think I did.”
 

Georgia tilted her head, letting a hollow laugh fall from her lips. “It turns out that what I was looking for was right in front of my face. Right in my grasp.” She squeezed her hands into a tight fist. “I already had it! Damn it, I already had it…I feel like such an idiot.”

“No, dear, no. It’s human nature to glance over the fence and wonder what if…Some people go through life without ever finding what they’re looking for, without ever knowing how lucky they are.” Gwen pulled Georgia’s fingers, still tucked into her palms, and placed her hands on top. They were soft and cold. “The fact that you’ve realized that at such a young age, it’s a blessing.
 

“So, was it a dream, or some kind of coma?”

“Neither…both. Maybe somewhere in between. The veil between dream walking and consciousness is gossamer thin, if you know how to tap into it.”

“The tea?”
 

Gwen nodded.
 

“I knew it had to be that damn tea,” Georgia said with a laugh. It was lighter. She felt lighter. “What the hell was in that tea bag?”

“Oh, a little of this and a little of that.” She smiled coyly. Georgia realized she would never know.

“Was it God…or magic? I don’t believe in magic, well at least, not before.” Georgia whispered, looking off into the corner of the room.

“Divinity, magic, those are just words to define that which we do not understand. That which is beyond comprehension. We as humans need to define, put things in a nice digestible package. It makes us feel safe. But whatever you call it, it’s real.”

“Why me?”

“That is not for me to say. Those who need it, and have asked for it, those who truly seek answers…those are the ones who find their way to my door.”

“How did I finally wake up? I was petrified I was going to be stuck forever.”

“Not sure, dear. Everyone is different. What were you doing right before you finally awoke?”

Georgia thought for a moment. “I’m not sure. I can’t remember. I…Oh god…”

“What is it?”

Georgia’s eyes filled and her hands began to shake. “I went for a hike around the lake. I ended up on some cliffs that jutted out over the water. I…I couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t stand one more minute without my babies. I thought I was stuck. I’d decided. God forgive me, I was thinking of jumping. I was so close to the edge that the rocks beneath my feet fell off the cliff. And then…” She cried into her hands, ashamed.

“Shhhh, shhhh. It’s all right. It’s all right. That was your catalyst. That was the moment you decided.”

Georgia wiped her eyes roughly and sniffed. “Yes. I remember thinking nothing mattered, medical school, career, nothing…without them. I wanted the life I had. I didn’t care about any of it.”
 

Gwen handed her a tissue. Georgia wiped under her nose and sighed. “I always thought I was braver than that. I never thought I would consider something like that. I guess I was desperate.”

“We all think we’re grateful. We all believe we‘re appreciative. But it’s only when it’s taken away that we realize how we took it all for granted.”
 

“Honestly, I feel like a selfish asshole.”
 

Gwen laughed. “No, no. You gave everything to your husband and children, but gave nothing to yourself. Now you know better, don’t you?” Georgia gave a small nod, hoping she would handle things differently.

“Has there ever been a case where someone didn’t wake up?” That terrifying thought hadn’t crossed her mind until that moment.

“No dear, everyone wakes up, and always the next day, but the amount of time that passes in the dream is different for everyone…Some people go to therapists to deal with events that have already come to pass. I help people with the past that never was, but that they wished had been.” Georgia shook her head. It was too much for her to wrap her brain around.
 

“There was this one gentleman, came to me in Denver. He hadn’t been able to move on from his wife’s death. It had been three years and he still couldn’t let go of the fact that he didn’t get to kiss her goodbye, tell her he loved her. He’d left for work early that morning and hadn’t wanted to wake her.”

“What happened to her?”

“Embolism, travelled to her head. She couldn’t have been older than thirty…He told me he found her sitting in the sunroom, her favorite place to have her morning coffee.” They both took a moment of quiet reflection. “In his dream, that’s where he found her, in her chair, very much alive. He was able to sit with her, kiss her, tell her how much he loved her. Only a few hours passed in his dream, but that was all he needed. I hear he’s finally remarried.” Gwen’s loving smile warmed Georgia’s chest. Gwen was special, that much she now knew, but what she didn’t realize was that Gwen was doing more than changing lives, she was giving people their lives back. What Georgia had perceived as a curse, now seemed like a privilege.

“Why are you in this dust bowl of a town? You could be famous, not to mention rich. Seriously, you should call Oprah.”

Gwen laughed again, brushing back a snow white curl that had escaped her tight bun. “Oh, Georgia, you have a delightful light inside of you. But money was never my goal. Think of me as a cleric. Helping my fellow man, or woman, is my reward. And as to this dust bowl, as you call it, I won’t be here long. Sadie’s packing up the books as we speak.”

So that was the girl’s name.

“Where will you go?” Georgia felt anxious at the thought of Gwen leaving.

Gwen shrugged her shoulders. The move made her seem much younger. “I’ll know it when I get there. I always land in the right spot.”