The Space Between (15 page)

The realization that her girls might be lost to her forever was the most painful to bear. She never regretted them, she never wanted a life without them. She had to pull over, she was going to be sick again.
 

She kneeled in the grass by the side of the road. A jagged moan tore from her mouth.
 

“Oh God…my babies.”

What had she done?
 

~Chapter Seventeen~

When Georgia arrived back on campus after seeing Nate, she went right to bed, ignoring her phone and classes. She sobbed, hours on end.

One thing finally motivated her to get out of bed the following day…Brady.

Maybe he could take her mind off of all the pain. He’d been really good at that once upon a time. Maybe she hadn’t given him a real chance. Sure he was a little up his own ass, but maybe he was stressed about classes. That thought had her springing out of bed and heading to his place.

Two hours later she was back in her dorm. It hadn’t gone as planned…

She went to his apartment a few blocks from campus, on a mission to get some. She thought maybe she could hump the pain away. Nate was getting his, so why not her? She swallowed the acid that came up her throat at the thought.

She bounded up the stairs and hit her fist on the door but no one answered. Georgia had been so determined she hadn’t thought to call first. He was probably on the other side of campus at this time of day. But then she heard some movement and took a few steps back
 

The door swung open. Brady was shirtless, hair disheveled. She didn’t care what his political beliefs were as long as she could see his abs.

“I’m sorry. Did I wake you up?”
 

“Yeah. I was studying and must have fallen asleep. What are you doing here in the middle of the day?”

“Just wanted to see you. Uh, can I come in?”

“Sorry, of course.” He moved out of her way and she walked into his apartment. It was small and tidy, decorated with hues of gray and dark blues. Modern art on the wall, it reeked of taste. Not what one would expect from a guy in college.
 

“Just give me a minute to put on a shirt, okay?” No, it was not okay, she wanted to see his bedroom. Well, his bed, really.

“I’ll help you pick one out.” She gave a sultry grin and walked down the short hall to what she hoped was his room. The whole seduction factor would be ruined if she walked into a closet…or a bathroom.
 

“Wait, G, don’t go in there, my room’s a mess.”
 

Red flags waved and the danger sign illuminated.
 

She gave him a hard look as she pushed the door open. When she walked in, she got one of the biggest shocks of her life—only slightly surpassed by the discovery of her pregnancy.

“What..the…hell?”
 

 
“G, I can explain.”

“You can?” She turned to Brady, who’d come up behind her. “Because I’d love to hear how you plan to explain this one to me.” The volume of her voice, just shy of a scream, filled the small room.

Silence.

“Should I leave?” a shy voice said. Georgia pulled her glance from Brady and directed it to the limbs jutting out of the covers.

“No. You just stay put,” Brady said. “It’s about time, anyway.”

Georgia laughed. It was a loud cackle, and it was not attractive.

 
“You’ve got to be kidding me, Brady.” She now stood in the corner of the room, not sure if she wanted to disappear or throw a karate chop.
 

“How long?”

Brady grabbed his shirt off of the ground and pulled it over his head. “I’m not sure how to answer that.”

“So, your claim of an explanation was bullshit?…Damn, I kinda feel like an idiot right now.”

Brady grabbed her hand and squeezed. “Please, you’re not an idiot. I’m just…well, isn’t it kind of self explanatory… and does it matter how long?”
 

Both valid points, so she just shrugged.

“I’m sorry, hi, I’m Georgia.” She walked over to the bed and stuck her hand out. Her voice dripping with forced courtesy.

“Hello, Georgia, nice to finally meet you…I’m Alan.” They shook hands. She pulled back and inched away from the bed. Georgia’s head was spinning.
 

But as she recovered from the shock, it all kind of made sense. Well, there was one thing that didn’t fit.

“So, you’re gay?” Brady’s answer was a nod. “How can you be so politically conservative and be gay? Doesn’t that conflict with your Naz…uh, your young republican code?”

“G, you can be gay and republican.”

“You can? Because I’ve never met one.”
 

“That’s because most of us are in the closet.”
 

She couldn’t tell if he was kidding or not.

“Oh.” She was more confused than ever. “How about I go into the living room, so Alan here can put some clothes on.” She turned and marched out into the living room. Brady followed shortly after.

“Brady, I don’t know how to feel right now. It makes me sad that you felt you had to lie to me.”

“I’m so sorry. I love you, you know that. I wanted to tell you so many times, but I just couldn’t break your heart.” Funny he said that, she was ready to break up with him.

She sighed. “My heart’s not broken, Brady. I promise.” Not because of him, anyway.
 
“I think we’ve been growing apart for a long time.” Long time, three weeks…she was going for dramatic affect. “Wait a minute, how you’ve been acting lately, was that all an act to push me away?”
 

He nodded sheepishly.

 
“Thank God, Brady! I thought you’d morphed into some bigoted prick. I was wondering where the boy I fell in love with had gone.”

“I’m here.” He opened his arms, unsure she’d come into them. She did after a moments hesitation. They held each other until the shuffling of feet sounded in the hall.

“I’m glad.” She let go and gave him a smile.

 
“Well, Alan, I’m not sure what to say to you, except he’s all yours.”
 

Brady smiled, but then it fell away as he sat on the couch. He shook his head, then ran his hand over his hair.
 

“Why are you being so cool about this? I, your boyfriend since high school, have been having a relationship on the side, with a guy, and you’re not going ballistic?”

Was she mad? No. Shocked? Yes. If this had happened in real life she would’ve been devastated. In this reality, she was relieved. Her heart, the part that was still intact, belonged to another. Maybe her added maturity helped a bit, too. Her thirty year old self could see the big picture. The picture that didn’t include Brady.

 
She sat beside him and grabbed his hand. “Honestly, I’m just glad there wasn’t a woman in your bed—then I would have done some creative things to your penis.” Both guys snorted a laugh. “In all honesty, I knew we weren’t right for each other, even before the whole man in your bed thing. But I still care about you and want you to be happy.”

“I am happy.” He smiled. “I just want you to know that this is why I never had sex with you. I knew it wouldn’t be right. There was a time I thought it might make all the difference, but I probably couldn’t have gotten it up anyway.”

“But you had, many times…uh, gotten it up, I mean.”

“G, I think you’re beautiful, but I’m not gonna lie, I had to think about Alan to even kiss you lately.”

She looked over at Alan and his expression was tight. The thought of Brady kissing her probably didn’t sit well
.
Guess what, Alan
,
it didn’t sit well with her now, either.
 

“And in high school? Plenty of up-page in the back of your truck.”

“Back then I was confused about who I was, so it was a little easier. But sometimes I had to think of someone else then, too.” If she had the right equipment, this might have all been insulting, but she could’t compete with a penis.

“Like a secret crush?”
 

He nodded.

 
“From our town?”
 

He nodded again.
 

She couldn’t help herself, she had to know. “Who?”

“Oh, don’t worry about it. It was no one.”

“Please, indulge me.”

“It was just this guy I had an art class with junior year. I don’t want to say his name, it’s embarrassing.”
 

“More embarrassing than me finding an extra set of cock and balls under your covers less than an hour ago?…I didn’t think so.”

“I’m sure you know him, Nate Bristol.”

Could someone choke on irony?

“Oh, for the ever lovin’ fuck,” she muttered under her breath. Brady gave her a look. “Sorry, I’ve been embracing my inner F word lately.” She shrugged. “ So, what are you gonna do, Brady? I mean, you have to tell your parents. You’re gonna come out now, right?” It wouldn’t go over well with his parents, the town, anyone. But at least he wouldn’t be living a lie.

“Thank you, Georgia!” Alan yelled. “That’s our biggest fight.”

“That, and the fact he has a girlfriend.” Georgia said, cocking her head.

“Well, that too. But it was all part of the same problem. He feels he can’t come out and achieve what he wants to achieve.”

“That’s just sad,” Georgia said, but she couldn’t help but see where Brady was coming from. Then a thought occurred to her. Was he gay in real life? Who knew. It didn’t really make a difference. And nothing says ‘let him go’ like finding another man in your boyfriend’s bed.
 

Message received, loud and clear.

She put a hand on his knee. “Brady, I hope we can still be friends, now that I know you’re not a giant prick.”

Alan looked like he was going to say something and Georgia raised her hand. “Not ready for dick references yet, okay?”

“Okay,” Alan said with a slight grin.
 

He was very good looking. Tall, built, with coal black hair and tan skin. Brady had good taste— she wasn’t excluding herself in that statement.

She stood up. “Well, I guess I should be going so I can go process all of this.”
 

They walked her to the door. She kissed Brady on the cheek, and squeezed Alan’s arm, then waved goodbye to them as she walked down the stone steps outside.

If she wasn’t in love with her husband, who was about to have a baby with his new wife, this whole scene would have crushed her. Nope, she hadn’t been in love with Brady in a long time, and breaking her heart all of those years ago was the best gift he could have ever given her. She could now admit that with infinite certainty.

The real question was, what now?
 

No Nate. No Brady. Not that she had to have a man, but hell, it would’ve been nice if one of the two guys she’d ever loved was available. Maybe she had to let both of them go in order to get out of here. Her steps picked up with that thought, renewing her notion that this would soon be over. She was here for a reason, lessons to be learned, blah blah blah. She felt like she’d learned enough.

She looked up and yelled, “Got it, universe—be thankful for what you have. Done and done.” Georgia continued her fast pace back to her dorm, ignoring the curious onlookers. They could stare, she was beyond caring.
 

Three weeks stuck here was long enough.

~Chapter Eighteen~

Month seven had just past. And for the first time since this whole thing started, she didn’t have a plan of action. She was out of ideas and devoid of hope. Even her special spot, this spot, couldn’t offer her solace.
 

The fading sunlight streaked across the horizon like a splash of paint. She closed her eyes to the beauty and went inside herself.

“Stand still.”

“I’m trying.” Georgia laughed.
 

“Well, you’re doin’ a shit job of it,” he teased.

“Easy for you to say. You’re not the one standing here in their birthday suit in front of God and everybody.”

“There’s no one here but you and me, baby. Relax.” Nate dipped his brush into the
 
paint and pressed it against the large stand in front of him. The moist bristles made a soft scratching noise against the canvas. Georgia did her best not to squirm, but it was hard not to be self conscious, even with Nate’s proclamations of perfection.
 

The barn was cold despite the mild temperatures of the autumn night outside. The thin white sheet draped around her left hip did little to warm her chilled skin. Nate was all concentration, with his furrowed brow and unruly curls concealed beneath a backwards cap. His chest was bare and streaked with various shades of
 
color. He almost looked like a native American warrior painted for battle, were it not for the blond hair and blue eyes.

Georgia lifted the edge of the sheet a few inches only to get a snort in rebuttal. She sighed and let the fabric fall below her hip bone once more and decided to just let it be. They’d been married for two months,
 
her tummy, now rounded with a slight bulge just below her belly button. Why she agreed to let Nate do a portrait was beyond her. He swore it would be tasteful and “nipple free.”
 

So, that’s how she found herself standing before her new husband, staving off shivers and embarrassment. He must have noticed her discomfort, because he moved his arm in several vertical strokes, rough and determined, then he set the brush on the corner of the wooden table beside him. He walked towards her with a strange look in his eye. It wasn’t an ogle, but a discerning look of an artist taking in his subject.

“Baby, if you could only see yourself like I see you.” He came to stand right in front of her. The lone spotlight from above illuminated them both. “Relax.” He put his hands on her shoulders for a brief moment, then slid down her arms. The caress languid. Her skin prickled, now from his touch rather than the cool air of the barn. There was a sweet distant scent of hay. Then she picked up the smell of soap with just a twinge of sweat. Nate. It made her want to drop the sheet altogether.