The Space Between (2 page)

She vowed that Brady would play no part in tonight’s festivities, imaginary or otherwise. She gave herself a mental high five and took another swig.

“Now that you mention it, I would love a refill, Nate. Thanks.”

“Why don’t you come with me? I heard Bingham’s scored a bottle of tequila…If you think you can handle it.”
 

Georgia looked at him for a moment. He had a really nice smile and intense blue eyes. There was a swirl of green in there too—almost like the Caribbean Ocean she’d seen on the Travel Channel. She’d been mesmerized by the patchwork of blues and warring shades of aqua…That was it, Nate had Caribbean blue eyes.

Drunk.
 

“What?” he asked, amused. “Do I have a hanger?” His soft twang was adorable.

She laughed. “No, you’re all clear. I was just thinking how pretty your eyes are. I’m sorry to say I’ve never noticed before.”

“Uh, that’s okay. You only had eyes for another guy’s eyes…Shit, you know what I mean.”
 
She liked that he could laugh at himself. Brady took himself and life very seriously, that’s not to say he didn’t have a sense of humor per se. He was intelligent and that’s all that’d mattered to Georgia. He was the only boy she knew who could quote Lord Byron, hell, the only one who even knew he was.
 

He would wrap her in his arms and whisper, “
She walks in beauty, like the night. Of cloudless climes and starry skies; And all that’s best of dark and bright. Meet in her aspect and her eyes.”

Then…swoon. Now…spew.
 

The thought of Brady and his poetry regurgitating handsomeness made her jab her nails into her thighs. She was trying aversion therapy. So far, it hadn’t really worked.

She stood up, brushed off her backside, and with a smile, offered him her hand.
 

Revenge was looking pretty hot at that moment. Really hot.

“Come on, Nathaniel. Let’s go do some shots.”

“Uh, it’s Nathan, actually.”

She waved her hand in the air. “Tonight you shall be Nathaniel.” Her voice taking on a slight accent.

He laughed. “Darlin, I’ll be whoever you want.”

Alcohol and a broken heart proved to be a toxic combination. In the months and years that followed she’d often wonder how her life would’ve been different if she’d stayed home or turned Nate down and kept to the shadows of the oak tree that night. But pondering the events that had already come to pass was an act of futility and never offered her anything other than frustration.
 

~Chapter Two~

Lucy and Georgia were best friends, having lived next door to each other since birth. It helped that they had a like mind in almost every situation. Their moms were best friends as well and they all attended the same small Baptist church on the edge of town.
 

They shared everything, confided everything. Georgia’s current predicament was no different, although her knee jerk reaction was to take this particular secret to the grave. But when she saw Lucy, the tears fell and the words spilled out.
 

That’s how they found themselves in Lucy’s car, driving in silence. That silence was starting to make Georgia’s hands sweat. Finally, she couldn’t take it a second longer.

“You think this is wrong, don’t you? You think I’m a bad person? Just say it.”
 

Lucy exhaled loudly through her nose and shook her head. “No, G. I think you’re doing what you need to do, for you. You’re not supposed to be stuck in this town…like me. You’re supposed to be somebody. So, I get it.”

“You get it, but you wouldn’t make the same choice.”
 

“Hell, I don’t know, Georgia. It could’ve happened to me half a dozen times, but I’ve dodged that bullet by being safe.” Lucy gave her a look. Georgia hoped another lecture wasn’t coming. Beating a dead horse with that one.

“He pulled out,” she grumbled, hating herself the minute the words came out.
 

So smart, yet so stupid. They didn’t call it pull and pray for nothing.

Lucy sighed. “You did it one time and got knocked up. I don’t know, maybe that means you were supposed to have this baby.”

“Don’t call it that!” Georgia refused to call the intruder growing inside her anything but It. She felt if she started calling the cells inside her uterus a baby, then she wouldn’t be able to do it. It didn’t even have a heartbeat yet. So, technically it wasn’t a baby, right? Right…She was going to the clinic and she was going to take back control of her life. She was leaving for college next month. Case closed.

The waiting room was cold and sterile. A black and white picture of a waterfall was the only picture on the stark walls. She’d seen DMVs more inviting than this place. But it was fitting, she supposed. After all, why would they make it warm and fuzzy, considering what people came here for?
 

She checked in, where she had to prove she was eighteen. The payment drained her meager savings. Lucy tried to give her part of her graduation money, but Georgia turned her down.

“Come on, G. Let me help. What do I need the money for? I’m not going off to college, and I live with my parents.”

“I appreciate it, Luce, but please keep your money. You may not be moving away, but you’re still taking classes. You can use it for text books, or cappuccinos.”

“You sure? It’s yours.” Lucy grabbed her hand.

Georgia pulled her into a hug and said, “I know…and I love you.”

“What’s not to love?”

Lucy had to fill out the paperwork—Georgia’s hands were shaking too bad to hold the pen. When they called her name, she froze. When the nurse called it a second time, Lucy nudged her. “That’s us.” Georgia loved that she said that.
 

Hand in hand, they walked. Plain wood doors lined the white walls of the corridor. The nurse stopped. “You’re in this one, Ms. Abernathy.” There was a large number eight on the door.
 

“Ms. Abernathy?” The nurse placed a hand on Georgia’s arm. Georgia hadn’t moved, she was just staring at that eight, thinking she would never be able to see those connected loops of infinity and not be reminded of this day. Damn, she’d always liked the number eight.

“Get undressed and the doctor will come in to discuss the procedure.”
 

Procedure. That was nice and innocuous. She found it interesting no one used the ‘A’ word. That was fine with her…But whether anyone actually said the word or not, it was clanging loud and clear in her head, and probably would for the rest of her life…
her
scarlet letter.
 

She sat in a thin paper gown, waiting. Cold and sweaty. How was that even possible? Lucy looked pale and scared. Georgia imagined she had a similar look. They’d been taught all their lives this was a sin. Sex before marriage, abortion, all of it. Most girls her age thought the sex before marriage thing was a gray area, but abortion not so much. Georgia had become the statistic their pastor had warned them about Sunday after Sunday. But the Bible was written in a time when girls got married freakishly young, so it was easy to say wait until you’re married. Tell that to a thirty year old woman, yet to meet Mr. Right. So, Georgia figured losing her virginity at eighteen was pretty old by biblical standards. Georgia wasn’t even sure what she believed anyway, but she sure as hell didn’t want to shame her parents who believed with all of their hearts. That’s why they could never find out.

Lucy took Georgia’s hand in hers and squeezed. “It’ll be okay.”

“Will it, Luce?”

“Yeah, it has to be. God wouldn’t want you to waste all those smarts he put inside your pretty head.”

Georgia smiled at her attempt to lessen the guilt that was forming a knot in her chest. She knew her friend didn’t agree with what she was doing, but she was there holding her hand despite that fact. That’s what made Lucy her soul mate and confidant in all things.
 

While the doctor explained the procedure—his delivery, as sterile as the walls—Georgia’s hands began to shake. Moments later she was bent over the trash can emptying the contents of her stomach. She told herself it was morning sickness.

Hours later the two girls sat on the curb, their hips touching and their hands entwined. Both sets of cheeks were wet with tears.
 

“Well,” Lucy said, sniffing, wiping her index finger under her eyes.

“Well,” Georgia answered. They looked at each other and laughed.
 

“I guess I’m gonna be cool Auntie Lucy.”

Would her decision have been different if Brady had come to her house the night before the clinic instead of weeks after? She couldn’t let herself go there. He’d cried on his knees, arms wrapped around her waist and cheek on her stomach, begging her to take him back.

“Georgia, baby. I made a huge mistake. My dad’s been on my ass non-stop about distractions and giving my studies 100 percent. But I told him this morning, that without you it doesn’t mean anything. You…you are my everything. Please forgive me…please. I’m miserable without you. I love you…please.”

She let him hold her— absorbing the feeling of his arms, their strength and warmth. A single tear fell from her dark brown eyes. He wouldn’t love her when he heard what she’d done, what she had to do.

“Brady, stand up. I can’t say what I have to say with you on your knees.”
 

He wiped his face and nodded, looking nervous and hopeful at the same time. Once they were settled on the porch swing—they swung in silence. Georgia wished with all her heart that things were different, that she could tell him yes and fall into his arms. Regain her lost virginity and give it to him with a full heart and no regrets. But wishes were things of fairy tales. And this…her life…was the furthest thing from it. It felt more like a tragedy of her own design.
 

“Brady, I love you more than anything.” He sighed, one of relief. She put her hand on his knee.

“I don’t know how to say this.” She looked up at the peeling paint above her and started to weep. Brady pulled her into his chest and kissed her temple.

“It’s okay. Everything is okay now. We’re together. Don’t cry, shhhhh.”

“It’s not okay, Brady. I screwed up and I can’t take it back.”

“What are you talking about? G, what happened?”

She pulled herself out of his arms. “After you left me I was devastated. That’s no excuse, but I was. I had too much to drink one night at one of the bonfires down at Miller Lake, and…”

“G, if you slept with someone else because I broke your heart, then I deserve it…I wanted our first time to be together, but we’ll just pretend it never happened. It was just the once, right?”

“Yes…just the once.”
 

“It’s o-kay…it’s okay.” He went to pull her to him once more, but she stopped him.

“That’s not the worst part. I got pregnant. I thought I could get rid of it, I tried. I went to a clinic and everything.” He pulled his hands into his lap, realizing what she was trying to say.

“I’m keeping it, Brady. And…I’m marrying, Nate…he’s the dad.”

“Nate Bristol?” It came out so light, she almost missed it in the buzz of the cicadas.

“Yes. It was him.”

“Do you love him?”

She shook her head.

“Then how can you marry him? How are you going to keep up with your classes with a husband and a baby?” His voice was gaining volume and ire.

“I’m not going to school this fall, Brady. I’m staying here.”

“What? No! How could you throw it all away? I can’t let you do that. Come with me. You could start classes and have the baby, then your mom could take care of it while you finish school. We’ll think of something, just don’t throw your future away, not for one night. Damn it, Georgia.”

“I’ve thought of all of that. I’ve thought of every possibility. But Nate wants me to stay here so he can help. He wants us to be a family.” She wished she could have sounded more enthusiastic, but all she felt was pain.

“This is all my fault. If I hadn’t broken up with you none of this would have happened. We would be together and going to college next week…together.” He stood up and pushed his dark hair out of his eyes. “What about your scholarship?”

“I gave it up. They’re going to give it to someone else. I still want to go to college, Brady. It’s just going to have to wait a bit. I’m not giving up my dreams, just delaying them.”

He pulled her up to her feet and pulled her into him. She cried into his blue t-shirt until there were no tears left.

“I love you, Georgia. I wish…”

“I know, me too.” She lifted her lips to his. She had to have one more kiss, one more moment of happiness with him. Once he walked down her sidewalk and into his truck, he was hers no longer. The finality of that realization was almost too much. She cried as she kissed him, her tears mixed with his.

She raised her hand as he pressed his against the driver’s side window, just before he drove away.

She would feel anger towards him for a long time. If he’d only had the courage to stand up to his dad. But, eventually she’d realize that her decisions, mistakes or not, were her own to bear.
 

She sat on her front porch, third step from the top—her usual spot. Her chin resting on her knee, as she looked out into the yard, seeing nothing defined, as the colors of the grass and sunset blurred together. Panic and numbness were battling for dominance. She prayed numbness would win out.

She thought about the last few months—the changes, the mistakes. To be at such a crossroads at such a young age was overwhelming. She’d always had a good head on her shoulders. Reliable and responsible in equal measure. How could one lapse of judgment negate all of it? That was the crux of it, actions had consequences. She would now have to live with those consequences whatever path she chose.
 

“You wanna get out of here?” Nate asked, kicking the dirt before meeting her eyes.