The Submission Sessions (2 page)

Well, maybe just
a little.

"You
mean something personal?"

"If you wish."

"Nobody
has ever given me an orgasm."

The
words were out before she could stop them. Kerri looked down at her hands and
wished for the sofa to open up and swallow her whole. She had no idea why she'd
blurted it out, but she had and now she couldn't take it back.

To
his credit, Seb didn't miss a beat, and his tone remained light and
conversational. "Have you ever
had
an orgasm?"

She
nodded without looking at him, terrified she'd be able to tell from his
expression that he was judging her or, even worse, that he pitied her.
 
Her gaze fixed one of his big toes where it
rubbed gently back and forth across the surface of the sheepskin rug as though
Seb was enjoying the feel of the fleece. Even his feet were sexy to look at.

"That's
good news. It means there is no physical reason why you can't achieve a climax
with a partner."

Kerri's
first thought was that he should tell her something she didn't know, but then
she acknowledged to herself that it was just her self-defense mechanism kicking
in. She wondered what the good doctor
would say if she were
brave enough to tell him about Christopher.
 
Would he come up with some mindless platitude that was supposed to
instantly heal the emotional scars her first boyfriend had inflicted on her?

The
soft squeak of leather told him he had shifted in his seat, and she could see
out of the corner of her vision that he had moved closer to the edge of the
sofa.

"Kerri,
I want you to look at me." She tensed as she met his gaze, but it held
none of the pity or judgment she'd feared.
 
"It's important that you listen to me now. There is nothing wrong
with you. You are a beautiful, intelligent woman who is capable of giving and
receiving pleasure. Do you believe that?"

"I
wish I did. I can give others pleasure, I know that much. But, for some reason,
they never manage to do it for me. It feels good at first, but then my mind
starts working overtime and I can sense my partner is getting bored of waiting
for me to prove to him how skilled in the sack he is."
 
Kerri knew her voice had gotten a little
louder, but a she couldn't fight the sudden tidal wave of emotion coursing
through her. "I mean, that's what it's all about when all is said and
done, isn't it? Guys don't care about whether women enjoy having sex with them
or not. All they care about is feeling like a stud."

It
was sure as hell the only thing that mattered to Christopher. Even though she
could look back on that awful night with him with adult eyes, and know that
what happened wasn't her fault, the damage he'd done still paralyzed her. Kerri
had been head over heels in love and totally excited about the thought of
losing her virginity to him, but the experience had been nothing but a shameful
mistake. In hindsight, she realized that Christopher had probably been a virgin,
too, even though he'd claimed not to be. He hadn't taken the time to turn her on,
and she didn't have the confidence to ask for what she wanted. The sex had been
quick, cold, and so painful it made her cry. When it was over, the boy she was
desperately in love with had pulled away in disgust, probably in an attempt to
hide his shame at hurting her, and scared of finding out that he hadn't been
very good. Christopher had lashed out at her when she wouldn't stop crying,
calling Kerri a vile name and telling her that there was obviously something
wrong with her because she hadn't enjoyed it. He had dumped her that night and
openly mocked her each time he saw her at college in the weeks that followed. When
Kerri finally found the courage to sleep with someone else a few years later,
and the experience was less painful but only slightly more enjoyable than the
first, she had come to the conclusion that Christopher was right and she was
just one of those women who didn't enjoy sex. And every relationship she'd had
since had just compounded the belief.

Sebastian
scanned her face and nodded, as much to himself as her, and scribbled more
notes down on his pad. "Do you think every woman believes that about guys
or just you? Are all men the same, as far as you are concerned?"

"My
friends are constantly raving about their sex lives or how good in bed their
new boyfriend is. I know people exaggerate sometimes, but they can't all be
lying."

"So
you think it's just you?"

Kerri
shrugged. "I guess it must be."

"But
you said you orgasm when you masturbate, yes?"

"Yes."

"How
do you stimulate yourself? Do you use toys or just your hands? Do you watch
porn or read erotica?"

"All
of the above."

Sebastian
made more notes. "Good."

Kerri
waited for the shame and embarrassment to wash over her as it always did
whenever she tried to discuss sex with anyone, but the feelings didn't come.
Seb's demeanor was so relaxed, accepting, and non-judgmental that it was easy
to talk about such intimate things with him. Even if he was drop dead gorgeous.
For some reason, that didn't matter right now.

His
questions continued for the majority of their hour together until she finally
broke down and admitted that Ben had been the one to suggest she should get
some help. Confessing to a total stranger that yet another relationship had
ended because of her failings wasn't easy.

Seb
grimaced at the clock on the mantel.
 
"Time is against us, I'm afraid, but we did some good work today.
I'll give you some leaflets to take away to help you decide what kind of
therapy you think might work for you. There are a few services I offer."

Kerri
got to her feet and took the leaflets from him. "Thanks."

"One
last thing before you
go
. It isn't healthy to
apportion blame when a relationship breaks down. It's no more your fault than
it was his. I hope you decide to continue therapy, either with me or someone
older." He grinned again, and her stomach did a flip.
 
So much for not caring how
hot he was.
"Seriously though, if we do meet again, I hope to hear
that you've stopped giving yourself a hard time, okay?

"Okay."

Seb
walked her to the street door and shook her hand again. "Have a read through
the literature I gave you and take some time to think about whether you want to
proceed, and then give my receptionist a call. I'd like to see you again,
Kerri. I think we can do some good work together."

As
he held her hand for a split second longer than was absolutely necessary, she
had the feeling once more that he was trying to read her mind. This time, Kerri
didn't pull her hand away—partly because she wanted to show him she wasn't
scared of a bit of intimacy, and partly because being touched by him felt so
damn good.

Later,
tucked up in bed in her apartment, watching a rerun of
Sex and the City
, she thumbed through the leaflets he'd given her.
One of them caught her attention so completely, she forgot all about the love
triangle among Carrie, Aiden, and Big. According to the piece of paper clutched
in her suddenly moist palm, Sebastian offered surrogate partner therapy.

At
first, the thought repulsed her. But then, even as she tried to ignore it,
Kerri began to get a mental picture of the gorgeous doctor running those
wonderful hands of his all over her naked body as she lay on one of the sofas
in his office.
 
She could imagine the way
his alabaster skin would contrast with the deep mahogany of her own, and almost
feel the weight of him as she saw his massive body pressing hers down into the
cushions.

As
she put the leaflet down on the bed and reached for drawer where she kept her
vibrator, Kerri doubted that she would ever be able to look him in the face
again, never mind ask him to become her surrogate. First thing tomorrow, she'd
throw out the leaflets, rip up his business card, and find a different
therapist. But that was in the morning. Tonight, for the next few minutes at
least, and possibly a little longer, she was gonna allow herself to do nothing
but think of him.

Chapter Two

Sebastian
March checked the diary on his laptop again, looking for her name. For the last
few days, he'd managed to convince himself that his interest in Kerri Robertson
was purely professional, but he'd given up lying to himself about it. She
fascinated him but not in the way his other clients did. Kerri was a
staggeringly beautiful woman with a deep sensuality, and it was a crime against
nature that she wouldn't allow herself to enjoy that part of herself.

When
he shook her hand, he'd sensed the heat simmering beneath her buttoned up
exterior, and the frustration coursing through her veins had been so intense,
he'd almost pulled away.
 
He'd fought the
urge because he didn't want her to think he found her touch repulsive, and then
have to explain his reaction by confessing to her that he was a psychic who had
the ability to read other people's thoughts and emotions.

"Isabel?"
 
Seb shouted through the open door to his
receptionist, aware that he could just as easily speak to her via the internal
line but desperate for a distraction from his thoughts.
 
She appeared in the doorway, looking slightly
alarmed. He'd never shouted for her attention before, and he'd probably just
scared the crap out of her.
 

"What's
wrong?"

"Nothing.
I just wondered
if you'd updated the diary today."

Isabel's
spine went rigid, and she raised an eyebrow in his direction, making it clear
to him what she thought of being summoned in such a way for something so trivial.
"No, I'm just about to do it. We had a couple of calls this morning.
 
Is there something in particular you are
looking for?"

"No.
I just wondered, that's all."

Her
expression told him she didn't believe him, but she let it slide. One of the
things that made Isabel a perfect employee was her lack of interest in anything
that didn't directly affect her. Sure, she was beautiful to look it, if you
liked that kind of Nordic beauty, but he barely knew her. She'd shut down any
attempts at friendship or camaraderie in the five years she'd been his employee.
Working with someone who seemed determined to remain a virtual stranger felt
alien at first, but he'd gotten used to it eventually and now, he preferred
it.
 
He'd never managed to read Isabel,
but they'd only ever touched once and that was on the day he'd shaken her hand
after hiring her. All he'd felt then was her nervousness, which he put down to
the fact she was being interviewed. It certainly wasn't because of him. He
hadn't sensed even the slightest bit of sexual interest in him, which was one
of the reasons he'd hired her.

Isabel
gave him another weird look and headed for the door. "I'll go and update
the diary now. Your next appointment is here, by the way."

Sebastian
got through the next hour on willpower alone. The couple he was seeing had been
married for twenty years and were very happy but wanted to spice things up a
bit. He listened to them talk and watched the way they interacted with each
other and then suggested a few things they could try. Sebastian paid particular
attention to the woman and didn't suggest anything too extreme. He could tell
she was blaming herself for the fact her husband wasn't entirely satisfied with
her. The urge to grab her hand and tell her that her partner was a being a jerk
almost overwhelmed him. She was a vibrant, attractive, caring woman who enjoyed
an active sex life with the man she was still in love with, and her husband
should be thanking his lucky stars rather than searching for ways to make
himself
feel young again.

As
they left, Seb clasped the husband's hand firmly, taking the opportunity to
read what was going on in his head. Satisfied that the guy did still love his
wife and probably wasn't likely to run off and have an affair with some pretty
young thing, Seb let them leave without suggesting they book in for further
sessions. If the wife wanted to, that would be another matter, but Seb
certainly wasn't going to help her husband make her feel inadequate, whether
he'd intended to or not.

Appointments
like the one he'd just seen weren't very challenging, but they were his bread
and butter. Most people had relatively minor problems that were easily fixed.
Seb rarely got the chance to work with someone who really needed his help, but
when he did, he found his choice of career intensely satisfying.
 
Kerri needed his help, but he wasn't entirely
sure he was going to be able to help her, even if she made another appointment
to see him.

The
afternoon was fully booked, and it was a few hours before he had a moment to
himself to check the diary again, but when he did, her name was there and he
couldn't decide whether he was pleased or dismayed. She was exactly the kind of
client he should be working with. He'd even given her the leaflet about
surrogacy, a service he was trained for but had never offered to anyone.
 
But that was part of the problem. Why
had
he given her that leaflet?
 
And why had the thought of her been playing
with both his mind and his libido since he'd first met her?