The Summer of Jake (12 page)

…

I arrived early the next morning to pick up my Jeep, suspecting Annalise would try to avoid me. I knocked on her door and waited.

When she didn’t answer after the third knock, I resigned myself to being beaten in the early bird stakes.

After the wine and frustration had worn off at two in the morning, I’d realized I’d pushed her into something she didn’t want. Sure, she’d been turned on when we’d kissed, but she wasn’t some pathetic creature ruled only by her lusts.

Like I was.

Damn it.
After all my efforts, I was turning into my father anyway—a jerk who let alcohol make his decisions and who used the people around him.

I’d been the one to follow Annalise onto the balcony, and I’d been the one to make the first move in the kitchen. She’d responded—had wanted me, I was sure of that—but she’d had a fair bit to drink, so her judgment had been impaired. And I’d known her teenage crush still affected her. Known she’d probably respond if I kissed her.
Known
that made her vulnerable. And still I’d done it.

As I turned the key in the ignition, a rush of shame overcame me for taking advantage of that.

I drove down to my office, desperately trying to think of a way to make it up to her. A tall order, given she was probably hurt and embarrassed, and possibly angry with me. Would she even give me the chance? I cursed, feeling the guilt eat into my stomach.

One thing was for sure—it was only fair that I put all my cards on the table, then end things. Apologize for blundering last night, tell her that I was attracted to her but also explain what everyone else already knew—what a bad catch I was. That nothing could happen between us, and it would be best if I walked away now.

But first, I had to get her to talk to me. Preferably somewhere public where I couldn’t get carried away again.

I pulled into my reserved parking spot and caught sight of myself in the rear vision mirror.

It’d be easy.

Right
.

…

Annalise

Walking along the beach with Rover on her kitty-leash, trying to clear my mind—and still-tingling lips—I was a little startled when my phone rang. Kelly’s bubbly voice flowed down the line, inviting me for morning tea.

I quickly accepted—girl-time was probably just what I needed. My attempt at girl-boy-time hadn’t ended so well.

Although, as much as I loved Kelly, she
was
Jake’s sister, and, this time, I wouldn’t confide my feelings the way I had as a teenager.

I stopped on the way to pick up chocolate brownies—it was most definitely a chocolate day—and then at home to change clothes and drop off Rover.

Jake’s car had gone, and I was glad I’d missed him since I didn’t think I could cope with seeing him right now. More than anything, I wanted him to put his arms around me and tell me everything would be all right. But I had to be strong now to avoid more hurt in the future. What sort of mess would we be in if I hadn’t stopped him in the kitchen?

I was still amazed at my strength in doing that. Who’d have guessed I’d have the strength to turn Jake Maxwell away when he finally wanted me? I’d dreamed and prayed for that moment for six years. The irony was, when it’d happened for real I couldn’t accept it in the spirit it was offered because I wanted more.

When other men had kissed me, I’d wanted them to be Jake. When it
was
Jake kissing me, I’d still wanted more. Maybe it was the-grass-is-greener-on-the-other-side-of-the-fence kind of thing. Maybe I’d never be satisfied.

Whatever it was, I knew my feelings were too strong to be around him any longer—the tension was going to give me a nervous breakdown.

As I stopped for a red light, I realized something, and all the breath left my body. This was no crush—I loved him. When had
that
happened?

Being obsessed from afar as a teenager had been one thing, but it was a different proposition being close to him and loving him to the tips of my toes. That one, passionate kiss had broken through the barriers of self-protection I’d painstakingly erected, and this new vulnerability could only lead to major heartbreak.

Why did he believe that crap Donna had told him? I chewed my bottom lip as the light turned green and the line of traffic began moving again.

Of course, there was always the possibility Donna was right, but I couldn’t bring myself to believe it. People were wired for love and commitment. People and ducks. I’d heard once that ducks chose one mate for life. I wondered if somewhere on the planet there was a slightly tall, brown-feathered duck with a white belly, pining over a charming, overachieving drake.

I sighed and changed lanes. Thing was, it didn’t really matter whether it was true or not—as long as Jake accepted it as truth, there was no future for us. And I knew that for sure: Jake believed it.

Maybe I could set the killer tomatoes on Donna when they’d finished with Scarlett?

But the worst part? I was losing a friend. A really good friend. A ball of emotion lodged firmly in my throat. Turned out, I never could separate fantasy Jake boyfriend from my friend Jake in my mind. If I’d never had this crush, if I didn’t love him, we probably could have stayed friends forever.

Too late for that.

The problem now was how I could avoid him. The two weeks we’d agreed for his makeover weren’t up, but there was no way Jake would keep me to that after the kiss. Barbara had offered me more shifts in her shop, which together with the money from selling the designs should tide me over for the moment.

Jake and I hadn’t seen much of each other before he’d asked me for this stupid favor, so we could go back to that. Or to be really sure, I could move cities. Or countries. To take Jake’s own advice, there was no point doing anything half-heartedly. Maybe I’d move planets.

By the time I reached Kelly’s house, I had a firm plan to cut ties with Jake. It’d hurt, but better to treat it like leg waxing—do it quickly.

“Annalise!” Kelly hugged me at the door. “I’m so glad you were free, I don’t think I could have waited to tell you my news.”

I hugged her back then handed over the brownies. “What news?”

“There are two bits of news, actually.”

“Some good news and some bad news?”

“No, some good news and some good news. The first news is I’m three months pregnant today. We wanted to wait to tell people till I was twelve weeks, you know, to be sure.”

“Oh, Kelly! That’s great news.” I hugged her again. “You’ll make such a great mother. Is Adam happy?”

“He’s thrilled to bits. He wanted to start trying the day we got married, but I wanted to wait a year or so to feel more settled. So the timing is perfect for me.” We walked through to her kitchen. “Let me put the kettle on. I’ll make a pot of tea to go with these brownies.”

We chatted while Kelly made herbal tea and then moved out onto her deck.

I looked at my beaming friend as we sat down. “This really is the best news. Just what I needed.” I hadn’t thought about Jake for a full ten minutes. That had to be a record. But there he was in my thoughts again. Although, I reasoned, he should be in these thoughts—Kelly’s news meant he’d be an uncle. He actually had more of a right to excitement at this news than I did.

I could see the baby snuggled into his strong arms, how his eyes would twinkle when his niece or nephew gripped his finger—

“Annalise, is anything wrong?”

“No, why?” He’d use those hands that had slid through my hair to tickle smiles from the baby.

“Your expression is a bit strange, for one thing. And you just said you needed some good news. Is there anything I can do?”

I gave myself a mental shake. This was Kelly’s moment. I shouldn’t ruin it with self-pity or my runaway imagination. “No, I’m fine. Really,” I added when Kelly didn’t seem convinced. “It should be the other way around. Is there anything
I
can do for
you
?”

Kelly smiled and raised her eyebrows. “I was hoping you’d ask that.”

“You name it, and I’ll do it. I’m at your disposal. Babysitting, prenatal classes, diaper changing…. Wait, I’m not so sure about the diaper changing.”

Kelly laughed. “Actually, it’s more important than those, although you’re welcome to help with any of them if you want.”

“Well, what is it?”

“Okay. I know we haven’t seen much of each other lately, and that was my fault. I was newly married—”

“No, it was my fault,” I interrupted. “It was a little weird talking to you when you were still in your honeymoon phase and I was going through the break-up with Thomas. But I shouldn’t have let it continue.”

“It won’t happen again,” Kelly paused and bit her lip, “because the other piece of good news is that Adam and I would like you and Jake to be our baby’s godparents.” Her smile was brimming with happiness.

“You’d like Jake and me to be godparents to your baby?” I’d heard the words but was having trouble mentally processing the meaning. “Kel, we explained at your mother’s house that we’re not together.”

“I know.”

“And we’re not going to be together.” I thought I should spell it out to avoid any misunderstandings.

“That’s okay.” Kelly’s wide smile—a feminine version of Jake’s—didn’t falter.

“Then why choose us? You should choose a couple.”

“Not everyone chooses a couple. Adam and I discussed it, and you two are our favorite people in the world. The people we trust and respect the most. If anything happens to us, you’re the ones we’d want to have legal custody. The ones making the decisions.”

“But we couldn’t raise the baby together.”

“You’d have to discuss it and make the decisions about that at the time. Anyway,” she shook her head, “that’s not going to happen. For now, we’ll worry about you and Jake being involved in first birthdays and babysitting.”

The room started a slow spin around me. Hadn’t I just decided to cut ties with Jake?

“Annalise? You don’t look happy. You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. We can ask someone else.” Her voice wavered a little, and I felt meaner than when I’d demanded my Elvis movie collection back when we were teenagers.

“Oh, Kelly, I’m honored. Of course I want to be godmother to your baby.” I smiled reassuringly. “Do you think I’ll get Mother’s Day presents?”

Kelly laughed and relaxed back to her normal cheery self. “I’ll make sure of it.”

“Have you asked Jake yet?” I picked up my tea to avoid eye contact. Kelly could read me like a book when she was paying attention.

“No, Adam’s going to do it today.” Kelly picked up her own tea and surveyed me as I sipped. “Lisey, what is going on with you two? I asked Jake, and he brushed me off. Didn’t he say at Mum’s that you were helping him with something? We got so carried away with catching up that I forgot to ask more.”

I searched for an answer. I knew Jake wasn’t ashamed about me helping him, but if he hadn’t told Kelly himself he must have a reason. For his sake, I decided to follow his lead. I had to say something, though, or Kelly would think we were sleeping together, if she didn’t already.

The solution appeared, and I relaxed my strangled grip on my cup. The designs. They’d be public knowledge soon, and we’d already told Eden about them.

I placed the cup back in its saucer, pleased I could tell her half the story. “Jake’s taking on two of my designs in his shop. They’re both casual wear, things for the beach.”

“That’s wonderful news! Now we both have reasons to celebrate.” Despite her glowing happiness since I’d arrived, her face lit up even more.

“It seems we do.”
Celebrate
. So, why had my heart felt like it was in my shoes all day?

“You know, Lisey,” she said as she laid a hand on my wrist, “I feel a bit disloyal saying this, but I’m glad you’re not seeing Jake. I love him to death, but his relationships are always short.” A little crease appeared on her forehead. “I don’t know why, but he’s always been so restless. Besides Adam, he’s the best man I know, but I’d hate to see you hurt if it didn’t work out.”

I gave a reassuring smile. “You’ve got nothing to worry about on that score.”

“Okay.” Kelly leaned to pick up her cup and her shoulders relaxed. “Hang on, if he’s taking on your designs, why did he say you were helping him with something?”

Ah. Good question. Perhaps my brilliance wasn’t in top form. “Um… I think he was just being generous. He told me once that he was getting a good deal because he thought my career was going somewhere and he was getting in at the ground floor.”

“That makes sense. I always told you your designs are great. What made Jake realize it?”

A vision rose of me modeling one of my designs, him standing very close, fingering the fabric at my neck. Instinctively, my hand lifted and wrapped around my neck. “Oh, just a chance meeting. When’s the baby’s due date?”

Kelly forgot Jake and talked about her plans for the nursery and all things baby. I listened and made all the right noises but wasn’t able to forget Jake with quite the same ease as Kelly had.

Chapter Eleven

Annalise

After staying for lunch with Kelly, I arrived home to find a familiar Jeep out in front, with Jake in the driver’s seat.

It’s all right
. I straightened my spine.
I’ll be strong, I’ll be focused… I won’t look at him.
If I could just avoid visual contact, I figured I had a pretty good chance of survival.

I walked slowly from my garage, expecting him to follow, but he didn’t. Sucking my bottom lip between my teeth, I hesitated. It’d be rude not to go over and talk to him, but then again, why wasn’t he coming to me? Then I saw the note. I pulled it off the door and held it with annoyingly unsteady fingers.

Annalise,

I’m sorry about last night, and I need to apologize in person. I’m waiting in my car for your signal—and then I’ll either grovel at your feet or drive off into the sunset.

Jake

A cute apology, but cutting ties with Jake was getting more and more complex all the time.

Sighing, I beckoned with my hand and unlocked the door to the stairwell. Jake jumped out of his car and headed over, a bouquet of flowers in his hands.

Don’t look him in the eye.
Wasn’t that what people said about the devil? That’d be right—devil in blue jeans. I kept my eyes on the flowers. “Jake, I—”

“Annalise, I’d appreciate it if you’d let me say what I have to. I’ve rehearsed it in my head, and, if you interrupt, I’ll probably forget.”

Still standing on the doorstep, I nodded and waited, my heart thudding, looking intently at the flowers. Only the flowers.

“I can’t tell you how sorry I am that things got out of hand last night. I’ve been beating myself up about it all day, so there’s nothing you can say that I haven’t already said to myself.”

He handed me the flowers. “They’re purple hyacinth. In the language of flowers, they mean, ‘I’m sorry, please forgive me’.”

I accepted the bouquet, lifting it to my face. The hyacinth had a sweet scent, so strong it’d drifted across even as he’d held them.

“Jake—”

“No, don’t say anything. There are some things I need to explain so I was wondering if you’d let me do that over dinner tonight?”

How strong did fate think I
was
? I had flowers in my hand and the man I loved asking me out to dinner. I tried to remember the reasons for wanting to cut ties with him, but it was exceptionally difficult.

“If you come with me,” he continued, “I’d get to practice the things you’ve helped me with.”

Slowly, my eyes drifted to his face. My brain was screaming,
don’t look in the eyes!
but my brain wasn’t in control. It seemed the devil in blue jeans had taken the reins. And as soon as my gaze settled on them, I began to drown in those eyes of darkest brown.

“I won’t ask you for anything after this, Annalise, so it’d be like a final exam.”

“B-but the two weeks aren’t up yet.” Was that me arguing
against
cutting ties? I knew I should have kept my eyes on the flowers.

“There are only four days left. I’ll still pay you for them because you’ve already made more changes than I’d expected, so I’m satisfied.”

Are you? Well, I’m not.

Self-protection, I thought.
That
had been my reasoning from the morning. I had to be careful not to get hurt. I finally tore my gaze from his and rested it on the hyacinths.

But was that selfish in the face of the effort Jake had made and his need to have a practice date? Not to mention my designs which would soon be hanging in his shops? The least I could do was see this through to the end before cutting ties. Well, personal ties. Now our godbaby was in the picture, we’d always have familial ties. But as soon as I explained the situation to him, our personal ties were history. In fact, I could tell him over dinner—as long as I could come up with a plausible excuse. I’d work that out later.

“Okay, Jake. When and where?”

He smiled for the first time. “I’ll pick you up at seven. Dress code—elegant.”

He kissed me on the cheek and sauntered out to his Jeep, leaving me still standing on the doorstep, flowers in hand and cheek tingling.

…

Three hours later, sitting on the floor in front of my closet, Rover on my lap, I took another look at my clothes. If this was a dinner for Jake to practice, I should make an effort to dress up. And he’d said the dress code was elegant. That meant I should wear my apricot dress with the delicate lace inserts. I’d made it a few months earlier as a prototype and knew it looked elegant. And sexy.

“But I have to make sure I send him the right signals,” I said to Rover.

“
Rrreht
,” Rover agreed.

I knew now Jake was attracted to me, however I also knew the attraction couldn’t go anywhere—he’d sabotage it because of that
stupid
self-fulfilling prophecy.

I stroked Rover’s head. “Thing is, Jake simply can’t give me a relationship. He’d ruin it for both of us first.”

Rover head-butted the heel of my hand. She always understood me.

“And a
fling
with Jake Maxwell would only increase my emotional involvement and probably leave me a basket case when it ended.” Of course, my mother would argue I was already nuts—a crazy, hopeless romantic—but that was completely beside the point.

The silky fabric of the dress slipped across my free hand. God knew I had little willpower where Jake was concerned.

“It might be expecting too much of myself to repeat last night’s restraint,” I told Rover.

“
Rrreht
.” Rover tapped my hand with her paw in disagreement. Either that or she was hungry. I started to get up to feed her when I realized something…

She was right.

Of course
I could do it. I wasn’t a schoolgirl with a crush, I was a woman with a career taking off and who was about to be a godmother. I’d wear the apricot dress and be strong and focused.

“Thanks, girl.” I patted her head, and her eyes closed in delight.

I checked my watch. There was still an hour before Jake was due. I laid the apricot dress across my bed and headed for the shower.

Afterwards, feeling a little more relaxed, I pulled on my bathrobe and dried my hair. Making sure I was sending the right signals, I didn’t do anything fancy, just left it down. I played down my makeup, finishing with a coat of clear lip gloss.

Thinking about Jake, my mind drifted back to Kelly and Adam’s wedding where I’d been the maid of honor and Jake, the best man. I’d taken Thomas, and Jake had a blond date, but Jake and I had to walk out of the church arm in arm, following Adam and Kelly. And we’d danced together, as required, after the bridal waltz.

Lord, how I remembered that dance. Jake had told me I looked beautiful, and I’d felt too tongue-tied to return the compliment. Not that I believed him for a
second
—it was part of the best man’s role to compliment the bridesmaids, but just for the few minutes of that dance, I’d pretended he did mean it and that he’d chosen to dance with me. That he was holding me in his arms because he liked having me there. That he was gazing at me because he couldn’t drag his attention away.

And all my mother’s worst fears about me became reality—I could see pink hearts in the air and hear doves cooing. The romantic dreamer was totally in her element.

I’d put my arms around his neck and felt his body close to mine under the cover of bridal party duties.

If I were honest, that was the moment I knew I’d have to break up with Thomas. In two years together, I’d never felt as strongly about him as I did about Jake in that one dance.

An alarming thought struck, jerking me out of the memory. What if I wasn’t a failure at relationships? What if I
couldn’t
fall in love with any past boyfriends, because I’d already been in love with Jake? What if those relationships had been doomed before starting, because none of the men were Jake?

Jake had always been such an overachiever that I felt like laughing—or was that crying?—at the irony. Even when he wasn’t trying, he outdid every other man I’d met.

Oh boy, I was in deeper than I’d suspected—and had been for years.
This newfound love wasn’t new.
All those years I’d thought it’d just been a crush and I was over it. And all that time, I’d loved him.

I was heading from doomed relationships with men who weren’t Jake to a no-chance-of-going-anywhere-relationship with the man who was.

Frustration welled up from my chest to prick my eyes. I picked up Rover and cuddled her small, fluffy body.

What I wanted, no
needed
, more than anything in the world—even more than Jake—was to be free of the super-glue that kept me attached to him. That damn glue had been ruling my life for far too long, and I wanted out. I needed my freedom back, and, for that, I needed him to stay away. And I couldn’t do it on my own. I’d have to tell him.

I’m strong, I’m focused.

By ten to seven, I was ready. Dropping my bag by the door, I heard a knock.

I’m strong, I’m focused.
I took a deep breath and opened the door only to have the breath leave my lungs in a rush. Jake was wearing the new green shirt with the tiny black pinstripes and it sat across his broad shoulders like water draping over smooth rock. His eyes, always dark, seemed black in the shadowy light of the doorway. I’d never seen him look so good. I’d never been so turned on just by the sight of someone.

I wondered how he’d react if I pulled him into my bedroom now and forgot the dinner, and instead spent the night showing him just how I felt about him and that body of his.

Hang on, there was a reason not to do that. What was it again?

Suddenly, I realized I hadn’t said anything, and tried to get my mouth to form the words.

“Hello, Jake.”

There was a moment of silence before he answered. “Hello, Annalise.” Then he leaned down to kiss me on the cheek.

But he didn’t kiss my cheek; he kissed my lips. And I felt myself kiss him back.

…

Jake

I told myself to stop kissing Annalise. The whole point of the night was supposed to be to make up for kissing her
last
night.

Even after spending the afternoon thinking about her, here and now, in that pale orange dress, she took my breath away. I’d been momentarily stunned when she’d opened the door looking like a vision, and had kissed her more on instinct than from any functioning thought process.

But I should stop now. And I would—any minute.

The problem was, I didn’t want to stop. Her lips were sweet, and she made my body heat like nothing else. Her breasts brushed against my chest, and I wanted to feel them in my hands again. To hear that noise she made in the back of her throat when I put my mouth over her. Almost without thinking, my hands lifted and brushed past the sides of her breasts. She shuddered. Memories of her game from last night flooded my mind, but this time I knew it was wrong.

Mustering all my self-control, I pulled back and straightened. There was a slightly dazed look in her eyes.

I stuffed my hands into my pockets. “Sorry. Again. Hey, are you ready to go?” I needed to get out of there and stop looking at her in that dress. At least in the car, I’d be facing away from her.

“Um, yes, I’m ready.” She ducked her head, and a shield of hair hid her expression.

What was she thinking? I had no way of working it out if I couldn’t see her face. Damn shield of hair. Damn sexy shield of silky hair that I wanted to fill my hands with and press against my mouth. Abruptly, I turned away. One night. I only had to make it through one more night while I explained how things stood, then I’d be safe. I owed her that explanation.

“Good,” I said. “Let’s go.”

I watched her close the door behind herself before we walked to the Jeep in silence.

Once in the car, I appreciated Annalise asking for an update on her designs and grasped the topic with gusto, telling her they’d been made up and we expected them in-store in the next week.

She seemed as reluctant as I was to mention the kiss at her door—after we’d talked about her designs, she brought up several meaningless topics of conversation, and I gratefully followed her lead.

When we arrived at the restaurant, I opened her door then we walked side by side, not touching, to the front door.

The waiter seated us at a table overlooking the water.

“Would you like to see the wine list, sir?”

My gaze snapped to Annalise. She’d bitten down on her bottom lip, as if embarrassed. “No, thank you. I think we’ll both be having water tonight. Unless you want some…?”

Annalise gave a quick shake of her head, and the waiter left. As we scanned the menus in a thick silence, I stole a look at Annalise, wondering where her head was at. She’d made herself clear in her kitchen that nothing would happen between us, but, tonight, she’d kissed me back. And there had been no alcohol involved…

It suddenly occurred to me that I’d made one hell of an assumption. I’d been thinking of Annalise as someone young and naive, someone too sweet to be able to handle a fling. Someone who would only get her heart broken.

What if I’d been wrong?

Just because I couldn’t offer her long term didn’t mean that’s what she was after. My blood buzzed.

When the waiter returned, I watched Annalise order. What did she really feel about me? Was there a chance she was as attracted to me as I was to her? She looked stunning in that silky dress—though I knew I couldn’t read anything into that. Just because she was wearing a sexy dress and had her hair down—which she must know drove me crazy—didn’t mean she’d done it for me. She was sophisticated, and any sophisticated woman would make an effort when going to a classy restaurant. That’s why I’d asked her for help with Scarlett in the first place.

Scarlett. I hadn’t thought about her in a while. Not even a little. Of course, I could barely think of anything but Annalise at the moment. But what was
she
thinking? Maybe the best thing would be to throw out some bait and see where she took it. I quickly ordered then paused until the waiter retreated.