The Sun in Her Eyes (28 page)

The realisation fills me with warmth.

‘Me neither,’ he says softly, oblivious to the cogs whirring round in my brain. He leans forward and kisses me.

We lie on my bed for who knows how long, our limbs and mouths entwined. There’s so much love and meaning poured into every single kiss that it makes me feel oddly emotional. If it
weren’t for Josie and Craig returning at any given moment, we’d certainly be taking things further.

As it is, we have to wait a few more hours, but our intensity carries through until the evening.

Something has changed – we’ve both fallen deeper. It’s scary and thrilling and wonderful, all at the same time.

Maybe, just maybe, I’ve finally found The One.

‘Give me a hand at the bar, A?’ Ethan prompts.

I get to my feet and follow him inside the pub.

We’re out with Tina, Josh, Nell and George, sitting on the pavement on Rundle Street. The temperature is cool, but the fresh air is welcome. It’s comparatively stuffy inside.

‘You alright?’ Ethan asks as soon as we’re out of earshot of the others.

I nod, allowing him to pull me to one side so we’re out of view of them, too.

‘You’re more freaked out about that letter than you’re letting on,’ he states, his green eyes regarding me with concern.

‘Maybe,’ I mumble.

Everyone had an opinion about what Mum’s last words could have been, and because I played the whole thing down as a bit of a fun mystery to solve, I’ve only got myself to blame for
the
Scooby-Doo
antics that followed.

Tina wondered if I might have a secret half-sibling, maybe even an identical twin. Josh ventured that Mum could’ve been on the run, following up that gem of a suggestion with the idea that
she’d buried her family jewels somewhere. And George, who had recently heard of something similar at work – he’s a lawyer – advised me to ignore the letter completely.

‘Ooh, yeah, imagine if you found out Ned was your long-lost brother or something?’ Nell said with wide eyes. ‘You’d be better off not knowing!’

She’d had a bit too much to drink. They all had.

I shut up about it after that. It was getting a bit silly.

Now a bunch of their other friends have arrived and I’m not in the right frame of mind for small talk. I wasn’t really in the mood to come out in the first place, but I didn’t
want to be at home alone tonight, either. Dad retired to bed early after practically falling asleep at the table. I terminated our conversation without asking his advice about contacting Barry. I
figured that question could wait until the morning when he was feeling more bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. Tonight, I just wanted to speculate with my friends, but as the evening has worn on,
I’ve realised that the one person I really want to talk to is Ned.

Ned who’s on the other side of the world and is probably on his way to Brighton to spend the long weekend with his family: his mum, dad, three brothers, their wives and all of their sons
and daughters.

Anyway, I should be learning to make do without him.

‘What if Dad isn’t really my dad?’ I ask Ethan, worry creasing my brow. I didn’t want to raise this suggestion earlier, but it has been freaking me out ever since it
occurred to me.

He shakes his head. ‘He looks too much like you.’

My relief is short-lived. ‘Okay, then, what if my mum wasn’t really my mum?’

He frowns, but he can’t use the same rationalisation because he probably doesn’t remember what she looks like from the photos I’ve shown him over the years.

He tries to reassure me anyway. ‘I’m sure it’s not that.’

I take a shaky breath.

‘Are you going to call the son?’ he asks, placing his hand on my hip. He strokes my waist with his thumb. I wish he wouldn’t, but he’s had a fair few, and I know all too
well that alcohol makes him more amorous.

‘I think so. Am I crazy? What if it
is
something like Nell said?’

He flashes me a drily amused look. ‘How would your mum know who you were going to marry when you were only three years old?’

I roll my eyes. ‘Okay, then, smartarse.’

He pulls me into his arms and presses his face into my hair. But I’m tense.

‘Let’s get these drinks and get back to the others,’ he says heavily, letting me go and turning towards the bar.

‘I’m not going to stay for much longer,’ I tell him.

‘You’ve barely touched a drop. It’s not like you.’

‘I think I still feel ropey after the last time we went out. Is that what happens when you turn thirty?’

‘Hasn’t affected me,’ he replies nonchalantly, trying to flag down a member of staff. He turned thirty just before I flew over.

‘Maybe I’m coming down with something.’

‘You’ve been under a lot of pressure,’ he muses as the barman comes over. He places the order for our friends, while I consider that he’s probably right. I should head
home soon for an early night.

Ethan nods at me. ‘What are you having?’

‘Nothing,’ I reply with a tight smile at the barman, my decision made.

The barman goes off to gather the rest of the drinks.

Ethan frowns at me before checking over his shoulder to make sure we’re still out of sight of the others. I do the same – we are.

‘Stop worrying,’ he urges, cupping my face with his hands.

I jerk away from him.

His eyes narrow. ‘What’s got into you?’

‘I just…’ I shake my head. ‘Just…
don’t
.’

He looks hurt and then circumspect. ‘Are you still freaked out about what Tina told you?’

I did notice he was a little cooler with her than normal tonight.

‘It doesn’t help,’ I admit, chewing on my bottom lip and not meeting his eyes. I don’t want to make this about Ned and the sudden, belated appearance of my
conscience.

He sighs. ‘Come on, A.’ He pushes his fingers through the hair at the nape of my neck and pulls me towards him, planting a kiss on my jaw.

‘I mean it,’ I warn. ‘Don’t.’

He withdraws and then the barman appears with his order so he has to turn his attention to paying.

‘What are you doing on Sunday afternoon?’ he asks casually as we make our way back to the others.

‘Easter lunch and then nothing,’ I reply.

‘I’ve got the kids in the morning, but after, do you want to take a run up to Eden Valley with me? I want to see how it’s faring after the fire.’

I hesitate before answering. I could do with some space to clear my head, but I’m just as unlikely to get that at home as with Ethan. ‘Sure,’ I reply.

It would be good to get out, and I’m curious to see the property again, too.

‘Great,’ he says.

I call it a night soon afterwards.

‘What’s wrong?’ I ask, staring through the open car window at an angry-looking Ethan in the driver’s seat.

‘I’m really
fucked
off.’ He mouths the penultimate word. ‘Sadie’s got a sick bug so I’ve got to keep the girls for a bit longer. He jerks his head
over his shoulder to denote his daughters sitting in the back seat. Rachel is fast asleep, but Penelope glares at me resentfully.

‘This is the worst Easter ever,’ she says with annoyance.

‘I’m doing the best that I can,’ Ethan snaps at her, turning back to me. ‘I thought we could drive around for a bit before dropping them off. I don’t see why Sadie
can’t stick them in front of the telly. She makes such a fuss about everything,’ he mutters, nodding at the passenger door and indicating that I should get in.

I’m sure Penelope can hear what he’s saying and I feel uncomfortable as I go round to the other side of the car and open the door, instinctively glancing over the bonnet at the
house. I jolt at the sight of Dad standing at the living-room window. I wave at him, but don’t wait for him to wave back before getting in.

I think he’s feeling as unsettled about Doris’s letter as I am.

I called Barry yesterday. He sounded surprised to hear from me – pleasantly surprised.

‘Hello, dear, I wasn’t sure you’d get in contact. My mother has got it into her head that she needs to see you. I hope it hasn’t caused you undue anxiety.’

‘Not at all,’ I lied. ‘I’m actually living in the UK now, but I’m in Adelaide visiting my dad at the moment.’

‘Oh, what a coincidence!’ he exclaimed. ‘Mum has been talking about coming to Adelaide soon to see my sister and her family. Shall I see if we can arrange that for sometime
next week?’

‘I’m supposed to be flying back to England on Friday,’ I told him. I haven’t yet changed my flight, but I think I will stay another fortnight or so. The end of the week
seems way too soon.

‘I’d better get a move on, then,’ he said jovially, before asking for my contact details so he could ring me back to confirm. He did, a mere quarter of an hour later.
We’re meeting on Tuesday, here at the house. The sooner the better, I figured, so I didn’t tell him the week after next could also be an option.

At that point, I gathered the courage to ask him if he knew what his mother wanted to tell me, but he claimed to be ignorant.

‘She never speaks about what happened,’ he says. ‘I had no idea it was still playing on her mind.’

I’ll just have to be patient.

Ned hasn’t called me since late last week, which is a little disconcerting. I tried ringing him yesterday and earlier today, but his phone went straight to voicemail. This morning it was
Saturday night in the UK and he was probably kicking back and relaxing with his family. I’ve resolved to call him later – on his parents’ home line if necessary. Hopefully
I’ll catch him when he wakes up. It feels wrong that I haven’t even told him about the letter.

‘Where are we going now?’ Penelope moans from the back seat.

‘For a drive,’ Ethan replies through gritted teeth.

‘I don’t want to go for a drive!’ she snaps. ‘Why couldn’t we stay at Nanny and Grandad’s instead of coming to see
her
again?’

I tense up.

‘Her name is Amber, and she’s a friend of Daddy’s so don’t speak to her like that.’

‘Mum says she fancies you,’ Penelope states sulkily.

‘Well, your mum’s mental,’ Ethan snaps.

I flash him a look. Jeez,
careful
…

‘I’m going to tell her you said that!’ Penelope yells.

‘Why don’t you bring them with us to the property?’ I whisper, feeling bad about the whole situation.

‘I don’t want them with us,’ he mutters.

‘I don’t want to come with you anyway!’ Penelope cries, her voice wavering.

I twist round in my seat and see that Rachel has awoken with the racket. Her eyes well up and her bottom lip begins to tremble.

‘Your dad didn’t mean that,’ I say kindly, wanting to kick Ethan as Rachel opens her mouth and lets out an almighty wail. What a git.

‘For fuck’s sake!’ he explodes, swerving off the road.

‘Ethan!’ I exclaim, shocked at his language. He angrily switches off the ignition.

Penelope lets rip. ‘I WANT TO GO HOME!’

Ethan yanks his door open, I presume to go to the back door to comfort his daughters, but a moment later they’re both still howling and he’s standing outside the car with his head in
his hands.

‘Hey, hey,’ I shush them, startled at his behaviour. I reach back to rub their knees, one after the other. It makes no difference to the volume of their cries.

God
. Is this what it’s always like?

‘I want my mummy!’ Rachel adds to the din.

‘Ssh, it’s okay, let me talk to your daddy,’ I say, getting out of the car. ‘Ethan!’ I hiss over the roof at him. ‘Sort it out!’

He lets his hands drop wearily and flashes me a resigned look before stalking over to the car and opening the back door.

‘Hey,’ he says. ‘Hey! Girls, I’m sorry.’

He has to raise his voice over the pandemonium, but eventually he manages to get through to them and they both quieten down. I can still hear them asking for their mummy, though.

‘I’ll take you back to Mummy,’ he promises. ‘You’re going to be able to show her all of those Easter eggs the Easter Bunny brought!’ he says in as merry a
tone as he can muster. It seems to do the trick.

With a few more sniffs and snivels, we’re on our way again.

Sadie does not look at all happy when she answers the door to the three of them, and the sight of her sets the girls off again. With Rachel snivelling in her arms and Penelope desolately
clinging to her legs, I see her silently mouth a torrent of swear words at Ethan. I can’t see his face, but from his body language I’m guessing he’s giving as good as he gets.
Finally he storms back to the car.

‘See you Wednesday, girls!’ he calls over his shoulder with exaggerated exuberance.

They don’t answer, their heads still buried against their mum.

Sadie retreats inside and slams the door with a loud bang.

Fifteen minutes later, Ethan is still in a
foul
mood. I haven’t even dared to speak to him. He’s turned the music up really loud and currently Arctic Monkeys are rocking the
car. I’ve been looking out of the window, trying to get my head together. Is he always like that with his daughters? Or was that a one-off meltdown?

He reaches over and turns off the radio.

‘Sorry,’ he mutters.

‘Don’t worry about it,’ I reply, cutting him some slack.

‘Christ,’ he says. ‘They sure know how to push my buttons.’

How am I supposed to respond to that?

‘Why couldn’t I have had a couple of boys?’ he continues. ‘I’m sure they would have been easier.’

‘Ethan!’ I reproach. ‘You can’t say that!’

He sighs heavily. ‘It’s true, though. Those three gang up on me.’

I shift uncomfortably in my seat and he glances at me.

‘What’s going through your mind?’ he asks, a touch unwillingly.

‘That that was really stressful and that you shouldn’t speak to your daughters like that,’ I tell him honestly.

He sighs again. ‘I know I shouldn’t, but you show me a parent who doesn’t lose it sometimes.’

‘NAUGHTY GIRL!’

‘Exactly,’ he says quietly, noticing me wince. He can read me so well.

Unwelcome thoughts rage through my mind. I wonder what Ned would be like as a parent. When I think of how he woke me up on my birthday last year, kissing my tummy with our tiny baby still
inside… In a couple of hours
he’ll
be woken up by the excited shouts of his nieces and nephews. And despite the fact that he’ll undoubtedly have a sore head from the
drinks he had with his family last night, he’ll still get up and watch the egg hunt with good humour. I know, because I’ve been witness to it on several occasions.