The Sweetest Kill: A Young Adult Paranormal (12 page)

I push the person away from me, much to their anger, then I start my escape. I bob and weave through the crowd as my breathing starts to turn into wheezing gasps. I can’t bear to be here anymore. I need to be home, in my sanctuary. I need to be where I’m safe.

“Have his fill of you already?” A haughty voice asks.

I can’t deal with this shit right now. Pushing past Josette, I grab my coat from the second bouncer’s station. Pulling it on with shaky hands I notice his gaze on me but ignore it. I need to get out of here. I need to get out of here now!

Keeping my head down and my pace quick, I escape through the throngs of people. I don’t know if anyone’s following and to be honest, I don’t really care. When I get out of the club, I start gasping sharply as cold air invades my lungs. My whole body is shaking and I think I’m going to vomit.

I cup my mouth as bile rises in my throat and clumsily run to the curb side to vomit on the street. It burns on the way out and I spit out a few chunky pieces of the regurgitated ramen earlier, from my mouth. I can feel someone hovering beside me but they don’t touch me or speak. It’s a godsend, really.

Closing my eyes, I feel tears stream freely from my face in embarrassment. I can hear the murmurs of the people still waiting outside of the club. Those same people who glared at me so openly are now laughing at my misery. I feel a light touch on my back, barely there but overwhelming as it attacks my already overwrought nerves.

In my hurry to get away from the touch, I fall over onto my side and catch sight of twin ruby orbs glowing in the limited light. Shit, Tobias followed me out here. Pushing my hair behind my ears, I straighten up and struggle to get back on my feet. He tries to touch me again, but I flinch away hard enough for him to drop his hand.

“D-Don’t.” I whisper haltingly, my crying now quieting into hiccups. I turn on my heel and start walking away. I’m not even going to the right direction of my home, but it’s somewhere that isn’t here. I can’t be here anymore. I need to go somewhere that I can be alone.

He grabs my arm and pulls me to a stop, but I quickly put a space between us. Glaring at me, he points a hand behind him, “Where the hell do you think you’re going? We had an agreement.”

“Fuck the agreement,” I hiss at him before taking off again.

Tobias uses his superior and unsettling speed to block my way. Now standing in front of me, he reaches out to touch me again, but I retreat to the nearest wall. I feel trapped all over and his overwhelming presence has my stomach acting up. I cover my mouth as I gag again. Nothing comes out, but it causes my throat to burn.

“What is wrong with you?” He demands as I continue to stand, hunched over.

“Just stay away from me,” I croak, my ravaged throat aching in protest as I speak.

He takes a step towards me again, clearly ignoring my command and I take action. I put my hand out in front of me so he doesn’t advance anymore. It doesn’t work though. He walks right up to me until my hand is touching the fabric of his black button up.

“Is it this?” He asks in a deceptively quiet voice, “My proximity?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

I shrug and reach up to wipe my cheeks drenched with tears, as I inhale more cold air into my body. My eyes are looking across the street, blurry, and unfocused. This is better than seeing his confused face. This situation is way out of my control. I don’t know why I agreed to this. It’s too much.

“This was a mistake,” I say thickly, moving my gaze to his bewildered face, “I should never have agreed to this.”

“You came to me, Shoshanna.” He says lowly, his eyes locking onto mine, “You made this deal knowing that being around me was part of it.”

“It’s not about you,” I snap, feeling cornered, “It’s about… I just don’t like to be touched, alright? I have my reasons. Drop it.”

“No I won’t drop it. You belong to me for two months and I need to know everything that stands in the way of you living up to your end of the deal.”

I assess his expression. He’s serious about this. He wants to know why I am the way I am. I don’t like the slight thrill that goes through me when he says he wants me to be his. I’m not sure if it has to do with him wanting to be with me, or if it’s just someone wanting me in general that’s so intoxicating. Either way, I can’t continue with this arrangement. It was idiotic to agree with in the first place.

“I can’t do this,” I tell him quietly but in a surprisingly strong voice, “I should never have asked you to do this.”

Tobias’s face and voice are both blank as he asks, “You’re breaking the deal?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“I was too caught up with the boundaries that I put up for myself,” I say more for my sake before meeting his gaze again, “What’s the point of keeping promises when I won’t be here long enough to see the consequences? I came to you because I promised my mom I wouldn’t try to take my life anymore. But isn’t that what I’m doing now? The time limit is longer but the end is going to be the same. So what’s the point?”

He doesn’t respond. He just stares at me and I almost feel bitter about it. Running my hands through my hair, I tuck the dark strands behind my ears. My face feels heated compared to the cool breeze. Reluctantly, I glance back at Tobias, only to see him staring at me with what looks to be a mixture of disgust and anger.

“You’re pathetic.” He sneers, “But I was foolish to think any human wouldn’t be. Consider the deal broken.”

He’s gone in an instant, moving too fast for the human eye to catch. I feel his absence almost immediately, but why it affects me so much is beyond me. I reach up to wipe away another warm tear from my cold cheek and let out a heavy sigh. This is what I wanted, what I told myself I needed, but I don’t require a vampire to end my life. It’s my prerogative to do what I want with it, and it’s in my hands to control, even if it’s me who wants to end it.

Sanguine

There’s a time in everyone’s life when the world changes. The world loses its magic. Colors aren’t as vibrant, and nothing is like it was before. It’s disillusioning in its bleakness and for me, it fundamentally changed who I was. Not to say I was some happy go-getter girl from the suburbs anyway, but I wasn’t always this pitiful.

My moment happened when I was fourteen. Charlotte was seven and she wasn’t feeling well. She never felt well anymore. She would get headaches, stomach aches, and she wouldn’t eat anymore. She would bruise so easily just from a light fall and always felt really tired. Nothing my parents did, or the doctor’s suggested worked, and so they decided to get a second opinion. That was when we got the news about Charlotte.

She was dying.

It was leukemia and she didn’t have long. My parents did everything they could, treatment after treatment, just trying to buy more and more time for her. It gave her more than six months they said she originally had. Our parents prolonged her life till two years. 

Watching someone you love slowly slip away, day after day, is never easy. It felt like I was dying too. Everything in me seemed to crumble and blow away like ash when Charlotte died. She was my baby sister, she was supposed to live and be happy. She wasn’t supposed to be rotting away in some hospital. The whole situation made me angry.

I was angry at my parents for making her suffer like that. I was angry at the doctors for not doing more. I was mad at myself for being so angry, but mostly I was mad at God. How could God allow her to die? How could she be here one minute and gone the next? It didn’t make any goddamn sense! She was supposed to grow up to be a ballerina. She was supposed to live!

It was then that I realized that none of it mattered. My baby sister was gone and I was still here, the defective one. I wanted to make things right. I wanted to make it as it was supposed to be, where she was alive and I wasn’t, but that was impossible. So instead, I decided that I wanted to join her. Charlotte and I, despite our seven year age difference, were incredibly close. Her death killed me in the most essential ways and living didn’t hold any appeal anymore.

My parents were out of the house that day. It had been three months since Charlotte’s passing and I was sick of hanging on for them. They couldn’t even look or talk to me anymore. It felt like they wanted it to be me who died, and I couldn’t have agreed more.  I wanted that too, and if I could have been sure it would bring Charlotte back, I would have done it in a second. Instead, I decided to die for my own selfish reasons. I didn’t want to be in a world without her in it.

So I made preparations. I wrote a note, simple but effective and cleaned my room. Later, I went into the garage and grabbed one of Charlotte’s jump ropes. Finally I climbed up on the dining room table. It was a long, brown oval table with a bronze chandelier hanging over top with little cherubs on it. I sat there on the table, for probably an hour, just thinking.

Eventually, I didn’t want to think anymore and started wrapping the rope around the chandelier. After that was done, I got down and pushed the table back a little so the edge of it was level with my feet. I wrapped the noose around my neck and finally, I jumped.

Of course I didn’t count on the chandelier buckling under my weight and breaking off the ceiling, causing me to crash to the floor. I also didn’t count on my parents coming home right as I was pulling the noose off my neck, while my body fought for air. It didn’t take them long to put two and two together. After rushing me to the hospital, they sent me to another one. This one had a closed ward and gave out pills like it was candy.

It was there I got my fear of touch. St. Sebastian’s Mental Hospital apparently didn’t do very thorough background checks on their staff, and some of us paid the price for that. Lawrence and that member of the staff would have had a lot to discuss, I can tell you that much.

*   *   *

I sigh heavily as my apartment building came into view, and I push away the memories. Sometimes, dwelling on the past can make the present worse than it already is.

Once inside my apartment, I feel Florence rubbing her body against my tight covered thigh in greeting. Unbuttoning my jacket, I throw it on my desk and flick on the nearby light. The room lights up and I look it over apathetically. It feels so empty and cold compared to the overcrowded warmth of the club. I find that in this moment, I don’t prefer one over the other.

Reaching for the zipper under my left armpit, I drag it down while walking towards the bathroom. I work my arms out of the sleeves and let the dress fall off, before grabbing a shirt off the ground. It’s just a plain, white t-shirt that falls at the top of my thighs in length. Reaching up under the shirt, I unsnap my bra and throw it on the ground as well.

I step into my bathroom and flick the light switch on. The long fluorescent bar above my mirror flickers and hums, while giving the room a slight blue glow. I look at myself in the mirror and stare into my own eyes. It doesn’t take long for the tears to fall as Tobias’s words echo in my mind over and over again.

You’re pathetic.

Yes, I am. I know I am, and now he knows it too. Closing my eyes, I inhale deeply as my tears slowly start to subside. Crouching down, I pull open one of the doors on the small cupboard below and reach inside. In my hand is a small plastic box, nothing much that’s really fascinating about it, inside is where I hide my razor blades.

With little room, I sit in my tub and cross my legs in front of me. Popping open the lid of the box, I pull out one of my newer and sharper razorblades. It catches the light a little on its more reflective edge, and I stare at it for a second. Placing the box on the edge of the tub, I place the blade against the inner part of my left wrist. Closing my eyes and biting my lip, I slowly slide it across, hissing at the slight pain.

Once I have that one done, I move to the other one. I take the blade in my left hand but it’s shaking so bad I doubt I can hold steady. I feel warm drops of blood landing on my bare leg, and I already feel a little lightheaded. I’m able to steady the blade on my other wrist and slowly pull it across that one too. It hurts but not as much as the left one did. With that done, I drop the razor and sit back in the tub as I watch myself bleed out.

Closing my eyes, I can only hope that this time, the eighth time is the charm.

*   *   *

My body is being lifted. I let out a moan of discontent but find that I can’t open my eyes. Good. Maybe if I ignore the motion it’ll stop and I can go back to sleep. I just want to sleep.  I’m roughly thrown down on something and I let out another moan. Why am I moving so much? I don’t want to move. I just want to sleep.

“You just couldn’t hold on, could you?” An irritated voice asks.

I frown at the voice but don’t respond.

I feel something pulling at my chin but I turn my head away. It’s pulled again and this time, I’m too weak to fight it. My mouth pops open and that’s when something warm and thick starts sliding down my throat. It’s sweet, almost syrupy and tickles my taste buds. I feel something cold and hard against my lips, as more of it fills my mouth.

“Drink,” A voice demands, “Come on.”

Something is pressed harder against my lips and I latch my mouth around it, pulling as much of the delicious liquid as I can. My hand wraps around something that feels like an arm. With every pull of the liquid I feel stronger, more alert, and oddly enough… alive. I open my eyes and see that it is indeed an arm I’m latched onto, a wrist to be specific. Everything beyond that though is blurry and unidentifiable.

“Stop.”

I close my eyes and disobey that command. I’ve never felt this… in control and powerful. I continue to drink as much of it as I can but too soon it’s taken from me. I collapse back onto the mattress below me with a moan. I don’t feel well. My stomach is churning and my body is shaking uncontrollably.

“Good girl,” The voice pants distantly, “Now sleep.”

And like I’m under some kind of spell, I do just that.

*   *   *

I come to consciousness with the feeling of Florence’s sand paper tongue against my chin. Slowly, I pry my eyes open but it takes a lot of effort. My body feels like it’s being weighted down and completely relaxed. It’s not a sensation I’m used to and to be honest it makes me a little panicked.

“Calm down.” A cool voice orders, “You’ve just been asleep for a long time.”

I know that voice, but it’s not one I want to hear. I struggle to get up and manage to sit up enough that I can lean back on my elbows. My body just feels so heavy and sore that it takes a lot of effort on my part to stay upright. Still, it seems like the thing to do. Why is he even here?

I feel tears fill my eyes as realization kicks in. I’ve failed again.  I was so close this time, I know I was but I didn’t make it to the finish line. I inhale haltingly as self-loathing invades my mind and body. How many more times can I fail before there isn’t anything left to kill? Closing my eyes and slowly letting my body fall back on my mattress, tears flow freely down the sides of my face and damp my already greasy, stringy hair.

“I broke the deal,” I hiss, as I struggle to sit up again, “You had no right to come here.”

I glance over to the side and see Tobias sitting at the end of my bed, his back against the wall and his legs spread out in front of him. He’s dressed in a black t-shirt and dark jeans. Does he ever wear any other color? His black hair is tousled on top of his head in a way that’s purposely made to look effortless. I hate it. I hate him. I want him gone.

Tobias chuckles but it’s without humor, “Oh no, wallflower it’s not. I’m the one who made the offer and I’m the one who says when it’s over. You broke a condition you agreed to and now, all bets are off. There are to be no more conditions or amendments. All there is, is the fact that you belong to me.”

My stomach clenches, “Stop saying that.”

“You see, at first it was just to mess with you that I even came up with the deal,” He continues, as though I haven’t spoken at all, “I wanted to push you to see if you were actually that desperate to die. Apparently, you were, because you agreed pretty quickly but now the deal has changed.”

“Nothing’s changed.” I snap hoarsely. I’m really thirsty.

“Everything has changed.”

“So that’s all this is to you?” I ask sharply, “A game?”

“In the beginning, yes.”

“What about now?”

“Now, it’s something different. You’ve tasted my blood, Shoshanna. I used it to heal you and now you belong to me in a more dutiful sense. We have a bond, one that was forged because you couldn’t keep it together.”

My eyes widen as he speaks. His blood? A bond? None of this makes any kind of damn sense. Why does he want me alive so badly? Obviously he has some ulterior motive. I look him over dubiously, but I can’t figure out what it is he could possibly want with me. I don’t have much to offer or anything that I would want to give him.

“What does that mean?” I eventually ask with much hesitation. Do I really want to know?

“It means that all bets are off. Your blood, your body, and your mind all belongs to me. So if you harm what belongs to me again, I will punish you.”

“P-Punish?” I echo faintly.

“Yes,” He says simply, his eyes narrowing in warning.

“Shouldn’t I at least be consulted before you start laying claim on things that don’t belong to you?” I snap, collecting some of my earlier ire.

“Maybe,” He says in a leading tone, “But then again, I think you’ve proved yourself rather irresponsible with your person lately so, maybe not.”

“You…“

“Please, don’t argue with me right now.” He snaps, irritated, “I’ve had it trying for a few days without you arguing with me. You’ve royally pissed me off with this little stunt of yours. I’m letting it go this time with a warning, but if you do it again, the kid gloves come off. Understood?”

I swallow my own irritation and nod. I’m not going to let this go. I am going to come up with a better argument when I bring it up again. I may be suicidal and arguably crazy, but I’m not just something he can own, vampire or not.

“Now that it’s all settled, how about we go out?”

I arch a brow, “Go out?”

“Yes of course, you may want to change and wash your face.”

Frowning, I reach up and feel something sticky on my chin. Rubbing it off, I pull back my hand to see flakes of blood coating my fingers. My stomach rolls at the sight. I can’t believe I drank his blood. I try to remember what I can about drinking it, and feel my tongue tingle. I recall I liked it. It tasted sweet, which is as unsettling as it is weird.

“Not as weird as you still sitting here when I specifically just told you to go wash your face.”

I snap my gaze up to meet Tobias’s impassive crimson eyes, “Can…“

“Read your mind? Yes, I can. I told you before, your body, blood, and mind belongs to me. It’s usually harder to do when a bond is as weak as ours, but you’re a strong projector.”

I stare at him blankly.