The Thing Itself (18 page)

There was sharp, horrid pain in my leg. I staggered back, against the bed. A bristle appeared through the fabric of my trousers, and grew suddenly longer. And my whole left side was agonised, as if boiling water were being poured down the hollow tubules of all its nerves, and I slipped, and nearly fell completely, propped by the mattress. My face was, doubtless, a picture. That may have been what Roy was going for, now that I come to think of it: my facial expression.

He was saying something, but I couldn’t really focus on his words, what with the searing pain and my own screams. It may have been ‘for old times’ sake’. Or it may have been something in German. I neither know what he said at that juncture, nor care.

The bristle was a cord, a fishing line, a cable down which pain was being syphoned into my body. It grew longer and longer and then it came free and snaked through the air. I don’t know what happened to it then. Maybe Roy pocketed it, as a kind of souvenir. It was the tendon from my lower left leg, drawn up past the top of my kneecap, yanked in a single smooth motion right out of my body. Finally I fell right over, and lay weeping and screaming on the carpet beside the bed.

Roy had gone.

6

A Solid Gold Penny

Limitation

MY NAME is Thos Firmin. I was born in
Somer’s Towne,
neare
London
, &d did live my early years, such as I remamber not by virtue of my infancy, in that place.

WHEEREAS for several years I did labour under the guidance of Mast. John Cornelius tarring Barrells &d aiding the loading of Barrells from the storeroome onto carts, whence I was sold unto Mast. Samuel Newbolt
aet
. twelve, &d apprenticed to the Lemmon trading. My duties were to handle the Lemmons, casting out such as were rotten, &d painting or smearing the fair with wax made from whal-blubber that they might not fall into corruption. I worked for Mast. Newbolt for three year, whence I lived in the house of goodman Usher Serjent, &d slept in the Kitchen; which pleased me much, for the Stove theerein was alway lit, &d the roome accordingly warme. At the end of my living with Usher Serjent, Mast. Newbolt took me into his own house. But heere I was obliged to sleep in the Outhouse, wheere I was greatly troubled with Rats &d other Crawling things, which Prayer &d Begging to my Lord Jesus in no wise discouraged. At this time I was also poorly used by
Censor Morum
James Newbolt, being the brother of Mast. Newbolt the Lemmon merchant. He visited his brother variously, &d took to calling on his brother’s house when Mast. Newbolt was elsewheere upon business, wheereupon the maid would admitt him. One time he came even into the Kitchen, wheere I was scrubbing the Pots, &d I was fearful lest his Judge’s Robes be touched with grease. But he sat at Table &d was greatly merry, jesting with me on many scores. Before going he Handled me, &d I was greatly afraid, but he told me not to Care, or Speak of it, for it was below speaking of. Then he called me
chuck
, &d
red-robin
, &d give me sixpence, the which frighted me the more, for wheere would I claim to have earned a silver sixpence? I would be thought to have stoln it.

I SPOKE to Mistress Ive, who commanded the lower scullers &d kitchen, but she tushed &d talked grandly of Judge Newbolts
wife
, a goodly woman, &d his three children, &d wheerefore should he be interested in a lad suchane myself? &d, truthly, I did wonder somewhat as to the event, doubting that my senses did not play me false.
For
, as I admonished myself,
if it were another apprentice who attested such things &d I heard of this, would I believe it of him? &d, not doing so, how do I believe it of myself? Am I so proud as to advance myself in God’s estimation over another?

Mast. Newbolt thought well of me for my waxing of the Lemmons, &d I enjoy’d this work; for the odour of the day was clean upon me, &d I found my skinn, that had prior given out in Rashes, Botches &d suchlike Boils, did improve under the efficacion of Lemmon vapour &d Lemmon-water. But His broth.r, Judge Newbolt, did persuade my master to release me into his servitude, for (claim’d the Judge) he needed a boy with nimble Hands such as mine, to deal with his stitching &d Judicial Gouns, &d as all affirmed I was dextrous indeed with the needell. On the day my mast.r acquainted me with the news of my Removal from him &d my Placement in his brother’s house, I confess I fell to the floor &d wept upon his very shoes, ev’n unto staining the velvet with my water. I cried to my master that I had been happy under Him, &d earnestly requested him to keep me in his Lemmon-service. My Mast.r seemed caught upon an awkwardness, &d handld his Kerchief, &d meerly left the Warehouse without speaking one worde.

I was carried to Judge Newbolt’s house with the Delivery Boy’s cart, for it was in
IslingTown
, &d it was a Great building, with a wall’d-Garden before &d an Acre of gardens behind, tall as a
Castle
. My lodgings were up with the sparrows, &d the white-spatter’d roof-tyles, in a roome by myself. When I first came inn, &d was shewn my Roome &d afterwards the Kitchen, the maid-of-works spoke angry to me, of how surprizing a Thing it was to see a mere
Stitching-Boy
obtain a roome of his own; but I own’d to being frighten’d &d made to weep upon her bosom. But she, a tall &d bovie maiden, had none of it, &d chided me with my lack of manliness, calling me
My Lord’s Bully-boy
&d
trowser-wife
&d many other names beside. This woman was nam’d
Anne
, &d I had many dealings with her in the months that came upon me. She was hard of countenance, &d spared no kind feelings for me, for (as she said)
The Lord hath forsaken you, &d wheerefore should I coddle ye?
In the darkest houres of the night, I in truth was perswaded by her wordes, for the light had dwindled so fully that it seemed no more than the furthest starre in heaven, &d I was left shivering on my bed. This
Anne
had the charge of bringing me food, which she oftentimes ate herself, or sold on, or gave me half-portions. She also had the charge of bringing me my lord
Judge
’s gouns &d cloaks to be darned, stitched, hemm’d, or otherwise tailor’d. But, divers times she brought me other materials to be stitched, &d I had no place to gainsay the goods she gave me to work upon, for theere was none to hear me. This way, I do believe, I spouted much money direct into mistr.s
Anne
’s purse, &d she needful of doing nothing more than watching the kettle boil by itself. But on another occasion, to speak fairly of Mistress Anne, she came into my roome late at night much tearful, &d hugged me to her bosom, &d call’d me her
poor boy
&d
evilly-used lad
&d
dearest
&d called on God to rescue me from the ways of the evil one. The next day I, hoping but meekly that Mistr.s Anne was now my friend, looked onto her face in the kitchen as I stirred the porridge, but she would not greet my eye, &d she scowled so that I slunk off. This was the sole time she spoke kindly to me, that night, &d after she was hard againe.

I worked for three days &d slept three nights unmolested, for my
Lord
the
Judge
was away at Tonbridge on some royal business. But on the fourth day theere was much business as the house was made ready for him to return, &d I grew fearful. At two hours past lunchtime, Judge Newbolt returned to the house with a retinue of three men, &d he was greatly merry. He called forth all the servants of the house, &d we ranged ourselves in the hallway, eleven in all, tho four were day-servants only, come to clean &d odd-job from time-a-time. To these men, the
Judge
paid threepence each &d bid them cheerily away. The rest he greeted singly, &d came to me with a grin &d said
For you my ladde, I have a rare gift, to welcome you to my service. Will you do me faithful service, young buck?

I being scared said nought, but Mistress Anne standing aside me spoke up that
I was a good boy, &d would do as I was bid, &d be an honourable servant.

At which my new master laught, &d bid me take a coin,
a solid gold penny, as rare a gift as a servant ever took on starting life with a new master
, he said,
&d only offered because my brother has spoke so good of you.

I tried to thank my
Lord
the Judge, &d held the penny in my Hand tight, but no wordes would issue.

After, in the pantry, whilst the cook &d the two maids prepared an afternoon feast, Mistr.s
Anne
chid me, &d struck me on the head, so that my forehead knocked againste the wood of the doorway &d blood started, &d ran down between my eyes. She took the penny from me, for
safe-keeping
she said, &d bad me go to the garden &d wash my face in the pond.
&d you need not mourn your loss,
she said,
for it is but a Penny.

That night, despite my fearing it, my
Lord the Judge
did not visit me in my roome, tho I lay awake most of the night with the pain in my head, &d with anticipating. But the next day Judge Newbolt sent
Anne
to call me to his Librarie, wheere I was to wait on his pleasure.

The Librarie walls were covered with Bookes as a
Serpent
is with scales, in greene, blacke &d red leather (&d leather is but skinn, as ye know well): &d Bookes were balanced in the shevles so high that no man might reach, lest it be on a scaffold or with a ladder. My
Lord
the Judge told me that a pane of Glass was missing from his study-window heere, &d that the weather being November did send spouts of cold air through the gap like ice-water to chill him in his reading. I examined the pane, &d one of the twelve was gone complete; but I had too little knowledge of Glasing-skills, &d was fearful to tell my lord so. As I waited by the window, my Lord approached me.

Tell me
, said he,
what hath befallen your brow? Theere is bloode upon it
.

I begged my Lord’s pardon, but he laugh’d at this &d declared theere was no offence in it for him, &d that
the offence is all for thy Head, which is the plaintiff heere
.

I told him it hurt but little.

But how did it come to pass
? he asked.

I struck it againest the door in the pantry, my Lord
I said,
&d I humbly beg your pardon for it.

Againe my lord laughed, &d said
you might as well beg pardon of the wooden Door. Did the door not complain?

I said,
No
.

Then wheerefore should I take offense?

Then he said
come hither
to me, that I was compelled to approach him. Heere he Handled me once more, causing my Breeches to remove, &d Slapping &d Beating my thighes &d butocks with the flat of his Sworde. At this I was greatly feared, that he was going to use the sworde-point &d turn out my life from its poor frame, but instead he threw me on the floor in a great Passion, &d stormed up &d down the Librarie as if in a Rage, tho I could not overhear the wordes he spoke. He told me to begone, but as I gatheered my breeches &d made towards the door he grabbed me. Heere he forced me againe onto the floor, &d pressed my legs close together, that he might rubbe himself between my thighes, until with terrible groaning he concluded, &d lying on me gasping for some time before he sent me away.

I was in poor state at this Happening, &d did cower in the garden by the tree with my face to the floor, such that dropt Fruit did slime me with its rotten flesh. I aim’d to rins &d wash myself in the pond of the garden, but the Garden Boye discover’d me &d dragged me to the kitchen, wheere Mistr.s
Anne
did scold me fiercely for soiling my cloathes &d for my mournful state. But she did not smite me on this occasion, albiet she struck me many the time before &d after.

After this time my
Lord
the
Judge
did visit me several times in my bed when the Night was still; when he would Wrestle with me, calling himself
Abraham
&d myself his
Angel
, until he would promote his own coming-off, with his own Hands. One further time he called me to the Chappel on pretext of mending some or other furnishings, but instead us’d me badly, before the very altar. This Happening caused great fear to settle upon me, for I consider’d it awful, &d blasphemy to perform such acts before the very
cruxifice
of solid Gold that stood upon the altar rail. Judge Newbolt was in a great agitation this time he called me to the Chappel, &d at first he stood at one side &d I the other. Heere he debated with me the course of True Faithe, the mercy of God, &d the nature of Love, but I being fearful took little heede of his conversation. Then upon approaching me, he seized me by the shoulder &d stared wildly at my face, his eyes glinting. For how long he clutch’d me so, I know not, but that I noticed his brows contract upon themselves, &d a shiver leave his eyes, wheereupon he began kissing my lips, as a man devours his meats after long fast. Then (for I said nothing, being trembled with fear even unto silence) he took the cloathes from my body, but gently, &d turned me around. He did place his mamber inward as the bridegroome’s Hand comes through the latch. I had never been so us’d before in my life, nor by the Judge neither until this time. I believed my bones within me breaking, so fierce was the paine; &d when he began moving back &d forth I felt my skinn pulled apart &d ripp’d, that the blood ranne down my legs. I cryed out at this, for I could not remain silent nor despite my terror; &d with my cries my
Lord
the
Judge
cryed also, that we howled together like
Dogges
. At this Judge Newbolt shuddered like a dying man &d fell back from me, &d his mamber slitheered out of its den like the snake, &d I fell too, at the feet of the altar-rail, wheere I sobb’d. But for all the shouting we had made, nobody in the house thought to come into the Chappel in this time. My Lord came beside me, &d knelt at the rail to pray, &d I flinched away like a wild creature, &d gatheered my cloathes &d hid myself in the corner of the Chappel.